Essence of Desire

by Brenda Jackson

  With love and joy shining in her eyes, Felicia smiled up at him. “Yes.”

  Eleven

  Felicia scowled furiously at the document she had just received. More than anything she wanted to crush the petition of custody in her hand and destroy it, but she knew what her next step had to be. Picking up the phone she dialed Syneda’s number. She forced herself to remain calm. No matter what, there was no way the Gardners would get their hands on Austin.

  She pressed her lips together in frustration as she waited for Syneda to answer the phone. It was two days after Christmas and most businesses had reopened. However, Clayton and Syneda had decided to keep their law office closed until after New Year’s.

  “Hello.”

  The breathless sound of Syneda’s voice made Felicia wonder if she had interrupted something.

  “Syneda, did I catch you at a bad time?”

  There was a pause, then another breathless response. “No, of course not, Felicia. You didn’t catch me at a bad time.”

  “Yes, you did!” Felicia could hear Clayton hollering out in the background, close to the phone.

  “I’m sorry,” Felicia said. “I shouldn’t have called. You two were--”

  “Not doing anything we can’t continue later,” Syneda cut in after hearing the shaky sound of Felicia’s voice. “Don’t mind Clayton. Is something wrong?”

  Felicia closed her eyes. Everything was wrong and Trask was in Miami to host one of the playoff games tonight. “Yes. I got the petition of custody from the Gardners’ attorney today and I--”

  “Hold everything. I’m coming right over. Are you at home or at the shop?”

  “The shop. It was delivered soon after I arrived.”

  “Have you called Trask?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’s in Miami and won’t be back until Wednesday. I can’t expect him to drop everything and rush home.”

  “But he told you to--”

  “I know what he told me, but I can’t do that. I have to try to take care of this myself.”

  Felicia began chewing at her bottom lip. Before Trask had left, he had made her promise that she would call him if anything came up while he was away. They had announced to her family yesterday, after church service, that they would getting married New Year’s Day. Her mother and her uncles were still in shock. And after they’d placed a long-distance call to Trask’s mother in Waco, she, too, had found their news hard to believe. The only person who had not been surprised by the news had been her grandmother. She claimed she had known all along that they were meant for each other and that it was about time they stopped acting foolish and figure it out before someone got hurt. Felicia and Trask had decided to keep the news from Austin to surprise him.

  “Look. I have an idea that I want to run by you,” Felicia said to Syneda. “How soon can you get here?”

  “I’m on my way.”

  ***

  Syneda frowned. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

  Felicia sighed miserably before answering, “I have to try to appeal to Mrs. Gardner’s decent side.”

  “Are you sure she has one? I doubt it. From everything you’ve told me about her, appealing to her decent side would be a waste of time.”

  In the space of a few torturing seconds, gripping fear raced through Felicia’s mind and made her think that going to California and talking to Elvia Gardner would be a waste of time, but she had to try.

  She looked at Syneda. The two of them sat opposite each other at a table by the window in Felicia’s office. “I’m willing to try anything at this point, even believe Elvia Gardner has a heart.”

  Syneda regarded her steadily. “As your attorney, I probably should advise you against it. I think we have a pretty strong case, especially since you and Trask are getting married. The petition was filed here in Texas and your marriage will help things a lot. And having it filed here may be another plus for us. Your uncle Jake Madaris’s name carries a lot of weight in this state, something the Gardners evidently don’t know.”

  Felicia stood and looked at Syneda. Her expression was as uncertain as her mind was determined. What Syneda had said about her uncle Jake was true. He was her father’s youngest brother and he was only nine years older than she. Jake Madaris was well known and well thought of in Texas. But still...

  “I have to do anything and everything to avoid a nasty court battle with them, for Austin’s sake,” she finally said to Syneda. “They are his grandparents.”

  “Yeah, right. They are grandparents who didn’t want him because his color wasn’t light enough. I have a big problem with that,” Syneda said rather sharply. “Any grandparents who can turn their back on their grandchild for any reason, especially because of race, creed, or color aren’t fit to be grandparents.”

  Felicia nodded as she suddenly realized just how close to home Austin’s situation was for Syneda. Her grandfather had turned his back on her and not accepted her either as a child. He had also kept her existence a secret from his son, who had been Syneda’s biological father.

  Felicia clasped her hands behind her back and took a long deep breath. “I agree but I want to do the right thing, even if they didn’t.”

  “And what if your little chat with Mrs. Gardner doesn’t work?”

  Felicia didn’t want to think of that possibility. She was hoping that things would work. “Then I’ll come back here and get prepared for the fight of my life.”

  ***

  “Hi, gorgeous. Where’s that husband of yours?”

  “Trask! What are you doing here? You weren’t expected back until late tomorrow.” Syneda nervously stepped aside to let him enter the house.

  Trask lifted a brow slightly when Syneda finished her sentence. If he didn’t know better he would think she wasn’t glad to see him for some reason. “I finished up early.”

  “Felicia wasn’t expecting you back.”

  Trask looked at Syneda curiously. “No, she wasn’t. I talked to her last night. I thought I’d surprise her today.”

  You’re definitely going to surprise her, all right, Syneda thought as she lifted a hand to her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. She had tried to convince Felicia to let Trask know what she was doing and where she was going, but she had refused. “Clayton’s out back. I’ll let him know that you’re--”

  “Syneda?”

  “What?”

  He came to stand in front of her. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”

  Syneda stared up at Trask. He was looking at her in the exact same way Clayton looked at her when he knew she was up to something. “Nothing is going on. You’re imagining things. It’s just that you weren’t due back until late tomorrow.”

  Trask heard the chagrin that lurked behind Syneda’s words. “We’ve already established that fact.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Was there anyone hoping that I wouldn’t come back early?”

  Too quickly Syneda said. “Of course not.”

  Trask stared at Syneda for a minute. She was definitely nervous about something. He decided to play a hunch. “May I use your phone? I want to call Felicia’s shop to let her know I’m back. Maybe the two of us can do lunch.”

  “She’s not at the shop,” Syneda blurted out unintentionally. Her palm immediately flew to her mouth.

  Trask looked thoughtful as he pulled her hand back down. “Oh. Then I’ll try calling her at home.”

  Syneda sighed deeply before saying. “She’s not at home either.”

  He frowned. “Where exactly is she?”

  Syneda hesitated for a few moments before answering, “She left for California this morning.”

  Trask’s frown deepened. “California? There had better be a good reason why Felicia went to California without telling me about it.”

  Syneda shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I can give you her reason. It’s up to you to decide if it’s a good one.”

  ***

  Felicia stood in the entr
y hall and waited for the maid to announce her. When she thought she had been forgotten, she heard the footsteps of the older woman returning.

  “Mrs. Gardner will see you now.”

  Felicia followed the older woman into a large living room. As she looked around the expensively decorated room, she couldn’t help but remember the first time Steven had brought her here, nearly five years ago. She thought the same thing now as she had thought then. This was a house, not a home. There was no love flowing through these walls, only greed. Felicia shook her head. How could she have ever thought that wealth was more important than love?

  “Mrs. Gardner will be down in a minute.”

  When the woman left her alone, Felicia crossed the room, to study a number of paintings on the wall. Originals, all of them.

  “Felicia? What are you doing here?”

  Felicia turned. Elvia Gardner stood in the doorway between the living room and dining room. Nothing about her had changed. Although she was a beautiful, older woman, the expression she wore was just as hard as the diamonds around her neck.

  “Felicia, I asked what you’re doing here? If you’ve come to see Andrew, he’s--”

  “No, I didn’t come to see Mr. Gardner. I came to see you.”

  Elvia Gardner paused a moment before saying, “If you’re here about the custody suit, then you shouldn’t be talking to me, but with my attorney.”

  “I’m hoping the two of us can settle this out of court.”

  “Are you willing to give me full custody of my grandson?”

  Felicia shook her head. “No.”

  “Then we have nothing to say. I’ll have Maria show you out.”

  Felicia took a deep breath to break the anger that had begun settling in her chest. “Why do you want, Austin? You’ve never cared for him one way or the other before. He’s your grandson and you’ve never been to see him, and now you want custody of him. That doesn’t make sense.”

  An amused grin tugged at Elvia Gardner’s lips. “It would make sense if you knew all the facts. It seems, my dear, that my grandson is now a very wealthy little boy. We recently found out that Andrew’s father had left Steven a hefty amount of shares of stock in a very productive diamond mine in South Africa. With Steven’s death, those shares passed to his son, the Gardner heir. Although Andrew and I still aren’t absolutely convinced your little boy is truly Steven’s son, the fact remains, Steven believed he was and claimed him as such. And in this case, that’s all that matters.”

  Felicia’s eyes widened in shock--not at the news that Austin had shares of stock in some diamond mine, but at the realization that wealth and power were the reasons the Gardners wanted to take Austin away from her.

  Anger suddenly replaced the shock in Felicia’s eyes. She placed her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe this. You’ll try to take my son away from me to gain more wealth?”

  “Humph,” Elvia Gardner snorted. “We’re doing more than try. Our attorney feels confident we’ll succeed. Now if you don’t mind, I’m on my way out. Next time, I’d prefer you not come here. If you have some sort of grievance, contact my attorney. Otherwise, I’ll see you in court.”

  Felicia started at the woman for a moment. She had come all this way to make peace for Austin’s sake. But Syneda had been right. Mrs. Gardner didn’t have a decent side. “No, I don’t think so.”

  The woman cocked her head and looked at her quizzically. “You don’t think so what?”

  Felicia pulled her composure together and met Mrs. Gardner’s cool gaze. “I don’t think you want to see me in court.”

  “And why wouldn’t I?”

  Felicia glanced down at the floor to control her anger, and then regained eye contact with the older woman. “Because if we go to court, I’m going to make sure Mr. Gardner knows the truth. Although Austin is Steven’s son he is not a Gardner heir.”

  She saw the look of unease in Mrs. Gardner’s eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Then by all means, let me spell it out to you. If you dare take me to court for my son, then I’m going to make sure Mr. Gardner knows that Steven was not his son. I’m sure you breathed a sigh of relief when he was born light enough to pass off as Mr. Gardner’s so he wouldn’t be suspicious of anything.”

  Mrs. Gardner nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Where on earth did you get something so ridiculous?”

  “From Steven. He found out the truth while we were married. He had the proof, and if I have to, I’ll prove it as well.”

  “You won’t and can’t do anything. Steven’s dead.” There was a sharp edge in Elvia Gardner’s voice. There was also a tinge of uncertainty and wariness there, too.

  “Yes, but I doubt his blood type matched your husband’s. Modern technology can prove or disprove anything. I’ll do just about anything to keep my son away from you. I’ll never let him live here and be raised in this type of environment where money is everything and integrity means nothing.”

  Felicia took a step closer to the older woman, who had suddenly gone speechless. “If I have to, I’ll expose information about your short but productive affair with one of Mr. Gardner’s business associates some years ago. How Steven got hold of the information or how he intended to use it one day is no concern of mine. All I know is I won’t hesitate to use it.”

  Felicia tightened her purse straps on her shoulder. “If you try to take my son away, I’ll make sure everyone knows that Austin is truly not a Gardner heir. If I were you, I’d think of some way to halt this custody suit. Think about it.”

  Without having anything else to say, Felicia walked past the woman and out of the door.

  ***

  Felicia’s plane arrived back in Houston close to nine o’clock that night. She had had every intention of returning before dark, but due to bad weather conditions in Los Angeles, her plane had been delayed. She had called her mother before leaving California and asked if Austin could spend the night since she would be arriving back in town after his bedtime.

  Felicia turned into her driveway and came to an abrupt halt. Trask’s Lexus was parked there, and the lights were on inside her house. Since she had never given him a key to her home, she could only assume he had gotten the spare one from her mother.

  Felicia hesitated a moment before opening the door. She was not sure exactly what she would say to Trask. She had not called him when she received the petition of custody as she had promised him she would. Taking in a deep breath, she closed the door behind her.

  “I was wondering when you’d be getting home.”

  The deep tone of Trask’s voice made Felicia jump. She glanced across the room and saw him leaning against the doorway that separated the living room from the foyer. Their gazes locked for a long moment before she answered, “Have you been waiting long?”

  “Long enough.”

  Anxiety jittered through Felicia’s stomach. She had argued with Trask countless times. Why did the thought of doing so again bother her so much? Her next question was tentative. It was meant to sound casual, but somehow it didn’t come out the way. “My mother gave you the key?”

  “Yes. I guess she trusts me.”

  A stab of guilt caught Felicia up short when she saw the look of something in his eyes. “I trust you, too, Trask. Going to California had nothing to do with me trusting you. It has everything to do with me standing up for myself.”

  A part of Trask understood where she was coming from. Syneda had made darn sure of that when she had explained things to him earlier that day. Felicia had been spoiled and pampered so much by the men in the Madaris family that now she needed to believe she could fight this one all by herself. He had wanted to do what her uncles had done for her over the years: protect her by fighting her battles for her.

  He straightened up and walked slowly over to her. When he stood before her, he reached out and ran his fingertips across her cheek and looked deep into the depths of her dark eyes. “And did you?”

  For a
moment, Felicia was so captivated by the look he was giving her, as well as by the feel of his hand on her skin, she completely forgot what their earlier conversation had been about. She took a deep breath and held it for a moment, then slowly expelled it before asking, “Did I what?”

  “Stand up for yourself.”

  Felicia noted the caring, the tenderness, and the concern in his voice. she also saw the love he had for her shining deep within his gaze. “Yes.”

  A bit of a smile touched Trask’s lips. “Good.” He reached out for her hand and brought it to his mouth and let his lips brush lightly across her skin. “And now where does that leave me?”

  Felicia frowned at first, not understanding Trask’s question. His touch was preventing her from thinking clearly. But a part of her felt his need to know his place in her life. He wanted reassurance. She reached up and slipped her arms around his neck.

  “It leaves you just where you’ve always been, Trask: a very intricate part of my life and of me. To be more specific, it leaves you right dab in the middle of my heart. I love you.”

  She felt the tremor ripple through his body with her words. She then brought his mouth down to hers to kiss away any more doubts he might have. The kiss was everything Felicia meant it to be. She kissed him with all the love she felt within her.

  She pulled back and her hands rested against his tautly muscled chest. “Make love to me, Trask.” Her voice quavered with her request and with her plea. “I need you to love me.”

  “And I will, forever,” he said, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her into the bedroom. He wanted to make love to her all night. He didn’t want to hear the details of her visit to California just yet. They would discuss that later. All he wanted was to make love to her, to get deep inside her and be as one with her, mind, body, and soul.

  When his naked body joined her in bed, he pulled her into his arms. Her skin felt soft and her scent arousing. “I want to try things a little different tonight,” Trask suggested in a deep, husky voice before capturing her mouth with an intensity that left nothing to one’s imagination.