Fortune and Pride

by Stephen John

  “Oh, my word,” Ida Belle said when she entered.

  The room was spacious and magnificent. It had a large window with a balcony overlooking the water and streets of Seattle. The first thing that came to my mind was, how could Carter afford an extended stay in one of these rooms, and even if he could, why would he? It wasn’t as if he planned to be in his room much longer than he needed to shower, change, and sleep. I bookmarked that thought for later.

  “Look at this furniture?” I said. “It’s amazing.”

  “Wait until you see the bathroom,” Ida Belle said. “I want to live in it—forever. Gertie, come look at it.”

  Gertie begrudgingly walked into the bathroom as Ida Belle marveled over the whirlpool bath, marble floors, granite countertops, and brushed nickel fixtures.

  “What do you think?” Ida Belle asked.

  Gertie shrugged, “It’s just what every woman traveling on a budget can use, a bathroom that doubles as a helicopter pad.”

  “Oh, shush, Gertie,” Ida Belle said. “Let’s enjoy the moment while we can.”

  She looked at her watch, “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be enjoying every moment until check out time tomorrow.”

  “Okay, it’s time to put on our big-girl panties and solve this riddle,” I said. “We need to get the master key from a housekeeper without her knowing it and without her missing it for at least an hour.”

  “Why an hour?” Gertie asked.

  “Because, we need to use it to open each room on the floor until we find Carter’s room,” I said. “When I get in the room, I’ll need time to hack into his computer, find and read the emails.”

  “Gotcha,” Gertie replied. “Yes, you will probably need at least an hour. But how do we get the key?”

  “I’m working on that,” Ida Belle said. “Fortune, maybe you can check the hall and see if the housekeeper’s cart is outside any of the rooms. That will let us know if they’ve begun service yet.”

  “Okay,” I said. “While I’m gone, you two come up with a plan that will separate her from the master key without her knowing.”

  “We’re on it,” Gertie said.

  I walked out of the room, looking to my left and right. I saw no cart. I turned right only because it led to another hallway. I saw who I was looking for right away. A pretty, strongly built fortyish-year-old Hispanic woman stood by her housekeeping cart in front of an open door leading to a room. It looked as if she was just finishing. She looked up and made eye contact with me. She smiled. I smiled, too.

  “Excuse me,” I asked. “Do you happen to know where the elevator is?”

  She twisted her face in a confused look, “Ascensor?” she asked, in Spanish.

  “Yes, the elevator,” I repeated.

  She looked at me, puzzled and then nodded, drawing my attention to the double elevator doors that were less than ten feet away, right in front of me.

  I don’t know why it is—I’ve remained calm and collected during so many stressful and dangerous moments, you’d think facing a housekeeper would not cause me to miss a beat. All I was thinking about was Carter, and what he was going through. It was throwing me off my game.

  “Yes, yes,” I said, nodding, noting that there was a large framed poster of the hotel restaurant, The Olympic Room, secured to the wall just to the right of the elevator.

  “What I meant was, which floor is the restaurant on?”

  She shifted her eyes twice, no doubt wondering if I had just arrived from a parallel dimension. “Uh, first floor?” she finally replied as though she were answering another trick question.

  I clapped my hands together, unable to hide my embarrassment, “First floor. Thank you so much.”

  This was not going as I intended. I needed a new plan. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and looked at the display and pretended a call was coming in. I looked at the housekeeper again and said, “I need to take this. Thank you for your help.”

  There were two seats divided by a small table just opposite the elevator doors. I pretended to answer the phone and carry on a conversation, all the while hoping I could sit there long enough to see where she pulled her master key from.

  I could see the maid turn her attention back to her work. She closed the door of the room she had just cleaned and went to the next room, knocked on the door, and yelled out, “Housekeeping.”

  When there was no answer, I saw what I came to see. She reached into her right front apron pocket and pulled out a card key, swiped the electronic lock and entered the room.

  I went back to our room, where Gertie and Ida Belle were waiting for me... smiling.

  “The housekeeper carries her card key in her front right apron pocket,” I said. “Do you have a plan?”

  “We do,” Ida Belle replied.

  “Well, let’s hear it.”

  “Okay, so we know that these days, all the master keys are digitally programmed card keys,” Ida Belle began. “The keys all look the same, right Fortune?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Her card looks just like our room card. But it isn’t.”

  Ida Belle smiled, “They can program Each key for any room. They grab a spare card key and program in the new number for every new guest.”

  “Okay, I’m with you so far,” I said.

  “It’s the same for the master key,” Ida Belle said. “The key that our Housekeeping friend has looks just like our key, so all we have to do is switch keys.”

  I nodded, it was a start, but a problematic one, “Okay, but even if we switched keys with her, the ruse would only last until she went to the next room. When she tries to use one of our keys to open another door, it won’t work. When it doesn’t work, she will think back and realize that someone switched the cards. She’ll call security and the two of you will be busted.”

  Gertie shook her head, “Nope, we thought of that. Ida Belle and I will strike up a conversation with her, and at a certain point, I will pretend to get dizzy and faint. As I pretend to go down, I’m going to grab her and take her down with me. I’ll pretend to be delirious and roll on top of her. While she and I are rolling around on the floor, Ida Belle will come over and make believe to be helping, but what she will really do is slip the master key out of the housekeeper’s pocket. Ida Belle will put the housekeeper’s master key in her own pocket and will then toss this key onto the floor beside her.”

  She handed me her room key. It puzzled me.

  “Look at the back?” Gertie said.

  I turned the key to the back and saw she someone had made a large scratch across the magnetic strip.

  “Hmmm,” was all I said. They had lost me.

  Ida Belle pointed at the deep scratch, “A scratch like that will cause any key to not work on any door. It’s kind of like scratching the magnetic strip on your credit card. It won’t work afterward. When the housekeeper sits up, I will point out that her key must have fallen out of her pocket. I’ll also point out the scratch and warn her it will probably no longer work.”

  I pursed my lips and nodded.

  “So, you think the housekeeper will believe her card key fell out of her pocket and got a deep scratch during the melee caused by Gertie’s delirium?” I asked.

  “Yes, that’s the plan,” Gertie said. “You’ll get into Carter’s room. The housekeeper will go downstairs, turn in her old key and get a new master key. She’ll never know we took the original master.”

  “How does any of that help us with finding out which room Carter is in?” I asked.

  “Easy,” Ida Belle said. “We know that his room is close to ours. The guests are gone from their rooms at this time of day. We’ll check all the rooms until we find the one with Carter’s things in it. His computer and green duffle bag will be easy to spot.”

  “You’re a scary little old lady,” I said.

  “What about my plan?” Gertie asked.

  I shook my head, “Gertie, don’t you think you’re a little too old to grab a woman, intentionally fall, and wrestle around on the floor? I don
’t want you hurt.”

  “Fortune, you forget my military background,” she said. “I am trained for such matters. I can handle this. Plus, look at this plush carpeting. I won’t get hurt. Trust me.”

  “Well, what do you think?” Ida Belle said.

  I said nothing—just nodded politely.

  “You look deep in thought, dear,” Gertie said.

  “I’m just wondering what you two will look like in orange jump-suits after they arrest you and throw you both in jail,” I replied.

  “You don’t like the plan?” Ida Belle asked.

  “No, I don’t, but unfortunately, I don’t have a better one, and I think this may be our only chance to find the information we need on Carter’s computer,” I said. “And our window of opportunity closes by the minute as our housekeeping friend goes about her duties.”

  “So, we’re a go?” Gertie asks.

  “We’re a go.”

  Chapter 5

  I followed Gertie and Ida Belle down the hall, remaining a safe distance back, given I had already met this housekeeper in a verbal exchange I can only describe as not-my-finest-moment. Also, in the all-too-likely event something went sideways, someone had to be available to post bail.

  I stopped before the hallway formed a “T” and whispered to Ida Belle and Gertie, “Take a left at this hallway. She should still be in the room now. It’s three doors down to the right.”

  Ida Belle and Gertie walked around the corner. I walked to the corner and peeked. I saw the cart and saw Ida Belle and Gertie walking into the room.

  “Excuse me, dear,” I heard Ida Belle begin. “I see from your name badge your name is Consuelo. That’s such a lovely name.”

  I tiptoed down the hall and stopped just before reaching the open door. I could hear them speaking.

  “Thank you,” I heard Consuelo say, “but you can’t be inside the room. It’s against the rules.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “Can I ask one question?”

  “You must go outside first,” Consuelo insisted.

  A rule-follower—not good. This was not going well. I took a chance and peeked inside the room. No one noticed my presence.

  “I am so sorry,” Ida Belle responded. “We’ll only stay for a minute. My friend Gertie and I were wondering if you knew whether they wash the towels in this hotel with hypoallergenic detergent?”

  “What?” Consuelo asked.

  “My friend Gertie has not been feeling well, and she has sensitive skin,” Ida Belle continued, scratching her own arm to offer a visual display regarding the effects of sensitive skin.

  “I don’t know what soap they use, ma’am,” Consuelo replied, “but I need to ask both of you to step out of the room. It’s against the rules.”

  This was getting worse, I could tell. I peeked inside the room and saw Gertie trying to position herself near Consuelo.

  “Yes, you said that, yes. Okay, we’ll leave,” Gertie said, “but if I get a rash on my butt from your towels, I’m coming to look for you.”

  “I can check on the towels for you ma’am,” Consuelo said. “What room are you in?”

  “We are in room 11247,” she said. Gertie stopped and put the back of her right hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes. “You know, I think I’m feeling faint.”

  “You want me to call a doctor?” Consuelo asked.

  “No, that’s all right. I’ll be... I’ll be...”

  I saw Gertie pretending to stumble and then fall, lunging toward Consuelo and trying to grab her. Consuelo, younger, stronger and more agile, stepped aside and Gertie fell straight to the floor, landing with a thud. She at least rolled onto her back to minimize the impact, but in the process her legs splayed into the air, revealing the same camo underwear she wore the day they arrested her in Sinful, an experience I had only heard about—until now.

  My eyes may never be the same.

  Ida Belle was frozen in position. Gertie, undaunted by the setback, called to Consuelo, “Can you please help me up?”

  Consuelo offered her hand. Gertie took her hand, but instead of allowing Consuelo to pull her to her feet she tried to pull the housekeeper to the floor. The younger, stronger Hispanic woman didn’t budge, just glared at Gertie.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Consuelo asked. “Do you want up or not?”

  Realizing her plan had flopped, Gertie relented and allowed the housekeeper to pull her to her feet. She straightened her dress and used her fingers to brush back her hair over her ears.

  “I’m calling the hotel manager,” Consuelo said.

  Gertie eyeballed Consuelo and a glint formed in her eye. I knew the look. She was on to Plan B. She was prepared to tackle Consuelo and force her to the ground and take the key. A cooler head prevailed.

  “Okay, Gertie, stop—stop!” Ida Belle said, waving both arms in the air. “Stop before you hurt yourself. Consuelo, please don’t call your manager. I’ll explain everything.”

  Consuelo paused.

  “Fortune!” Ida Belle called out. “Are you out there? Can you come in, please?”

  I walked into the room. Consuelo recognized me and twisted her face into a confused expression, “What is going on here?” she asked. “Are you women loco?”

  “People have accused us of that in the past, but no, we are not loco.” Ida Belle said. “I’m sorry we resorted to such a silly stunt to get your attention, but we are in a real pinch. Consuelo, we have a friend whose life may be in jeopardy and you may be the only person in the world who can help us right now.”

  “Me?” she said.

  “Yes, you.”

  Consuelo looked at Gertie, perhaps unconvinced she would not attempt another takedown, but Gertie had found a chair in the corner and sat.

  “Nice underwear,” she said to Gertie, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “You should see my orange ones,” Gertie replied. She winked at Consuelo.

  “I think I’ll take a pass,” the housekeeper responded.

  She glanced at Gertie as though she were looking at a feral cat. She looked back at Ida Belle, “How is it you think I can help you?”

  “Okay, here’s the story. Please try to keep an open mind,” Ida Belle began, sitting on the opposite edge of the bed. “There is a man named Carter Le Blanc staying in a room on this floor. We don’t know which. He is a special friend to all of us, and he needs our help. He is here to help a military buddy, who is in very serious trouble. Fortune here...”

  I waved and smiled.

  “... came to help, but Carter is in love with her and doesn’t want to involve her because he worries about her safety. We know he can’t do it alone even though he thinks he can. You know how men are?”

  She nodded, “Yes, I do. What kind of trouble is this friend in?”

  Ida Belle blinked, “Well, that’s the thing. We aren’t entire sure. Even that’s not. We don’t know at all. We are hoping to get into Carter’s room to find out.”

  Consuelo’s mouth was open and her eyes a little glazed, but she nodded. Her expression was a little... trance-like. Ida Belle continued, “We all came down here to break into his room and hack his computer so we can find out what’s going on and to help him out without him knowing we are helping. We planned to take your master key so we can get into his room.”

  She leaned forward as if waiting for more information.

  Ida Belle remained silent. After several seconds of silence, Ida Belle nodded to punctuate her conclusion.

  “That’s it?” Consuelo said. “That’s your story?”

  Gertie, Ida Belle, and I all nodded. I was wondering if they had an orange jumpsuit in my size. The loose ones all made the women look fat.

  Consuelo looked away, reflecting for a moment, nodding her head as she did so. After a moment, she spoke.

  “You say his last name is Le Blanc?”

  “Yes.”

  “He is fantastic looking, no?” she asked.

  “Very,” Ida Belle said.

 
; “So, you’ve seen him?” I asked.

  “Yes, and spoken to him,” she said. “He is one of the few guests who says good morning to the housekeeping staff when he walks by. This morning he stopped me in the hall to ask me for more towels. He smiled at me. He is a sweet man. Most of our guests are not that nice.”

  I smiled at her, “He is a southern boy, you know—polite.”

  “I think you are a very lucky woman,” she said.

  “Don’t get me started,” I replied.

  Consuelo pulled a folded piece of paper from her left apron pocket and looked at it, “If he is in trouble, I will help you. His room number is 11-275. He left early this morning, asking for extra towels and said he would be back late. It’s right around the corner. Come, I will let you in.”

  “Just like that?” Ida Belle said.

  “Yes,” she said. “That is the most ridiculous story I’ve ever heard. No one would make that up, so I believe you. He has a southern accent like you two ladies. This man is very lucky to have you all as his friends. If he is in trouble, I would like to see him helped. I will let you in his room. Stay as long as you like. Just don’t get caught.”

  “Aren’t you worried about your job?” Gertie asked.

  “Ma’am, I make minimum wage,” she said. “There are thirty hotels looking for housekeeping help. They all pay minimum wage. If I can do something nice for someone, I do not mind the risk. And besides...”

  She paused for effect.

  “... my manager is gilipollas.”

  “He’s what?” Gertie asked.

  “An asshole,” I replied.

  “Your manager—is that guy behind the counter, Kent?” Gertie asked. “It is, isn’t it? You’re right about him.”

  “Which one is Kent?” Consuelo asked. “I don’t know all the employees. There are too many.”

  “He looks like Superman, only uglier and scrawnier,” Gertie said.

  “Oh, yes, I remember him. No,” Consuelo said. “Kent is not the manager. He’s just an idiot.”

  “Tell me one other thing,” Gertie asked.

  “What is it?” Consuelo replied.

  “This room we are in here, it’s way smaller and plainer than the one we are staying in,” Gertie replied.