He texts me in the morning promising to go home for a shower and a change of clothes as soon as he's sure his father left for work. He gives me a heads up that once he's done he'll pick me up so we can go see Father Mario.
Chapter 19
Wedding Bells
On the ride over to the church Brayden doesn't say much. I can't help but worry no matter what I do, that it's the wrong thing. If I say anything it can be construed as nagging, but if I continue to say nothing it can be misinterpreted as uncaring. The tension in the car is like a magic bean. It starts out small but continues to grow in depth and width, until like a huge beanstalk leading to clouds above; it becomes overbearing, expanding the distance between us.
We sit in Father Mario's office in silence and wait for the priest to arrive. My mouth is dry. I wish I knew what to say to him.
"I love you," I offer.
"I love you, too."
"Are you sure you want to do this? It's okay if you change your mind." My hands cross over my stomach. "I'll keep it no matter what."
"Hey," he reaches over for my hand. I finally feel like I've broken through to him. "I don't want to marry you just because of the baby. I mean it fast tracked everything, but, Kenzie, don't you understand? It's like I lived in a desert my whole life. Only I didn't know the heat and sand were unbearable because I didn't know anything different existed. You, you're like an oasis giving me shade and water."
Overcome with emotion, I wipe at the tears slipping out of the corners of my eyes. No one ever said anything so beautiful to me. What makes it special is that I know they're not just words. Brayden means it.
"I must say that was quite a declaration."
My head snaps in the direction of the door where Father Mario stands. I wonder how long he's been eavesdropping. Isn't there a rule in this place against spying on innocent people? Or does the fact that we're sinners negate our rights?
"I trust since you're back so soon, that you've finished everything?"
Brayden hands Father Mario the certificate proving we finished the class, along with the essays, and proof we received our sacraments.
"Mackenzie," he says as he skims through the pile in his hands, you've been raised Catholic," he muses.
I nod. "Are you surprised?"
"Actually I am. This makes things easier. The way you reacted when we first met, I had a feeling you were raised without religion at all."
"I was. I mean we never went to church or anything.."
He nods. "Do you have any objections to raising your children in our faith?"
I know what I have to say, and I will not screw this up. "No. No objections."
"Wonderful. Let's schedule a time."
*
A ball of jumbled nerves ricochets in my chest. It's set. In two days, Friday morning, we're going to be married. Father Mario insists on a small wedding, he doesn’t want a large crowd under the circumstances, but it will be a bonafide, legal wedding nonetheless. Jessica will be my maid of honor and Dean will serve as the best man. In addition to our parents, we also agree on inviting Olivia and Josh.
There are no exotic flower arrangements, no photographer to chronicle the event. We need to keep things simple and plan to treat everyone to brunch after the ceremony. It's all we can afford. In truth, with the baby coming we can't even really afford that, but we want some sort of celebration, so that will have to do.
*
I stand in the back of the church feeling like a princess. My dress isn't fancy and poufy the way I always imagined my wedding dress to look. We found it on the rack at one of the bridal discount stores. No need to spend a lot of money on a dress when we are having such a small wedding. It's not tailored to fit me perfectly, but it is a wedding dress. My wedding dress. And I am about to marry a prince. He must have been a prince in a past life, because aside from Brayden, the guys in this life just aren't that amazing.
Jessica and Olivia look stunning in the navy blue dresses we found. Not typical bridesmaid dresses; both girls will find use for them in the future. Olivia already told me she plans to wear hers for the formal her sorority will hold later in the year.
"Let me go tell them we're here." Jessica sashays out of the lobby and down the main aisle of the church.
I close my eyes to center myself, but it's impossible. I'm too giddy.
Father Mario comes to the back of the church to greet us, followed by Josh.
"Good morning, Mackenzie. You look beautiful." The priest smiles and the warmth of his eyes touch me. "Do you have any last minute questions or concerns?"
I shake my head. "Is he nervous?"
"I believe he's excited."
"So am I!"
"Then what do you say we get things started?"
Josh escorts my mother down the aisle, and Father Mario takes his place in front of the altar as the rest of us line up and wait anxiously in the back of the church. I resist the urge to peek. I want Brayden to get the full effect of seeing me approach in my dress.
My father offers me his arm as the music begins playing. Olivia stands in front of the doors waiting for Father Mario's signal to begin walking, while my father and I stand off to the side out of view.
"Are you sure about this?"
I turn to my father, a million emotions rolling through me. I'm grateful for all he's done and promises to continue to do for me, for us. I'm happy and nervous and all at the same time, I'm scared. I worry I won't be as good a parent to my child as my parents have been to me. I know whatever their shortcomings, they love Jessica and me. That is the key. Even when Jess thinks my parents are a pair of overbearing pains in the ass, they do what they do out of love for her. My free hand passes over my stomach. I realize for the first time I love this strange alien thing growing inside me. It's part me, part Brayden. How could I not love it? My eyes fill with tears of joy.
"I'm sure." I say with absolute confidence. While there is a part of me that is still terrified, I know in the end it will be okay. After all, Brayden promised.
Familiar music plays. I close my eyes and take a deep breath ready for the next phase of my life to begin.
*
Standing at the altar, my heart is racing. It's beating so hard I swear I can feel it in my fingertips. My eyes are glued to Brayden. I'm still stunned at the look in his eyes. He hasn't taken them off me since the moment I stepped into the aisle. I'm not used to seeing so much emotion in them. It's like all the love he's had stored away for me in his heart overflowed and seeped up into his eyes.
We're holding hands as Father Mario speaks. There's an electricity between us that could light up the entire east coast, and I wonder if our friends and family can feel it, too. I don't bother to glance in their direction. The only one I want to look at is Brayden, my handsome groom. I can't believe this is real, any of it. It's like I woke from a nightmare and found myself placed right in the middle of a fairy tale.
I hear what the priest is saying, but the words don't penetrate. They're like white noise, playing in the background, until he speaks of Victor Hugo and Les Miserables.
"How right Mr. Hugo was when he so wisely wrote, 'To love another person is to see the face of God.'"
Now I turn and give him my full attention.
"And in getting to know Mackenzie and Brayden, I think that quote applies directly to them as it does to so many of us. And it is no coincidence that when I think of these two beautiful people, of this loving couple, that I should also think of a story that has stood the test of time. A story about love, forgiveness and redemption, where courage and character determine the paths of the individuals."
I feel the smile fade from my face as I listen, the words touching me deep inside, igniting a spark that had been stomped out long ago.
"Mackenzie and Brayden together have traveled on a path filled with love. That part was easy to walk. The sun shone down on them with all its brilliance. The pathway was clear. But then the road split, and they couldn't agree on which way to go. Each moved on alo
ne, through dirt, and mud, and darkness. Neither was happy, and both wanted only to make sure the other was safe. They found the courage to fight their way through a shroud of trees, through a heaviness weighing down their feet, to move toward nothing but a tiny flicker of something bright in front of them. They had nothing, no reason to go on, but the faith that if they continued to plod on they could make their way back to each other. They struggled alone, until they found their way out into the light once more; into the warmth of the bright sun. And that brings us here today. To the point of redemption, where they are willing to put the past behind them, forgive each other their mistakes and start anew."
Brayden squeezes my hand, and I realize I'm so enthralled by Father Mario's words I'm lost in the moment. I meet his eyes again, tears of joy filling mine. This is a new beginning. In every sense of the word. A new beginning for each of us as individuals, and a new beginning for us as a family. Our own family.
"Let us stand by Mackenzie and Brayden, whatever may come. Let us travel along with them on this new path, and when the clouds arise, as they always do, let us be a reminder of the love and warmth shared here today. Let us help them remember the healing effects of the bright sun waiting for them when the storm eventually passes."
I'm so happy Father Mario agreed to marry us. I can't imagine a more beautiful ceremony, or one that felt more prepared just for us. It's time to exchange vows; Brayden takes my hand, repeats the words fed to him by the priest, and slips a simple band of white gold on my finger. If he had any reservations, or second thoughts, they've long since passed. I see nothing but pure joy radiating in his eyes.
It's my turn. I try to enhance each word I speak with the emotion in my heart. Although they've been said for centuries, I hope to say each vow as if for the first time, as if it has been written specifically for Brayden and I. I want him to feel my love drip off each syllable the way I feel his love pouring from his eyes.
"You may kiss the bride," Father Mario instructs.
The corners of Brayden's mouth curl up into a smile, his eyes hold an element of mischief as he steps forward. Lifting the veil from my face he whispers, "It's about time."
My entire body vibrates with excitement. I think I might explode before his lips meet mine. His hands find the back of my neck and pull me to him as he leans in for our very first kiss as husband and wife. Although I feel awkward, knowing we're doing this in church, in front of our parents, with everyone watching, happiness outweighs any other feeling. I have nothing to be embarrassed of; I'm just kissing my husband the way the priest instructed.
The small audience breaks out in cheers and claps as the music plays. It's time to head to the back of the church, this time on my husband’s arm instead of my father's. I know for the moment I must pull myself from his embrace, but I will never leave his side.
Chapter 20
The Honeymooners
I glance over at Brayden in his dark suit as he drives us to meet the others at the restaurant. Dean threatened to tie a bunch of old cans to the back of the car along with a "Just Married," sign, like people used to in the old movies. I'm glad he didn't. While it doesn't bother me that there were no fancy limousines waiting for us outside of the church, we don't need to bring everyone's attention to it either. Or the fact that my husband wasn't wearing a tuxedo. Personally I don't care what he's dressed in; he's just as handsome in his suit. And when you think of it, the people who elope in Vegas often get married without even their friends and family, and their marriages are just as legally binding as ours. At least we were surrounded by people that love us.
Brayden and I had no choice but to skimp on almost all of the usual pomp and circumstance that go along with a traditional wedding. And we agree that none of that is important. Nothing but the marriage itself and the rings, the symbols of our eternal love. As I hold my left hand out in front of me, I think I'll wake up in my bed and find it's all been a dream.
"I promise, we'll renew our vows and have a big reception when we save up enough money."
"It's not necessary."
"Yes it is. I know it'll make you feel better."
"Why?"
"Because until then people will say we rushed into it, that the only reason we did it is because you're pregnant."
"I don't care what people say. We don't need to prove anything to anyone. Let them think what they want. They will in the end anyway."
"Now I know you're full of it. You always care about what people think."
I close my eyes, realizing for the first time how shallow I've been. "I don't. I swear, I don't care anymore. I'm tired of trying to keep the rumors at bay. If people want to spread them we can't stop it. Besides, it's all about redemption right? Forgiveness and a new beginning?"
He smirks. "You were listening? I thought you looked so serious because you were debating whether or not to hightail it out of there."
"Those days are long behind me. You're stuck with me forever and ever."
"Is that right?"
"That's right. You're in for a life sentence."
*
The restaurant is empty, with the exception of the workers. And there don't seem to be too many of them, at least not out in the open where we can see them. I wonder if they'll be serving us fresh food, or if it was already prepared and just needs to be reheated. We're led to a small room in the back meant to host parties. I'd hardly call our little group a party. Still, we are here to celebrate, at least for a little while. There are several small tables set, but we are all seated together at a rectangular table.
After I ask the waitress to bring me a glass of water, I excuse myself and head in the direction of the bathroom. Just as I step out of the room, I feel a hand brush against my elbow.
"A word, Mackenzie?"
I turn to find Bruce Turner standing beside me. I can't imagine why he followed me. My stomach tumbles. I worry he's going to lace into me again saying that I'm being selfish and I'm ruining his son's life. I close my eyes a moment too long, wondering if there is any way I could tell him I'm not interested in hearing what he has to say, but that would be rude. He's family now. Instead I stand my ground and hear him out.
"You make a very lovely bride."
"Thank you." I don't understand his game. Is he buttering me up so it'll hurt more when he slams down the hammer?
"I hope you can accept my apology. My wife reminded me how uncomfortable she was with the way my parents reacted when we were in a similar situation."
I don't say anything. I don't have a clue how I'm supposed to respond.
"Please understand; there was nothing personal in the things I said. It's just that we had some rough times in the beginning. There were times we wanted to give up on each other. The world is different now than when we went through it. And it's harder to make something of yourself and support your family."
Still silent, I nod.
"My wife also went on to remind me how stubborn I'd been. How my mother pushed for her to get rid of the baby." His eyes fill with tears as he releases a long, drawn out breath. "That boy is my life. I mean I love them both, but Brayden," he drops his eyes and shakes his head. "He's just like me. And there's not one thing I'd do differently. I'm so proud of him. Even now. Especially now. I'm just afraid for him. For the both of you."
Before I could respond, Brayden slips his arm around my waist and gently tucks me against his side. "Everything all right?"
"Of course."
"I was just welcoming your beautiful bride into the family."
"Is that true?" Brayden looks at me waiting for confirmation of his father's statement.
"It is."
I feel him release his breath. I know that he's been giving his father the cold shoulder. I can't say I blame him, but today is about new beginnings and celebrations, and whatever his concerns, Mr. Turner stood by his son. He could've raised an objection at the ceremony. I guess he knew that would serve no purpose other than to turn the cold shoulder into an arctic freeze.
&n
bsp; Brayden's hold on me loosens just a bit. They need a moment alone. If his father had something to say to me, I'm sure he has an oration ready for Brayden.
I lean in and kiss my husband's cheek. "If you'll excuse me, I need a moment."
Brayden examines my face. I bet he's looking for a hint of something darkening my mood. He can look but he won't find anything. I know he's just concerned. I smile and assure him I'm fine. As I take a step, I hear his father behind me.
"Mackenzie, just one more minute." I turn back to Brayden and his father. "Son, your mother and I, we don't have much to offer in way of a gift right now. We want to save it for when the baby is born, but we rented a room for you to stay in tonight. I know it's not quite the honeymoon you would've planned for yourself . . ." Mr. Turner is struggling to find the words. "But you should have a bit of privacy, at least for tonight."
"Thank you." We say at the same time, like an old married couple. I wonder if Brayden is thinking the same thing as we look at each other and laugh.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I really need a minute."
I'm surprised that Brayden chooses to follow me, rather than stay and hear his father out. He doesn't say anything until I'm standing in front of the door to the restroom
"Kenzie, are you sure you're okay, did he say anything . . ."
"I'm fine, but I don't know if I can say the same about my bladder. Brayden, he loves you. That much is clear. Why don't you hear what he has to say? It might surprise you."
He nods. "I'll wait for you out here."
"I think I'll be safe to walk the hundred feet back by myself. Now get back there and talk to your father! And that, dear husband, is an order."
*
I close my eyes as Brayden drives to the hotel. While our celebration was small, the day was exhausting and had such high emotions. I hope to stop the burning of my eyes, because once we get to the hotel, the last thing I'm going to want to do is sleep. It's been so long since we've been together in that way, I feel my heart pick up speed thinking about it. I only hope he still wants me as much as I want him.
Regret Me Not Page 18