North

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  Thank you, Monsieur l’Apptheke! now we’re going to see if they’ll honor our coupons! you know… leberwurst! … we’ll be back in a moment …”

  And we leave him … two streets … a big square … Le Vig asks me …“do you think he recognized me?” … “No! no!” ah, there’s a delicatessen … the storekeeper studies our coupons very solemnly … “franzosen? franzosen?” … he knows! … he doesn’t want our coupons! … but glad to wait on us! … sausage? … salami? … leberwurst? … we take it while the taking’s good! … he doesn’t want our marks! … certainly not! … everything for free? … fine! … you can’t make us mad …

  “Do you think this one recognized me?”

  “Oh yes! I’m sure!”

  Le Vig smiles … a low bow! … from the stage! … to the whole shop! … the storekeeper, his wife, his assistants! … they look at him, to see if he means them … yes! … well? he waits … bent double … his hat touching the floor … they applaud … he leaves the shop bowing some more … touched! flattered! … we do the same … fulsome farewells … but we didn’t forget our package of sausage … on the sidewalk we straightened out … quick to the bakery … the baker doesn’t want our coupons either… out of the question! … but what do we desire? … three big loaves of black bread … “gut! gut!” … or our marks! … he doesn’t answer our “guten tag!” we’ve got what we wanted, we should blow! … perfect! easy habit to fall into … but that’s not the end of it … the brats who’d been following us from a distance are closing in … more and more of them and a troop of women too, at least a hundred, all bellowing … every name in the book … scum! scavengers! fallschirmfäger! … parachutists!

  Compliments!

  These raging harpies have brooms, shovels, and pitchforks … what can they be doing? … mending the roads? … the sewers? … Kracht had told me not to answer them … or the kids either … all very well but we had to get by, and they had the whole sidewalk … “Hitlerjugend” they must be, these brats … boys and girls … they’d never let us go, they had what they wanted, what they’d been after for months! … three! … three parachuted saboteurs! tight fix, same as in the Berlin subway … we’d have been lynched if it hadn’t been for Picpus! … here there was no Picpus in sight! … one of these Place Vendômes … horrible brats! howling! aggressive! louder and worse! … “better hole up!” I say … there’s a café right here, wirtschaft … let’s go in! … I had to go bad … hell, we’d hardly touched the door handle … the kids are on top of us!

  “Fallschirmjäger! parachutists!”

  It’s our duffel coats! same as in Berlin, the trio of venomous saboteurs wanted by a dozen police forces! … in Berlin, if it hadn’t been for Picpus, we’d have been cooked! chucked under the train! wonder where Picpus is now! … he’d, recognized Le Vig! … none of these snot-noses was likely to recognize the great actor! … Christ, they’ve latched on to us! … they’re taking us along with them … ten … twenty of them! boys and girls all stepping on us … where to? I yelled that we lived in Zornhof! with the von Leidens! no soap! where were they taking us? … to the police? …

  There on the next big square an SS-man! no mistake! it’s Kracht! “hey! hey!” … all three of us shout! he’s coming! here he is! … we’re, half drowned, smothered under the Hitlerjugend … it hands him a laugh … he’s wearing his SS uniform, boots and all! short shrift! … weg! … that does it … they let us go, they split! … all gone! … we straighten out our duffel coats … I suggest going to the café … right next door … but with him! oh, not without himl he’s willing … we sit down and order … ersatz coffee … I ask him who these women are … the female road workers that called us such names … it seems they’re Berlin prostitutes under treatment in Moorsburg, the ones that were too contagious and refused to be treated in Berlin … here, of course, they get their treatment, but they’ve got to work too … help at least … naturally they cut up … they insult everybody that comes along, we’re not the only ones … pretty soon it won’t be possible to keep them in town, even in the sewers … not enough cops! … they’ve already smashed up three stores! … inside and out! the whole place! … there’s talk about sending them to the beet fields where there’s nothing to smash … He asks me if we’ve seen the Revizor … or the beadle … no! … we’ve asked all over … nothing! … and what do I think of the Apotheke? Hase?

  “Oh, very pleasant! and so learned! … Fontane! he knows all about him!”

  I don’t mention the medicines …

  He’s still got a few errands … no! … he’ll attend to them another time … no! … well start out, slowly … and hell catch up with us, he’s got his bicycle … he thinks of everything, he gives me his police whistle … if the brats start in again, I should just blow … vrrrt! he won’t be far … fine! … we’re back on the sidewalk … we leave him … in the second doorway two prisoners in overalls … they’re hauling out a big garbage can, very heavy … French prisoners … I say hello, they answer but not very friendly … guess they know who we are … information gets around quick, all Brandenburg must know by now that the three monsters are out for a stroll … the more hatefully idiotic a rumor is the faster it travels, from housewives to beet fields, prisoners to barkeepers … okay, I take out two three packs … I hand them over… thanks! … well? what’s the news? … the news is that Simmer the Landrat, the bejeweled fruit, had three prisoners shot yesterday, fellow garbage collectors … for doing what? … saying “sales Boches” to some cops from the Kommandantur, who’d come to call the roll and take away their overalls to paint them red and black …

  We sympathize … the Krauts stink!

  “Oh, they haven’t long to wait! … they’ll be shitting green around here! so will you!”

  No use hanging around … they’ve got our number … we give them a pain … I slip them two more packs …

  “Heil! heil!”

  Their way of thanking me … they pull up their big leather straps … and hook on their enormous garbage can … heave ho! … it’s no use … we shove off … we can still hear them from the next square … heil! heil! … those two garbage men were really hostile … and what about the kids! … and the whores! … not to mention the Landrat! all unanimous! … plus the geese and the bibels! … and there must have been plenty more desperate characters in Moorsburg, ready to draw and quarter us! … I say to myself: I bet we run into some more between here and Zornhof … no! not a one! they must have given each other the high sign …

  “You think they knew who I was?”

  “The garbage men?”

  Oh, they’d recognized him for sure!

  “Of course! of course!”

  That’s why they insulted us!”

  “Sure thing!”

  I think we made pretty good time … the way back is always easier … but I had nothing for Inge … except her powder, lipstick, and “Kamelia” … she’d understand … I was thinking of her when I saw the clock … the church … home already! … the huts … anything gets to be “home” … the most repulsive spot … you get used to it, you warm to it … even in solitary, when they change your cell … you were used to the old one … the cruelty of putting you in a different hole …

  Kracht must have taken a shortcut, anyway he’s there waiting for us …

  “Well? … well? … pleasant walk?”

  “Perfect! … perfect!”

  And he leaves us … we go up to our place … Le Vig wants to speak to me … “come with me!” … his cell downstairs isn’t very cheerful, I’ve told you, almost worse than our tower … I can see why he prefers our ticks … our cubbyhole is no joke, but his basement … a tomb! and Iago … not so sure that he’d let us by … but say! … that sausage! that black bread! … how about it? at least we didn’t go begging for air! … and no coupons! … sure, we’ve hiked ten miles and we’ve been insulted, but one thing at least, today we won’t have to go whining around the cookpots … the housewives will go without
their fun, watching us pass and making cracks … We get ready for an orgy, black bread and sausage … the black bread is soggy … just then: knock! knock! … somebody’s there! … Kracht! … him again!

  “Have you come to see what we’re eating, Kracht?”

  “No! … no, my friend! … forgive me for disturbing you … so sorry, Madame! … just a word! … an emergency …”

  “Some kick in the ribs?”

  “No … no, Doctor! something very sad!”

  “Okay, bring on the sadness!”

  “Iago has passed away!”

  “Where? Downstairs?”

  “No! … on the road with the Rittmeister …”

  “They didn’t poison him?”

  “No, I don’t think so, you’ll see, no vomiting, you’ll see, his heart, I think … you know the way he pulled …”

  “Because they’re capable of anything!”

  “Yes … I know! … but I think it was his heart …”

  “And now what?”

  “Our vet’s gone … the people in the village want you to go see … they’re worried about their animals … if Iago had a contagious disease! … they’re worried about themselves too … they’re afraid …”

  “Very well, Kracht! at your service! I understand! … just two minutes! … if you don’t mind … our goodies! … absolutely without coupons!”

  “My dear friends, of course!”

  “Kracht, you know everything … may I ask you a question?”

  “Please do!”

  “Will the war be over soon?”

  “Harras must know!”

  Harras! oh, Harras! … where can that fat slob be now … ? we laugh! … we chortle! … I see Kracht hasn’t got his little moustache … he’s shaved it off … he’s shaved it off several times … his Adolf tickler … and let it grow again …

  All right, we’re ready … there’s some sausage left … if we feave it here, the stinkers’ll grab it the minute we’re gone … they’d probably devour Bébert if we left him here … like my Purgers on rue Girardon, they didn’t leave one thing … they even burned my bed … ripping mad because they couldn’t carry it downstairs … too heavy! … so we polish off three sardines … the rest goes into the bag! … with the black bread … two loaves … and Bébert!

  “And now, Kracht, to the ‘consultation’!”

  Not far? … actually pretty far … after the last huts, at the fork of the road … oh, there’s a crowd there already … housewives, prisoners, workers, Russians, Polacks … and naturally our acolytes Léonard and Joseph … and plenty more … probably from those farms by the lake … Kracht makes them all stand back! back! … so I can examine Iago … lying there … no foam … no vomit … legs stiff … body still warm … I ask them … he’s been dead about two hours … dragging the old man … out like a light! … the people were there, they saw it … the evening pull-around … no convulsions, nothing! … okay! … my diagnosis: the heart … his heart gave way, age and overexertion … nothing contagious! … no-danger! … and from never getting any meat to eat … a dog like Iago, his weight, needed a least a pound of raw meat a day … conclusion: no disease, no poison … I speak with authority … privation! Kracht repeats … with still more authority! grunting and grumbling like a führer! … a servant girl translates into Russian, so everybody’ll understand … now we can bury the dog … Kracht has made arrangements … here come eight bibelforschers with picks, shovels, and three big stones … they dig a hole … the poor mutt at the bottom, the earth stamped down … it’s all over … I turn around … hm, Inge! … she doesn’t go out much … I greet her, I bow … I hand over her lipstick and “Kamelia” … nothing to say … she looks at me … she looks at us … that’s all! … good! … I tell Lili and Le Vig that everything’s all right, we can go back … a voice: halt! … the old man … he’s coming up … on horseback! … he’s taken his horse back from the farm, his son had had it working in the fields, a white half-bred … oh, he hadn’t got it so easily … boiling mad! … he wanted his horse back, he was the boss on this farm and nobody else! … he, Rittmeister Count von Leiden! he wouldn’t stand for it, he wanted his nag! … it was a damn shame! you wouldn’t catch him going on foot! … or riding on a Russian’s back like his own son! never! … he wasn’t any blasted cripple! … and now that Iago was dead, he was going to ride his horse and pretty damn quick!

  They were afraid he’d have a stroke … drop dead like Iago … they’d given him bis horse, all saddled, bit and bridle … no snaffle! … they couldn’t find his spurs … then they found them! … and there he was, still smoking frumious, Jerk von Leiden on his white half-bred … and armed! a memorable sight! … saber, revolver … he still had a pretty good seat, better than on the bike, you could see he’d been a horseman … but the saber on the right? he’d served in the uhlans … the uhlans wear it on the left … an innovator! he rides up to us … or rather to Iago’s mound … he pulls out his saber, a heroic salute …

  Now I think we can go back … but well let the Rittmeister get ahead …

  There he goes … he’s off by the poplars … you can see him pretty far on his white horse … especially against the sky, so gray, so yellow … we go back slowly with the six bibelforschers and two Gypsies and Léonard and Joseph … and Kracht three steps behind us … we don’t move fast … where’s Inge? … I don’t see her … I guess she didn’t take the road … maybe a different road … or a sunken path … you think you see everything on these plains … and everything blurs out … anyway she hadn’t approached us … not surprising … maybe nothing at all? … I’ll see …

  I’ve got to admit, I was worried … specifically about Le Vig … he was acting funny … he was always funny … but after that trek he seemed weirder than ever … I didn’t sleep much … fits and starts … soon as I saw a little light in the window slit, I jump up …

  “Lili, I’m going down to see Le Vig!”

  “Why?”

  “I think he’s sick!”

  Nothing to it … I hop out of bed and I’m ready … we never undress, we’re always ready … Down the stairs … Iago’s corner … his chain’s still there and his big collar … the brick corridor … Le Vig’s door at the end, his cell … I don’t knock, I go right in … hm, just as I thought! …

  “You! … you! … a rat! … a rat!”

  “Le Vig, you’re nuts! … I’m not a rat, I’m me! sit down! … you give me a pain!”

  He’s standing on his fleabag, waving his arms … he says he’s scared of me, I’m a monster, I’m going to eat him!

  “That’ll do, Le Vig! sit down!”

  “No! No!”

  “Yes! yes! cool it! you’re making too much noise!”

  “All right, look at my hand! did they bite me or didn’t they?!”

  I look at his thumb! … sure as shit! … a rat bite!

  “And my pants … look! … am I making it up?”

  Right again … they’ve ripped the bottom off one pants leg …

  “Well, you can’t stay here, you’ll sleep,upstairs with us … we’ve got rats too, but not as many, we manage! what made them come here all of a sudden?”

  “The dog’s gone! and they were after bread … take a look!”

  Sure thing, they’d eaten at least half his loaf …

  “You didn’t light your candle?”

  “With all this straw? I’d have gone up in flames! I fought all night in the dark!”

  God’s truth! … he was all rumpled, his face was grimy, sticky, dripping … his hair hung down over his nose …

  To think that I played Le Misanthrope!”

  “Not so long ago, Le Vig!”

  “Centuries, Ferdie! centuries!”

  “Right you are, son! centuries!”

  “And today I wouldn’t even know what to do with a piece of ass!”

  “You! … you were ardor personified! …”

  “Thing of the past! … women turn my stomach! how about
you?”

  “I’d drown every one of them to make them stop simpering!”

  “What about Inge von Leiden?”

  “Not interested!”

  “It’s pink in the sky … you noticed? … a new color …”

  “I suppose so, Le Vig … who cares? … the clouds can look after their own business …”

  “The walls are shaking worse than yesterday!”

  “The ground too!”

  And boom! … and boo-oom! … scattered explosions across Berlin … to the south … and east …

  “Maybe the Russian Army?”

  “Possible!”

  I’m not eager to reassure him …

  “These words, if you please, are addressed to you!”

  Poetry … I leave him be … he feels better when he’s playing a part …

  “Bravo! Le Vig! … let’s get on upstairs …”

  He’s got another question …

  “The druggist?” … What do I think of him?

  “I don’t know yet …” . -

  “And Inge?”

  “Dubious! … dubious!”

  “Okay, come on!”

  They’re all dubious … he finally, makes up his mind, we go up … Lili makes coffee … ersatz …

  “This won’t do you any harm!”

  Sweet Lili, so thoughtful … all heart … Le Vig tells her he was pretty near eaten alive …

  “The truth, Lili! the truth! and just think, Le Vig it’s not over yet!”

  “I never said it was!”

  Now he’s got the wild giggles… is he really nuts? or acting? with him you could never tell …

  Think of it, Ferdie, the things we’ve seen! … von Dopf! … the old stinker! Pretorius! … the Zenith Hotel! … the Chancellery! Adolf’s ghost! … the Fifis at my place on Avenue Junot! … shall I recapitulate?”

  “No, Le Vig! … you’re just knocking yourself out … don’t recapitulate!”

  “They all betrayed me! denounced me! the Federates! the generals of Montmartre! … and Lecomte and Clément Thomas!”