Regret Me Not

by Danielle Sibarium

  Amazing. Brayden left my father nowhere to go with that one. The silence ensues.

  "So your friends, are they single?" Jess asks.

  "Jessica!" I don't miss the disapproval in my father's voice.

  She rolls her eyes. "It would be nice to, I don't know, go to a movie or something once in a while, and the only people I have to do that with are Brayden and Kenzie. It would be nice to just invite someone else to go too, so I don't have to feel like the third wheel all the time."

  "You're not a third wheel, Jess. But if you're looking for someone besides us to talk to, neither Carlos or Dave are seeing anyone right now."

  "Thanks."

  We finish dinner the way it began, in silence.

  We're still clearing the table when the bell rings. Brayden answers the door and lets Carlos and Josh in, while Dave and his father pull up in a pick-up truck with Rent-a-Husband Construction logo written on either side of the vehicle. A few moments later, the house is full of laughter. Before heading down to the basement, Josh comes in to say hello.

  "So how's my favorite married couple doing? It's all of a day and already you're banishing him to the dungeon?" he teases.

  Before I can answer, Carlos beats me to it. "Look who's talking, you're next in line to get saddled down with the old ball and chain."

  "Yeah, right." Josh scoffs. "When hell freezes . . ." he turns to me realizing who he's talking to. I'm not sure what I see on his face, if it's guilt or fear.

  Realizing the pickle Josh put himself in, Carlos pats him on the shoulder. "Good one, dude."

  "It's okay." I assure Josh. "I'd have the same reaction if it were you and Olivia that got married instead of us."

  I know that wasn't the part of his comment that made him uncomfortable. But I figure if I only respond to that part maybe he'll understand I don't plan on telling her about it. Especially when she isn't even sure if she wants to stay with him. I don't want any responsibility for their future. I'm steering clear of their relationship.

  "C'mon guys," Brayden kisses me on the side of the head. "We didn't even start and already you're slacking?"

  "See ya, Kenzie." Josh says in a sheepish voice before heading out of the room.

  A few hours later, Jessica and I bring some cold water bottles down for the guys.

  "I'm sure they'd prefer beer."

  I give her a dirty look.

  "What? They're a bunch of college guys, Kenzie, they practically need beer to survive."

  Once downstairs, I'm shocked to find the walls of the basement already framed. In addition to that, the room is divided up into two areas, one larger space for Brayden and I, and a smaller one for the baby. The guys are standing around laughing while the fathers are engrossed in conversation.

  "Call me once the insulation is delivered and I'll see if we can get here before the weekend, otherwise I'll see you next Saturday."

  "Thanks for all your help." My father shakes hands with Dave's dad. "Please, don't feel obligated to come back. I think we should be able to handle the insulation."

  "I already told you, it's my wedding gift to Brayden. The least I can do is offer some free labor." He turns to Brayden. "And I am sorry, son. I'm just not in a position to take on any more workers. Especially not with the hours you have available."

  "No problem, Sir."

  He pats Brayden on the back, and although I've never met this man before, I can't help but feel like he hates me as his cold, angry eyes meet mine.

  *

  After Dave's father leaves, the guys decide to go hang out in Carlos' basement. Jess was probably right; they're probably looking for a beer infusion.

  "Hey, Jessica, you are going to come aren't you?" Carlos asks.

  "I don't know. I'm not sure Brayden and Kenzie want me tagging along."

  "Screw Brayden and Kenzie. It's my basement, I make the guest list. And have no problem having you come and leaving them here."

  "You sure you want me there? Having an old lady like me there might cramp your style."

  I don't miss the way Carlos' eyes drop from her face and skim over the rest of her. "If you're an old lady, bring on the cougars!"

  I worry about how Brayden's friends will react to Jessica, I thought they would shun her, but they don't. Not at all. In fact, I never saw Carlos flirt with anyone the way he's doing with her.

  "And Jessica," he looks over his shoulder at her, "I won't take no for an answer."

  After ten minutes of assuring her that I not only don't mind her joining us, but want her there, she reluctantly agrees to come. The harder sell is my parents, but in the end they give in and even tell us to have a good time. I'm concerned about the moment she's offered a drink. I know it coming. I've never been to a hangout in Carlos' basement that didn't involve beer.

  "Hey, Kenzie," Josh calls my attention to him. I'm torn, I want to hear what he has to say, but I also want to support Jess if she needs me.

  I remember how strong Jess has been. I'm not going to give her a hard time, or treat her like she needs her younger sister babysitting her. Besides, if she thinks she can handle a drink, I'll have no choice but to trust her judgement. She's been right about everything else lately.

  "What's up Josh?"

  "I hope you didn't get the wrong idea. It's not that I don't love Olivia . . ."

  "Josh, I understand. I really do."

  He nods. "The thing is, I'm sort of freaked out. I mean you guys weren't even together when this happened." His eyes drop for a moment to my stomach, everyone's new favorite place to look. "And I don't know what's going on with her. She seems preoccupied, like when we're together, her head is somewhere else. Has she said anything to you?"

  Oh shit. He does realize something is off. I don't want to be the one to tell him, but I have to say something. Before I have a chance to respond Olivia's voice interrupts us.

  "Why are my two favorite people sitting by themselves in the corner?"

  "We're talking about you, of course," I tease hoping she'll get the hint.

  Once they lock lips, I get up and go straight to Brayden. He and Dave stop talking mid-sentence when they see me.

  "Everything okay?" I ask.

  "Of course." Brayden slinks his arm around my shoulder. His other hand is busy holding an open bottle of beer. I can tell by how far he tilts his head back when sipping it that he's almost finished with it. I wonder when he started actually drinking the beer instead of nursing it. Maybe the only reason he didn't drink was because he felt he had the responsibility of keeping the guys in line. I know it shouldn't bother me, but something about it does.

  "Have you seen Jessica?"

  "She was just there talking to Carlos," Brayden looks around the basement, but there is no sign of either of them.

  "Looks like I'm the only odd man out."

  "What? No. That's ridiculous." I try to cover for her. "Carlos probably showed her where the bathroom is or something."

  "Bathroom, bedroom, it's all the same." Dave smirks, his eyes traveling up and down my body, as if he's talking about me and not Jess.

  He doesn't believe me. I don't believe me. I feel a ball of anger knotting in my stomach. How could she do this? How could she embarrass me like this? I know what Dave is thinking, that they're off screwing somewhere. I don't blame him; I'm thinking the same thing. I can't tell who I'm angrier at, Jessica or Dave.

  "Hey," Brayden warns, moving in front of me. "I don't like what you're implying."

  Dave shakes his head. "Yeah, whatever."

  Before the situation gets any more awkward or uncomfortable I hear Jessica's voice ring out. "Seriously, you couldn't ask one of your big, strong friends to do this instead?"

  All eyes turn toward the stairs, and I pray she isn't all disheveled.

  "But it's so much more fun to watch you struggle."

  Carlos carries a case of beer down the steps. Jess has case of water.

  "Seriously, the first time I'm at your house and you have me doing hard labor?"

&nbs
p; "You're the one that wanted water."

  "A glass of water from the kitchen would've sufficed. We didn't have to go buy a case."

  Dave takes the case from Jessica. I want to yell at him and tell him to stay the hell away from her. He has all sorts of perverted images running through his mind staring at my sister. Meanwhile, she was off getting water. Once the case is on the floor, Jess bends over. I don't know if she's doing it for effect, but the gleam in Carlos' eyes tells me he's enjoying the view of her ass, as she rips the plastic and pulls a couple of bottles out. Jessica tosses one to me.

  "Here you go, sis. Couldn't let you drink alone." She unscrews the top off her bottle and tilts it towards mine, "Cheers."

  "Cheers!"

  I don't say anything to her about her long absence. I'm ashamed my mind went right to the gutter. What's worse is I know Dave's was there, too. And it was Brayden that came to her defense when it should've been me.

  Jess slings her arm around my shoulder. "Are you mad I left you?"

  I smile at her. "Not mad. I was a little concerned. But it's all good."

  "Water?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

  "Don't worry, I let him down easy." she whispers. "I told him I'm not ready for a relationship."

  "And what did he say?" I can't tell Jess that of all the guys Carlos is the biggest player. It isn't likely he's looking for a relationship. He hasn't had one in the time I've known him. He's into the girl that's here right now. At least that's how he's been for the last year and a half.

  "He said he didn't mind waiting around and kissed me on the cheek." She places her finger under my chin. "Better close that thing before you catch some flies."

  *

  Brayden doesn't argue when I ask him for the keys so I can drive home. Instead he holds them up and demands a trade. A kiss for the keys. I'm happy to comply, and when I do, I can taste the beer on him.

  "How much did you drink?"

  "Two bottles."

  "Two?" I can't believe my ears.

  "No worries beautiful, I planned for you to drive all along."

  Something's wrong. I don't want to make a big deal out if it, but he doesn't normally drink and I wonder why he isn't telling me what's bothering him.

  My parents are still in the living room when we get home. They can try and play it off all they want, but we all know the real reason they are up is because they want to make sure Jessica is okay. We go say hello to them to show that she's sober.

  "I'm going to go up and get to bed." Brayden gives me a quick peck on the lips.

  "I'll be right there."

  "Take your time. Besides, I'm wiped."

  I can't help the pang of disappointment surging through me. I know I can't expect every night to be like our wedding night, especially living with my parents. Still I hoped we could at least snuggle close.

  My parents go up a few minutes after Brayden.

  "Kenzie, thanks for asking me to come along. I know we never hung out much before."

  "That's because all your stuck-up friends didn't want to have to wipe the snot off my nose," I tease reciting the reason Jessica often gave for not allowing me to spend time with her and her friends.

  Her eyes drop and she shakes her head. "I should never have said that to you. I'm sorry."

  "I'm playing Jess, I guess the baby is sucking the humor from my brain."

  "Boy are we in trouble. You were never that funny to begin with."

  I shove her arm. "I can't believe Carlos kissed you on the cheek, thats so not like him."

  Her lips draw up into a goofy grin. "He's a cutie isn't he?"

  "If you like him, it's fine. Just don't lead him on if you're not interested."

  She nods. "I know. I'm not going to lie, it felt really good to flirt and get so much attention from him. It was all so, innocent. I haven't had that in a really long time. I liked it a lot."

  "All I'm saying is be straight with him . . ."

  "Kenzie, nothing is going to happen, he's two years younger than me . . ."

  "So what? You'd think nothing of going out with a guy that's two years older."

  "Because guys are supposed to be older. They're immature and . . ."

  "Jess, do what you want, not what you think is expected. Besides, who cares what other people think?"

  "Did I hear right? Did you just say that?"

  "I know. I've been an idiot, but I'm learning to be my own person."

  "You are going to be an amazing mother." Jessica hugs me before shooing me upstairs. "Now go to bed, I'm sure your husband is waiting for you."

  I'm glad she's sure. I'm certainly not.

  *

  The lights are off in my room, and I see Brayden's form under the covers on my bed. He could've waited a few minutes for me and at least given me a real kiss goodnight. I pull a nightshirt out from my drawer, close the door and pull my shirt over my head. I hear the rustling of the sheets and blanket, but by the time I look over, Brayden is no longer there. He's behind me. His arms wrap around me, and move from my waist, up to my breasts, inching down again until they meet between my legs. His breath tickles my ear, and I'm burning with desire.

  "Does your door lock?" He whispers.

  I nod. He takes a few steps away and turns the lock.

  "Do you think you could be quiet, really quiet?" he whispers.

  "Yes."

  He turns me around and entwines his fingers through my hair before his mouth seizes mine. The sensation of the hungry kisses grazing skin from my mouth down to my neck makes me moan.

  "Shh." He presses a finger against my lips. "We can't do this if your not going to be quiet."

  I nip his finger.

  "You're going to be sorry you did that," he teases.

  Brayden backs me up onto the bed. After easing me down his fingers move to my waist-band. There's no more talking as he slides my pants down, kissing and nipping my hip and the outside of my thigh on the way.

  Every time I make a sound he nips at me, his teeth gently clamping my skin between them, intensifying the need growing inside me. His lips inch across my leg to the inside of my thigh. I whisper his name as he spreads my legs apart.

  "Shh." He warns. "Or else I'll stop."

  "No! Don't stop."

  I reach for my pillow and use it to muffle the sounds coming out of my mouth as I feel his tongue between my legs, darting inside me. I shudder as waves of pleasure ripple through my body. Only once I climax and my body goes rigid does he pull away.

  By the time his mouth meets mine again, My body is covered with a veil of sweat, my pulse is racing. My heart beats so hard I'm sure he'll feel it when he's pressed up against me.

  "Remember, you still can't make a sound." He whispers.

  I wonder if he realizes I get more turned on every time he says that.

  Brayden slides next to me on the bed and rolls onto his back. "Tonight you're on top. I want you in control."

  With his hands on my hips, he helps guide me. Once he's inside me, deeper than ever before, my hips start to move instinctively. My hands press against his chest, and I realize I absolutely adore married life.

  Chapter 22

  Finding a Routine

  The next few days pass in a blur. Brayden and I work hard at keeping our hands off each other when we're around my parents and Jessica, while making sure to go to bed at separate times. But once we're alone and the door to my room is locked we're all over each other. If anyone has noticed, no one has said anything. My father doesn't say much to either of us. Most of his comments are directed toward my mother and sister, and while I wish I could say it bothers me, I'm somewhat relieved. It's hard enough getting adjusted to having another person in the house, we don't need any additional tension. Brayden has already commented to me that he doesn't like the way my father snaps at my sister. I'd hate to think how he'd react if it were me.

  Each morning, Brayden wakes and goes out looking for a job. He searches the Internet at night, but doesn't find anything that suits his nee
ds. He realizes with the less than stellar job market, the limited hours he can work, and his lack of education there isn't much out there. He applies to a bunch of local businesses and stores at the mall, no one ever wants to work weekends, so he thinks that gives him an edge. It doesn't. He goes in to inquire at the local restaurants, but weekends are prime time for waiters and waitresses so those jobs are unlikely.

  Thursday afternoon I get a text from Brayden.

  Don't leave for the doctor without me. I might be a few minutes late. I have news.

  I'm relieved; he's been so stressed the last few days. Once I get in the car Brayden takes my hand. I can't wait to hear what he has to tell me. I'm sure it revolves around a job. I know today he hit the kids sports academies and fun centers. Not that he was going to give private instruction, but he figured he could help run birthday parties.

  "So?" I ask.

  He flashes me his smile, and even though I've seen more of it over the last few days than ever before, my insides still feel like a pot of melted caramel when I see it.

  "I have a job."

  "Yay! I knew you'd find something. Bet those sports places loved you."

  He shakes his head, "No. They have enough help. They said they weren't hiring, but would take my number in case something opens up in the future."

  "Oh. Is it one of those bouncy places with the huge inflatables?"

  Brayden gives my hand a squeeze. "No."

  I don't understand why he doesn't just spit it out already. It's like he's nervous or something.

  "Where?"

  "Over at the gas station on Ryders Lane."

  "What? No." Any good feelings I have about him finding a job are gone. "You can't work there."

  "Come on, baby. It's only temporary. Just until I can find something better."

  "I know, but still, you can't pump gas. Brayden. Everyone goes there. All your friends will see you."

  He pulls his hand away from mine and grips the steering wheel tight. "Are you embarrassed?"

  "No." I stroke the side of his face and run my fingers through his hair. He makes a face, and I know he's upset by my reaction. "I'd never be embarrassed of anything you do, but, sweetheart, people will ride you and give you a hard time. They'll laugh at you and taunt you. Especially kids from the nearby schools that you played against."