The Good Father

by Maggie Kingsley

  ‘But it won’t be the same,’ Charlie protested. ‘I won’t know when he’s coming—I won’t be able to plan.’

  ‘Charlie—’

  ‘This is all your fault,’ he continued, rounding on his sister. ‘You never stopped whining when we were out with him, and now he’s had enough.’

  Susie said nothing. In fact, Susie had said nothing at all about Gabriel. Not when Maddie had broken the news, or since.

  ‘Charlie, it’s nobody’s fault,’ Maddie insisted. ‘And can you, please, get your schoolbag or you’re going to be late for school.’

  ‘It’s gym on Wednesdays and I hate gym so I don’t care if I’m late,’ he retorted.

  ‘Well, I care,’ Maddie snapped, reaching to the end of her tether. ‘If you’re late, I’m late, and it’s my job that pays the bills, buys us food and keeps a roof over our heads.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Enough, Charlie,’ she interrupted, and for a second he glowered defiantly back at her then whirled round and stamped out of the sitting room, slamming the door shut behind him.

  ‘Aunt Maddie—’

  And I’ve heard enough from you, too, Susie,’ Maddie said which was deeply unfair when her niece hadn’t actually said anything, but Maddie had got beyond what was fair and what wasn’t.

  All she could think as she retrieved her car keys from the coffee-table was, I don’t need this. I have a headache, I haven’t slept properly for days, and unless half of the population of Glasgow stays home today I’m going to be stuck in the rush hour and late for work.

  Not that Gabriel would notice. All she’d seen of him since Saturday had been the back of his head as he’d disappeared into the unit. Which was fine by her. She didn’t want to talk to him either, except Nell had started frowning every time she saw her, which meant she suspected something, and Jonah had begun glancing at her curiously, too, which meant he was getting suspicious.

  ‘Aunt Maddie…?’

  Susie hadn’t moved from where she was by the window and something in Maddie snapped.

  ‘Are you and your brother deliberately trying to get me fired?’ she demanded. ‘It’s half past eight, I should have dropped you both off at the pre-school activities fifteen minutes ago—’

  ‘You liked him, didn’t you?’ Susie interrupted. ‘You liked him a lot.’

  Maddie didn’t have to ask who she meant, but she didn’t want to talk about Gabriel either.

  ‘Susie, when you’re older you’ll realise that friendships—relationships—between men and women don’t always work out, and now can you, please, get ready for school?’

  ‘It’s me, isn’t it?’ Susie said quietly. ‘If it wasn’t for me, you and Gabriel would be walking off into the sunset together.’

  ‘I don’t think Gabriel’s the walking-off-into-the-sunset type,’ Maddie said, striving to sound light, flippant, but Susie didn’t buy it.

  ‘For you he could be,’ she said, her face unhappy. ‘For you he wants to be, and Charlie’s right. This is all my fault. I know I shouldn’t have been so rude to him but I was scared he might turn out to be like Andrew. That you’d fall in love with him, and then he’d leave you like Andrew did, so I thought…I thought if I was really horrible to him he’d either stick it out if he was one of the good guys or he’d go away quicker if he wasn’t.’

  ‘Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me that’s why you behaved as you did?’ Maddie said through a throat suddenly so tight it hurt. ‘If you’d only told me…’

  ‘I’ve messed everything up, haven’t I?’ Susie murmured, and Maddie walked over to her and gave her a hug.

  ‘No, you haven’t,’ she said firmly. ‘Gabriel doesn’t want to date me any more because he doesn’t want to get involved with somebody with children. Maybe he might have hung around a little bit longer if you hadn’t been rude to him, but he was always going to walk.’

  ‘But if he doesn’t want to get involved with somebody who has kids, why did he date you in the first place?’ Susie protested.

  Good question. ‘I don’t think he realised what he was letting himself in for,’ Maddie replied. ‘Now that he knows, he’s decided he wants children, but he wants children of his own.’

  ‘I suppose you can see his point,’ Susie said. ‘There can’t be many men who would want to saddle themselves with an eight-year-old and a fourteen-year-old. OK, so I’ll be off your hands in three or four years—’

  ‘Susie, you will never be off my hands,’ Maddie insisted. ‘Even when you’re forty-two, with children of your own, I’ll always be there for you.’

  Her niece’s cheeks darkened. ‘I know,’ she said, her voice slightly thick, ‘but, Aunt Maddie, we’re not even your kids.’

  ‘Sweetheart, I couldn’t love you and Charlie more if I’d given birth to you,’ Maddie said, willing her niece to believe her.

  ‘But it’s not right that you have to give up so much for us!’ Susie exclaimed. ‘You should have a life of your own.’

  ‘I’ve got a life of my own,’ Maddie protested. ‘Susie, I have never considered you or Charlie a burden. There are times when you’ve driven me crazy, times when I could cheerfully have throttled the pair of you, but I will always love you, and when you’re older—’

  ‘You’ll start living again?’

  Maddie gazed at Susie, horror-stricken. ‘I didn’t say that—I have never for one second ever thought that. Susie, listen to me. I fell in love with Gabriel—there, I’ve admitted it—but you and your brother mean the world to me, and if Gabriel can’t see that, if he can’t understand I would never want to be without you, then he’s not the man for me.’

  ‘Honestly?’ Susie said, and Maddie smiled.

  ‘Honestly,’ she said, and knew that she meant it.

  Even if she could have waved a magic wand over Charlie and Susie to transform them into babies, she wouldn’t have done it. They were Amy’s children, her only link with a sister she’d loved dearly, and she wouldn’t have wanted them to be anything but what they were.

  ‘Gabriel doesn’t know what he’s missing, Susie,’ she said. ‘You and your brother are funny and smart, irritating and infuriating, wonderful and special, and if he can’t see that then I feel very sorry for him.’

  ‘I bet he doesn’t feel sorry for himself,’ Susie observed. ‘I bet he thinks he’s had a lucky escape.’

  And Maddie managed a small, tight smile because she rather thought her niece was right.

  ‘I just need you to countersign Ben Thompson’s release papers, and he can be discharged today,’ Jonah said as he and Gabriel walked down the corridor. ‘His parents have asked if they can take his apnoea alarm home with him—just to give them a little extra security—and I’ve said they can have it for a month.’

  ‘They do realise the alarm is only affixed to Ben’s tummy by a sticker pad, and now he’s a lot bigger he’s quite liable to pull it off and give them a lot of unnecessary scares, thinking he’s stopped breathing?’ Gabriel said, and Jonah nodded.

  ‘I’ve explained that to them, but you know what preemie parents are like. They may be desperate to take their babies home, but they also want a security blanket when they get them there.’

  ‘How’s Kieran getting on now?’ Gabriel asked as he led the way into his consulting room. ‘Any chest problems—signs of developmental delay?’

  Jonah shook his head wryly. ‘You’re as bad as the parents, aren’t you? He’s fine. He’s put on a pound in weight since he was discharged.’

  And Mr and Mrs Thompson are quite happy at the prospect of taking Ben home?’ Gabriel said as he scrawled his signature across the discharge form and handed it back to Jonah. ‘Some parents can panic at the thought of having to adjust to the presence of another baby when they’ve only just got into the routine of dealing with one.’

  ‘They’re over the moon,’ Jonah said. ‘In fact, according to them, no couple ever had such perfect babies, and you’re the best doctor in the world.’

  Yeah, ri
ght, Gabriel thought grimly. Well, I’d prefer to be a less lousy human being.

  ‘Are you going back to the unit?’ he said, and when Jonah nodded, he added, ‘I think I’ll come with you.’

  Jonah looked startled. ‘But you can’t. You have Mr Phillips coming in to see you this morning. The representative of that charity group who seem keen to make a donation to the unit?’ he added when Gabriel stared at him blankly.

  ‘Oh. Right. I remember,’ Gabriel said, though, in truth, he’d completely forgotten.

  ‘No, you didn’t remember, Gabriel,’ Jonah said. ‘Like you didn’t remember your monthly Admin meeting yesterday, and we all ended up running around like headless chickens, looking for you.’

  ‘Are you suggesting I’m losing the plot?’ Gabriel snapped, and Jonah stared at him thoughtfully for a moment, then pulled over a chair and sat down.

  ‘I’m not suggesting anything,’ he said, ‘but you’ve been behaving like a man who’s living on another planet all week, and if there’s something wrong—something I can help with—for God’s sake, tell me.’

  ‘It’s personal, Jonah.’

  ‘Maddie again?’ Jonah grinned, then quickly smoothed out his features when Gabriel gave him a hard stare. ‘Sorry. Look, I know these family dates are a pain, but—’

  ‘It’s got nothing to do with the family dates because we’re not dating any more.’

  Jonah’s mouth fell open. ‘You’re not…But why?’

  ‘It’s not working out,’ Gabriel said.

  For a moment Jonah said nothing, then he cleared his throat. ‘And who decided it wasn’t working out—you or Maddie?’

  ‘I did,’ Gabriel said, and Jonah’s mouth fell open even further.

  ‘But, Gabriel, she’s perfect for you. She’s warm and kind, and funny and smart…Look, whatever you’ve done—however you’ve screwed this up—get her back.’

  ‘I don’t want her back,’ Gabriel flared, and Jonah stared at him in confusion, then suddenly his eyes narrowed and he looked grimmer than Gabriel had ever seen him.

  ‘The reason you’re not dating Maddie any more,’ he said slowly. ‘It wouldn’t have anything to do with your realisation that there’s no way on God’s earth she’ll ever apply for Lynne’s job, would it?’

  It was Gabriel’s turn to look bewildered. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

  ‘When you hired Maddie you said you were going to try to keep her sweet for four months in the hope that she’d step into Lynne’s shoes,’ Jonah said, his voice ice-cold. ‘If these dates have been part of your keep-her-sweet plan, and now you’ve dumped her because you’ve realised your plan isn’t going to work, you can have my resignation right now.’

  ‘Of course I haven’t been dating her because of Lynne’s job,’ Gabriel snapped. ‘What kind of man do you take me for?’

  Jonah met his eyes, glare for glare. ‘You tell me.’

  ‘I haven’t thought about that for weeks,’ Gabriel protested, and he hadn’t. Not since the day Maddie had sat down opposite him in the canteen, looking panic-stricken and so very adorable. ‘In fact, I don’t know why I ever thought she would want to return to nursing in the first place.’

  Because he was arrogant, he thought grimly, and arrogance always came before a fall. No, that’s pride, but in his case arrogance and pride were pretty much the same thing.

  ‘Gabriel, whatever the problem is, work it out,’ Jonah said. ‘If you let Maddie go—’

  ‘You said you thought Nell might make a good ward manager,’ Gabriel interrupted. ‘If you still believe that, would you sound her out for me, see if she’s interested?’

  ‘Yes, but about Maddie—’

  ‘I need to know if Nell is interested,’ Gabriel said determinedly, ‘because if she’s not, we’ll have to start advertising.’

  ‘Yes, but Maddie—’

  ‘I have nothing more to say about Maddie,’ Gabriel said in a voice that brooked no argument. ‘It’s over. Finished.’

  And it was over, he thought as Jonah left. His traitorous body might wish it wasn’t but his mind told him it was better this way. He couldn’t be a surrogate father to Charlie and Susie. If he was honest with himself, he’d never considered being one. All he’d wanted had been to make love to Maddie but, as he’d sat on the sofa on Saturday night and seen the photographs of Charlie and Susie smiling down at him, he’d known that he couldn’t make love to her on the basis of a lie.

  A woman like Maddie needed—deserved—more than a casual fling, and if he’d felt something tear inside him when she’d gazed at him, her eyes huge and bewildered in a face he knew almost as well as his own, then it was better this way.

  Or it would be, he thought with a groan as he felt his body stirring and reacting to the memory of how she’d looked that night, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted, her breasts…

  Work, he told himself, getting to his feet with a muttered oath. Stop remembering, and think about work. Think about next Wednesday.

  Next Wednesday when he was going to meet Professor Larson of the Swedish Institute in Stockholm. Professor Larson, who never met individuals privately and yet who had, unbelievably, telephoned him on Monday to say he’d be in Glasgow in ten days’ time and would like to meet him.

  Think about that, he told himself. Think about how it’s always been your dream to work for the man, and if that doesn’t stop you thinking about Maddie, nothing will. Quickly he leafed through his appointment book to see what time he’d agreed to meet the professor, only to stare at the page in horror. There were six appointments listed, but none of them were with Professor Larson, and with a groan he grabbed his appointment book and hurried out of his consulting room.

  ‘But, Maddie, I’ve agreed to meet Professor Larson a week today at two o’clock,’ Gabriel exclaimed, dismay plain upon his face. ‘I can’t ring him up and cancel.’

  ‘I don’t see what else you can do,’ she replied. ‘If only you’d told me—’

  ‘I thought I had,’ he protested. ‘I was sure I left a sticky note on your desk after he phoned on Monday but maybe my mind…’ A slight tinge of colour darkened his cheeks. ‘Maybe it was on other things.’

  Like how you walked out on me on Saturday night, she thought, but she didn’t say it.

  ‘Can’t you cancel some of my appointments?’ he continued, and Maddie logged onto her copy of his appointment book on her computer.

  ‘You have six meetings scheduled for next Wednesday. One is with the unit’s biggest charitable benefactor, one is with the head of the health board and the other four are with individuals who I think we can also safely categorise as pretty important VIPs. Which ones would you suggest I cancel?’

  ‘How about if you moved Mr Wilson’s appointment from two o’clock to four o’clock,’ he said desperately, ‘and then moved Mrs Jeffrey’s appointment from four o’clock to eleven o’clock in the morning—?’

  ‘Gabriel, Mr Wilson made that appointment six weeks ago. Mrs Jeffrey made hers three months ago. OK, OK,’ she continued as he groaned again. ‘I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise anything.’

  ‘Maddie, if you can pull this off, you can have anything you want,’ he said fervently, and her heart twisted inside her.

  I want you, she thought. Despite everything, she still wanted him.

  You’re pathetic, Maddie, her heart whispered. This man has hurt you, dumped you, and yet not only do you still want him but you’re trying to pull his butt out of the fire. He’s screwed up, just like Colin and Andrew used to do, and just as you did with Colin and Andrew, you’re trying to rescue him. You have learned nothing.

  ‘I’d get on with this a lot faster if you stopped hovering over me,’ she said, injecting as much coolness into her voice as she could.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said, moving back a step, but it didn’t help.

  She could still smell his aftershave, was still intensely, acutely aware of him, of his nearness, of his breathing. Of him.

  ‘Look,
why don’t you go back to your consulting room?’ she said. ‘If I find a way of changing your schedule, I’ll let you know.’

  He looked disappointed. ‘I thought maybe I could help,’ he said.

  Going away would help, she thought. Not standing anywhere near me would help, because when you stand close to me, I remember. I remember the touch of your hands on my body, the feel of your lips on mine, and I don’t want to remember.

  ‘There really isn’t anything you can do to help,’ she said, all calm, cool efficiency on the outside, while inside her heart was beating so fast it would have brought the crash team to her side if she’d been attached to a monitor.

  ‘You’re sure?’ he said.

  ‘Positive,’ she replied firmly, and after a moment’s hesitation he nodded, but as he walked out of her office she bit her lip savagely.

  How had she let this happen? She had been so sure she could safeguard her heart by making their dates family-only ones. She had been so certain that if she never spent time alone with him she would be safe, but somehow he’d got past her defences. Somehow, despite all the precautions she’d taken, she’d fallen in love with him, and now…What was she going to do? What the hell was she going to do?

  ‘Are you OK?’

  She looked up to see Jonah standing in her doorway and managed a smile.

  ‘Fine, thanks,’ she said. Apart from wanting to burst into tears.

  ‘You’re sure?’ Jonah, said, scanning her face anxiously. ‘It’s just I saw Gabriel coming out of your office and—’

  ‘He forgot to tell me he’d arranged a meeting with Professor Larson for next Wednesday afternoon and at the moment his schedule’s so packed there’s no way he can fit it in.’

  ‘Professor Larson?’ Jonah repeated. ‘The Professor Larson of the Swedish Institute in Stockholm?’

  ‘The very same.’ Maddie nodded, and Jonah let out a low whistle.

  ‘I’m impressed.’

  ‘Professor Larson isn’t going to be if Gabriel has to cancel,’ Maddie said dryly, and Jonah came round her desk to peer at her computer screen.

  ‘You’ve not a hope in hell of altering that, Maddie.’