by Skye Winters
"So, if its intended use wasn’t to make me bond with Devlin, why use it at all? You've bluffed before, but they made sense."
"I had one of the pack sages enchant it." He picked the fake off his desk and inspected the gem as the chain wrapped around itself. "The plan was for him to wear the amulet and bond with it. It was supposed to weaken him."
"Then why tell him about Mom?"
"Because the sage had a direct link to it. We knew Devlin wasn't wearing it, so I took a risk. That's what you do as alpha. Every decision you make is for the better of the pack. If he knew about your mother, then maybe he would be more inclined to bond with the amulet." He narrowed his vision at me. "But because a pup had to go and interfere, he's as strong as ever, and we're the ones who are weak. Why couldn't you leave it alone?"
"If you'd just told me—"
"I don't need to explain myself to you. The less the pack knew, the better. I didn't want word about this getting back to Devlin."
"Oh? Just like you don't want our pack knowing about Mom?"
"I told them."
"You have now, but what about a week ago? The past month?"
He shook his head and whatever strength I saw in him moments ago was gone. He met my gaze and tossed the fake pendant to the side. "I never should've pushed his bond on you, even if it was a bluff. I was wrong. This doesn't mean I agree with your choices, but I can see now a bond between you and another pack would never work."
"So you'll let Rowan and I shift?"
"No. I think keeping you to this form is best."
"Why? You said you wanted to make things right."
"I do, just not right now. Not when Devlin's wolves are stalking our borders. You'd be safer here with your mother than as a wolf fighting at my side."
"What about Caine and Markus? You're going to let them fight."
"They aren't next in line as alpha."
"Maybe not, but I can't take both places, can I? I get why you wanted me to become alpha because of Mom's illness. But what happens if..."
"If I die?" He stood from his chair and pressed his palms on his desk. "I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best, you know that."
"If you're trying to protect me by keeping me inside, you should do the same for Markus and Caine. If I can't shift, then neither should they."
"That's terribly bitter of you, and I'll do no such thing. I need them at my side in case Devlin's wolves decide they want more than an alpha challenge."
"So instead of one loss, our pack will have three?"
"That's enough! So long as I'm alpha—"
"Your word is law. I know." I turned to leave.
"Take this with you." He shoved the book of remedies into my hands. "If Devlin should win, this entire room will be destroyed. Markus has his orders."
I glanced from the book to everything else around us. "All of it?"
He nodded and didn't seem as angry as before. "If we fall, we can't let those half-breeds find where our allies are. They won't stop at our pack if they know there are others to overcome. As I said before, everything we've ever done is catalogued in this room. All of our treaties, alliances, heritage and remedies." He gestured to the book in my hands. "The last one is especially true."
I opened it and skimmed the table of contents. "You're trying to help Mom."
"As best I can. I've been through it many times. Either I don't know what I'm looking for, or I've read it so many times, the words have blurred over. Perhaps you or your mother can find something I’ve missed. I've tried all I can think of, but I can't face her when I continue to fail."
"You really should. She talks about you."
"And you know why I can't. Any wish she makes, I can't deny. If she asks we cower to Devlin's pack—"
"She won't. She'd ask you to fight, just like you've planned. But going out there to face him would probably be a lot easier on both of you if you talked to one another."
My father wet his lips, offered me a subtle nod and turned back for the books on his desk. "Keep an eye on her for me. Your brothers may stand at my side, but it's your mother who will need protecting, not me. Go now. I need to be alone."
I wanted to argue, but my father had made his decision, and as angry as I was, I couldn't blame him. Not this time. He knew I wouldn't fight or even attend the challenge as a human.
Not until I made peace with my wolf. If what my mother said was true, there was a small chance I could still protect my family and stand at my father's side.
It was worth a try.
Chapter Six
I clutched the book of remedies to my chest as I entered my room. Dad had asked me to keep it safe, and if it could help my mother, I'd protect it the only way I knew how—by hiding it. Taking it out back and burying it would've made sense if I had more time to cover my scent, not to mention something to put it in. But seeing as I had neither, I opened my closet and shoved it inside a private compartment under the floorboards.
I could've taken the book to my mother, but without knowing what, if any, remedy would work, I didn't want to get her hopes up. There's a chance. Not until I had enough time to read it, and with Devlin practically knocking at our door, time wasn't something I had.
Not if I wanted to speak with my wolf.
Not if I wanted to shift.
To protect my family.
I shut everything else from my mind and sat on my bed. I'd meditated before as a child back when my mind was still evolving, and I hoped that would be enough for me to do it again. My thoughts were everywhere. I wanted to find Rowan, to hug her and be comforted by her. I wanted to reach out to my brothers and tell them how serious this all was.
I'm sure they knew, but seeing Dad in his study, panicked and overprotective, didn't sit right with me.
With my stomach in knots and the entire house groaning around me, I closed my eyes and did whatever I could to ground myself.
It helps if you think of one thing.
Rowan.
No, that would lead to other thoughts. I needed something small, simple and meaningless.
A rock.
It could be smooth, rough, have jagged edges or none at all.
I decided it was round and white like the moon. It had sat in a stream for so long that it transformed into a ball-like shape. Small enough to fit in my hand. The perfect size.
I focused on its smooth surface and weight. And slowly, I felt my mind drift as everything else fell away.
When my temporary blindness dissipated, I was back in our woods near the stream that rock had come out of. The mist of the falls sprayed my face, wetting my skin as I sat and listened to the world living around me.
I concentrated on the feel of soil beneath my feet. On the sound of leaves rustling in the wind and water sloshing as it made its way downstream. It was peaceful, and while the falls may have been loud, it was still incredibly quiet.
There were no animals, no signs of life aside from the trees, Earth and sky. I was completely balanced and in tune with the land beneath me. Around me.
Grounded.
I exhaled and cautiously opened my eyes. The falls were as I remembered them. Clear and full. As our main source of water, it was the lifeline of our pack. The streams were our veins, the Earth our body and the walls of the haven our heart.
All connected. All living as a single unit. I was one with my pack, just as they were one with me. And our land had as much to do with it as any wolf did. If we lost our territory to Devlin, we'd lose our lives as a pack.
Not without a fight.
A deep growl rumbled in my chest, but I fought it back down. I was losing my focus. Parts of the dream were beginning to shift.
I concentrated on the smooth stone I'd envisioned before. The scene around me returned and brought my wolf along with it.
She stood on the bank opposite of me, holding my gaze. Challenging me. I closed my eyes and opened myself up to her, to the feeling of the shift I was accustomed to. A shift that never came.
The
re was no clawing in my stomach, no barks of frustration or whimpers of pain. Nothing.
I looked at her again. She hadn't moved. With the stream between us, I stepped into the cold waters and gradually waded over to the other bank. Rocks rolled under my feet, threatening to throw me off balance, but I stayed upright. I didn't look away from her, not even for a second. If I did, she might have run off, and I didn't have time to search the woods of my unconscious mind again.
"Please," I said, holding my hands out to her. "I never meant to fight you down, you have to believe that. You're my stronger half, the half my pack needs. Understand?"
My wolf's ears swiveled forward.
"Family?"
She looked back over her shoulder at a trail leading off in the other direction.
"Wait. Please." I stopped before I reached the other bank. "I'll stand here for as long as I need to, just please, don't run. Don't hide from me anymore. I never meant to push you away."
She looked at me again and dipped her head, ready to run, but given her body language, she was also willing to listen.
"Thank you." I released a sigh of relief. "I’m sorry. I thought I had to stay in control, that I had to remember everything as a wolf the same way I do as a human. I... I don't like not knowing where I've been or where I'm going. You've trusted me in this form my entire life. You've submitted and given me full control while we've fought over it whenever I'm a wolf. I realize I was wrong, and if you'll trust me, I'll do the same for you."
I took another step, closer now, enough to touch her furry mane if she allowed. My feet were numb, but I wouldn't move again. She had complete control over the situation. If she ran, I wouldn't follow after her, but I hoped she'd stay.
"This is your choice." My voice cracked. "I'm right here, if you'll accept me, but I understand if you don't. My mother says the old magic doesn't have a claim on how we shift and that Dad's suggestion put it in my head and forced a rift between you and I. But even if it wasn't his fault, if I'm entirely to blame, I understand now." I closed my eyes again and took an uneasy breath. "My eyes are closed. I won't watch you leave, but this is to show I trust you enough not to run away. I won't move. I won't touch you. That's your choice. It's just... we could really use you right now."
I longed to hear the sound of my wolf's body jumping into the water beside me. To hear her breathing as she panted on my skin. These things could never actually happen, but I hoped for them anyway. Two forms could never fully exist side by side, but now I knew she was always there, under the surface. No matter how far I pushed.
Always there. Waiting.
Now it was my turn to wait. To give in to darkness so she could take over. An invitation she clearly accepted just as soon as I felt her warm fur under my skin.
Thank you.
Chapter Seven
When I resurfaced from my mind, I was still human, and under my fingertips? Not my wolf's fur. Rowan's.
I threw my arms around her neck and nuzzled her cheek. "You came back."
She whimpered and pulled away enough so we were looking eye to eye.
"I'm not saying you left, it's just, you weren't here when I woke up. And after I heard about Devlin's challenge..." I trailed off when she tilted her head to the side. "No one told you?" She shook her mane, so I continued. "Devlin's challenged him for alpha. Tomorrow."
She licked my cheek then lay on her side, whimpering at me to join her. I settled down beside her and rested my head under her muzzle as I idly stroked the fur along her shoulders and back. It was the closest we could get in our opposite forms, and it still wasn’t enough.
She did her best to mantel over me, the same way she would’ve done with her arms if she were human. My heart ached for those arms, to hear her voice and to feel her lips on my skin. Especially now, but our pack needed her as a wolf.
"I think she hates me," I spoke into Rowan’s fur.
She released a low bark and shifted her weight.
"My wolf," I explained once I realized I’d said it loud enough for her to hear. "Now Dad won’t let me shift because he wants to keep me safe, but I can’t protect my family like this." I smiled when Rowan snuffled my hair. "I know you’ll protect them, but it feels wrong to hide in here when I should be out on the grounds with the rest of the pack."
You could try meditating again.
If I thought focusing on that stone was hard before, it would be impossible now with Rowan being so near.
"I hate waiting. Challenges always make me anxious, and it isn’t like we haven’t faced him before." I squeezed Rowan. "I don’t want you out there. I know, I know. I just said you’d protect my family, but how can I..." I wet my lips. "I can’t lose you, too. Mom’s sick, Dad isn’t as limber as he was years ago and you..."
I scooted back and sat up so I could see her eyes. Her wolf’s deep blue eyes. Rowan did the same, turning her ears forward as her tail casually swished on the mattress behind her.
"You’re all I’d have left. I love my brothers, but you’re my bonded. I can’t lose half of myself and my family, too. Join me and my mother. Dad has Caine, Markus and the rest of the pack looking after him, but Mom’s alone. I know the inside of the haven is safe, and it would be stupid of Devlin to attack on both fronts, but please. Stay with me."
She dipped her head and turned her ears back in a way that showed me not only her wolf understood but she was willing to protect one alpha over the other. And that alpha was my mother.
I drove my hands into the fur on either side of her neck as we gently butted heads. This was where I belonged. Where we belonged. Together. In opposing forms or identical ones. It made no difference to me. Not as long as we were both breathing. Not with her here.
Rowan's ears perked and her head shot up as she listened to something that was too far off for any human to hear. But even as she rushed off the bed, I knew her reason for concern.
Devlin isn't coming tomorrow.
He was coming now. And regardless of whether or not he planned an early attack or if my father had lied about the time, the challenge was happening a lot sooner than we'd planned. We weren't ready. Half the pack was missing and the other asleep. It was the best time for a surprise attack—something Devlin was fully aware of.
"We have to get to my mother," I said, opening the door for Rowan who quickly ran down the hall.
Most of the other doors were closed, likely because a fair portion of the pack hadn't turned yet. Rowan only knew because she was stuck as a wolf, and for once, I was glad of it. We had a warning. Not just from the wolves guarding the border, but from within the haven. From Rowan.
I knocked on the doors as we went, awaking whomever was sleeping on the other side. Rowan skidded at the end of the hall, turned and headed in the other direction before I had a chance to catch up.
"Where are you going?"
I followed after her, past the dining hall toward my father's study. I almost ran into him as I turned the corner.
"Anna, what are you doing here? I thought I asked you to watch after your mother."
"It's Rowan," I said, glancing down at her wolf. "Something isn't right."
She lifted her head again as she listened. This time, I heard it as well.
"Devlin," my father growled, heading back for his study. "I should've known he wouldn't play fair." He passed through the doorway, approached his desk, dug through a handful of drawers and then pulled out a small handgun.
I looked from him to Rowan and back again. "What the hell are you doing with a gun?"
He opened the chamber and, after searching his desk again, loaded six bullets into it. "What does it look like?" His eyes were dark, almost desperate, as he came back toward me. "This is why I didn't want you to shift. Here, take it."
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "I don’t know how to use a gun. We have no need for them. It defies pack law."
"You think I don’t know that?"He took the cool metal from my hands and fumbled with a small hammer on the top of it. "Cock th
is back, aim and pull the trigger." My father made a quick gesture before placing the hammer back in place. "The safety is off, so be sure to only take aim when it’s needed."
I stared at the strange item as he handed it back to me. "Where did you even get this?" I've never seen you leave the boundary. Guns didn't exist outside human establishments, and I'd only ever read about them in old texts.
"You will protect your mother the best you can. That's all you need to know." He pointed in the direction of her room on the other side of the house. "It’s for the better of the pack, and as alpha, you’ll do anything to protect the ones you love. Even break pack law. If anyone walks through that door, human or wolf, shoot them."
"Are you insane? Devlin's practically on our doorstep, and you don't want to keep this for yourself? He's not alone. You have to know that."
"A challenge is meant to be fought wolf against wolf. That law is as old as time itself. It's when we're in our most primal state. Not as a human and not with weapons of any kind unless they include tooth and claw."
"But you just said you'd do anything. You'd go against pack law. If Devlin isn't playing fair, why should—"
"Because I'm the better wolf. So long as the fight remains within our territory, I won't go against it. Not unless his wolves enter our home. I refuse to stoop to his level and lose the respect of this pack."
"So you'd rather have their respect and not your life? What about us? What do you think will happen when you fall?"
"If I fall. That is why you need to have that gun. Protect your mother. That's an order."
"But—"
"Anna, please." His shoulders dropped. "If I have you watching after her, it's one less thing I have to worry about. I could do with a little less worrying right now."
"But how will I know if the wolf isn't one of ours?" As soon as my mother's door was open, I'd only have enough time to react. "What if it's Caine or Markus?"
Dad knelt in front of Rowan and opened his hand to her. "I know I've treated you poorly, and I am sorry for that. I also understand I'm talking to Rowan's wolf and not Rowan herself. If she's in there, tell her I'm sorry and that I need you—human or wolf—to protect my family. My bonded." He paused and met my gaze. "Anna cannot do this alone. She'll need your keen senses to keep ahead of Devlin's mutts. Can you do this for me? Can you..." his voice was hoarse, "can you protect the one you love?"