Bronxwood

by Coe Booth

  But it gotta. I know Emiliano gonna be home from work soon, and I gotta get back to Bronxwood to get ready for my pops party tonight.

  “What’s the matter?” Jasmine ask me. “The muscles in your arm just got tight. What you thinking about?”

  “Nah, it’s nothing.”

  She sit up and look at me. “Talk to me, Ty. I’m always telling you my problems, but you never—”

  “It’s not a problem.”

  “Dios mio! This is about your father, right? It’s always about him, but you never really talk about him. Tell me.”

  I don’t say nothing.

  “Digame, Ty.”

  She ain’t gonna stop, so I go and tell her ’bout how me and my pops ain’t been getting along too good, and ’bout Andre telling me I gotta leave outta the apartment and I don’t know where I’ma go next. “I’ma help my pops DJ one of his parties tonight. I don’t wanna be there with him, but he gonna pay me good, and I need to find a place to stay.”

  “Why don’t you go home?”

  Now she sounding like Regg. And Cal.

  “C’mon, Ty. You lucky that you got a mother and father. Just go home and deal with it, you know, ’til you finish high school and—”

  “You don’t know. My pops be going off on me all the time and …” I shake my head. “Forget it. Point is, me and him can’t live together no more. Two men in one house don’t work.”

  “Why don’t you talk to him? Try. Promise me you gonna talk to him. I don’t want you out on the street.”

  Still can’t say no to her. I take a deep breath. “A’ight,” I say. “I’ma talk to him tonight. After the party. If he in a good mood. But I don’t think it’s gonna work.”

  Even saying it make me feel mad, like I can’t make it on my own. But maybe Jasmine and Cal is right. Maybe I could stay with my moms and pops for a while, just deal with it ’til I can find my own place. But I don’t know though. It ain’t gonna be easy no matter what.

  I gotta change the subject fast. Thinking ’bout talking to my pops after the party is fucking my brain up. So I ask Jasmine what she doing tomorrow night. “’Cause me and you could go out,” I say. “I could take you to the movies or something.”

  That’s when she get kinda quiet. “I can’t. Emiliano wants to go back to Connecticut again, for a whole week this time. He’s on vacation, and they got a pool there and everything. We’re leaving tomorrow, early in the morning.” She point to the corner of her room where she got this big suitcase open and clothes inside in a pile. I ain’t even notice that before. “I’m supposed to be packing.”

  “A week?”

  She nod, but she get that look in her eyes again, like I seen at the restaurant the other day.

  “You don’t wanna go?” I ask her. “’Cause, why you don’t just tell Emiliano you wanna stay here? Then me and you could—”

  “I can’t,” she say, looking down. And everything ’bout her change. Then she start crying, and now I get it. Damn.

  “He fucked you, didn’t he?” I’m asking the question, but I don’t even need her to answer me ’cause I know what happened. Everything make sense.

  Jasmine nod, and I sit up and wrap my arms ’round her tight and we stay like that for a long time, me holding her while she cry and talk. “He told me that sixteen was old enough to decide, that I should know if I wanna be with him — if I love him, because I was going to be sixteen. But I didn’t know.” She crying hard now on my shoulder.

  “That was why you wanted to find Reyna,” I say.

  “I thought — I wanted her to, you know, take me with her, but …”

  “She look messed up, Jasmine. You seen her, right? She look bad.”

  “I know. The way she looked, that’s why I made a decision, for me. For my life. I don’t wanna end up like her, out there, doing whatever she does, like, stripping or whatever. I don’t wanna be like that, and I know, I know what girls that look like me could end up doing. I don’t want that. So I told Emiliano I decided to be with him and when we went to Connecticut after the party, me and him—”

  She stop talking so she could cry some more, and I’m so fucking pissed I can’t even breathe hardly. “He hurt you?”

  “No, he loves me. He waited for me. I’m old enough now.” She wipe her eyes. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

  She stop talking and I keep holding her. It ain’t easy dealing with none of this. Ever since I knew that Emiliano liked her, I knew he was just waiting for her, and I knew one day he was gonna get what he wanted. And even though I knew it was gonna happen, that don’t stop me from being pissed.

  At the same time, there’s something I gotta know for my own self. “What happened between me and you, Jasmine, in my room, what was that ’bout?” I ask her. “I mean, if you knew you was gonna let him in, why you get with me then?”

  She look me in the eye. “Because I love you, what do you think? I wanted to be with you, especially before—”

  “Then what ’bout him?” I can’t even hardly say his name no more.

  “I’m only gonna do it with him when I have to, and he’s not gonna do it unless we in Connecticut because the law is different there.”

  “Jasmine, I can’t—”

  “I need you, Ty. I—”

  “I can’t do it, Jasmine.” I pull myself away from her and get up outta the bed. I find my underwear on the floor and start getting dressed. I’m mad. Only I’m not really sure if I’m mad at her or just everything, the situation. It’s all fucked up. Everything, this whole day I spent with Jasmine, it’s over and so is me and her. Over. I can’t be with no girl if they just using me. That ain’t what I want.

  “Ty, don’t go. I can’t get through this without—”

  “It don’t work that way, Jasmine. Not for me, it don’t. If me and you is together, we together. I ain’t gonna share you with nobody, definitely not him.”

  Jasmine still sitting there on the bed, crying. But I gotta go. I need to get outta there.

  I’m in the lobby when I see him. Emiliano. Home early. He don’t see me at first. He getting his mail out the box and there’s two ladies down there, going through the door. I just stand there, ’cause I don’t know what I’m s’posed to do. Run and hide so Jasmine don’t get in no trouble for having a guy upstairs with her. Or run up on this dude and kick his fuckin’ ass hard enough for him to remember to keep his hands off her.

  But before I can do any of them things, Emiliano look up and see me. And me and him is just looking at each other from one side of the lobby to the other. “You have to say to me something?” he go.

  Fuck him. I got a lot of shit to say to him. But there’s too much going on in my head and I don’t know what to say. So all I go is, “You hurt her and I’ma fuck you up. You understand me?”

  Emiliano practically laugh. “You fuck up me?”

  Yeah, alright, he do work out every day, lift weights and shit. And yeah, his arm the size of my leg. But he don’t understand how I fight when someone mess with a friend of mines. ’Specially Jasmine. After everything I been through with that girl.

  I walk closer to him, not sure what I’ma do, but he hold up his hand like he want me to stop. “I love her,” he say. “I no hurt her. I want to take care of her. Who she got now? Nobody. No mother, no father, no Reyna.”

  “That ain’t the point,” I say.

  “The point? The point is, I work hard, buy for her nice things. For her birthday, I make a big party. Now, for school, I buy for her clothes and shoes and books. I tell her, no more working at the restaurant. I give to her money. She study hard, do good grades.”

  “She sixteen,” I say, but ain’t no getting through to this guy.

  “I love her,” he say. “I no let her go.”

  I can’t decide if I should punch him or not. Yeah, he could take me, but I could get a couple good punches in before that. Might make me feel better.

  But it ain’t. “You gonna bring her back from Connecticut?”

  He
look kinda surprised, like he ain’t think I knew what he was up to. “She stay there. The schools good there. I’m looking for a nice apartment, for me and for her. I treat her very good.”

  I try to control myself, but it ain’t easy. Emiliano gonna take Jasmine away, and ain’t nothing I say gonna change that. Truth is, I can’t do nothing to make Jasmine situation better.

  A hour ago me and her was as close as two people could get. Now everything is fucked up. And I’m losing her for real.

  SATURDAY, AUGUST 23

  FORTY

  It’s after two in the morning and I been helping my pops DJ his party all night. He probably got three-hundred-something people here in the basement of a out-of-business lumber store, and course, just like all the rest of my pops parties, all kinds of illegal shit is going on all ’round me.

  Regg over by the door taking money and making sure nothing too wild go down. When we all first got here, I ain’t say a word to him, not after the way he treated me yesterday. He always telling me to call him if I need something, then the first time I do that, he tell me he can’t do shit for me. Cool. Least I know for a fact now that the only person that’s gonna look out for me is me.

  While my pops do the DJing, I’m helping him with the records, which ain’t enough work to keep my mind here where I’m at. Matter of fact, it’s like I ain’t even here. My mind pulling me in all different directions, and I’m just going through the motions behind this DJ table. Straight up, I’m fucking depressed, thinking ’bout everything that happened with Jasmine and Cal and Andre. And I’m trying to figure out what I’ma do next, where I’m s’posed to move to. ’Cause Andre come by the apartment on Saturdays a lot, and I ain’t looking to get into nothing with him. Soon as this party over, I need to get back to Bronxwood and pack some shit and go. Just don’t know where I’ma go to.

  Before he let me do my own DJing, my pops get on the mic and go, “I’m gonna let my son take over for a while so I can come out there and dance with some of you beautiful ladies.”

  A lot of the ladies smile and cheer, ’specially the fugly ones that ain’t come with no man.

  My pops smile. “I know Tyrell gonna turn this party out, but just remember, I taught him everything he know.” He laugh and step away from the table.

  I think ’bout getting on the mic after him and telling these people the truth, that, yeah, he taught me a lot, but I know a whole lot more than that now. That he can’t even keep up with my skills now. But nah, I don’t say nothing. A man don’t gotta always tell people everything. He just gotta show them. So that’s what I do. Not only show them, but show my pops that I’m good enough to do this for real now.

  Playing music work for a while to take my mind off my problems. The music take over everything. I’m in it. The party turning out so good, my pops and some of his friends go into one of the back rooms and I don’t see him for a while. But it’s okay ’cause I’m holding it down while he do his thing.

  I’m up there ’bout a hour ’til my pops come back and dance with some of the females. And another hour ’til he take back over at the table. By then it’s after four and the party starting to slow down. Some folks is leaving, but a lot still trying to keep partying.

  Me, now that I’m back to just helping my pops again, my mind fast-forwarding to what I’ma do next. Yeah, I could do what everybody want me to do and ask my pops if I could come and stay with them for a while. I mean, I’ma be over there in a couple hours anyway for Troy visit.

  But I don’t know. My pops changed so much since he went away that I’m standing, like, a foot away from the man, but I ain’t trying to ask him nothing. Why would I? So he could tell me I’m a child that can’t make it on my own? That I need his ass to save me from the streets?

  Shit, I don’t need to hear none of that.

  Thinking ’bout everything make me wanna leave outta here right now, but I gotta wait ’til it’s over, ’til when my pops pay everybody. I don’t know what he gonna give me, but it should be alright, ’specially since I just played for two hours while he went and had fun. He need to remember that when he start handing out the cash.

  My pops get on the mic and start talking over the music. He laughing and pointing out females in the crowd and talking ’bout how good they look in whatever they wearing. And that just get them all excited and they trying to get his attention so he could talk ’bout they outfit. “Short mama in the red skirt,” my pops say, still laughing. “You killin’ me, girl.”

  He in a mad good mood since he came back to the table. He all happy and shit. While a song is playing, he take off his headphones and lean over to me and go, “The girl in the black skirt and silver top, young girl, standing over there, she been checking you out all night.”

  I look to where his eyes is and just like he say, a girl that’s ’bout twenty, twenty-one or something, looking right at me. She cute and everything but, I don’t know. “She too old,” I tell my pops.

  He laugh. “Older women is where it’s at. Go dance with her.”

  I shake my head. I ain’t thinkin’ ’bout no other female other than Jasmine. So I tell my pops, “I was with a girl all day. I don’t got nothing left.”

  He bust out laughing and I laugh with him. “You making sure there ain’t gonna be no little Tyrell juniors running around the Bronx, right?”

  “Course.”

  He slap me on the back. “Alright, then.”

  He still smiling, and I’m thinking, maybe this is a good time to ask him, as good as any other time. But how I’ma do it? And what he gonna say?

  But before I can figure out a way to ask him anything, I see Dante coming ’cross the room, coming right in our direction. I can’t believe this shit. Why he gonna come now, when the party almost over?

  Dante don’t just come over to the table, he come behind it like he working this party with us. Him and my pops do a guy hug and Dante say over the music, “Sorry I’m late, man. I was with a woman….” He shake his head. “The lonely ones, they don’t never let you leave.” They both laugh.

  “Hang around,” my pops go. “We gonna go to the Black Rock.”

  My pops put his headphones on and get on the mic to tell everybody that this the last song. He start playing “Before I Let Go.”

  While he doing that, Dante come up to me and go, “Your moms, man. She didn’t want me to leave, you know.” He flash me this crooked-ass smile. “She don’t like being there all alone in that big, new apartment.”

  I stare him down for a second. I don’t believe him, but at the same time, I can’t have this nigga talkin’ ’bout my moms like that and getting away with it. I move closer to him and just ’cause I can, I trip his ass, and on his way down, he hit up against the DJ table and the music just stop. I don’t care though. I’m ’bout to jump on him and punch him in the face, but before I could, my pops pull me away, saying, “What you doing, Ty? What’s going on?”

  I get away from my pops and kick Dante down there on the floor. Can’t help myself if I wanted to, that’s how pissed I am. Then Regg come over, grab me, and hold me back like it’s nothing, and I watch my pops help Dante up and look back over at me like I’m the one he don’t get, like I’m the one that did something wrong.

  The room kinda quiet now and everybody standing round watching us. My pops start walking away with Dante, like he making sure he okay or something, but I can’t take it no more. “You think he your friend, but he ain’t,” I yell to my pops. “You don’t know what—”

  “Don’t say no more,” Regg say to me, looking me in my eyes, warning me. “Don’t say nothing, Ty. Don’t say it.”

  But my heart is pumping hard and even though I hear him, it’s hard to stop myself. I wanna tell my pops how stupid he looking right now. How he getting played by that asshole who claim to be his friend.

  “Ty, listen to me, man,” Regg say, leaning in closer to me. “You tell your pops and he gonna kill that man and where that gonna leave your moms and Troy, Ty? You listening to me?�
��

  I nod, but still, I can’t calm myself down. I can’t.

  Regg grab up my backpack and hand it to me. “Leave,” he say. “Just go.”

  He put his arm ’round my back and get me to walk a couple steps with him toward the door. But I break away from him. I ain’t done yet.

  I go back to the table and search through the deck for the songs I got loaded on there. I look right at my pops on the other side of the room, standing there with Dante, looking at me, pissed.

  Fuck him.

  I get on the mic and go, “This one for you.” I start playing “Papa’z Song” by Tupac and over the music I say, “So you know the truth.”

  As I walk to the door with Regg, I hear the song start playing:

  “Daddy’s home. Heh, so?

  You say that like it means somethin’ to me

  You’ve been gone a mighty long muthafuckin’ time

  For you to be comin’ home talkin’ that ‘Daddy’s home’ shit

  We been getting along fine just without you

  Me, my brother, and my mother

  So if you don’t mind, you can step the fuck off, Pops,

  Fuck you!”

  I don’t wait ’round for the part where Wycked talk ’bout how his moms had to have all kinds of men in and outta they house just to help out with the rent and shit, but my pops know the song and I know he gonna put together what the lyrics is telling him, and he gonna find out what that dude he think is his friend been up to with his wife while he was gone.

  And when he do, Dante gonna be worse off than what I was gonna do to him.

  Good.

  FORTY-ONE

  When I leave the party, I’m so pissed off and pumped up that I walk, like, fifteen blocks before getting on the train. By the time I get back to Bronxwood, it’s probably something after six in the morning and the sun is just starting to come out. I walk ’round the corner and before I even get close to my building I see a bunch of people out in front of it, standing ’round. And there’s two cop cars with flashing lights, and I can tell something went down and I know it got something to do with Cal and them. I can feel it.