Silken Threads

by Barrie, Monica

  Cassandra rode for a half hour more, until Jane called a halt to the lesson. “I have to get back to work,” she said as she helped Cassandra dismount.

  Once again, on solid ground Cassandra was able to smile. “I...I don’t know how to thank you,” she said.

  “Then wait until you do,” Jane replied, her smile softening the words. “Would you like me to teach you to ride?”

  “Can you spare the time?”

  “I can work it out,” Jane stated.

  “I’d like that very much, only…” As soon as she hesitated, she saw Jane tense, so she continued quickly. “Only I would really appreciate it if this could be kept between us for now.”

  Jane studied Cassandra’s face, wondering at the strange request, and decided the reasons were none of her business. “All right. Tomorrow morning, same time?”

  “Thank you,” Cassandra said, her voice filling with emotion.

  “You’re welcome, Miss Leeds.”

  “Cassandra, please.”

  Jane smiled again. “You’re welcome, Cassandra.”

  ~~~~

  In the afternoon Cassandra straightened up her office, looking through everything, and familiarizing herself with the operation of the office staff, aided by Thelma Westmore, the office manager. By seven o’clock that night, Cassandra was thoroughly exhausted from a combination of lack of sleep, the busy work of the afternoon, and her first time on a horse since her accident.

  When she left her office, she saw Kirk sitting at the desk at the far end of the main office. She stopped and realized he was looking at a computer screen. Her heart raced, and her hands balled into tight little fists.

  She tried to be quiet, but Kirk must have sensed her presence, for an instant later she was looking into his eyes.

  Kirk half rose as he stared at her. “I thought everyone was gone,” he said.

  “Not quite.”

  Kirk sighed and finished standing. He walked toward her, stopping a good five feet away. “Cassandra, about last night,” he began, but Cassandra cut him off.

  A vein pulsed in her neck, and she tried to quell the churning in her stomach. “There was no last night. It never happened. Will that satisfy you?” she asked, unable to keep the pain out of her voice.

  “No. However, there are two choices for us. We have to work together for the next year, but we can’t work like this,” he told her honestly. “So either we go on fighting, or you take a vacation for a year and let me run everything. I won’t tell your father.”

  Cassandra heard him but refused to listen. “I’m afraid we don’t have two choices. We have no choices at all. I’m here to do a job, and you won’t chase me away. Either you work with me, Mr. North, or I’ll…I’ll damned well do it by myself!”

  Kirk studied her face and saw once again the steel band of determination that he’d glimpsed several times before. “If that’s the case—”

  “It is!”

  “Then if we’re going to make it work, we need ground rules.”

  “Of course you do. What are they?”

  “You run the office. You make sure everything goes smoothly on this end. I’ll take care of everything that happens on the outside. Any deals for cattle or horses we work on together.”

  “Fine,” Cassandra said tersely.

  “I want the books managed tightly. No extra expenses. Double-check and triple-check everything. I’ll give you the ordering requisitions. You find the best prices. Manage the ranch, Cassandra, as if every penny we spend is a year of your life.”

  “It very well may be,” Cassandra said in a faraway voice as the reality of her purpose here returned in full force.

  ~~~~

  On the morning after her talk with Kirk, Cassandra began to drive herself relentlessly. The days flew by, aided by Jane Paulson’s riding lessons and Cassandra’s total immersion in her work.

  By the end of the third week, Cassandra was more comfortable on the horse, and although her fears were still a constant part of her daily battle, they were slowly receding.

  When she wasn’t riding with Jane, she was either sitting behind her desk working out projections for the ranch or touring in a Land Rover by herself, checking over the property. Although her agreement with Kirk was for her to stay in the office, Cassandra needed and wanted to learn more. She did, but she made doubly sure never to interfere with him or get too close. She accomplished that very simply. She just drove to wherever there was work being done and sat on the hood of the vehicle, watching from a safe distance.

  There had been several times when she’d been aware of Kirk looking at her while he worked. His glances were at times fleeting, at other times so intense she thought she would fall apart.

  Whenever they were together, they were civil to each other in the extreme. Cassandra had decided showering him with angry words was not the answer. If Kirk were too dense to see the truth of her emotions, she would not try to beat them into his mind.

  Instead, Cassandra made it a point to be friendly when he was near. Even that was a rare instance. As deeply as Cassandra had thrown herself into her work, she saw Kirk had done the same. He was rarely around but when he was, it was to sign work orders or hand in inventory requests.

  To Cassandra the ranch was like an armed camp with only one side—theirs. Everyone viewed her with suspicion—everyone except Jane.

  In the passing weeks, Cassandra began to look forward to her riding lessons, not because of the riding, but because it was the only time when she had a friendly face to look at and a warm voice to listen to.

  By the end of the first month, Cassandra was starting to feel comfortable at Twin Rivers—comfortable, but still not a part of the ranch or part of the people who lived on it.

  That fact was driven home on the morning of the start of her fifth week in Arizona. It was another azure morning. The sun was strong, baking the earth with its hot rays as she walked to the corral where Jane waited with the horses.

  “Good morning,” Jane said with a smile.

  “It seems like it,” Cassandra replied.

  “Ready?”

  “I…I guess so,” she answered, looking at Suzi. Once again, her palms became damp. Today would be the first time Jane was taking her away from the safety of the corrals or riding arena and out onto the ranges.

  With her heart beating faster, Cassandra mounted and held the mare in check. Then she watched Jane mount quickly, flash a smile, and nod her head. Cassandra’s palms grew even damper, but she kicked Suzi’s side gently and guided the mare out of the corral.

  They walked the horses for ten minutes, until the buildings were far behind them. Then Jane picked up the pace, urging Cassandra to put Suzi into the smooth-gaited lope she had shown her.

  Cassandra complied, her knuckles white on the reins as she made Suzi pick up speed. “Rock!” Jane ordered.

  Cassandra followed Jane’s command. She moved in the saddle, rocking her hips and pelvis in rhythm with the horse. As soon as she did, the bouncing stopped, and she felt herself become a part of Suzi’s powerful strides.

  They went on for endless minutes, riding side by side until the tension ebbed from Cassandra’s body. A new feeling emerged in its place. Her hands grew steadier on the reins as her legs relaxed and her muscles unknotted miraculously. She felt the return of the confidence driven from her years before. She was comfortable, almost as if she were one with the horse.

  Although not all her fear had fled, enough had departed to allow her to enjoy the ride. The wind tug gently at her long hair and she felt the strength in the horse beneath her. Without realizing it, a smile was on her lips, and with it came yet another release of tension.

  “Beautiful!” Jane declared, watching the change come over Cassandra. If she hadn’t been watching, she would never have known the surge of pleasure in helping and teaching another.

  The full smile covering Cassandra’s face reached all the way to her eyes. Jane nodded thoughtfully at the comfortable way Cassandra sat the saddle. Her
hips flowed effortlessly, her back was perfectly straight, and her arms were relaxed while she handled the reins.

  Reaching a small hill, Jane drew back on the reins, and Cassandra followed suit. Cassandra looked at Jane and smiled. “That was wonderful.”

  “It was, wasn’t it? There’s nothing to compare, nothing,” she said, dismounting.

  Cassandra did the same, and as they walked, she looked at Jane. “Is this why you do it? Work on a ranch?”

  Jane wondered for a moment if the question was more than Cassandra being polite. “It’s only a small part. I grew up and spent most of my life on a ranch. There’s a feeling, a sense of belonging, you can’t find anywhere else, doing anything else.”

  Cassandra heard the deep well of emotions from which Jane drew her words and felt a touch of understanding—just enough to envy the woman. “Have you ever done any other kind of work?”

  Jane’s short bitter laugh caught Cassandra off guard. “You might say I did, briefly. I graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in psychology and interned in a clinic while working toward my masters at night.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I missed the land, missed the freedom and the grounded feeling of being part of…part of this,” she said, sweeping her arm in an arc covering everything they could see. “I left what most people call the real world and came back to the world I know and love. Too much reality destroys people; I didn’t want it to happen to me.”

  “I don’t think that could ever happen to you, Jane, you’re too strong a person,” Cassandra declared.

  Jane gazed at her for a long moment before speaking. “Thank you, but I only wish it were true.”

  “Tell me what it was like to grow up on a ranch?”

  Jane shrugged her shoulders. “About the same as anyplace else, except instead of bicycles we rode horses. Instead of going to a lot of movies and stuff, we took overnight camping trips.”

  “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “It was.”

  “Did your parents own the ranch?”

  “My father and my uncle. We had two houses—mine and my uncle’s....” Jane tried to keep the sadness out of her voice but failed.

  “Yes?” Cassandra asked, unable to stop the question from escaping although she was aware that she was treading on forbidden ground.

  “It’s all part of the past now,” Jane said, shrugging and trying to hold back the unexpected moisture that filmed her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I….” but Cassandra stopped when she saw the emotion on Jane’s face.

  “It’s all right,” Jane said, regaining control. “It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken about my parents. They died when I was still in diapers. I don’t remember them clearly. My father, mother, and my uncle were in a horrible automobile accident. My aunt and my cousin raised me. In fact, my cousin put me through college.”

  “I’m sorry,” Cassandra said in a low voice. “What happened to the ranch? Why are you here instead of being there?”

  “We lost the ranch. Everyone tried, but without my father and Uncle Burt, we couldn’t make it. My cousin was twelve. He tried, but he didn’t have the experience. We sold off most of the land but kept a few acres for ourselves, along with the houses and the barn.”

  Jane stopped and turned to look at Cassandra, who was gazing at her with a combination of sadness and warmth. “But that’s all in the past. Ready to head back?”

  Cassandra nodded her head. “Were you very close to your relatives?”

  Jane smiled, and Cassandra saw the love within it. “Very close. My aunt died when I was almost thirteen. My cousin continued to take care of me. When he joined the army, he arranged for me to live with a family we knew with a large ranch. When he got back and started college, we lived together again. He raised me…he’s as much a father as a cousin. He’s—” But Jane stopped herself before speaking Kirk’s name, knowing it wasn’t the right time for that.

  “He sounds like a wonderful man. I hope I can meet him one day. It must have been nice to have someone who loved you be around as you grew up….” Suddenly Cassandra turned away. She shook her head and then forced a smile as she mounted Suzi.

  Jane followed suit, disturbed by Cassandra’s sudden change in mood. She knew, if and when Cassandra was ready, she would tell her own story.

  The ride back was as relaxing as the ride out, and Cassandra allowed herself to forget her problems and even her fear as she lost herself within the moment, relishing and luxuriating in the ride, and in the fact that she was once again on a horse.

  When they returned to the ranch, Cassandra and Jane walked their horses until the mounts cooled down.

  Then they led the horses to a trough, and there Cassandra turned to Jane. “I can’t thank you enough for all the help you’ve given me…and...for being so friendly,” she began. It was true, and for the last twenty minutes, she had been thinking of a way to repay Jane.

  “You’re welcome, Cassandra. I’ve enjoyed it myself.”

  “Would you come to the office with me for a moment?” Cassandra asked, deciding on a nice way to repay Jane for her kindness.

  “Sure,” Jane said.

  A moment later Jamie came to collect the horses, and the two women went to the main house. Inside, Cassandra led Jane to her private office—Kirk’s old office—and motioned her to a chair. When Jane sat and Cassandra was behind her desk, she opened the large corporate checkbook and wrote out a check. Once she finished and tore the check free, she looked at Jane and smiled.

  Rising from her seat, she walked over to Jane and handed her the check. “As I said, I can’t thank you enough for helping me, and I do hope you’ll accept this bonus as a measure of my gratitude.” Cassandra knew the words sounded hard and stilted, but she thought that Jane would understand.

  What she wasn’t prepared for was Jane’s instantaneous anger as she looked from the check to Cassandra.

  Jane stood slowly, her body tense and stiff. She stared at Cassandra and then lifted the check. Even as her eyes locked on the other woman’s, her hands moved, and the sound of paper tearing was loud in the room.

  “I can’t believe how stupid I am. I can’t believe how much of a gullible fool I was. Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think you can buy anything you want? Is that what life is to you, a check?” Jane’s voice was low, but her words cut through Cassandra like a sword stroke.

  Cassandra backed away, denying Jane’s words with a slow shake of her head.

  “I felt sorry for you. Isn’t that a laugh? I thought if I helped you, you would defrost a little and see what was around you. So much for my psychology training....” Jane stared at Cassandra and saw the incomprehension written on her face. With that look, some of her anger melted.

  “I guess you can’t help yourself. You’re a product of a different environment. Cassandra, go home!”

  Cassandra, recovering from Jane’s unexpected assault, took a deep breath. “I don’t understand. Jane, I thought we were becoming friends. I.…”

  “If I didn’t hurt so much, I’d laugh at you. Do you think I talk to anyone who will listen about my past? Do you think I dredge up my life’s story to entertain casual acquaintances? Today, Cassandra, I thought we’d become friends.”

  “So did I,” Cassandra whispered, confused by Jane’s angry reaction to her gift.

  “No, Cassandra; friendship can’t be bought.”

  Cassandra’s jaw dropped. For the third time, she shook her head in denial.

  “I wasn’t trying to buy your friendship, Jane. I just wanted to give you something to show how much I appreciated what you’ve done. You must believe me; that’s all it was.”

  “That’s exactly what I tried to tell you before. We’re from different worlds. You use money as a thank you, we use words, or gestures.”

  Cassandra blinked back the tears that sprang to her eyes. She had made a mistake, a foolish one that would end a blossoming friends
hip.

  “I…I have a lot to learn, Jane, and I need someone to help me. Please don’t walk away from me. I want to be your friend.”

  For no reason at all, tears also rose in Jane’s eyes. She tried to blink them away, but when she saw tears spilling unashamedly down Cassandra’s cheeks, hers poured free. “Damn it all, anyway. Ju…just say thank you!”

  “Thank you,” Cassandra whispered, a tentative smile on her face. For Cassandra, it simply wasn’t enough. There was one more thing she had to do. Stepping forward, Cassandra pulled Jane into an embrace that spoke more than any words could. “Thank you,” she repeated.

  Chapter Eleven

  Cassandra woke to bright rays of sunlight, the first in three days. For the past few days, the sky had been overcast with periods of rain. Today the sun had returned with a regal majesty.

  Rising from the bed, Cassandra went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and took a quick shower, her last for several days. When she was dry, and the moisture-filmed mirror began to clear, she saw a stranger gazing back at her.

  Her skin had bronzed beneath the sun; the whiteness of her teeth lent evidence to that fact. The green in her hazel eyes seemed more pronounced against the darker background. Four months of the Arizona sun had worked this startling change on her face. If only the same would happen to my heart, she told herself.

  Again, last night she’d dreamed of Kirk, the same sort of dream she’d been having almost every night. In her dream, she and Kirk would be together, climbing the myriad heights of love and desire, clinging together against all odds, and admitting their love to the world and each other.

  Reality came with the daylight and the loss of that love haunted her. Not once in all the time since their first shatteringly passionate joining had they shared another intimacy.

  They were strangers who lived on the same land, worked in the same office, saw the same things day after day, and pretended that nothing had ever happened between them. For Cassandra, the pain increased with the advent of each new day.

  So much had happened to her in the past four months and Cassandra knew she could never go back to being the person she had once been. Surprisingly she was not missing the life she’d left behind.