I cross my arms over my chest. “What game I’m playing?”
“All the shit with the favorite bowl to her favorite snacks,” he says whispering, but his tone is anything but nice.
“You mean me being a nice person?” I glare at him. “I’m not going to apologize for liking your daughter.”
“She doesn’t need a mother.” His words cut like a knife through my heart.
“That isn’t …” I whisper, my hands now falling to my side. “That isn’t what I’m doing.”
“Well, I’m not going to stand by while she falls in love with you and then watch you walk away from her,” he says, then turns and walks away, leaving me with my heart on my hand. Mila turns back around and waves bye to me. I wave back at her as his words sink into me.
I spend the rest of the day cleaning the house and setting up my office. His words linger in the back of my mind, and every single time I stop, it’s the only thing I hear.
I sit on the swing, looking out at the water with a glass of wine as the sun falls into the horizon and the water turns black. One glass turns into two, which turns into three. Picking up the bottle and the glass, I walk down to the beach. I’ve never sat outside on the beach at night. I walk closer to the shore this time and sit down on the damp sand, crossing my legs as I pour another glass of wine. I look back at the house, thinking I should have left a light on.
Memories of our honeymoon flood my thoughts. The walks on the beach, just the two of us, our fingers intertwined with each other. How he’d pick up our hands and kiss my fingers. Stopping just to kiss me. “I get to kiss you whenever I want,” he used to say.
“Fuck you, Eric,” I say as a tear rolls off my chin. I try to pour another glass of wine, but it’s empty.
“Why are you everywhere?” I hear from beside me, looking up to see Jensen.
“What do you want?” I ask him, turning back to look at the water. “Just keep walking and the stick up your ass might get lodged up.” I mentally high five myself.
“Are you drunk?” he asks, his hands going to his hips. “Jesus, all I wanted was a nice walk on the beach.”
“Then keep fucking walking.” I motion with my hand down the beach. “No one is telling you to stop.”
“I …” he starts and then stutters, “I’m sorry about before.”
I bring my feet up to my chest. “For being a world-class asshole?” I ask him as I close my eyes and try to get the sand to stop spinning. “Which time? Because I have to say”—I laugh—“every single time I’ve seen you, you’ve been an asshole.”
“Not every time,” he says. And I make the mistake of looking at him. His gray sweater fits him like a glove, proving he doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him, and his blue jeans hang on his hips down to his brown boots. He is so handsome ... so, so handsome.
“Go away,” I say as I look back at the water, the roaring of the waves coming closer.
“It’s going to be high tide soon,” he tells me as he sits next to me. Bending his legs, he places his arms on his knees. “Mila’s mother left her,” he says softly. I turn to look at him as he turns to face me. The darkness of his eyes unreadable. “Took off and walked away without a second glance.”
“My husband had two point five kids with another woman.” I place my head on top of my knees as wetness soaks my jeans. “Except he didn’t tell me about her.”
“She left us for my best friend,” he tries to counter.
“He died, leaving me alone with nothing. Nothing,” I say. “His parents sent me a cease and desist letter two days before his funeral.” I wipe my eyes. “I never said goodbye to him.”
“She signed away her rights to Mila without a second thought and now has twin girls.”
“She’s a bitch,” I say, and I’m not even sorry about it.
“Yeah, well, your husband isn’t far off that.” He looks out at the water. “I built the house for us,” he starts saying, his eyes never leaving the water. “It was her surprise birthday present.” I look back at the house now, hating what it stood for. “We were living in it for eight months, and it didn’t come close to feeling like a home.”
“It’s a beautiful home,” I tell him, and he nods. “One day, she is going to regret it.”
He shakes his head. “That’s what I said, but then today when I walked Mila into Norma’s house, there on the mantle was a picture of her with her twins.” His voice trails off. “How could she love them and not our little girl?”
My hand reaches out to touch his arm. “She is the best little girl ever.” He looks over at me.
“She is. She really is,” I tell him as tears fall for the little girl who has captured my heart. “Luckily for Mila, she has you, and she has Heidi and Delores, and she is surrounded by love.” He nods his head and returns his gaze to the water. We sit in silence as both of us fight the storm within.
He gets up, brushing his pants off. “I can see how he fell in love with you so easily.” His voice soft, he says, “Good night, Hailey.” He walks away, never once looking back as his body disappears into the darkness. I pick up my bottle and glass and walk to the house that holds so many bad memories for him but has saved me.
The house creaks as I settle into bed, tossing and turning, and the ticking of the clock on the wall echoes in the room. I try to shut off my brain, try counting sheep, try focusing on my breathing, but nothing works tonight. Instead, all the memories of what could have been fester.
What if I had gotten pregnant? What if I was having his baby? What if I had found out before he died? What if Mila’s mother never left?
My eyes get heavy when the soft light flickers into the room. My dreams are of the peaceful water crashing into the shore as two people try to find the answers.
Chapter Fifteen
Jensen
Is that drilling? I wonder as I open my one eye and look over at the bedside table to the empty bottle of Jack. I’m lying on my bed, dressed in exactly what I wore last night to walk on the beach. A walk on the beach to clear my thoughts. But she was there. She is everywhere now.
The whole day I felt like an asshole after basically telling her to fuck off. It’s just too much. Mila being so comfortable with her just pushed me over the edge I was teetering on.
“Anyone home?” I hear Gabe yell as I groan and roll to my side. “It’s almost fucking noon.” I hear from my doorway. Looking over at him, I see him standing there in his workout gear.
“I thought you were gone on your weekend retreat?” I ask him as I get up from the bed. My head pounds as I walk into my bathroom and grab some aspirin.
“We got back this morning, and I needed to clear my head,” he says, and I look at him. “Don’t fucking ask.” He walks to the kitchen, and I hear him start the coffee. “Where is Mila?”
“Norma’s,” I tell him as I sit on the stool at the island, and he shakes his head.
“I know you want to be the good guy, but something about her gets under my skin.” He pulls down two cups from the cabinet, then fills them with coffee and hands me mine black.
“I had to tell her to take the fucking picture of Julia and her twin girls down from the mantle.” I swallow, allowing the hot coffee to burn my throat.
“Twins?” he asks, and I just nod. “Bitch,” he says as he drinks his coffee.
“One big happy family.” I shake my head. “Anyway. Mila is starting not to even want to go over there anymore.”
“Would you?” he asks, putting his cup down. “I mean, she’s a nice lady, but her daughter fucked you over, and she was still trying to tell you it wasn’t what it seemed. Even after you got the divorce papers. Plus,” he says as he takes another drink, “Mila gets hurt with her, and she is nowhere to be seen, yet Hailey, who”—he points at me—“is a stranger, kills herself to carry her.” He drinks. “You were a big dick.”
I shake my head. “If you think I was a dick then, you should have seen me yesterday when I accused her of trying to be her mother.”
He stops drinking and looks at me. “You didn’t.”
I take a drink of hot coffee again, burning my throat. “Oh, it gets better,” I tell him. “I went for a walk later that night, and she is sitting on the beach by herself blitzed.” I think of her face, the tears that stained her cheeks as she poured her heart out to me.
“Please tell me you didn’t try to sleep with her while she was blitzed?” He sets his cup down hard.
“Are you insane?” My eyebrows pinch together, and he holds his hands up. “I’m not that stupid. Besides, I could never … there is just too much baggage there.”
“For you or for her?” he asks, and I don’t answer because the doorbell rings. I get up, going to the door, but Mila comes running in. “Poppa,” she says as she jumps into my arms, and I watch Norma walk in behind her.
“Hey there, Princess,” I tell her as I bring her close to me, kissing her neck. “You’re home early.”
“Yes,” Norma says from behind her. “I’m sorry, I got an emergency call from …” And she just trails off. “I hope you don’t mind.”
I shake my head. “Nope.” I look at my daughter. “Say goodbye to Grandma Norma.”
“Bye.” She waves from my arms as Norma nods her head and smiles as she walks out.
“Who just walks into a house?” Gabe asks from beside me. “Hey there, wonder woman, how is the cast?” he asks as he kisses Mila on the head.
“It’s itchy,” she says, “but Poppa took a stick so I can stick it in and scratch.” She whispers, “It’s a secret.” And we all laugh.
“I won’t tell anyone,” Gabe says as he walks to the door. “I have to get ready for this Sunday dinner. You coming?” he asks as he walks backward, and I nod. “Good. See you there.” He turns and slams the door.
“So what did you do at Grandma Norma’s house?” I ask her as I put her down and pick up her backpack that she dropped when she ran to me.
“We did a mani-pedi, but she didn’t want to paint my nails pink,” she says as she goes to the cabinet, grabbing her stool to get something to eat. “Can I watch The Boss Baby?” she asks as she bounces to the couch and turns on the television.
“Sure,” I say as I grab my coffee and go sit with her. “You need to take a bath before we go to GG Delores’s,” I tell her. She hums okay as she eats a rice crispy treat and we watch The Boss Baby. My head finally stops throbbing, and we change before leaving.
“I look like a princess,” she says as she puts on her pink dress. Spinning on one foot, she watches the dress float around her legs.
“Yes, you do,” I say, grabbing my wallet from the counter and putting it in the back pocket of my jeans. “Let’s go,” I say as she puts on her silver glitter shoes that my mother bought her last year for Thanksgiving. I slide on my aviator glasses as we walk out.
We pull up to Delores’s house, and I have to park at the end of the driveway. “I guess she invited everyone in town,” I say as I open the door and wait for Mila to unbuckle herself. I grab a sweater for her along with her backpack that holds her pjs.
As we walk up to the house, we hear voices from inside. I open the door and see people from the senior center. I walk through the house, stopping to say hi when I know someone, and head outside to see tables set up everywhere. I look around for my mother or my grandmother, but my eyes stop the minute I see soft blond hair. She’s standing next to Crystal dressed in black jeans, torn at the knee and tight, showing off her lean legs. A white cotton shirt tucked in on one side while the other side hangs down. She’s wearing a light green button-down shirt on top, rolled up at the wrists. She smiles at something Crystal says, and I realize the pain from last night is gone. Or she is really good at hiding it. She turns her head as if she senses me staring at her, her eyes finding mine. She smiles shyly, looking back down at the glass of wine in her hand.
“Finally.” I feel a hand slap my back and turn to see Brody with Darla right next to him, holding his hand. “Oh, I think I see a princess,” he says to Mila as she smiles and spins in her dress for him.
“Have you seen my mom?” I ask them, and they both point to the side where she stands talking to Luigi. “I’m going to go see Grandma,” I tell Mila who has walked over to Darla to play with her bracelets and asks to wear some.
“I got her,” Brody says as I make my way through people who stop to say hello to me. By the time I get to my mother, she is sitting at a table with my grandmother.
“You look so handsome,” my mother says. I smile at her as my grandmother sits back in her chair. “Where is Mila?” she asks as we look around the yard and find her in Hailey’s arms. Mila’s playing with Hailey’s necklace as they talk.
“Isn’t she stunning?” my grandmother says, and I don’t answer her because I’m not sure who she is talking about. “Her grandmother didn’t think she would ever get over what she went through. But every day, I see her slowly crawling her way back up.” My eyes never leave the sight before me. Mila points over to me, and I smile and raise my hand in hello. She places Mila on her feet, and Mila makes her way over to me. Hailey watches till she gets to me and then turns around to walk away as Mila climbs into my lap.
“Grandma, when are we going to eat?” She looks at them. “If we don’t eat soon, I’m going to need a snack.” We all laugh at her as the waiters start setting up the food for the buffet-style meal.
“I love having these Sunday dinners just because,” my grandmother says. “It brings the community together and gets people out. Gets other people to socialize,” she says as she raises her chin. I look in the direction she is looking and see Garrett, the owner of the local pub, talking to Hailey. They laugh about something, and she tucks her hair behind her ear, showing her long neck. I don’t listen to the chatter around me; I just look around, but my eyes always go back to Hailey, the pull stronger than I can resist.
“Let’s eat,” I tell Mila. I get up, and we walk hand in hand to the buffet. I walk over as I stand in line, grabbing two plates and piling food on them. “Where do you want to sit?” I ask her as Brody calls my name. I look up and see him sitting with Darla, who is having a conversation with Hailey as they both eat. I walk over to the table with Mila following me. “Grab a seat, Mila.” At the sound of my voice, Hailey’s head pops up.
“I want to sit on this chair.” She grabs the chair right next to Hailey and puts her knee on the chair to climb up. She sits on her knees, so she can see the table, and I set her plate in front of her.
“I wonder if there is a booster seat anywhere?” I ask, looking around. A chair in front of me moves, and Crystal sits down, followed by the chair next to her moving as Gabe sits down.
I look to my right at Gabe. “Watch her,” I say, gesturing to Mila, who is grabbing her fork to eat some noodles.
I walk inside to grab her booster chair and walk out just as Hailey is tucking a napkin into the top of her dress.
“Look, Poppa, to keep me clean,” she says as her hands touch her chest, leaving sauce on it.
“Good idea,” I say as I pick her up and place the booster on the chair and then set her on it. “Better?” I ask. She nods and then starts eating again. The meal talk stays neutral as Darla asks Hailey about her business of creating websites. Hailey answers all her questions and gives her suggestions on how to grow her salon. As the sun sets, the lights around the yard illuminate. The plates are cleared, and Mila sits on my lap watching something on my phone.
Crystal gets up to get coffee, and Hailey gets up with her. “Does anyone want anything?” she asks the table, looking around. Mila looks up.
“Can I get some cake?” Mila asks me, and I nod. “I’m coming,” she says as she climbs down from my lap and grabs Crystal’s and Hailey’s hands. They both look down and smile at her. I watch them walk away discussing all the pie they want to eat.
“Why were they invited?” Gabe asks from beside me. I look at him, and he turns his head back from them to us.
“I’m going to go out on a limb
here,” Darla says, “and say that someone has gotten under your skin.” She points at Gabe.
“Please.” He rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything else because his gaze rolls back to the two girls.
“I don’t know if you know this, but Crystal is the talk of the salon. Ever since Mrs. Peterson broke her hip and she took care of her, she is the light of everyone’s talk.”
“I’m the one who operated on her, not my nurse.”
“Oh, someone is sensitive,” Brody says as he takes a pull from his beer bottle.
“Fuck you.” He throws his napkin down and gets up. “I’m out.” I watch him walk around people till he walks around the house to where his car must be parked.
“I brought you cherry pie,” Mila says as she carries spoons in her hands, and Crystal and Hailey each carry two plates.
“Here you go,” Hailey says as she places the cherry pie in front of me and places the blueberry in front of Mila. She grabs her own plate, filled with apple pie, from Crystal, and Crystal places her key lime pie down in front of her. “We couldn’t carry any coffee,” she tells the table as Mila hands her a spoon, and she smiles at her.
“That looks so good,” Darla says from beside her as Hailey offers her a clean spoon and her plate.
“I want to taste too,” Mila says as Hailey puts the apple pie next to her so she can get a piece, mixing her blueberry spoon with her apple. “That one is good too,” she says as she finishes her bite but goes back to her blueberry.
“Okay,” Darla says, “it’s time for us to hit the road.” She looks over at Brody, who smiles at her as he gets up and grabs her hand. She says goodbye to us, then kisses Mila.
“Do you guys mind giving me a ride?” Crystal asks as Hailey looks over at her. “I’m beat from this weekend. Camping is not team building,” she says. “Let’s just say you’re lucky we all came back because my vote was to toss Gabe out.”
“I’m done,” Hailey says from her side and starts to rise.
“No, stay, you never get out. Mingle with the single,” she says as she points her head in the direction of Garrett. The pie suddenly tastes bitter in my mouth, but Hailey just shakes her head as Crystal leaves.
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