“Why don’t we have a party? The house is furnished and it looks great. I thought you might want to invite the staff from the ER, the mayor, and town council. It would be good publicity for you, and they’re going to be green with envy when they see what you’ve done with the house.”
“What I’ve done? You’ve done most of the work. I don’t know. I’ve never really had parties. What if it’s a dud?”
“Didn’t you have parties when you were a kid?”
Kathleen knew she had walked into that one. She turned the doorknob and now Claire wanted to force it open. “Once, only once.”
Boston, 1979
They were five: Kathleen, Devon, Evie, Frank, and Liam.
It was Kathleen’s eighth birthday, and the house was filled with excitement. Mom got up early and baked a chocolate cake and Da taped a Pin the Tail on the Donkey game to the living room wall. Mom was singing and laughing, and Da kissed her neck and swung her around.
“Kat,” her mother called out, “change your clothes, your friends will be here soon.” Kat put on her best dress and wished she had better shoes to wear than her sneakers. She thought about decorating them with flower stickers, but there wasn’t time. She couldn’t be late to her own party!
The doorbell rang and she pushed Devon out of the way. “I’ll get it, I’ll get it! It’s my party!” She expected to see all the kids, but only Susie Nelson stood at the door.
“Hi, Susie. Did you see the other girls?”
Susie shook her head and wiped her runny nose on the sleeve of her dress. She handed Kat her gift, wrapped in pink floral paper with a large red bow on top. Kat smiled and said, “Thank you.” Mom handed Susie a tissue. “Here, dear, for your nose.”
Kat watched the clock as the hand moved slowly, marking the time. Her invitations said two o’clock and it was now two-fifteen. Kat wanted to believe the other girls got lost, but after a while she knew they weren’t coming. Her heart dropped, and she wished she had a magic wand that would make Susie disappear.
Only a few slices of her cake were eaten, and the pins, blindfold, and paper tails from Pin the Tail on the Donkey sat untouched. She opened her gift from Susie, and found a used doll with faded hair and bald spots. Disappointment rose from her toes, twirled its way around her stomach, and continued upwards until a lump formed in her throat; tears stung her eyes.
Mom said, “What a lovely gift, Susie.”
“Thank you,” said Kat, as a forced smile, like a plaster cast, crossed her face.
After Susie left, Kat walked to the back of the house, near the alleyway, and threw the doll in a dented trashcan. That night, she buried her face in her pillow and cried until the tears ran dry and she fell asleep.
The next morning she found the doll sitting on the kitchen table. Mom stood by the stove spooning lumpy oatmeal into bowls. Mom frowned. “You’re being selfish not to appreciate a gift, even if it isn’t what you wanted. Jesus would be disappointed in you.”
Kat lowered her eyes and thought about how she would burn in hell, until nothing was left but her blackened bones.
CHAPTER 33
Helen was as excited as Claire and for the next month, The Party became the favorite topic of conversation.
Claire insisted on a clothes-shopping expedition. “We have to have something new to wear!” Convincing Kathleen was not easy but finally, after much moaning and grumbling, they drove to Santa Barbara with Claire’s list of antique clothing stores. Claire was planning on going to the party in true Victorian style. She found an ankle-length, ivory lace under dress at the first store. “Perfect! Exactly what I’m looking for.”
Kathleen was startled and thought, don’t tell me she is going to wear a slip to the party! With Claire, anything was possible.
But Claire was just getting started. At the next two stores, nothing. Then, at the last store on the block, Claire found a beautiful mauve crushed velvet dress with mother-of-pearl buttons. Kathleen had to admit that Claire had created a lovely period outfit that was perfect for her and the party.
Claire was bubbling over with excitement. “Now, we have to shop for you.”
“You’re kidding, I hope. You know how I hate to shop.”
“Come on, we’re going to The Dungeon, and I’m going to find the perfect dress for you.”
“The Dungeon? Is that some kind of torture shop?”
Claire laughed. “Torture for you, fun for me. We have to buy a dress for you and shoes for both of us.”
Claire was on one of her adventures and Kathleen knew there was no stopping her.
When they drove into the parking lot of The Dungeon, Kathleen understood the origin of the name. The main building, called The Castle, was filled with small upscale clothing shops. Designed to resemble an English castle, the exterior walls were covered in a thick, rough gray stone. Towers and turrets rose from the roofline, creating square and round silhouettes against the darkening sky. A sign pointed to The Dungeon, and led Kathleen and Claire toward a narrow stairwell.
Claire laughed. “Let’s take the stairs instead of the elevator. It’s so much more authentic, just like being in a real castle. No hand rails and you never know what’s around the corner.”
The Dungeon, held the largest selection of discounted designer clothing in Southern California. The store swarmed with bargain-crazed shoppers, hunting through racks and tables filled with the latest markdowns. Kathleen couldn’t think of a worse way to spend her day. She felt like an observer at the zoo on a crowded Sunday afternoon, except the animals were out of their cages and shopping at The Dungeon.
Claire guided Kathleen to a quiet corner. “It’s a jungle out there. You’ll be safe here. I’ll be right back.” With a gleam in her eyes that spoke of a hunter after prey, Claire was off on her expedition.
Less than ten minutes later, Claire was back with three dresses. She guided Kathleen to the large public dressing area.
Kathleen whispered, “Where are the private dressing rooms?”
Claire whispered back, “Be brave, this is it.”
“You’re kidding. One room? I can’t undress in front of everyone and try on clothes; they’ll see my scar.”
“We’ll tell them you got it in a fencing duel, rescuing me from an evil princess.” Pouting, Claire held up a black, below the knee dress with an A-line skirt and cap sleeves. “Come on Kathleen, just this one.”
“I’ll try it on, but only if you promise not to throw a Claire tantrum.” Looking shyly around, Kathleen put on the dress.
Claire was pleased. “I like it. It suits you. It’s simple but elegant, and you’ve got the perfect figure for it.”
The ever-frugal Kathleen asked, “How much is it?”
“Don’t worry, it’s on me. Now, let’s hit the shoe department.”
Claire found a perfect pair of Victorian style lace-up shoes for herself and simple black pumps with a low heel for Kathleen.
“You’re going to look so elegant!” Claire declared, with a look of triumph on her face, as they carried their packages back to the car.
Claire sent out the invitations and was busy working on music and decorations. Sam was drafted to be the “light decorator.” At first he grumbled, but finally succumbed to party fever and placed lanterns around the porch and solar lights down the driveway. Linc volunteered his sons for valet parking and insisted that they wear double-breasted jackets with gold buttons for the occasion.
The “party committee,” consisting of Claire and Helen, decided to use the reception hall for a buffet supper. The reception hall was a spacious room with a large paneled fireplace that would chase away the fall chill. Low cabinets, perfect for the buffet supper, were placed along the staircase wall.
Helen created a spectacular menu. She insisted on “absolutely no turkey. By the time everyone’s gone to holiday parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, they’re sick of turkey. I have some other ideas that will positively knock their socks off.” Helen’s menu consisted of a prime rib roast, cold p
oached salmon, roasted rosemary potatoes, and a variety of salads. For the vegetarians, she added a dish of roasted vegetables, picked fresh from the garden, and baked sesame seed tofu.
Another setting was created in the solarium for coffee and Helen’s special desserts.
Claire insisted on live music and The Music Gal was engaged to provide entertainment throughout the evening on her 61-key keyboard.
Kathleen hired a professional staff for food serving and cleanup. She wanted everyone she loved to be available for the fun.
The night of the party, Kathleen’s anxiety level, on a scale of one to ten, was pushing twenty. Why had she let Claire talk her into this? Damn it, she thought, in a moment of incredible uneasiness, that woman is going to be the death of me.
Kathleen heard Claire knock on her bedroom door. It was Claire’s secret knock; three long raps followed by two short. She opened the door to see Claire, a vision of old-world loveliness in her Victorian outfit, and bubbling over with excitement.
Kathleen gathered Claire close and felt her anxiety melting. She playfully undid one of the buttons on Claire’s dress. “Do we have time for you to faint?”
Claire laughed softly. “Oh, those Victorians knew exactly what they were doing with fainting couches and all these buttons. I may feel a faint coming on after the party, when the guests have left, of course.” Claire handed Kathleen a small box wrapped in soft blue paper and trimmed in white antique lace. “This is for you.”
Claire looked at Kathleen. “What is it? You look so sad.”
Kathleen couldn’t speak for a moment and just shook her head.
“Please, tell me, don’t shut me out.”
“I’m not used to getting gifts.”
Claire held her closer. “I’m sorry, I know I can’t make up for the past, but maybe we can think of this as a new start. I love buying you presents and I think you’ll like this one. Won’t you open it?”
Kathleen opened the box to find a necklace and matching earrings. “They’re beautiful.”
“Let me help you with the necklace.”
Kathleen looked in the mirror. She saw Claire’s reflection, beaming and filled with love. She turned to Claire and held her. “Thank you for being in my life.”
“Me, too. I knew marcasite would be perfect with your dress. It has just a bit of Victorian flavor.”
“I didn’t get you anything.”
Claire held Kathleen and whispered, “You have no idea of what you’ve given me.”
They left Kathleen’s bedroom holding hands.
Half way down, Kathleen let go.
Kathleen welcomed the guests as they arrived and eyes opened wide at the changes to the house. Gayle and Robert greeted the guests as they entered the solarium where wine, cheese, and fruit were being served. Claire moved from group to group, answering questions about the furniture, talking and laughing and putting everyone at ease. Sam and Linc were engaged in an intense conversation about antique cars. Kathleen was sure Linc had the ideal car for Sam. When the food was served everyone insisted on Helen sharing her recipes. Kathleen smelled a cookbook in the future.
Kathleen relaxed and discovered she could enjoy a party. She was talking to Mayor Bill Langdon when Claire walked over.
Bill gave Claire a hug. “It’s always good to see you. Do you have any dancing planned for tonight? Maybe a Highland fling?”
Claire laughed and stood close to Kathleen. “I’ll reserve the fling for the festival. We do have dance music planned and I’d love to cut a rug with you, Hizzoner.”
“Great, I just hope I can keep up!”
Kathleen interrupted rather rudely, “Bill and I were discussing next year’s festival. We were thinking of offering health screenings.” She turned to Bill; Claire had to stifle a gasp when she found herself looking at Kathleen’s back. “I’ll come up with some suggestions. I’m thinking about something that will be family oriented. We’ll make it fun for the kids and informative for the parents.”
Bill laughed. “No shots at the festival.”
“Definitely.”
Claire stayed for a minute and moved away to speak with Theo Chandler.
The Music Gal began the evening by playing easy listening songs, setting the perfect mood for the dinner hour. After dinner she took requests and soon the floor of the solarium was filled with dancing couples. Claire found the mayor at the dessert table. “Okay, Bill, plenty of time for dessert, now it’s time to show me your moves.”
Claire nodded and the slow dance music changed abruptly into The Macarena. As Claire was known to do, she led the dancers in a ruckus rendition. Hizzoner did his best to imitate his uninhibited partner’s moves, as did the rest of the pack. When the music stopped Claire leaned over planting a kiss on the cheek of the out-of-breath mayor. “You’re awesome, Bill.”
After the last guest left, the house took on an unearthly quiet. Kathleen walked over to Claire and started to put her arms around her. “Everyone had a good time and you did a sensational job.”
Claire stepped back out of Kathleen’s reach. “It’s better if you don’t touch me. I’m stinking mad.”
“What’s wrong, did something happen?”
“Did something happen? I hope you’re kidding. Did you see other couples? They were, well, shit, like couples—sometimes touching, sometimes holding hands, kissing, for Chrissake. You couldn’t even hold my hand all the way down the stairs.”
Claire felt her face flush. She was Mount Vesuvius, ready to erupt. “When I came over to you and Bill, you turned your back on me. You rejected me in front of Bill. Do you have any idea of how that felt? Why didn’t you include me in your conversation? We might as well have been strangers. No, let me rephrase that: You wouldn’t treat a stranger the way you treated me.
“Do you want to know what Theo and I were talking about? He asked me out on a date. He thinks I’m available. Am I? Because I might take him up on the offer.”
Claire saw an incredulous look on Kathleen’s face and said sharply, “Oh my God, you really don’t get it, do you? You don’t know how to be with another person! What the fuck happened to you? It wasn’t only the war, was it?”
“No, it’s more than the war. I’m sorry, Claire. I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior tonight. I just didn’t want the guests to guess our secret. And you’re right. I don’t know how to be with another person.”
Claire was still fuming. She knew she was crossing the line of sanity and moving into a full-blown tantrum. “Now it’s our secret? It’s always been your secret, not mine. Everything is in the dark. Everything is a goddamn secret. Well, I got news for you. This is a small town. The rumor mill’s probably been working overtime. I’d be surprised if every man, woman, and child here didn’t at least suspect that we’re shacking up.”
Kathleen stood feebly by, unable to get a word in edgewise.
“And by the way, is your loving me a secret, too? Do you know you’ve never told me that you love me? Do you love me? How can I know, when you’ve never said the words and you treat me as if I’m nothing to you? I’m not going to be someone hidden away in a fucking closet.”
Claire could feel her heartbeat starting to slow and the volcano cooling. “I’m sorry, I lost it. Shit, I hate when I do this. You didn’t deserve the things I said.” Claire shook her head and looked at Kathleen. “Jesus, I’ve hurt you. I never meant for that to happen. Don’t you see? I want to be proud of who I am, who we are. I want it all, and I want it with you. I love you, Kathleen, but to me, that means the whole package. I want to be surrounded by family, friends, and someday, children.”
Claire took Kathleen’s hand and led her over to the couch. “There’s something I have to tell you. Remember the museum in LA I was supposed to go to work at? Well, I got a call from them. They’re preparing an exhibit on the History of Storytelling and they’ve asked me to work with the designers in New York. It’s a year-long contract, and I’ll need to be based in Los Angeles for the first four months.
“Once the design phase is finished they want me to write and illustrate a companion book. It’s a real opportunity, something that doesn’t come along every day. They’ll rent an apartment for me near the museum, and I’ll fly to New York for design meetings.
“I didn’t know how to tell you, but I need to take this offer, now more than ever. I have to see if I have what it takes to succeed on my own and, for once, finish something.
Kathleen felt her heart drop and her hands tremble. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I wanted to speak to you right away, but the party was coming up and I didn’t want to ruin it. I’m sorry, I know this is really bad timing.” Claire spoke slowly. “I’m no better at doing a relationship than you.
Claire looked soulfully at Kathleen. “This crap between us isn’t going to change unless we both do something about it. Maybe it’s just where we are: You can’t step out, and I can’t step in and lock the door… It’s not who I am, I’ll suffocate.”
Kathleen’s eyes glazed over; she was beginning to disappear. Claire’s words were a boomerang, vanishing into space only to return with a vengeance. “When will you leave?”
“They want me in New York in a week. I’ll spend a few days with Bubba, and then fly directly to Los Angeles.”
Kathleen shook her head. She felt every part of her shaking. She wanted to curl up in bed and wake to find this was all a bad dream. “What about the holidays? This Christmas will be our first.”
Claire covered Kathleen’s hand with hers and spoke hesitantly. “I don’t know about the holidays. We’ll have to see where we are. Kathleen, I don’t want to lose us, and I don’t want this to be a breakup. This may buy us time so that we don’t end up saying and doing things we regret. I’m afraid I may have already said too much. There’s no way to take back something that hurts the person you love. I know you’ve begun to withdraw from me. I can see it in your eyes. I want you to look at me even if it hurts. I want to see your eyes alive, even if it’s with anger.”
Claire looked down. “I’m not happy about my tantrums, and I know I can be a brat. It’s time for me to grow up. Maybe it’s time for each of us to face our demons.”
Flowers from Iraq (The Storyteller and the Healer Book 1) Page 23