Joelle's Secret

by Gilbert, Morris

  “I may have been honest and ethical with other women, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe.”

  His answer stirred Edith’s interest, and she studied him closely as she knew he had been studying her. She saw aristo cratic, intelligent features and lines of wit and laughter around his mouth. There was a hint of temper between his brows, but she guessed it was rarely used. She could tell that he had lost something and had encountered deep valleys. His features displayed marks of grief, sadness, and regret. She was curious about the reasons but didn’t ask questions. Pulling her dress up, she turned away and buttoned it, then turned back to him.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked foolish questions.”

  “I really didn’t answer your question,” Logan said. He seemed to hesitate as if he was deciding whether to make a safe or a risky move; he was not a man who took risk lightly. She saw him take a deep breath, and then he made his decision. “I shouldn’t be saying this, but I care for you, Edith.”

  Edith Riker had known the attention of men. Before her marriage, she had been a belle and had learned to recognize the devious and the honorable ways of men. She saw honor in Owen Majors and had admired the man. The new man, Chad Hardin, had it also, not to the same degree of Majors perhaps or even Temple, but it was there.

  She said evenly, “I know that. Women know things like that.”

  Her answer startled Temple. “I had never said a word.”

  “Words are weak things,” Edith said quietly. “But I’ve seen it in your eyes.”

  “Do you think I’m a man you could ever care for?”

  “Oh, Logan,” she whispered. There was sadness in her voice. “We’re too late. We’ve missed out on something that could have been very good. Out of all the men in the world, how does a woman find the one who would satisfy her needs and fill her life? I’ve often wondered that.”

  “Or how does a man find a woman like that?”

  “It happens sometimes,” Edith said, “but most of the time it doesn’t.” Her words revealed a feeling of fatalism, which she rarely allowed to show. She knew she had to end this. “Go now, Logan, and please don’t speak of this again.”

  “I probably will,” Logan said, then turned and walked out of the tent without looking back. Edith Riker stood there silently, but her heart told her that she would never forget this moment, not if she lived to be a very old woman. Even then she would be able to bring it back word for word—the sight, sounds, smells, and his facial expressions. She had few memories like this, but she knew she would treasure this one.

  * * *

  “THIS FORT’S NOT MUCH of a place, is it, Chad?”

  Joelle had joined Chad Hardin who was walking along the roads of the army post. “Not much.” There had been a rain, and the ground was muddy. They’d reached the Wasatch Mountains, which had made for slow going. More than once they double-teamed the oxen to pull the heavily laden wagons up steep slopes.

  “Looks about like all other forts. Maybe a little worse.”

  “Why are you going to California? You weren’t headed that way, Chad.”

  “Why, I don’t know, Joe. I’m just like a rolling stone, I guess. You know the old saying: The rolling stone gathers no moss, but I always said who wants to have a bunch of moss?” He laughed and punched Jo on the shoulder. As light as the blow was, it moved her backward. “Sorry,” he said. “You’re such a small young fellow I forget. How old are you anyway? Seven

  teen? Eighteen?”

  “Seventeen. Be eighteen soon.”

  Chad Hardin gave Joelle a sideways glance. “Well, you need to leave the West. You belong in the East somehow. You’d make a good clerk or something like that. You’re too soft for this kind of life.”

  “I can handle myself.”

  Chad grinned but shook his head. “I trust you can.”

  Joelle was curious about the big mountain man. “Why did you come?”

  “I was heading back to St. Louis when I met up with the train, but I remembered what good times I had with Owen. Hard times but good. Decided I’d go on to California.”

  “You’re going to get rich?”

  “Get rich, find me a woman, marry her, settle down, and raise a passel of young ones. How does that sound for a plan?”

  Joelle laughed. “It sounds good. I’d like to see you do it.”

  “Lots of Spanish women out there in California. Some of them are the best-looking things you’ve ever seen. Skin like satin and big, luscious brown eyes. Soft lips. But their families are kind of protective of them. I got shot at once by a Spanish grandee down on the border. Said I was too familiar with his daughter.”

  “Were you?”

  “You bet!”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “There, you see? How many people you think on this wagon train knows what ‘incorrigible’ means? Except maybe for Dr. Temple, who knows all, sees all.”

  The mention of Logan Temple caused both of them to fall silent for a moment. “He’s stuck on Edith Riker, which is bad news.” Chad shook his head. “I feel sorry for that woman to live with a no-account fella like Riker. I don’t know what she married him for.”

  “Nobody knows about things like that. He may have been different when he was younger.”

  “I doubt it. A woman is weak. Remember that, Joe. They’re easy to fool.”

  “Your opinion of women isn’t very high, is it?”

  “I think it is. Just got to know their weaknesses. How you going to take care of them if you don’t know that? Well, back to my plan. I can’t decide whether to be a rich rancher or go into business and start a saloon.”

  “Your wife might have strong feelings about that.”

  “Well, maybe I’ll just find a rich widow and marry up with her. Then I won’t have any decisions to make. I’ll just take her money and have a good time the rest of my life.”

  Joelle kept the conversation going, for she enjoyed Chad’s foolishness. Suddenly she saw Jack Benbow slouching along with Lonnie Tate and Ash Landon. They were headed for the saloon, of course. “I don’t like the way Benbow keeps trying to provoke Owen into a fight, Chad.”

  “He’s the kind of fellow who can judge a man only one way,” Chad said soberly. “Can he kill him?”

  “What a terrible way to live!”

  “It seems to be born in some men. He’s a dangerous fellow, Benbow is. I’ve been keeping an eye on Owen’s back. I may have to put Benbow down myself.”

  “Would you do that?”

  “In a second. Benbow’s never been any good. He’s nothing but a killer, and as far as I can see, that’s all he ever wants to be.”

  The two continued until Hardin left her to go to the saloon, and she went into the general store to get a few supplies.

  * * *

  “I HAD A PRETTY good time at the fort, Pa.”When Davis Hall looked down at Benny, he grinned. “So did I. It’s a wonder all that candy and soda pop didn’t make you sick.”

  Benny Hall turned his fair blue eyes on his father. He was a thoughtful young man. At age twelve, he seemed to have absorbed some mature qualities. “Why’d you buy me all that candy? You let me have all I wanted.”

  “Well, I guess maybe I wanted to see how much candy a twelve-year-old would hold.”

  “Ma said she was afraid you’d make me sick.”

  “Well, I didn’t, did I?”

  “No, you proved one thing though.”

  “What’s that, Son?”

  “I didn’t think there was enough candy in the world for me, but while you kept feeding it to me, I didn’t even like it anymore. Had to turn it down.” Benny shook his head in wonder. “Sure enough thought I’d never turn candy down.”

  Davis Hall reached down and tousled the boy’s hair, the same tawny color as his own. He had taken the boy back behind the train where the stock was driven. It was his turn to lend a hand, and lately he had started taking Benny with him at every opportunity. The two had grown closer, something he had always dr
eamed of, and now he said, “Well, that’s the way it is with most things a man hankers after. Most of the time he

  comes to the end of it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Pa.”

  “Well, I don’t guess I do either. Just that things we long after don’t always satisfy us. Maybe we’re looking for the wrong things.”

  “I don’t know what that has to do with candy.”

  “Well, it’s candy you want now, but you’re twelve. Pretty soon you’ll be thirteen and fifteen, and then, Son, you’ll find yourself chasing after some other things.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, the things young fellows think they have to chase after. They think they have to prove how tough they are so they start experimenting with drinking and gambling and finally women, of course.”

  “Did you do that?”

  “Sure did.” There was regret in Davis’s voice. “I wish I hadn’t now.”

  “You don’t drink much. No more than any other fella on the train.”

  “No, not my weakness.”

  He waited for the boy to ask what was his weakness and realized that Benny never would ask the question. Why, he already knows my weakness! The thought shamed him for he knew that Benny had heard, more than once, Aiden bringing him up short because of his tendency toward other women. He wanted now to say something that would form some kind of justification for his life before his son, but he knew there was nothing. I’ve ruined it all. There’s no way now I can gain Benny’s respect, and Aiden will always hate me.

  “Why do you and Ma fight so much?”

  This was not the question Benny had wanted to ask. Davis recognized that at once. It was Benny’s way at getting at the problem without embarrassing him, and he was amazed at his young son’s sensitivity. “Because I’ve been a bad husband and a bad father too.”

  The two had stopped their horses, waiting for the stock to get ahead of them. Benny was framing a question that had been troubling him, but it took him a long moment before he could ask. “Why don’t you be better, Pa?”

  At that instant Davis Hall came face to face with his wrongdoing. He had seen men who never seemed to face up to their problems, but he was a better man than that, all signs to the contrary. He knew he had to make a drastic choice, and he said quietly, “I’m going to try, Son. I’m promising you that.”

  A light came into Benny’s eyes, and his face grew less tense. “That’s good, Pa,” he said. “You can do it too.”

  * * *

  BENNY WATCHED HIS FATHER leave to go on night guard. They had had a good supper, and, as usual, there had been little talk between his parents. Benny had done most of the talking, and finally, when he helped his mother clean up, she said, “Tomorrow, if we stop early enough, I’m going to bake you a pie. I’ve got just enough dried peaches.”

  “Gosh, Ma, I’d love to have a fresh pie.”

  “So would I. Now, let’s have us a cup of coffee, sit down, and we can talk.”

  “All right, Ma,” Benny said quickly. He poured the coffee into two cups, no more than an inch in his, to which he added sugar, and then he stirred it vigorously.

  “Well, now. Tell me what you’re going to do when you get to California? You going to be a miner?”

  “Shucks, Ma, I don’t want to be a miner. All they do is dig around in the ground.”

  “Well, I think that’s right. Why don’t you be a doctor?”

  “I’m not smart enough for that.”

  Aiden reached over and pulled his hair. “Don’t you say that. I didn’t give birth to no fools.”

  “Oh, Ma, you know I couldn’t be a doctor.”

  “I don’t see why not. Why don’t you talk to Dr. Temple? Ask him how hard it is and how to get started.”

  Benny said, “That would take a long time.”

  The two sat there, and she realized he had fallen quiet. “What is it, Son? You worried about something?”

  Benny turned and said, “I wish you and Pa wouldn’t fight so much, Ma. Why do you do it?”

  “Just something between grown-ups.”

  “Will it ever be any better?”

  The question hurt Aiden. “I loved your father once, but he wasn’t faithful to me, Son. You know that.”

  “Don’t you love him, Ma?”

  “Not anymore.”

  Aiden saw that her reply had quenched Benny’s spirit. She didn’t know how to soften the blow and waited for him to speak. Finally he looked up, and she saw pain in his eyes. “If I let you down, Ma, will you not love me anymore?”

  Benny’s reply broke Aiden’s heart. She put her arms around him and held him close. “I’ll always love you no matter what.” But she knew he was afraid—afraid that he’d lose her as his father had lost her.

  * * *

  BENNY HAD GONE TO bed early, but Aiden stayed up. When Davis returned, he was surprised. “You still up? I thought you’d be asleep.”

  “I’ve got to talk to you, Davis.”

  “All right.” He put his rifle into the wagon and sat beside her. “What is it? Is something wrong with Benny?”

  “No—well, yes, there is. He talked to me tonight about you and me.”

  “I didn’t know that he talked to you, but he talked to me about that too. Hard on a young fella, isn’t it? His parents are his whole world, pretty much. That’s all he’s got when he’s twelve, and his world’s broken-up.”

  “He asked me if I loved you, and I told him no. He said—” She choked up, and when she turned to him, he saw her eyes were glistening with tears. “He asked me if he failed me, would I not love him anymore. Oh, Davis, it broke my heart.”

  Davis recognized that the wall between the two was his own making. He took her hand and held it in both of his. “I’ve made so many promises and broken them to everyone, but something’s happened to me. I’ve lost everything that’s worth anything in this life, my son and my wife. I’ve been the world’s biggest fool, Aiden, but I’ve been reading the Bible, and I’ve been thinking about God, and one thing is pretty clear. God forgives us for anything. I don’t know if a human being is able to do that, but if you could forgive me, without any promises on my part, I’d feel mighty good about it.”

  Aiden studied his face. He was a handsome man, always had been, and now there was a seriousness about him she hadn’t seen in a long time. She knew this was the moment that would either destroy her life or give her back something. She knew it was going to be hard as it had been in the past. She had no idea whether he could keep this unspoken promise.

  She said, “When we first met, I was so much in love with you, Davis, and when we were first married, I thought no woman had ever loved a man as I loved you.”

  Davis stared at her, and his voice was husky. “Is any of that love left, Aiden? Any at all?”

  In an instant Aiden Hall knew that despite their rocky road, the fights, and all the wrongs she had endured, there was something there. “Yes, Davis, there is.”

  They sat there, he holding her hand, and then he squeezed the hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed it. His voice was low and husky as he said, “Aiden, I’ll die before I’d ever go to another woman. I’ll blow my own brains out. I know I don’t deserve this chance.” He touched her hair. “You always had the most beautiful hair I ever saw.”

  She suddenly put her arms around him, and he held her. “We’ll find each other again, Aiden,” he said. “God put us together for always.”

  She sat quietly in his embrace and wondered, Can a miracle like this happen? Can he be the man he used to be? Could our love come back again? And suddenly she knew this was the second chance that some people never get. She breathed a prayer, God help me to be a good wife to this man.

  * * *

  OWEN HAD BEEN SADDLING up his big bay horse, ready to go for a hunt, and Joelle said, “I want to go with you.”

  “All right. Come on.”

  Joelle had saddled Blackie, and the two of them rode out. It was a mystery to
everyone on the train how Majors was able to bring in game when no one else could. They rode several miles from the train, and he led her into a small arroyo. “Tie the horses here.” She tied her horse and saw him take a white cloth out of his saddlebag “Watch this, and you’ll see the secret of the mighty hunter.” He led her away from the arroyo a hundred yards and tied the strip of the rag to a yucca. It fluttered in the breeze, and he said, “There.”

  “What is that for?”

  “Come on, you’ll see.” He led her back to the arroyo, and they hid themselves in the small gulch.

  “Now then we have to wait awhile.”

  “Wait for what?”

  “Wait for the antelope to come. A man’s too slow to catch an antelope so the antelope have to come to him.”

  Joelle said, “You’re funning me, Owen.”

  “No, I’m not. Here, just be quiet.”

  Joelle crouched beside him, and from time to time he would whisper something about the train, and they carried on a quiet conversation. Finally he looked up cautiously. “There. See?”

  Joelle looked up and saw a small herd of antelope. They were nervous and jumping, but they were all looking at the white bit of cloth.

  “What are they looking at that for?”

  “Just nosy. Curious like a woman, boy. Get your rifle ready. When I count three, you take a shot, and I’ll get one too.”

  Joelle pulled her Spencer out and cautiously leaned over the rim of the gulch. She heard him count. On three, she pulled the trigger and was thrilled to see an antelope fall. She heard Owen’s rifle sound twice, and two more antelope fell.

  “See how simple it is. Everybody thinks I’m a great hunter. All it takes is a little bit of knowledge. Come on. Let’s get these critters back to camp. I like to hunt them, but I hate to dress them out. We’ll give two of them away.”

  They tied the game on the back of their horses, small creatures and not the best of eating, but better than no meat at all.

  When they reached the camp, Owen left one antelope with the Picketts. They were always short of grub, and he talked with Delbert and teased Jennie. “A pretty girl like you shouldn’t have to skin antelope. I’d make your dad do it if I were you. You just sit around and be pretty.”