Forever Instinct, The

by Delinsky, Barbara

  Time and again she tried to imagine the future, but couldn’t. Naive as she’d been, she’d never entertained thoughts of any kind of a takeover, let alone a hostile one. Despite what Patrick had said, she couldn’t get past stage one; she simply couldn’t seem to accept the fact that Willow Enterprises, against its will, was being forced to change its status. It was unfair and infuriating and not at all conducive to peace of mind.

  Snuggling closer to Patrick’s warmth, she closed her eyes and concentrated on how wonderful it was to be with him. But sleep was a long time in coming, and she was up again at first light, unable to sleep a minute longer.

  Stealing softly from the bed, she pulled on her running gear, left a note for Patrick and headed for the street. In her upset the morning before and her desire to get into the office as early as possible, she hadn’t run and she’d felt it. Not that the exercise she’d gotten in Patrick’s arms hadn’t compensated to some extent. But today, given her wakefulness and the fact that she wanted her mind to be clear and alert for the meeting that morning, she set a rapid pace in the cold dawn air of Central Park.

  Nearly forty-five minutes and five miles later, she returned to the brownstone half expecting to find Patrick still asleep. It was barely seven. She knew that he’d have to return to his own place before going into the office. What she didn’t know was that he’d been awake for half an hour, sitting in the living room, staring at the floor.

  Closing the front door very quietly, she turned, then jumped. “Pat! You’re up!”

  “Mmm.” He raised a mug. “Made a pot of coffee. Hoped you wouldn’t mind.”

  He sounded distracted. She assumed he was still half asleep. “Of course not.” Crossing the carpet, she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Her hand slid inside his robe to cover his heart. “You got my note, didn’t you?”

  “Mmm.”

  He sounded strange. She couldn’t put her finger on it. “Everything okay?”

  “Fine.”

  When she would have questioned him, something held her back. It was bound to be a tense day, what with the board meeting and her continuing campaign against the Widener Corporation. With a frown, she headed for the stairs. “I’ll take a quick shower. Be right back.”

  He was in the same spot when she returned wearing the white robe he’d brought. Her hair was damp, her face still bare of makeup. She stopped before his chair.

  “Pat?”

  He looked up, jarred from deep thought. “Hmm?”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Wrong? Uh, no.” But his brow was creased even as he pushed himself from the chair. “I’ll give you a hand with breakfast.”

  She stared after him for a minute before following him into the kitchen. In silence they made a breakfast of French toast. In silence they ate it. As the clock ticked on, Jordanna knew she should be rushing to get dressed and to the office, but somehow something was happening – or not happening – here that was more important. It was only when it occurred to her that Patrick might be having second thoughts about their relationship that she crushed her napkin and looked up.

  “What’s wrong, Pat? You haven’t said two words to me since I got in. Something’s on your mind. If it’s about us–”

  Patrick’s rising gaze stopped the words at her lips. His intensity pushed them back into her throat and she swallowed hard.

  “It is about us. Very much so.” At her apprehensive look he raced on. “I want you to marry me.”

  For more than a minute Jordanna was speechless. Of the things she’d feared he might say, this hadn’t been one. “Marry you?” she murmured at last.

  His smile had a haunted cast to it. “Is that so hard to believe?”

  “Yes. Uh, no. It’s… it’s just so sudden.”

  “I know.” The urgency was back in his expression. “I hadn’t planned it either. I mean, I’ve known that I loved you for weeks now, but it wasn’t until a little while ago that I realized how badly I want to marry you.”

  “A little while ago?”

  “When I woke up it was barely light. It took me a minute to realize where I was. Then I reached for you and you were gone.” He took her hand and held it tightly, as though the reminder of that other moment created a new need. “Sheer panic. That was what I felt. Sheer panic. Even after I saw your note, I couldn’t stop shaking. I realized then that I have no ties with you. You could very easily get up and walk out of my life.”

  “But there are ties. I love you!”

  “Then marry me! I want to know that you’ll always be here, that you’ll always be waiting for me.”

  “Pat,” she whispered, slowly shaking her head, “that was what I escaped when I divorced Peter. I won’t be the one to sit around and wait–”

  His own headshake was vigorous. “Wrong words. Or rather, figuratively offered. It doesn’t matter where you are, angel. You can be at the office working your tail off or out at the plant in Tucson. You can be doing whatever you want for as long as is necessary. I wouldn’t dream of holding you here. All I need to know is that you’ll be thinking of me, that you’ll come back to me. I guess after all these years I’m still insecure. I need to know that of all the people you’ll run into in a day or a week or a month, I’ll come first.” He lowered his voice. “Is that selfish?”

  “No. Oh, no. It’s not selfish. I want it too!”

  “Then marry me.”

  Tears formed in her eyes. Looking down, she clung to his fingers. “It’s not selfish to want what you want, to want what we want.” She raised her eyes. “But it’s unfair to ask that of me now. In the past two days, my life has turned upside down. Ten years, Pat. Ten years. That’s how long I’ve been living and breathing Willow Enterprises. Suddenly I’m gasping for breath, struggling for survival. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come to me yesterday. Even if you hadn’t been able to do a thing to help the company, you would have been the comfort I needed. I get strength from you. I never thought I’d say that to a man, never thought I’d allow myself to say it. But it’s true. Still, I can’t rush into something. We met under unique circumstances at Wild River. You said it yourself. And now, here, the circumstances aren’t much less bizarre. I can’t think about the future yet. Don’t you see? I just can’t think straight!”

  Wearing a look of defeat, Patrick launched his final plea. “If you love me enough–”

  “I do love you! But I’ve been through one marriage and was badly hurt. I want it to be right this time. For both our sakes.”

  Inhaling deeply, he eyed the ceiling, then let out his breath and dropped her hand. “Well, I guess my timing’s off.” With a look of disgust he stood. “They’d have put me on waivers for this one.” Then he started for the stairs.

  “Pat?” Jordanna stood.

  He didn’t turn. “I’d better get dressed. It’s late.”

  She knew how late it was, knew she should be getting dressed as well. Important business faced her at the office. Yet she couldn’t follow him upstairs. Instead, she busied herself with cleaning the kitchen. She was standing quietly at the sink, head bowed, when he returned.

  “I’m sorry, angel. I shouldn’t have upset you. Not today. I know how important this meeting is for you.”

  He was leaning against the doorjamb. His shirt collar was undone. His tie hung limply in his hand. Looking at him, Jordanna felt her insides melt. Going to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face to his chest.

  “Will I… will I see you later?”

  “If you want.”

  She raised her eyes. “Yes. I want.”

  “Shall I pick you up at the office? Around seven? We could go out for something to eat.”

  “Seven is fine.” She hesitated for just a minute. “Can I call you after the meeting?”

  The tense set of his shoulders seemed to relax. “I’d like that. I want to hear how everything went.”

  She nodded. “Of course. You have an investment–”

  “
Damn right I do,” he cut in, eyes flashing in denial of her preliminary assumption. “I want to make sure you’re okay. You, Jordanna, first.”

  Before she could properly comprehend, he kissed her once, briefly but firmly on the mouth, then strode toward the door, scooping up his topcoat in passing, and left.

  THE MEETING that morning went well. Despite Jordanna’s inner turmoil, she looked and acted every bit the self-confident chairman of the board, presenting her case clearly and with conviction. By a unanimous vote, the directors rejected the Widener Corporation’s offer, a decision that was promptly put into a letter to be mailed to each of Willow Enterprises’ stockholders. Possible defenses against the hostile takeover were discussed, including the search for a friendly buyer. Feeling vaguely uncomfortable, Jordanna related Patrick’s offer. The board members were more than open to consider any formal proposal he might submit and agreed to make themselves available for another meeting at short notice.

  It was only after the meeting had adjourned, when Jordanna sat back in her office catching her breath, that she pondered her discomfort. Somehow, she felt duplicitous. She felt she hadn’t told the board everything. But what should she have said? The man I love is willing to bail us out? My lover wants to buy in? He’s asked me to marry him; wouldn’t that be nice – a double merger?

  Life was so complicated. With a touch of self-pity, she wondered why it had to be so.

  But there were no answers, not at the moment. There were too many ifs – if Patrick could come through with his group, if the Widener Corporation gave up the fight, if she decided that marriage to Pat was what she truly wanted. She supposed it wouldn’t be so bad, when a sufficient amount of time had elapsed, to announce to the board that she and Pat were getting married. Would they wonder, though, if she’d known all along, if she’d set the whole thing up with precisely this in mind? Was there a conflict of interest in her dealing with the Houghton Group?

  She needed advice, and Tom Cherwin was the one to call. But such a call was still premature. She needed time. What she’d told Patrick that morning had been the truth. She’d been married once. If she was to marry again, she wanted to know beyond all doubt in the world that it was right and forever.

  JORDANNA AND PATRICK had dinner at a quiet French restaurant on the Lower East side, then returned to her place for the night. He didn’t mention marriage again, and for that she was grateful. They talked business some; he brought her abreast of his progress on putting together the investors’ group and was as optimistic as ever that within several days he’d have a formal proposal to give her board of directors.

  Sure enough, after a weekend of quiet intimacy at his townhouse overlooking the East River, Patrick called her on Monday afternoon to present a concrete offer. On one level, Jordanna was ecstatic; his offer was for five dollars a share above what Widener had bid, and the contract provisions were every bit as fair as he’d promised. On another level, though, she knew she had to move.

  At her urgent summons, Tom Cherwin arrived in her office within an hour of Patrick’s call.

  “It sounds good, Jordanna,” he admitted after she’d outlined Patrick’s proposal. “If we have to merge with someone, we could have done a hell of a lot worse. According to what Clayes has suggested, the Houghton Group will guarantee us nearly complete autonomy.” He paused to watch her rise from her desk and approach the window. “Is there a catch?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t look as pleased as by rights you should be.”

  She turned quickly. “Oh, I am pleased. It’s just… well… there’s something more.” She looked at the floor and frowned, searching for the right words, then realized that there weren’t any right or wrong words, simply the truth. “Tom, I haven’t been as forthright with you as I should have been. I met Patrick Clayes when I was away in New Hampshire last month. We, uh, we’ve been involved with each other since before this all came up.”

  “Involved?” Tom echoed, blankly at first. But if the sudden flush on her cheeks hadn’t given her away, her evasive gaze would have. “Ahh. Involved.” He smiled broadly. “That’s wonderful, Jordanna. Is it serious?”

  “Very.” Bearing infinite worry, her eyes finally met his.

  And he understood. “You’re concerned about a conflict of interest.”

  “Yes. He wants me to marry him.”

  “That’s wonderful! Congratulations–”

  She held up a hand. “Oh, nothing’s happening yet. I haven’t said yes. There’s too much going on in my life right now to make a decision like that. But it may happen. Someday. And, even if it doesn’t, the fact remains that I’m deeply involved with him. At some point, whether Patrick and I ever do marry, the board, the rest of the business world, is apt to find out about us. In the case of the board, they might suspect that I had personal motives for this merger. As far as the business world goes, can you imagine the hay they’d make of it?”

  “I think you’re worrying too much about what others will think.”

  “But that’s only part of it. I’m worried about whether I can make an objective judgment where the Houghton Group is concerned.”

  “It wouldn’t be your decision alone. Anything we decide to do will have to be by majority rule.”

  “I know. But still… . Tom, I think you should be the one to put the proposal before the board. I think you should handle this thing from here on.”

  “You want me to work with the Houghton Group.”

  “Yes.”

  “And we tell the board of directors why?”

  “It seems the only honest thing to do. And it’s an awful lot better than risking their finding out at some later point that Patrick and I are personally involved.”

  “You know, Jordanna,” Tom said, eyeing her over the top of his glasses, “there’s nothing wrong with your being personally involved with him. Do you have any idea how many mergers involve family members or friends?”

  “I’m sure there are plenty. But at least in those cases the relationship is a known fact.”

  But Tom was shaking his head. “The only facts that really count in this kind of wheeling and dealing are those written in the contract. Those facts will have to stand by themselves, regardless of your relationship with Clayes.”

  “That’s what I want you to make sure of, Tom. What I’m saying, among other things, is that I’m not sure I wholly trust myself when it comes to Patrick. I may be looking at this deal through rose-colored glasses. What I want is for you to be aware of the situation and to double-check everything. I mean, the Houghton proposal sounds wonderful. It could be precisely what we need. I just want to be sure that’s the case.” It was like marriage. She wanted it to work.

  Tom was nodding. “Of course. I understand.”

  “I’ll explain to the board simply that I’m a close friend of Patrick’s and that, for the sake of impartiality, I’ll defer to you.”

  “You’re still the president and chairman of the board. They’ll want your opinion, Jordanna.”

  “Oh, they’ll have it,” she replied with a half smile. “It may be slightly biased–”

  “I doubt that,” Tom replied, standing to take his leave. “Willow Enterprises means far too much to you to allow for any merger agreement but the best. No, you’d never compromise on the future of the business. I’ll get our team to work with Houghton’s. We’ll have everything in writing before the board meeting.”

  “I’d like to call it for tomorrow afternoon. Think you can be ready by then?” When Tom raised his brows, she raced on. “With every day that passes Widener is buying more of our stock. According to the reports I’m getting, our major shareholders are standing firm. But there are those minor ones, and they can add up. The sooner we make a counteroffer, the better.” She gave a begrudging, “Hmmph. Widener’s in luck. If Patrick’s offer of fifty-three stands and Shane decides to sell back his shares, Widener will make a bundle. It doesn’t seem fair somehow.”

  “It’s the way
of Wall Street. We have to accept it.”

  Watching him leave, Jordanna felt somewhat better. She’d told him about her relationship with Patrick, and he hadn’t been shocked or dismayed or incensed. Perhaps she was worrying too much.

  Patrick said as much that night during dinner. “You didn’t have to turn things over to Cherwin. You could’ve handled it.”

  “But I feel better this way. At least I’ll have ensured myself against any possible future criticism by the board. Don’t you see? If I’d said nothing at this stage, I’d be in worse trouble when they found out.”

  “Are you nervous… about telling them?”

  She heard the mild apprehension in Patrick’s voice and shared it. “A little. I, uh, I wonder if any of them will comment.”

  “My guys did.”

  “They did? You told them about us?”

  “My partners. I felt they had a right to know.”

  “Like my board?”

  He nodded. “They thought it was pretty funny that you’d been married to my rival and all.”

  Jordanna took in his sober expression. “Did it bother you?”

  He frowned and took her hand. “A little.” He couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t felt a twinge of anger. “But I got over it. And they had to agree that the deal was sound regardless.”

  She was silent for a while, studying her hand in his. His fingers were strong, long and firm. No wonder he’d had such control of the football. “I suppose it’s something we’ll have to learn to live with,” she said simply, but she had to wonder if what Patrick had come up against wasn’t just the beginning.

  ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, the board of directors of Willow Enterprises was remarkably indulgent. At its meeting Tuesday afternoon, Jordanna briefly explained her dilemma before turning the gavel over to Tom. If there were smug remarks to be made, they were kept from her ears. The board voted in overwhelming support of the Houghton proposal, and a messenger was immediately sent to convey the news to the group.