Sing As We Go

by Margaret Dickinson

  ‘Aye, well, lass, you’re not breaking your promise to anyone by telling me that. I guessed as much and I’m sorry.’

  George put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. His voice was husky as he added, ‘Just mind you don’t let her break you two up, eh?’

  ‘No,’ Kathy said firmly. ‘I won’t.’

  ‘You’re lucky with the weather, my dear. It’s cold but fine – at the moment. Let’s hope it holds,’ Jemima said, as she entered Kathy’s bedroom on the morning of the wedding carrying a tray of cereal, toast and a small pot of tea.

  ‘Now, sit up,’ she commanded. She set the tray across Kathy’s knees and then moved across the room to open the curtains.

  ‘Oh, Aunt Jemima, you shouldn’t have!’

  ‘Every bride should have breakfast in bed on her wedding day and since your mother isn’t here to do it, I’m the next best thing.’

  ‘You’re very good to me,’ Kathy said huskily, her eyes filling with tears.

  ‘Now, now, none of that. This is a happy day, the happiest day of your life.’

  Kathy smiled but said nothing. Though she didn’t voice it, her tears were not for herself but for this woman who had shown her such brisk kindness. A woman whose own past was something of a mystery, but who, Kathy believed, had once known love herself. And yet, though something must have gone terribly wrong, Jemima, instead of wallowing in bitterness, had done everything she could to encourage Kathy’s romance with Tony. ‘Aunt Jemima,’ Kathy said hesitantly.

  ‘Yes, my dear. What is it?’

  ‘Just – thank you. Thank you for everything.’

  Jemima waved her hand and said, ‘Oh, phooey, girl. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. And here comes Taffy to wish you well today.’

  The cat jumped on to the end of the bed, kneaded the eiderdown with his huge paws, turned round three times and then lay down, curling himself into a neat circle.

  Kathy laughed. ‘Are you sure, or does he just want a comfy bed to sleep on?’

  Jemima’s eyes twinkled. ‘Probably the latter. Shall I take him away?’

  ‘No, no, I like having him here. He’ll be company while I get ready.’

  ‘All right, but just don’t let him get his claws in your wedding gown.’

  Kathy finished the bowl of cereal and nibbled at the toast. She drank half the cup of tea and then lay back against the pillows and glanced through the open curtains.

  Fluffy white clouds scudded across the sky, but the pale winter sun was shining and today she was going to marry the man she adored.

  What more could a girl ask for?

  She was almost ready when there was a flurry of activity downstairs and the sound of voices all talking at once. Footsteps sounded on the stairs and the bedroom door was flung open.

  ‘There you are,’ Amy began and then stopped, her mouth open in a gasp. ‘Oh Kathy, you look beautiful.’

  ‘I was just beginning to get a bit worried. You’ll have to be quick getting ready.’

  Amy waved her hand in the air nonchalantly. ‘Don’t worry. I’m all ready apart from putting my dress on. Are you okay? Need any help?’

  ‘It’s just my veil, but I was waiting deliberately. I – I was hoping Mam might help me put it on. I think she’d like that. She – she has come, hasn’t she?’

  ‘Well – er – yes. She’s on her way,’ Amy said, as she stepped into her dress and Kathy helped her with the tiny buttons.

  ‘What do you mean “on her way”? Didn’t she come with you?’

  ‘No. There wasn’t room for both of them in our car, not with the four of us.’

  ‘Both of them?’ Kathy was startled. ‘You – you don’t mean . . . ?’

  Amy nodded. ‘I do. Your father’s come and he’s insisting on giving you away. Says he doesn’t want the neighbours gossiping about him for refusing to give his daughter away.’

  ‘I see,’ Kathy said grimly. ‘It’s not because he wants to do it either for me or for himself, but because of what others might say.’

  ‘I – suppose so. I’m sorry, Kathy.’

  ‘It’s not your fault.’

  There were soft footsteps on the stairs and the two girls said no more as Edith came into the room, her arms outstretched to envelop her daughter and tears of happiness in her eyes.

  ‘Oh Mam, I’m so glad you’re here.’

  ‘Amy’s told you? About your dad?’

  Kathy forced a smile. ‘Yes. Isn’t it great?’

  ‘Ted understands. He says he’s pleased ’cos it’s only right and proper.’

  Kathy nodded. If truth be told, she would rather have had the kindly Ted Robinson leading her up the aisle than her own father. But that secret thought remained unspoken.

  Edith drew back and looked at her daughter. ‘Darling girl, you look beautiful.’

  Jemima’s voice drifted up the stairs. ‘Edith, Amy – time you were going to the church.’

  There was a flurry of activity downstairs and then the house was suddenly quiet. Taking a deep breath as she prepared to face her father, Kathy went carefully down the narrow stairs and into the kitchen.

  Her father was standing with his back to the range. They stared at each other for several moments, before Kathy felt obliged to say, ‘Thanks for coming, Dad.’

  He frowned and muttered. ‘I hope you’re not going to expect me to pay for any of this. Hiring a car, for heaven’s sake. A lot of fuss. And it won’t last. You mark my words, it won’t last. A man in his position marrying someone like you. Huh!’

  ‘Mr Hammond has lent us his chauffeur for the day. It’s not costing us anything.’

  ‘Who’s Mr Hammond when he’s at home?’

  ‘The owner of the store where I work and where Tony is the manager. Tony’s related to him.’

  For a moment, Jim Burton’s eyes gleamed. ‘Wealthy, is he? Is the lad in line to take over some day then? Maybe you’ve got a bit more sense that I gave you credit for.’

  ‘Mr Hammond senior is Tony’s mother’s uncle and I think he will always see that Tony has a good job. But no, he’s not in line to take over as you put it. Mr Hammond has a son of his own.’

  Jim sniffed. ‘Huh! I thought as much. I thought you hadn’t the sense you were born with.’

  There was the sound of the car drawing up outside. Relieved, Kathy said, ‘Time to go, Dad.’

  They paused in the porch and Amy, smiling from ear to ear, slipped in behind them as the organ music struck up and they began the slow procession up the aisle. The congregation was pathetically small, but Kathy felt a flood of happiness sweep through her. The only people who really mattered to her were all here. Even Morry. Though she knew she could never love him as he deserved to be loved, in the way that he wanted, she was extremely fond of him and the only cloud on her day was the thought that she was hurting him. As she drew level with the end of the pew where he was sitting, she risked a glance at his face.

  Morry’s eyes were full of tears but he was smiling and he gave a little nod of encouragement. He leant forward and whispered, ‘You look wonderful, Kathy. Be happy.’

  Those words from Morry meant more to her than anything anyone else could say to her on her wedding day.

  A few more steps and she was standing beside Tony. She looked up at him to find him smiling down at her. He looked so handsome in his dark suit that her heart turned over with love for him. She glanced beyond him and saw that James Hammond was standing beside him as his best man. A movement in the pew just behind them caught her eye. Kathy’s eyes widened as she saw Tony’s father sitting there, and beside him, dressed in black from head to toe, was Beatrice Kendall.

  Twenty-Three

  Kathy smiled tremulously at Tony, who reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘This is it, darling? You ready?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she breathed, as the vicar moved closer and opened his prayer book. He smiled benignly at the young couple, silently praying that their hopes and dreams would be fulfilled and that their future would no
t be torn asunder by this dreadful war. He was conducting so many marriages these days, hastily arranged, before the imminent departure of the groom into the armed forces. This, he knew, was another such one.

  ‘Dearly beloved . . .’ he began, and Kathy, delirious with happiness, tried to concentrate on what he was saying and on being sure she made the right responses in the right place.

  The service went on, and then it came to that moment that all brides and grooms joke about and tease each other. ‘Therefore if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together . . .’

  The vicar got no further. From the front pew came a gasp, a moan and then a thud. Everyone turned to see that Beatrice had slumped sideways onto the pew and had only been prevent from rolling on to the floor by George grabbing her. He knelt in front of her.

  ‘Beatty – Beatty!’ he hissed in a fierce whisper, but the woman only moaned and put her hand to her chest. Her eyes closed, her face white, she whispered, ‘Oh the pain, the pain. George – my pills.’

  Tony turned away from Kathy and knelt beside his father, cradling his mother in his arms, while George scrabbled in her handbag for the box of pills.

  A murmuring ran around the small congregation and necks craned to see what was happening. Kathy stood watching the scene. Her heart pounded. Her hands trembled until her bouquet shook and all the happiness slowly drained out of her. But no one was taking any notice of Kathy. All their attention was focused on Beatrice Kendall.

  Dad, we should call an ambulance,’ Tony whispered worriedly. ‘This is a bad one.’

  ‘Let’s see if her pills work first. Just hang on a moment, son.’

  ‘Dad, I’ll never forgive myself if . . .’

  ‘Hold on, son, just hold on a minute.’

  ‘Can I help?’ the vicar enquired. ‘A glass of water, perhaps?’

  Tony glanced up, ‘Yes, yes, please.’

  The vicar laid down his book and hurried away towards the vestry. He returned in a moment with a glass of water, but by now Beatrice was limp in Tony’s arms, her eyes closed, her mouth gagging open.

  ‘Dad, she’s unconscious. We must call an ambulance.’

  George stood up, pausing only a brief moment to look down at his wife before he turned to James Hammond, who was standing close by looking on anxiously. ‘James, would you find the nearest telephone box and ring for an ambulance, please?’

  James hurried down the aisle and the murmuring amongst the guests grew louder.

  ‘What’s up with her?’ Jim muttered in Kathy’s ear.

  Kathy ran her tongue around her dry lips. ‘She – she has a bad heart.’

  She heard her father’s familiar sniff of disapproval. ‘Huh! Very convenient, if you ask me.’

  For once, Kathy was in full agreement with her father.

  There was no way they could continue the service with the groom’s mother apparently unconscious in the front pew and waiting for the arrival of an emergency vehicle.

  Kathy felt the vicar’s light touch on her shoulder. He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed at what he had to say. ‘My dear, I am sorry, but I have another wedding service in an hour. There are so many to fit in these days . . .’ His voice trailed away apologetically.

  Kathy tried to smile. ‘If we could just wait for the ambulance, maybe . . .’

  At that moment there was the sound of a clanging bell and a noisy motor drew up outside the church. Two ambulance men hurried in, carrying a stretcher between them.

  ‘Here – down here.’ Morry had stepped into the aisle and was pointing towards the front pew. He was directing them towards the sick woman, but his anxious glance was upon Kathy. There was no mistaking that his whole concern was really for her.

  Kathy stood motionless, watching while the ambulance men gently lifted a limp and unresponsive Beatrice on to the stretcher. They picked it up and carried her down the aisle and out of the church.

  George walked close behind and Tony, without even so much as a glance at his bride, followed him. Halfway down the aisle, George stopped and glanced back. Kathy saw the surprise on his face as he realized his son was just behind him. He said something, though Kathy could not hear his words, but she saw him gesture towards her. And then she saw Tony shake his head. Anger crossed George’s face and he pointed at Kathy and spoke again and this time his voice was raised high enough for Kathy to hear, loud enough for everyone in the church to hear. ‘You go back to that lass and carry on.’

  Tony hesitated and then turned and hurried back towards her. ‘Kathy – darling,’ he caught hold of her hands and gripped them tightly. ‘I have to go with her. It looks bad. If anything happened, I . . . You do understand, don’t you? Wait for me, darling, please. I will come back . . .’

  Without even waiting for her answer, he turned and almost ran back down the aisle. He did not even look back at her. Not once.

  ‘Well, this is a find how-do-ya-do, I must say,’ Jim Burton growled. ‘What happens now, might I ask?’

  Kathy had not moved. She was motionless, still staring down the aisle, her eyes fixed on the point where Tony had disappeared from her sight. The truth came at her like a tidal wave, flooding through her, engulfing her, swamping her. It would always be like this. Even though Tony would have to go away, would have to serve his country, and it looked as if even his mother could not prevent that, Kathy could see that there was no future for her within his family. While George might welcome her, he was as helpless against Beatrice as his son.

  Dimly, she was aware that two people were moving towards her, coming to stand one on either side of her. Jemima took her arm and Morry put his arm around her waist.

  ‘Come, my dear, let’s go to the vestry and see what the vicar has to say.’

  For a moment Kathy gave no sign that she had even heard, but then, slowly, she shook her head.

  ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘It’s no use. There’s no future for us. How blind I’ve been.’ With stiff, jerky movements, she began to walk down the aisle.

  ‘Hey, what’s going on?’ Jim’s voice blared, echoing round the church, but Kathy walked on, tears blinding her. Morry hurried after her and caught hold of her arm. ‘Kathy . . .’

  She pressed her lips together and shook her head, unable now even to speak.

  As she emerged from the church door, Morry still at her side, the photographer with his box camera on a tripod called, ‘Ah, the happy couple, hold it there. Let’s get a nice picture of you.’

  Kathy continued to walk towards him.

  ‘I say, wait a minute—’

  She paused beside him, stared at him for a moment and then flung her bouquet at him. ‘There’s been no wedding. Nor will there be. You’d better go home.’

  ‘But – but – Mr Hammond—’

  Kathy stalked towards the car that had brought her to the church.

  ‘You’d better go into the church. They’ll explain,’ she heard Morry tell him as she climbed into the car. Then he hurried after her and climbed in beside her.

  ‘Morry, please. I want to be on my own.’

  ‘You probably do, but for once, Kathy, I’m taking no notice of you. I’m not leaving you on your own.’

  ‘Oh Morry, I’ve been such a fool.’ Tears were close now. She fought valiantly to stem the flow, but failed. Morry mopped her face with a clean, white handkerchief. ‘No, you haven’t. It’s a difficult situation,’ he said, with gentle reason. ‘Jemima’s told me what Mrs Kendall’s like, but really, you can’t blame Tony. If it was my mother, I’d be just the same. I know I would.’

  Kathy tried to smile, but it was only a wry twist of her mouth. ‘You’re very understanding – and forgiving. I don’t think I can be that generous. Not – not today.’

  ‘I know. It’s dreadful for you. It’s your bad luck that the vicar is so hard pressed that he can’t just give us an hour or two to see what happens. Perhaps, when they’ve got her settled in hospital, Tony will come back and the vicar can perform the ceremony
later. I know your special day is in tatters and none of us can say whether Mrs Kendall’s illness is real or – or induced at just the right moment to halt the ceremony.’

  ‘It’s that all right,’ Kathy said bitterly. ‘I know it is.’

  ‘But can you really, in your heart of hearts, Kathy, blame Tony? Can you really expect any man with any decency to turn his back on his mother, to ignore her cries for help? You see, he can’t be sure, can he? He can never be sure. If she’s really ill – if she were to die even, he’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. He’d never be able to forgive himself. Or – you.’

  ‘It’ll always be like this, won’t it?’

  ‘Maybe not. Perhaps when he’s been away from home in the forces – and that’s nobody’s fault – things might change. If she can’t deal with that either, then that’s not Tony’s fault or yours. But maybe when the break with him has been forced upon her, there’s just a chance that things might be different.’

  Kathy lifted her tear-streaked face and looked into Morry’s round, open and honest face. ‘Oh Morry – ’ she bent her head against his shoulder and wept bitterly – ‘Oh Morry, why couldn’t I have loved you?’

  Morry whispered huskily, ‘I only wish you could, Kathy.

  The house was deathly still as Morry opened the back door with the key that Jemima had slipped to him. Kathy got stiffly out of the car and walked down the passageway towards the back gate, ignoring the curious glances of the neighbours. Time enough for the gossip to spread, she thought.

  As they stepped inside, Kathy turned to him. ‘Thank you for your kindness, Morry. I’ll never be able to thank you enough, but now I’m going upstairs. I need to be alone.’