Awfully Furmiliar

by Michael J Tresca

  "Therefore, I think your punishment will serve a purpose. You will serve as School Headmaster of Venefigrex."

  Piper inclined his head, but not before I saw the look of surprise on his face. "Your generosity knows no bounds, my lord. I will do my utmost to serve you well."

  "I’m sure you will," I said with a smile. He stepped to the side.

  I addressed the crowd once more. "All of those who were present at the conflict in the Square will be offered free enrollment in Venefigrex. That includes Black’s Boys." The boys, who had front row seats in the crowd, whooped with excitement. I had the feeling that every one of them would join the school after what they had witnessed in the square.

  Some in the crowd gasped in disapproval. In their minds, I was effectively turning the school over to criminals. Making it less exclusive. "Recognizing that education shall not be held for the powerful few," I continued, "I am here by reducing the tuition for all those who wish to join the school to half, with a monthly stipend provided by the Crown. It’s about time we put our funds to good use rather than to build more fancy palaces."

  The disapproving whispers transformed into a wave of applause. I silenced them.

  "Lycus, step forward."

  Lycus stepped forward, bowing his head. "M’lord."

  I addressed the crowd rather than the boy, who was most certainly a man now, before me. "In recognition of Lycus’ heroic deeds, I hereby name him City Marshal. Do you accept?"

  Lycus bowed low. "You are most gracious, m’lord. I accept!" He couldn’t help but smile so broadly that I thought his face would split in half. Vasilissa looked on with adoration, seated up front.

  "And Vasilissa," I asked her to step forward.

  She smiled and curtseyed.

  "I will grant you the title of Lady."

  It was a roundabout way of making Lycus a lord, if they eventually married. Bestowing both titles would be a little too presumptuous for a recently named king.

  "I graciously accept, my lord," she said slowly.

  A little old lady stepped out of the crowd. "My lord, if I may?" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

  I arched an eyebrow, which was hard to do with a crown on your head. The crown was itchy.

  "Yes?" I responded, feeling uncomfortably like a schoolboy.

  "What is to become of Halewijn?" screeched the old woman

  Coronations were not usually two-way dialogues. Here was a member of my citizenry, asking the question on everyone’s minds. This is what they came for; not the bestowal of titles, but petty revenge, the same thing that drew them to the hanging.

  The crowd muttered. Yes, what was to become of the man who had upended the law and run all the competent wizards out of the city? What of him?

  Halewijn was in a cage, held by several well-armed guards. I had been saving his pronouncement for last, because I was dreading it. I had no idea what to do with Halewijn. I thought of tossing him in a hole created by the key and leaving him there forever, but that would have been as bad as what Piper did to Black’s Boys.

  Any action I took would be petty revenge. Better to give it to someone else. I had learned much from Ura.

  "Marshal Lycus, this falls under your domain. How do you rule?"

  Lycus was about to step forward to say something when the old woman cut him off.

  "Did my lord know that Vasilissa was released from Mama Yaga in exchange, under solemn oath, for another?"

  The crowd gasped. I’m sure the expression on my face wasn’t very kingly. It was all so clear now. I knew who this old lady really was.

  "You wish Halewijn in exchange, Mama Yaga?" I asked, trying to be respectful.

  The guards looked back and forth. Some went for their blades. Yaga’s reputation preceded her.

  I put out a staying hand; Yaga could have done far worse. Her subdued presence was her way of approving my new fate.

  "A rat for a rat?" cackled the old lady, who didn’t look at all like Yaga. "I think that will do nicely."

  The exchange wasn’t just for Vasilissa, she made clear. It was for me as well.

  "Very well," I said. "Give Halewijn to her."

  Lycus took the cage, with Halewijn squeaking inside, and slowly approached the old lady as if she might pounce on him at any minute. She cackled and waited.

  He held out the cage. She took it from him and turned to go.

  "Also, if I may offer a gift?"

  Yaga, in her old lady guise, turned. "Eh?"

  "I hear you have recently lost a dog. I know of a guardian who will suit you well, if you treat him kindly." I smiled, pointing at Jacko with an incline of my head. "Don’t you agree, Jacko?"

  Jacko barked. I had no idea if he could understand me.

  "A one-eyed dog?" muttered Yaga. "I suppose…yes, I suppose that would be fine."

  Jacko trotted up to the old lady, and she scratched him behind the ear. He wagged his tail.

  "Treat your people well, and you will find they will treat you well when you need it most," I said with a wink.

  Yaga muttered something but I could tell she understood, just by the way she treated Jacko. With one hand holding onto Jacko’s collar and the other carrying Halewijn in his cage, she tottered out through the palace doors.

  To this day I’m not sure how many people understood that the old witch herself stood in my palace. She was never seen in there again.

  "As for the key," I nodded to Lycus and held it up. "Let this be a symbol of secrecy and lies. It ends now. Today is a new day, a day when, despite our differences, noble and guard, peasant and king, put aside their differences for a better future. I am a living symbol of what can be achieved. And so there is no need to hide secrets away in dark places."

  I stood up and turned to face my throne. I turned the key in the floor in front of it, and a portal opened.

  I dropped the key into it. The portal made a sucking sound and whisked shut.

  The crowd cheered. There would be no more battles over the key, although I’m sure we would all find something else to fight about.

  Then a hush fell over the crowd. People pointed in the front.

  It was Switch, and a procession of other rats, all sitting on their haunches.

  "My lord," I said, inclining my head.

  A King bowing to rats? Some of the nobles muttered in disbelief. What had the world come to?

  But they stopped when each of the rats, in perfect synchronization, bowed their little rat heads in turn. Then they filed out like a kingly procession.

  "There will be no more plague of rats in Calximus," I said. "Not so long as I am King. The Rat Prince makes no guarantee beyond that." I grinned. In my human form I had lost my mindspeech abilities, but I knew what their presence meant. The Queen had sent Switch to let me know that the war between man and rat was over, for now.

  "I know I am young," I addressed the crowd again. "And I am not as healthy and hale as you might expect a King to be. But I promise you to do my best, to serve you with every resource I have, to never squander this wonderful gift that has been given to me, not for a second. We will rebuild Stromgate Square and restore Sikkar’s Blade…"

  The crowd cheered. I made more pronouncements, but the bulk of the important things to do were over. In truth, I didn’t pay that much attention.

  The crowd began to disperse. With the major announcements over, I held court for the first time.

  Piper and Lycus were conferring. "We are concerned for your safety, my lord," said Lycus.

  "Safety?"

  "Ura, my lord," said Piper. "He was among the bats. I don’t know if he survived."

  I looked up, thoughtful. I had nothing to fear from rats. But bats were another thing entirely.

  "I don’t think that’s something we should worry about," I said. "Ura’s service to Halewijn was forced."

  "How can you be sure?" asked Lycus.

  "Because there’s an easier crown he’s after."

  * * *

  There are little pleasures yo
u take for granted as an upright human being. Eating food with a fork. Drinking from a mug. Standing. Not battling for survival every day.

  Unfortunately, battling for survival was also a king’s problem, but that’s politics for you. Still, I took great joy in just sitting. Or reading. Or having a conversation at length with another being that wasn’t covered in fur.

  I still missed my animal friends. I was pleased Jacko was all right.

  "I think Yaga visited my home—Black’s home—before she left," Piper said once, during our private training sessions where I learned to control my wizardly power. We were practicing the act of singing to fire. I fluctuated between singing softly and causing the flames to barely flicker to causing them to turn into roaring infernos, nearly setting the palace ablaze. It was difficult to control and I needed practice.

  "How do you know?" I asked, humming a tune to the brazier before me.

  "My mouser is gone."

  "She probably ate it," I said.

  Piper focused on the brazier. "It’s not that I needed a cat anyway, with the rats gone. But it’s the oddest thing; a new cat took his place."

  I laughed. "Don’t tell me. He really likes to eat ham."

  "When he’s not taking a bite out of me," muttered Piper, rubbing one hand.

  "Ivasik," I said, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. The brazier went out. I had completely lost my concentration.

  Piper frowned. "What?"

  "Ivasik," I said again between gasps of laughter. "That’s his name."

  Before Piper could ask more, Lycus entered and bowed low. "My liege, I have news from Carabas."

  "Oh?" I arched an eyebrow.

  "A message." Lycus unfurled it. "Strange."

  "What’s strange?"

  "I can’t read a single line of it."

  "Let me see it please."

  "It could be trapped, Scr—I mean Tesso." Lycus got informal with me whenever he was worried about my safety. I didn’t mind.

  "Fine, turn it around so I can look at it then."

  "Perhaps even reading the words…"

  I sighed. "I’m a wizard too, Lycus. Even if I am untrained."

  "Oh, right." He turned and unfurled it for Piper. Piper leaned over to look.

  "Looks like a bunch of gibberish to me."

  After scanning the page for an instant I slapped my leg. "HA!"

  I knew then I wouldn’t have any trouble from the evil prince of Carabas.

  "What does it say?" asked Piper.

  "I have no idea!" I said, laughing. "That’s why it’s such good news!"

  The note was written entirely in Chapori. And at the bottom was a single symbol: a galleon from the front, cresting an ocean wave.