by Skye Winters
"Then why didn't you—"
"Say anything? It wasn't my place. Saying and doing are two separate things. I didn't want to influence your decision. If I'd said something, you may have followed your heart for a different reason." She canted her head to the side. "No bond, no matter how small, is to be dismissed by the pack. Even if you are set to be alpha. Much like you were born to lead this pack, you were also born with your bond already in place. You cannot fight your heart just as you cannot fight your bloodline. We are each born for a reason. Perhaps changing the way of the pack is yours."
"Unless Dad changes his mind or—Nevermind."
"What's going on out there? Your father doesn't visit. None of the aides will speak to me, and I haven't seen Rowan in weeks. He didn't exile her, did he?"
"No."
"Then why have you been visiting me in her stead? Is she afraid to visit? Does she feel unwelcome?" The worry in her eyes sent a hard pang through my chest.
"No, none of that."
"Then what is it?"
"We can't shift."
"You what?"
"Some dark magic. When I went to Devlin's house to take back my amulet, I forgot to cover my tracks and—"
"Wait a second. Your amulet?"
"Dad took it while I was asleep and gave it away. He said it was for the better of the pack, to keep us safe, but I couldn't leave it there. I had to get it back."
"Slow down. Where is Rowan now?"
"When Dad found out I'd been all over the boundary, he asked me why. He didn't realize I'd been to Devlin's house while he was there to tell him our female alpha was ill."
"The other pack knows?" my mother growled.
"I thought it was a lie. To show we were weak and to hurry this so-called bond along. But when I confronted him about it—"
"He confirmed it."
"For the most part, yes. And that's when we fought over who I bonded with. I asked him to allow Markus to lead, but he won't listen. When he found out about Rowan and my loyalty to her, he made it so we could never share the same form. That's why you haven't seen her."
"She's been a wolf? All this time?"
I released a shaky breath. "Yes."
"And you?"
"Human. Very human."
"Clearly I was wrong about your father. He isn't saddened or torn by grief, he's completely mad." She pushed me away and attempted to get out of bed. "This pack is falling apart, all because I had to go and get sick."
"Mom, lay back down." I joined her on her side of the bed. "Please. You're going to lose your balance."
She squeezed my shoulder and forced a weak smile. "Not with you here, I won't."
"Mom."
"Don't you Mom me. You should have told me this in the first place." She grabbed her house robe and pulled on one of the sleeves. "Foolish child allowing this to go on for so long."
"But you—"
"I'm sick, Anna. And I will die, but not today. Not when my pack needs me."
I set both hands on her shoulders. "Please, you must lie down."
"Stop treating me like a frail fool. I'm fine." She tried to push me away again, but her strength had left her weeks ago. "I'm fine."
"You are." My voice cracked, and I hoped she didn't notice. Not my voice or how thin her bones seemed compared to my own. "But you need rest. You want to talk to Dad? I'll go get him."
"Your father won't come here. Not unless I'm on my deathbed." She gave me a pointed look. "Which I'm not. Not even close."
I held up my hands. "I know, I know. It's just, the pack hasn't seen you and—"
"The pack isn't as delicate as you think. We've seen death before. We've fought it and won."
"But those we lost weren't you. You're different. The pack loves you." I love you.
She took a breath and leaned into one of the bedposts. "Now see what you've done? You got me all worked up."
"You asked."
"I know. And I'm thankful you shared as much as you have." She took my hand in hers. "Rowan is a lovely soul and a beautiful wolf. Don't you dare give her up without a fight."
"What do you think I've been doing?"
"Being stuck in a single form isn't fighting, Anna. Your father's will can only go so far, and only if you allow it to. Talk to your wolf. Meditate and make peace with it. Your brothers never had to as they embraced both their forms."
"But I have embraced her."
She settled on the foot of the bed. "You have, to a degree, but you always try to hold control over her, even when you're a wolf yourself. You need to allow her the freedom to run."
"But then I'll black out. I won't remember a thing."
"It's healthier to run with your eyes closed and your heart open. You don't need to see what's in front of you to make the right decision."
"We're still talking about my wolf, right?"
She lifted a shoulder in a partial shrug. "Talk to your wolf. Make peace with her. Only then will you experience your shift the way your brothers have with theirs. It isn't meant to be painful, Anna. Embrace it. Embrace your wolf and your bond."
"What about Devlin? You know Dad won't let it go. Even if I do find a way to shift without his permission."
"There is only one way to fight off a pack that size. Find the one named Surrena."
"The huntress?"
"That and more. I know I’ve spoken of her to you before, but only to further what your father has said. He believes she’s our enemy. That she’s lead the humans to the border of our boundary for a reason."
"She’s a bounty hunter. Of course she’s leading them to us."
"Yes, but have they ever crossed into the veil? With as much magic at her fingertips, wouldn’t you expect her to form a tear in it?"
"I never thought of it like that."
"She brings them to the veil to keep our worlds apart. To keep us safe. If the hunters can’t see anything here, there’s no reason to hunt."
"And what do we give her in return?"
"It isn’t what we give but what was given. Many years ago, before humans were a threat to our world, I found her. She’d been beaten and left for dead. Your father was away on one of his seasonal hunts, so I took her in, nursed her back to health and promised not to end her life if she protected our home."
"But why keep such a promise? Wouldn’t sharing our location and our world fill her pockets?"
"It could, yes. But what’s worse? Eating off the streets or having to deal with a pack of wolves who have been exposed? She understands our need for secrecy. And if not, she knows humans discovering us would only lead to a bloodbath until none are left standing. The humans are blind to this fact, as is your father. Keeping hidden is what we do best. However, should Devlin’s pack join our own, his members will overpower us and force us out into the open. This cannot happen."
"But what's the huntress supposed to do about it? She’s already repaid your favor, hasn’t she?"
"Yes, but there is a respect between us. You just have the trust me. If she knows I’m unwell, she’ll come back to us. Tell Surrie the white wolf sent you. That’s all she’ll need to hear to trust you."
"And once she’s here? What then? I don’t see how she can help us with the other pack. They still outnumber us two to one."
"Surrena will even our odds."
Chapter Five
My head throbbed as I left my mother’s bedchambers.
Talk to my wolf, she said.
Find the huntress.
And the house was still in complete chaos. The hushed voices weren't as quiet now. Doors opened and slammed shut as pack members ran into the halls.
I stopped one of the aides heading for my mother's room. "What's going on?"
She averted her gaze. "The alpha hasn't spoken to you?"
I dipped my head until I made eye contact with her. "Told me what?"
"Preparations." It was Caine's voice, and just as soon as I looked away from the aide, she hurried down the hall.
I eyed my youngest brother
, but the smile I expected to see wasn't there. "Caine, start talking."
He nodded. "I will, but not here. Meet me in my room."
"Five minutes enough time?"
"Plenty. I won't be long." He squeezed my shoulder, and we parted ways.
Rowan. I had to find her. I'd never seen Caine without a sheepish grin on his face, not even when my father punished him for acting out of line. So for him to be so grim, either he and the rest of the pack learned of my mother's illness or something more pressing was going on.
I wish someone would talk to me.
Caine would.
Not until I find Rowan.
And that was only if she was in the house. She'd taken to spending a fair amount of time along the western border of our territory—the same line dividing our pack from Devlin's. There were other wolves stationed there as well, though I'm sure she stayed for a completely different reason.
She was my bonded, and Devlin's presence challenged that. She was protecting me the only way her wolf could; by keeping a watchful eye and visiting with me whenever she was able, which wasn't nearly as much as I'd like.
I squeezed by some of the pack and opened the door to my room.
Empty.
Not sure why I was surprised. Rowan already knew about my mother, so if word had gotten to the rest of the pack, she'd likely stay along the border until someone relieved her.
I headed for Caine's room along the same side of the house as my mother's. Everyone I passed refused to look at me. I wasn't sure if they looked anywhere at all. They were watching their feet, where they stepped, and soon, I did the same.
I invited myself in once I reached Caine's room. He was sitting on the bed with his head bowed and his hands between his knees. Markus stood nearby, looking out the window with his back to me.
They both jumped when I shut the door.
"Sorry," I said, leaning with my back to the wall.
Markus's posture was rigid as he turned to me, carrying the same grim face Caine had worn when I saw him in the halls. "You know about Mom?"
I exhaled. So that's what this is about. Not that I expected any different, but with all the commotion going on—
"An, did you know?" Caine urged.
I pushed myself off the wall to stand in the middle of the room. "Yes."
Markus let his shoulders drop. "But I can't smell anything on her. She looks fine."
"She hides it well. Tried to fool me, too. If Dad hadn't said anything, I may have just thought she was tired."
Caine looked at me with wide eyes. "Why didn't you tell us?"
"I didn't want you to carry it the way I've had to do. Dad didn't want anyone to know, but it looks like he's told them after all."
"The pack's strong," Markus said, closing the distance between us, "but only as strong as its leaders."
"They're compromised. Mom's ill, Dad's mad and—"
"But her illness isn't what has the pack running without their heads. Where were you at rounds this morning?"
I looked between them. At Caine. I took your advice, and now I've missed something? "I wasn't feeling well. Why?"
"Dad's asked the pack to get ready."
"For?"
"Devlin's challenging him for alpha, and our pack," Caine said.
"Alone?"
"Doubt it. This is probably his idea of catching us off guard."
"Which we're not," Markus added.
"Any idea how long we have?" I grabbed the bedpost as I didn't trust my legs to hold me up much longer.
"The challenge is set for tomorrow at dusk."
"That doesn't give us much time." Not to prepare much less find the huntress. "Devlin's probably been gearing up for weeks. How do we know his pack won't attack? I don't trust him."
"And neither do we. That's why Dad's asked for all important files to be destroyed, and if necessary..." Markus trailed off.
"What?"
"We leave the boundary," Caine finished for him.
"It's a last resort. One of which we'll never come to." Markus sounded so sure of himself I almost believed him.
"They outnumber us," I reminded him.
"True, but we know these woods far better than any of those mutts put together. So long as the fight's on our land, we have the advantage. We'll fight here, where we have the upper hand, no matter how small it might seem."
"Is that you talking, or Dad?"
Markus shrugged. "Little of both."
"It sounds good on you." You'd make a wonderful alpha someday.
Caine met my gaze then looked back down at his hands. "If anything happens to our pack, you both will have to share alpha."
"Leading the pack, as siblings?" I looked at Markus who seemed as surprised at Caine's suggestion as I was.
"The law dictates two alphas, one male and one female," Caine said.
"And you need a bond between them," Markus pointed out.
"But what if that bond could be through blood? Wouldn't it make us stronger?"
Neither of us said anything.
"If we had time, Anna could bond with an allying pack," Markus said.
I spoke before Caine could do the same. "But we don't. Maybe Caine's right. The laws never said the bond had to be outside the family. In the past, the alphas only ever had a child or two of the same sex. It's possible a bond between brother and sister could pass as the one needed to hold our pack together."
"We shouldn't even be talking about this. Anna, you're the first born. You have every right to hold alpha with whomever you choose."
"You're right. But bonding with someone outside our pack—someone I don't know—isn't my choice. It's an arrangement."
"Which our pack has done for centuries."
"I can't explain why right now, but that isn't possible. Just please, if this challenge ends up being a trap, consider taking Dad's place. Mom may be ill, but she's still able to make decisions."
"And Dad's not? What are you trying to say?"
"Stop it, both of you." Caine stood from his place on the bed and came over to join us. "This isn't something we should be worrying about right now. Dad gave us a job to do, and it isn't getting done with us standing here arguing over the laws of the pack, what fits and what doesn't. That can come later, after the challenge is over and we have a better idea of what's going on."
"He's right," Markus said.
I nodded. "Maybe he should be alpha."
They both smiled, albeit a small one, but it worked all the same. The tension in the room lifted, and my bond with my brothers remained.
"I'll go talk with Dad and get my order from him," I said after giving them both a swift hug. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?"
"We're your brothers," Markus called after me. "How much trouble could we possibly get into?"
I headed for Dad's study.
Maybe there's still time for him to change his mind.
He'd let me shift. He had to. I could've guarded my family as a human, but I knew I'd do far better as a wolf.
* * * *
Books covered my dad's desk, some open and others carelessly tossed aside. He didn't see me come in, and unlike the last time I visited, I knew I couldn't interrupt him. He hadn't summoned me, and by the look of things, there was a lot more on his mind than talking.
"Don't just stand there," he snapped, opening one of the drawers on his desk. "If you came here to help, take those volumes off the shelves and bring them to me. If you came here to watch, then you aren't as helpful as I hoped."
I frowned, but let his last comment slide. "What are you doing?"
"The books, Anna. Now."
Another drawer opened and closed, and still he didn't look at me. I did as he asked and moved the collection of books, four at a time, to his desk. Once I finished, he gave up on finding whatever he'd been looking for and sank in his chair.
I stood opposite of him and studied the volumes that were still open. "What is all this?"
He lifted one of the books from the table and h
anded it to me. "You want to know why I spend so much time in this room?"
"I always thought it was your quiet space. You always came here when you needed to be alone."
"Guidance," he corrected me. "There are more answers than questions in this room, so long as you know where to look. Everything we've ever done and every pack we've allied with are inside these books."
"And what answers are you looking for this time?" The book he'd handed me appeared to have a list of remedies in it. "Why this one?"
He took the book back and flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for. "A way to make this pack work." Now he did look at me, and the fight I was used to seeing in his eyes was gone. "I've been avoiding you."
"I noticed," my voice was colder than I intended.
"But if our pack should fall to Devlin, I need to right what I've done."
He rummaged through his pocket and set my pendant on the desk. I watched as the small gem glowed and then faded completely. But when I reached for it, he stopped me.
"That’s not it," he said, searching another pocket before setting a second, nearly identical pendant between us.
I studied both amulets. One was noticeably darker than the other. So I wasn’t crazy. The one I’d taken from Devlin’s home had seemed off at the time, but I never imagined—
"A copy?" I exhaled when Dad set the lighter pendant in my hand. "How did you—forget that. Why didn’t you tell me?"
He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. "Didn't you notice the other amulet’s darker coloration?"
"I did. I just thought Devlin may have sealed it, enchanted it. I don’t know."
"If that were true, then why were you wearing it when you came into my study?"
"I could’ve reversed it. Fought against it. He didn't have it that long."
"So you risked all of yourself to fight for her?"
I nodded. "Yes." Then, remembering the amulet was a fake, I said, "Why didn’t you tell me in the first place? You could’ve returned the real amulet to me. That night at Devlin’s house could’ve been avoided if you’d told me ahead of time."
"Everything I’ve ever done is to keep this pack safe. Had I known you were aware of its absence—if you’d come to me..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It doesn’t matter."