Awfully Furmiliar

by Michael J Tresca

  We left the nest after that, Switch sniffing his way to the exit. As we passed, I caught sight of something large and yellow slumbering in the field.

  "Is that the intruder?"

  "Yes," said Switch. "We'll go around it."

  "No, I want a closer look."

  It wasn't often I got to move so closely to something so large. When I wasn't in danger of being eaten, anyway.

  As we passed through more of the lotus blossoms, many of which had been cut down by the soldiers, I caught sight of the great beast. It wasn't just any beast. It was a wildcat. The same wildcat I swore an oath to. I thought it must have followed me in order to check on my progress towards regaining my knighthood. And my human form.

  I turned to Switch. "I have one more request of the Queen."

  Switch stopped and sniffed at me. "You don't make requests of the Queen."

  I shrugged. "Let's go back to the nest and we can wait until the clockwork soldiers show up again. Hope the Rat King's not TOO out of it..."

  "Fine, fine. What now?"

  I looked back at the big wildcat. "I need to uphold my promise."

  * * *

  The giant cat's eye flicked open. The slit pupil rolled around and then focused on me.

  "Easy," I said, backing away slowly. "Easy, it's me."

  The wildcat tensed and in a moment it hopped to its feet. "You?"

  "Uh, yeah, me. Scrap. The guy who swore an oath to repay you if you let me live. So here we are."

  The wildcat squinted at me. "Yes, here we are."

  "You...don't believe me." I got a sinking feeling.

  "Not really," said the wildcat.

  "Look! Look over there!" I pointed with one paw. The rats were lined up, staring from a safe distance at the edge of the lotus blossom field. "You were knocked out by the violet lotus field!" I said quickly. "You fell asleep and those rats..." I emphasized with another point of my rat paw. "…were going to EAT YOU."

  The wildcat crouched and stared at them. "Them?" The rats shrieked and disappeared into the lotus blossoms.

  "Yes, them! I know they don't look scary now, but...look down at your feet.

  The wildcat looked down. "That's a net! Made of rat hair! You were unconscious and lucky for you I was there because, boy oh boy, they were getting out the forks and knives... not literally, but you know what I mean."

  "I refuse to believe I was outwitted by rats." Muscles tensed in the wildcat's flanks...

  And then Switch appeared from nowhere and hopped down on a lotus blossom positioned for just such a failsafe.

  The wildcat coughed and batted at its nose. It stumbled a bit.

  "See? That's violet lotus in action. That's from just ONE. Now imagine lying down in a field."

  The wildcat flopped to the ground and stretched out. "I believe you."

  "So you're not going to eat us?"

  He yawned. "Not right now, anyway."

  "Good. What were you doing following me?"

  The wildcat snorted. "Don't flatter yourself. Actually, I'd forgotten who you were until just now. I was investigating a ruckus caused by a trail of little wooden men."

  "The clockwork soldiers."

  "Those things, yes."

  "Well then let me remind you that I swore an oath to repay you and now we're even."

  "Is that so?" the wildcat said drowsily.

  "Yeah. That's so." I was trying to appear brave but it was hard when the wildcat-to-rat weight ratio was several hundred to one.

  "Well," the wildcat rolled over and stretched out. "I suppose we are even." He closed his eyes.

  I gestured to Switch and then pointed in the direction of a path beyond the lotus blossom field. Switch nodded and we started to creep away. One of the cat's golden orbs flicked open. "Where are you going?"

  "To save human children. It's complicated."

  "Why do you have a key on your back?" The cat was very inquisitive.

  "This is the key we're using to open wherever the kids are."

  "And that's where, exactly?"

  "I don't know, that's why I'm following Switch."

  The wildcat lifted his head to peer in Switch's direction, who was still creeping away, not understanding a word we were saying because it was a mental exchange. Switch hadn't noticed I wasn't following him. "The scrawny black rat?"

  "Yeah, him."

  The wildcat rolled back over and stretched. "Then I suppose we'd better get going."

  "Uh...we?" I squeaked.

  The wildcat got to his feet and I was reminded again of how much larger he was than me. "Yes," it said, "we. You can call me Eureka."

  "Eureka?" I said without thinking. "Sounds like a girl's name."

  "I AM a female," sneered Eureka.

  And that's when I learned that I myself created the sound of the voices in my head.

  Chapter 4: Scrap and the Ogre Margrave

  Eureka proved to be a rather chatty traveling companion. I don't know what I expected, as I couldn't remember knowing any other cats very well.

  It took awhile before Eureka finally decided to let us ride on her back. Switch didn't like the idea at all, but we covered far more ground that way. It also meant that Switch was not underfoot. After our last encounter, we preferred to stay out of Eureka's striking distance if she got bored.

  "Why are you trying to find these humans?"

  "I think I was one of them, once," I said.

  "You?" That warranted me a look over her shoulder. "So you were a human once before?"

  "I think so."

  "And how do you know this?"

  "I had a dream..."

  Eureka chuckled. She bounded over a large branch. "I have dreams all the time. I dream that I eat nothing but mice and birds all day—no offense intended."

  "None taken."

  "I dream I'm always full. And the sun shines all the time. But you know what? That's merely a dream. It didn't happen. And I have to work hard to keep my rumbling stomach full. Dreams are just that, dreams."

  "Maybe. But I'm special."

  "You're a rat," said Eureka. "Rats are NOT special."

  "I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

  Eureka was silent for a moment, whistling through more foliage. "You do have a point. Did you always talk cat?"

  "I don't think so. A Modav spell was cast on me to give me an edge—"

  "Modav spell? Never heard of it."

  "I'd be surprised if you did. It's a magical concoction crafted by the Venefigrex wizard school in Stromgate. They used it to give me an edge in pit-fighting against a guivre."

  Eureka looked back at me again. "And?"

  "And what?"

  "Did you bite your way out of the thing's stomach or something?"

  "No, I beat it."

  "You? YOU beat a guivre?"

  I was a little offended. "Yeah."

  "How?"

  "I used my wits," I sniffed. "I survived this far."

  "That's precious!" Eureka's voice had turned into a young woman's purr. She frequently giggled in my head. "And quite amazing too. I'm sure the guivre was surprised."

  "Everyone was surprised. Anyway, I eventually ended up in the hands of a human named Black, who was training goblins to steal this key I have here. We rats," I encompassed Switch with one paw, clinging tightly to Eureka's fur with the other three, "outwitted the goblins, stole the key, and escaped across the Porro River."

  "Impressive," said Eureka. "I've never cleared the Porro. I imagine there are quite a few tasty morsels on the other side."

  I pretended I wasn't one of those tasty morsels by not say anything.

  "You said you were a knight?"

  I gulped. "Uh, yes?"

  "Do you remember that you were?"

  I shook my head. "No."

  "No dreams? Nothing? So where did you get the idea from?"

  I had to admit I didn't really have any good reasons to think I was a knight. "It's just...a feeling, really. I feel like I need to help people, that I was destined to
do so."

  "Sounds knightly to me."

  "Exactly. So I think that's part of my past too."

  "Maybe." Eureka bounded over another branch. We had cleared a forest and were entering a clearing. "But what really matters is that you believe it. So let's make up your past then."

  "I'm not so sure that's a good idea..."

  "Nonsense, it will be fun! I think you should be a Margrave. Margrave of Carabas!"

  "De Carabas? Where'd you get that from?"

  "That's the lands we're in. Quite beautiful, aren't they?"

  I hadn't taken the time to look around, being that I was clinging for dear life.

  Switch would occasionally give me a direction, but he wasn't privy to my telepathic conversation with Eureka, any more than Eureka was privy to Switch's conversations with me. When the two wanted to speak to each other, which wasn't often, I was the go-between.

  The fields really were beautiful. We were in a meadow that farmers were mowing, scything their way through one slash at a time. Eureka didn't seem troubled by them.

  We weren't really visible to them anyway; even though it felt like we were really high up, Eureka wasn't that high off the ground, and a wildcat wasn't that unusual. In fact, Eureka was practically invisible in the fields.

  "You're from around here, aren't you?"

  "Why yes, yes I am. You're smarter than you look, rat."

  We passed the farmers and soon plunged into cornfields. It was a little easier going for Eureka, since the stalks were larger and easier to avoid.

  "Still got the scent, Switch?" I wanted to be sure Eureka wasn't leading us into a trap.

  "Yes," said Switch meekly. "We're getting very close."

  We passed more farmers and suddenly were in view of a magnificent castle, built right into the hillside.

  "THIS is where the scent is taking us?" I asked Switch, agog.

  "Yes," said Switch dourly.

  The drawbridge was down. Eureka headed straight for the entrance.

  I panicked. "Wait, what are you doing?"

  "Following the scent," said Eureka.

  "But I didn't tell you to go into the castle!"

  There were no guards at the gate. We passed beneath the barbican and portcullis and into the main courtyard.

  Eureka skidded to a halt. "Oops, you caught me. You're right, I've been lying so much I got all tangled up."

  She sniffed in the direction of the drawbridge, and it slammed shut with a horrendous thud. The noise was so jarring that Switch and I leaped off Eureka's back.

  "What is going on?"

  Eureka took several steps back. "I couldn't very well give up a talking rat, could I?"

  She reared up on her hind legs and a terrible transformation took place. Her fur bristled even as her body swelled and expanded to hideous proportions. What was a cute but deadly wildcat had become a twelve-foot tall, blue-skinned ogre dressed in a tiger skin loincloth. He had cat-like fangs, claws, and retained Eureka's feline eyes, with the addition of a cow's horns on his head.

  "Who are you?" I squeaked.

  A booming laugh assaulted our ribcages.

  "The Margrave of Carabas," the ogre said as he scooped us up with one gigantic palm.

  * * *

  There we were. Stuck in cages. Again.

  Only the setting was different. Instead of a rotting hovel, we were in opulent surroundings.

  Our cages were plated with gold. Each cage had its own little rat couch, with a rat feeding trough, a rat-sized pool of water, and even a rat wheel for us to get some exercise. Switch’s gilded cage was across from mine.

  Or at least, I considered him trapped. He went from running on his wheel, to eating some cheese, and then back to running on his wheel.

  "This is ridiculous," I said to him from across the room. "Aren't you angry?"

  "We have food and shelter. What are you mad about?"

  I gave up on that line of inquiry. We'd been down this path before. "What do you think the Margrave wants with us? It can't be good."

  The ogre had taken my key, which was really what upset me most. We had been separated after the Margrave grabbed us, and then there were a lot of servants moving us from cage to cage while our room was prepared. I lost track of Switch during that time and I was relieved to finally be back in contact with him.

  "He probably wants to use the key," said Switch with an uncharacteristic amount of verbosity.

  "I can't very well find the children if I’m stuck in here. And who is this ogre anyway? For all I know, he ate those poor kids."

  "I don't think so," said Switch. "He didn't have the key until now."

  "That's true. So now that he has the key, he can eat everybody and be done with it."

  "Who says he eats people? He didn't eat us."

  "He put us in cages." I half-heartedly picked at the food in my dish. "And now he's just trying to fatten us up to eat us later."

  "You listen to too many fairy tales," said Switch. "I'd worry more about those clockwork soldiers if I were you."

  I peered at Switch. "Oh?"

  "Whoever sent them really wanted that key."

  "I thought it was Black."

  "Can he afford them?" asked Switch.

  "Black's not rich, true. But he's a thief. He probably stole it. Or maybe it was the ogre."

  "Not his style. He has servants. Why would he send clockwork men?"

  "Because machines don't fall asleep in lotus patches?"

  Switch was unfazed. "He could probably just burn the field to the ground, then pick through the ashes for the key. Like I said, not his style."

  "So then who DID send them?'

  "If the ogre didn't send them, and this Black is too poor to afford clockwork servants, he must have stolen the key from somebody. That somebody wants it back."

  Switch ignored me. "So, you can talk with anyone, huh?"

  I hadn't thought about it. "I suppose so. It seems like I can speak to anyone I can see."

  "In any language?"

  "Yeah. And silently too, which is helpful when you're carrying a key in your mouth."

  "That's a very useful talent," said Switch.

  "And you're a lot more talkative than I remember," I said suspiciously.

  Just then, a servant walked into the room carrying another gilded cage. And inside it was another Switch.

  "What did I tell you!" shouted the Switch I had been talking to. "You were supposed to wait until I gave the signal!"

  The servant looked cowed, which had the comical effect of a grown man looking terrified before a rat. All that came out of the false-Switch was a loud “squeak!”

  The false-Switch opened the cage and hopped out. Before he hit the ground, he was back in the form of his royal ogre-ishness.

  "You tricked me!" I shouted the obvious.

  "Yes, I did. I needed to understand why you're here. And you provided quite a bit of information that I didn't have before. That was a very constructive conversation, more constructive than I've had in years," he shot his servant a glare. "I thank you for it."

  Switch, the real one, hadn't commented. He was just eating his cheese.

  "Uh...you're welcome?" I screwed up my courage. "What do you plan to do with us now?"

  "Now? That's a good question."

  The ogre snapped his fingers, and several human servants wheeled in a massive plush divan. Without looking behind him, the Margrave sat down on it.

  "I took over this abandoned castle because of the magics in it, one of which is a portal. A portal with human children trapped inside. That explains much."

  "Uh huh," I said.

  The Margrave liked to hear himself speak. "There's also great magic in you. What's interesting is that I've tried the key where I believe the children to be, and it doesn't work for me at all."

  "It doesn't?"

  The ogre fished a key out of one massive pocket. "No, it doesn't. And yet, it works for you, yes?"

  "Yeah. I've used it a few times."

 
"I have a theory as to why that is." He thundered over to my cage and scooped it up in the palm of his hand.

  "Where are we going?" I squeaked.

  "To see if you really are human," said the ogre Margrave.

  * * *

  We were whisked through the castle, which was more of a palace.

  "Assuming I release them, what are you going to do with the children?"

  "That's a good question. What were you planning to do with them?"

  I thought about that. "Return them to Black."

  The ogre's blue features smirked. "Oh really? And you think that's a better life for them?"

  "I think so. It's a roof over their heads and someone to guide them."

  "This Black, as you say, is a petty thief. He doesn't sound like a good parent to me."

  "Well, it's better than being led around by Piper's pipes!" I snapped back.

  The ogre grinned, but said nothing. He continued to stride through brightly carpeted rooms that contained odd golden statues and bright red tapestries. Overall, there was a very different feel to the place, but I couldn’t quite put my finger (paw) on what it was.

  "So you think you were one of Black's kids, hmm?"

  "I didn't say that."

  "You didn't have to. You're quite sensitive about the whole thing."

  I didn't have a snappy retort this time. The Margrave was right. I changed tactics. "You must have a real name besides Margrave."

  The ogre stopped for a second, and I came perilously close to being battered about in the cage from his swinging momentum.

  "Ura. My real name is Ura." He paused. "Is your name really Scrap?"

  "It's the name I was given so it will have to do for now."

  Ura resumed walking towards the heart of the castle. "You don't remember very much about your past, do you?"

  "It comes to me in bits and pieces. In a dream."

  "If you pass this little test, I will help you. I know a thing or two about shape shifting." He winked at me. "And here we are!"

  We stopped at the end of a hall that went to nowhere. The pillars and walls of the grand hall just ended at the side of the mountain. It was mostly bare, but some brush clung doggedly to the surface despite the lack of sunlight, water, or wind.

  Ura lifted my cage up to his face. "So how does this work?"