She takes a deep breath in. "Thanks. But meeting someone isn't my top priority. In fact it's not a priority at all. I'm just trying to get through today."
"I know."
She smiles. "Tonight I just don't want to embarrass you."
"You can't."
She narrows her eyes at me. "That's not what you said when you first brought him home."
I smile, "Things were different then. And you did embarrass me in front of Brayden. Often, too." I pause and get serious. "But we're different now. I know you were looking out for me, and I'm so proud of who you've become."
She pulls my head to hers. "Don't be so proud. Every day is a struggle. I just hope to get through it without causing harm to anyone, myself included."
"Isn't it easier though? At least a little bit?"
She sniffles. I don't think it's for effect, I think she's getting choked up. "The second I found out you were pregnant it got easier. I saw how torn you were. I knew I had to step up. I needed to be here for you, just the way I will when the baby is born. You're going to need help, and I want so much to be a part of my niece or nephew's life."
"Of course."
"Don't say that. If I slip . . ."
"You won’t."
"You don't know that, but if I do, don't let me anywhere near your baby. I'd never hurt it on purpose, but . . ."
"Jess, you'll be okay, because you're strong, and I owe you big time. And so does Brayden. We'll help you through. In a strange way, I think he might understand you better than I do, but I'll never turn my back on you."
"You won’t forget me once you takeoff on your honeymoon?"
"Honeymoon? I don't even think dad will let us sleep in the same bed."
"Okay, enough slacking girls," my mother says with the tray of cookies in her hand. "They'll be here any . . ."
The doorbell rings.
"Minute."
I hear my father coming down the steps. "I got it!" he calls out.
I don't know where to put myself. My mother and Jess head to the living room to make sure the trays they put out are set up just right. I follow my father to the door. I'm nervous. I hope I don't puke on their feet as they walk in.
The door opens. Brayden is standing behind his parents. He looks as nervous as I feel. Our eyes meet. My stomach churns. I turn and run for the bathroom. I make it just in time. I hear voices coming from the front door. At least they're talking. My father is probably apologizing for my rude behavior.
"Kenzie, baby, are you okay?"
I forgot. Brayden hadn't witnessed all the fun I've been having with our little bundle of joy.
I wait until I'm sure I can speak before I answer, "I'm fine."
After rinsing with mouthwash, I finally emerge from the bathroom to find Brayden leaning against the wall, his hands stuffed in his pockets, waiting for me. I read the concern swimming deep in his eyes. He reaches out and strokes my hair.
"Are you sure you're alright?"
I nod. "Nothing I'm not used to."
He slides his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. I lean into him, and take a deep breath. "Might as well go face the music."
*
"I don't know if living here is the best possible solution." I hear Mr. Turner say.
"We have the room. It's really not an issue. And this way whatever money they have will be spent on school and the baby," mom explains.
"It's not that. It's just, we have concerns," Brayden's mother chimes in.
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know what the problem is. I look up at Brayden. He's looking straight ahead, his mouth open wide in horror. I recognize the look on his face; it's one I know well when I catch of a glimpse of myself running to bathroom. Before we can get in there and say something Jessica speaks up.
"Mr. and Mrs. Turner, I have a feeling the concern you have is me. I'm sure you've heard things about me around town. Unfortunately, I'm sure they're true. But I've changed. I've taken control of my life again, and I've been straight and clean for fifteen months now."
"Mom, Dad," Brayden calls their attention to him. "We discussed this already. The decision has been made. I told you, once we're married, I'm moving in here."
His father shakes his head. "I don't think you've thoroughly explored all your options."
"I don't see how any other option makes sense. I don't have a full time job yet . . ."
"No, son, you don't." His father goes right at him like a battering ram against a castle door. "You can't possibly lead the lifestyle you're accustomed to. You're going to struggle and you can't possibly provide this child with what it deserves."
My heart is in my stomach. I hope I don't throw up again. I can't say anything, this is between Brayden and his father, but I don't like the direction this is going in.
"Dad."
I hear the warning in Brayden's voice and wonder if his father will show him enough respect to back down and have this out with his son in private, or prove to Brayden that he is still in control of his son's life.
"No, Brayden. I think while we're together, we should discuss all of your options."
"I can't believe you." Brayden's voice booms, his eyes narrow at his father. "How can you even suggest it? There's no way we're getting rid of it. That's off the table."
"Sweetheart, hear him out. Your father isn't suggesting an abortion."
Brayden looks confused. I hear him release a long breath. "Then what is he suggesting?"
"Adoption," Mr. Turner answers.
Brayden looks away from his parents and shakes his head. "Look, if you don't want to be part of your grandchild's life, that's fine. You don't have to be. But this is my baby, and I'm not about to give it away for someone else to raise."
"What if it's what's best for the baby? Someone else might be able to provide a better life for the child. You and Mackenzie are very young. There's no need to rush into . . ."
"I'm not rushing. This is what I want," his lips are thin and tight.
I look at my parents, both sitting with somber looks on their faces. Neither of them jumps in to support us, and I'm wondering if they feel the same way.
Brayden is breathing hard, anger burns in his eyes. I reach for his hand, but he won’t let me take it. I don't know if they're getting to him or getting through to him.
"Son, if you love her, if you love this child, you'd listen. I mean don't you want the best for both of them?"
"You know I do."
"Then trust me, I know what I'm talking about."
He nods, "You do. That's what hurts." He holds his head between his hands. "You regret everything. You regret me."
I can't guess what's running through Brayden's head, but I can feel the anger and tension between him and his father. I cross my arms over my stomach, as if that will somehow shield the baby from all the negative energy swirling around the room.
"No, Brayden. I don't want you to regret giving up your freedom on a romantic notion. I don't want you to end up in a position to resent this child because you think it'll be fun to play house for a while."
"I'll never resent it."
"Brayden, you don't know how you'll feel in a year from now when all your friends are home from school hanging out and you and Kenzie are stuck here taking care of a baby."
I want to hold Brayden and shield him from the power of his father's words. I can see the hurt in his eyes. At one time I would have thought them nothing more than a warning. I now know they are like a bludgeoning stick to Brayden's head.
"I'm not you. And I'm not being pushed into marrying her. It's my choice. Mine."
"I wasn't pushed into marrying your mother either. And I'd marry her again."
"I see. The part you would do over is me."
"Stop that. You know how much I love you."
He takes a small step back. "I thought I did."
"Brayden." His father's voice is stern. "Listen to me, hear what I'm saying."
"I'm hearing you loud and clear."
; "Son, I just don't think you're ready. You never had to work. You never went without things the way you're mother and I did when we grew up."
"Maybe we can start with something everyone is in agreement with." My mother tries to smooth things over, but I'm not sure it's going to work. I keep my eyes glued to Brayden. He's stone like and unmoving. "Are we all in agreement to help support Mackenzie in having the baby?"
Mr. Turner shakes his head. He directs his next comment at me. "Will you at least consider adoption? This is no time to be selfish."
Brayden's body lurches forward, but I grab his arms and hold him tight. His eyes meet mine, and I know he wants to defend me, but I can't allow it. Not against his father. Not like this.
"Excuse me, Bruce," My father's voice fills the room. "Let's not throw around names or make accusations."
"The way I see it, it's the truth."
Again Brayden's body tenses and moves forward. I pull him away, over toward the couch where Jessica is sitting.
"Is that so? Because it was your son that came banging on our door demanding that Kenzie keep the baby. It was your son that insisted my daughter carry the child to term because he wants it and is willing to raise it with or without her."
The look on Brayden's mother's face softens. Her eyes fill with tears and finally she breaks her silence. "Mackenzie, Brayden, we're here for you. No matter what. And we'll do anything we can to help you. You're father just wants to make sure you understand what you're in for, because it won't be easy."
"I know." He answers.
"Have you even given a moment of thought to what you're going to do, or how you're going to support a child? Your whole life you've wanted to play football, but now you need to get your head out of the clouds."
"Football wasn't my dream, it was yours!" he snaps at his father.
Mr. Turner runs his hands through his hair, turns and takes a few steps away. "Do you hear yourself, Brayden? Do you? She's got you all twisted and bent out of shape."
"No, Dad, she doesn't. You do. Don't blame Mackenzie for your shortcomings. You're the one who doesn't get it."
"Brayden, dear, have you given any thought to what you will do?" my mother asks.
He nods. Long term I've been thinking about the police academy."
"And short term?" his father asks.
"Short term, I'll do anything. Construction, plowing, landscaping. Whatever I can get paid for."
"Oh, that's great. What the hell did we work so hard for? For you to just throw your life away at the sight of a pretty girl?"
"Watch it," Brayden warns his father.
"I'm serious, Brayden. You think you're so smart, you don't even have the education behind you to get into the police academy."
"I'll take night classes. I'll get my degree over the Internet, whatever it takes."
"You're not getting a degree over the internet." I can't keep my mouth closed any longer. "I want you to go back to school this semester. I'm not going anywhere, and like you said, you'll be home before the baby is born."
He shakes his head. "No way."
"Brayden, I'll be okay. We'll be okay, I promise."
"Finally, I hear something worthwhile."
Brayden shoots his father a warning look, and I'm worried if Mr. Turner doesn't take it down a notch my father's fist is going to want to have a word with his face.
I squeeze his hand. "Go back, Brayden. This way you can take the time to transfer into a good school. Maybe Rutgers is a possibility now that you're not planning on playing football."
I can see in the confused look on his face I'm making headway. I know I can convince him. No one speaks, but I feel the weight of the five sets of eyes weighing on us.
"Marry me."
I smile, "I already said I would."
"Before I go back I mean. The only way I can do this is if we're married. Maybe I can rearrange my schedule so I only have one class a day and I can drive back and forth."
I shake my head. "No. It's too far for a daily commute."
"Then I'll try to bunch them up on Tuesday and Thursday. I already have three classes planned on those days. Maybe I can take a couple of night classes on Tuesday and Wednesday night, that way I can leave late Monday and come home Thursday night."
"Look into it."
He nods. "Okay, but I want to be there for all the doctor visits." He gives my shoulder a squeeze. "I don't want to miss anything."
I agree. His parents seem to relax just a bit, and the focus of the conversation shifts to our parents as they begin the process of getting to know each other.
*
My father closes and locks the front door. I'm in the kitchen with my mother, Jessica and Brayden. Still upset with his father, he chose to stay behind.
"Charming in-laws you've got there, Sis." Jessica teases as she places the final dish in the dishwasher. Then realizing she just insulted Brayden's parents, and possibly Brayden himself, she turns back to look at us, her eyes wide. "Sorry. I didn't mean . . ."
"It's fine." Brayden fidgets with a napkin on the table. "I'm sorry my father was such an obnoxious pig."
I squeeze his hand. "It's all good. I'm sorry he upset you."
I see something cold and distant in his eyes. "You shouldn't have had to deal with that. You don't deserve . . ."
"Seriously, I'm fine. I always got the feeling they didn't really approve of me."
"They liked you. They still do, they're just not happy with the circumstances."
I shrug. "It doesn't matter. I'm not shocked that they blame me. It's you I'm worried about. I hope you understand your father is just worried. If my father hadn't had so much shit to deal with over the last year and a half he'd be acting the same way. As it turns out, I think he's relieved it's a baby and not an addiction."
"I doubt your father would ever make you feel like loving you your whole life is an illusion. He'd never make you feel like every day since the day you were born he's been trying to make the best out of one giant mistake."
I barely take notice that my mother and sister are no longer in the room. I keep my focus on Brayden, and place my hand on top of his.
"That's not what he was saying."
"It doesn't matter."
I know he's lying. It does matter. It matters more than anything. Just like coming to see me mattered when he needed to know if I still loved him. Just like understanding why I went to tell him about the baby mattered. I can see his pain in the firm set of his jaw and the darkness of his eyes. Something changed inside him, and I hope it's a temporary reaction to the pain and that it doesn't permanently mar the amazing person he is deep down.
Brayden pulls his phone from his pocket and starts typing a message. "I think I'll see if I can crash at Carlos or Josh's house tonight."
My heart speeds up. I don't want him to do that. I can't admit to him that I don't want him hanging out with his buddies because I'm afraid Alana will be there. No matter how much he denies it, I know there's an attraction there. She's always been attracted to him, and apparently he was attracted enough for her to be his "girlfriend." She's still under my skin, and my chest tightens at the thought of her. If she's there, or somehow finds out Brayden is . . . I can't stomach the idea. I draw my eyes away from him and look down at the table. I try not to let my jealousy influence my advice to Brayden, but sometimes trying isn't good enough.
"I think you should go home and talk to your father. But if you really don't want to, why don't you stay here?"
His eyes meet mine. They're so large and soulful I want to cry.
He reaches over and brushes the hair away from my face. "Your father won't let me."
I swallow hard, hoping it will get rid of the lump in my throat and the guilt in my heart. "That was before. I'm sure after this, after what he heard tonight, he'll understand and let you sleep on the couch."
His phone buzzes, someone answered him back. My heart hits the floor. I know the answer; of course, his friends will let him stay with them. I sit in sil
ence and wait for him to say the words that will wring my heart.
"Josh is with Olivia. He's not sure what time he'll be home, but Carlos says I can crash at his house."
"Brayden." I know I sound panicked. Wasn't it only a few hours ago I promised we'd be okay if he went back to school? How could I convince him I won't have a problem with that when I can't convince him I trust him here at home?
"Mackenzie," I love the sound of my name on his lips. The name I once hated because it was so different from the other more common girl names sounds beautiful. "In the mood I'm in, it's better for me to be there tonight. Just do me a favor, work on finishing up everything Father Mario asked for. Get all your stuff together, so we can bring it to him tomorrow. I want to marry you as soon as possible."
I don't argue. His mind is made up and all I can do is trust him. It's simple, but for me, trusting is the hardest test of our relationship.
We hear the hum of the vacuum cleaner in the living room. Without a word, Brayden stands and heads in that direction. He approaches my mother and places his hand over hers as she pushes the machine back and forth.
"I'll do that."
Mom shuts it off, silencing the room. "It's fine, you don't need to."
He nods. "I do. Please, I want to."
I watch him do all he can to help my mother clean up. When he finishes vacuuming, he plumps the throw pillows on the couch. I feel Jessica's arm wrap around my shoulder.
"Looks like you found yourself Mr. Mom."
"Joke all you want, but if he's willing to help with chores, that's less that you'll have to do."
"Kenzie, don't give him a hard time tonight. He's hurt. He needs some space to process."
I bite my lip. "I know. I'm just scared she'll be there."
Jess shrugs. "And if she is? Didn't he prove he wants you? What more do you want him to do? Besides, isn't it better to find out sooner rather than later?"
I know she's right. And I know I let fear drive me long enough. No more. I want control of my life back. This is the perfect time to take it and prove to Brayden that I've changed and that I trust in him and our future.
Brayden stays another hour before leaving. While he continues insisting he's fine, I know he isn't or else he wouldn't be so dead set on staying at Carlos' house. I don't push. I don't want to smother him.
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