The Phoenix Project Series: Books 1-3: The Phoenix Project, The Reformation, and Revelation

by Pritchard, M. R.

  As the children skip, reveling in that possession by the moon and the fire, Marcus and Ira let go of their hands and switch places further down in the circle, followed by Astrid and Lex. I notice Lina smiling as she moves next to Ian, grasping his hand and shaking his arm to make him sing louder. With all the switching of places, it’s not long before Blithe and Sam wind up next to each other, his large hand grasping her slender one, skipping along with the children. I feel Lina’s familiar hand take mine.

  “As fun as this is,” Elvis starts and looking up, he moves his hands in front of him, pulling together Lex and Marcus-who were on either side of him-and connecting them to each other, closing the circle. Elvis salutes the lot of us. “I must go put the beasts to bed!” Elvis backs up, a wide smile spread across his face as he watches us skip, the children still singing, barely missing a beat as he leaves. Just as he gets far enough away that the fire no longer lights his face, I see his smile fade away to a look that can only be described as longing and melancholy. Then he turns and walks fastidiously towards the barn.

  Skipping along with the children, listening to the laughter from Blithe and Sam as the children switch places with them again, the evening breeze blows my hair across my face and I feel Lina’s grasp on my hand loosen. Turning, I see what is about to happen. Ian looks up as she lets go of both of our hands, skipping to the other side of Lex. It must be the look on my face, or maybe it’s him, knowing that we’d have to hold hands. We both stop dead in our tracks. The children knock into Ian’s back, causing him to lurch forward a bit. I take a step back. The fire flickers in his brown irises, and he doesn’t even attempt to reach out and take my hand. There are moans and shouts from the children behind Ian, urging him to keep up with the song, but neither of us moves.

  “Okay, wild beasts,” Blithe answers the children’s shouts. “I think it’s time for bed!”

  The night air is filled with, “Aww,” and “Already?” and “But we were having fun,” as she ushers the four boys into a line, leaving Lina and Astrid behind with us.

  Ian looks towards the fire. “Sorry,” he whispers as he turns abruptly, following Elvis’s path towards the barn.

  I gather up Lina and Astrid and bring them home for bed.

  There is no pacing from Ian that night because he does not return. I lay in my bed, alone, awake, feeling the cold sheets next to me. I pull the spare pillow to my chest, trying to stop that empty feeling in there.

  In the morning I hear Ian’s steps as he walks down the hall towards the kitchen. I pretend to be occupied as he makes his coffee and drinks it. Turning, I watch as he pats each of the children atop their heads and walks out the door for work at the nuclear plant.

  chapter seven

  Ian

  “She doesn’t speak to me.”

  “Still nothing more than a few words?” Dr. Akiyama asks.

  I shake my head at him. I think she’s said one full sentence, and that was only four words: Don’t wink at me. Yup, four words.

  “She still refuses to come here with you.”

  I slouch down into the couch. I know this already. “I don’t know what to do with her,” I admit to him.

  “What have you tried so far?”

  “Just… I don’t know. Normal things. I get the kids from the school if she has something to do. But she’s always there, doing everything herself. She never leaves. I don’t even know when she comes here.” I assume it’s while I’m at the plant, during those eight hours that I am away and the hours that Lina is in school that she has to visit Dr. Akiyama. But, she’s never told me a day. I’ve never walked into the kitchen on Tuesday morning and had her tell me that she has to go to the doctor in the afternoon so don’t worry if I come home and she’s not here. She used to say things like that to me in the mornings. Now there’s nothing but silence from her.

  “Perhaps you should just do something for her, show her that you’re there for her, to help. Maybe make dinner, fold the laundry?”

  “No.” I shake my head at him. “She doesn’t like it when I do those things. It will just make her angry.”

  “Maybe not, she’s changed.”

  “I know and I don’t know who she is anymore.”

  Dr. Akiyama picks up a notebook from the table next to him and flips through it. “Do you still love her?”

  “Yes,” I tell him firmly. Of course I still love her. How could I not love the mother of my child? And after all I have done to get back to them? I wouldn’t have starved myself half to death if I didn’t still love Andie and Lina.

  “After all that she has done? You can still love her despite the fact that she has lain with another man and bore his child?”

  I think of Andie and Lina coming home from the hospital with the baby, his baby. Raven is what Lina named him. Over the past few weeks I’ve barely seen him, Andie keeps him to herself. I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I think I can learn to accept it.”

  “You are not angry with her?”

  “No, not with her.” I look away from him.

  “With whom then?”

  I don’t answer. I don’t trust any of these people.

  “I see,” Dr. Akiyama states softly as he writes something in his notebook. “Has she told you what happened to her?”

  Shaking my head, I reply, “She won’t even tell me the time of day, let alone what happened to her.”

  “Perhaps with time then,” he suggests.

  “How much time? I’ve been waiting for… forever. How long am I supposed to wait?”

  Dr. Akiyama exhales a long breath. “Ian, you do realize she loved two men and both of them died to her. Now, one has returned. That isn’t easy for anyone. It does things to the mind and soul, things that take a while to mend together.”

  I nod to him, pressing my lips together, now is not the time to talk. But I want to tell him that I was never dead. I have never died. I have always been here. Alive, waiting.

  “Is this problem impacting your work at all?”

  “No,” I answer, shaking my head. “That’s the easy part. I’ve been doing that job for years. I could run that reactor with my eyes closed.”

  --

  On my way back to the Pasture, I make a detour and swing by our old house.

  Someone else has been taking care of it. The sidewalk is shoveled, the driveway too. It’s strange staring at our old house and remembering everything we used to be. Dr. Akiyama wants to know who I’m angry with and it’s not Andie. It’s them and…me. I have to fix this.

  Throwing the vehicle into park, I get out and head into the house. There’s something I need to find here, something I’ve been looking for a long time now. They have to be here. There is no other place Andie could have left them.

  --

  Parking next to the barn, I sit in the SUV while the sun bakes the interior, warming this cold chill in my center as I listen to the snow fall from the barn roof, landing with heavy plops on the ground. It’s strange, the weather we have now. Snowstorms and warm days, then it’s back to blizzards again. I look at the dashboard clock and see that it’s almost two. Today I promised to get the children from the school house so Andie could do some errand. She didn’t give specifics. I wonder if she’s going to see Dr. Akiyama. I wonder if he’ll tell her what I’ve been telling him.

  I walk across the courtyard and wait, leaning against the porch railing. Stevie is the first one to run out of the school house. The sound of her paws making hollow noises on the wood of the porch is followed by the door crashing against the porch railing and the sounds of the boys running and leaping off of the steps. Lina is last, holding onto Astrid’s hand. Raven isn’t here today, Andie took him with her wherever she went. She always takes him, it’s like she’s afraid to leave him with me.

  I kneel to pet Stevie.

  “Daddy!” Lina let’s go of Astrid’s hand and jumps on my back.

  “Hey, sweetie!” I stand and adjust my arms to give her a piggyback ride.

  �
��Where’s mom?”

  “She had some things to do.” I spin her around. “So, what do you want to do until she gets home?”

  “Let’s feed the horses!” Lina wraps her arms around my neck. I pause, relishing that feeling. There was a time when I never thought I’d feel her arms around me or see her again. I make my way towards the barn. “Wait!” she shouts in my ear. “We forgot Astrid!”

  Turning around, I search for the little girl with the short dark hair and find her standing on the porch holding Blithe’s hand, her eyes wide and watery. “Astrid!” I release one of Lina’s legs and hold my hand out to her. “Come on! The horses are hungry.”

  Blithe releases Astrid’s hand, and nods with a smile.

  Astrid runs, her little legs moving fast over the snowy yard. I hold my hand out, but at the last second, as she’s reaching, she slips and starts to fall. A small noise escapes her throat. I move fast, two steps, and just before she lands on her hands and knees, I grasp her around the waist and lift her.

  No tears today, not on my watch.

  “Gotcha.” I move to lift her up, settle her on my hip and notice the gleam in her eyes is more watery than it was before. “No flying today, Astrid.” I skip a step and bump her in the air. “Only the birds can fly here.”

  This elicits a giggle from both of the girls, warming that dark chill in my center for just a few moments more.

  After feeding the animals we arrive back at the house to find Andie. They’re setting the table for dinner, Raven on her hip as usual.

  I hang the girl’s coats, arrange the shoes in a straight line by the door. The girls run into the kitchen, both of them rosy cheeked from the crisp air outside. I watch from the doorway as they both stop to hug Andie around her waist before dashing to their seats at the table.

  I guess now is as good a time as any to offer to help like Dr. Akiyama suggested. I take three steps into the kitchen. Andie turns as soon as she sees me, faces the stove and reaches for a plate piled high with sandwiches.

  “Can I help?” I ask.

  She stops dead in her tracks, stares at me with wide eyes.

  “Ah… sure.” She hands me the plate of grilled cheese. I move to take it, hands shaking. I don’t even know why, maybe it’s her suddenly taking me up on an offer to help instead of telling me no or shaking her head. Maybe it’s that necklace I can see hiding under her shirt. My nerves hit me like never before. I feel her hand release the plate, and with mine so nervously fumbling, the plate slides out of my fingers and onto the floor, shattering with a loud sound.

  Lina and Astrid stop their schoolgirl chatter and turn to see what happened. Andie’s mouth drops open and she mutters an apology. Don’t know why she’s apologizing. I’m the one who dropped the plate. I look up to find Raven staring at me, a scowl on his face, agreeing without words that I am every bit the klutz that I currently feel like.

  Andie sets Raven down and grabs an empty plate off the counter before bending to pick dinner up off of the floor.

  Raven glares, and for a moment I wonder if this stare he’s giving me, if it’s similar to a face his father would make. It has to be, he barely resembles Andie at all since he’s all dark-as-night-hair and blue eyes. He looks down at his mother before returning his gaze to me with a what-are-you-waiting-for look on his face. He toddles away and climbs into his chair at the table.

  I drop to a crouch, a little too late, and fumble to help pick up the sandwiches. Some have shards of ceramic plate embedded in them. Andie sets the salvageable sandwiches on the clean plate after brushing them off.

  My hand runs into hers as we both reach for the last sandwich.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her.

  “It’s fine.” She throws two of the sandwiches in the pig bin, then cleans the broken plate off of the floor with a dustpan. “Why don’t you go clean up?”

  I look down at my hands to find them coated with crumbs and small pieces of broken plate. I don’t remember standing or walking away. But the next thing I know I’m standing in the bathroom, rubbing soap over my hands, wondering how I could botch a task as simple as carrying a plate to the table. Jesus, I wasn’t even this nervous when I first met her or when I asked her to marry me.

  By the time I return from the bathroom, Andie had filled the dinner bowls with homemade tomato soup and cut the remaining sandwiches into quarters. It was while I was eating my third piece of sandwich that I noticed she hadn’t eaten any, and there was none left. After that she didn’t even have to ask me to take out the garbage. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I grab the trash, the pig bin, and the compost bin and practically run out the door, feeling like an ass.

  As I stalk across the courtyard I am interrupted by a low whistle.

  “She got you trained good.” Sam’s familiar voice breaks the still night air.

  I stop and wait for him to walk next to me, taking note that he’s coming from the direction of Blithe’s house. “Guess so,” I reply, looking down at the garbage bag and bins in my hands.

  As we walk towards the barn, Sam asks. “How’s married life? Again.”

  “Lot less talking than there was before.” Sam chuckles. “Sam.” I stop and turn. “I’ve never known her like this. I know you’re her brother and you probably don’t want to hear this personal stuff, but nothing is getting better. I don’t know what to do with her.”

  “Don’t know what to tell you, man.” Sam slaps me hard on the shoulder. “She’s gone through a lot. Hell, we all have. She’s probably just waiting for Crane to pull another stunt, and he will. She still needs to go to Florida. There’s unfinished business there.”

  “How long before she goes?”

  Sam shrugs. “Don’t know. Crane hasn’t given me those details yet. But I’m sure it’s going to be soon. Within the next few months. I think he’s giving her time.”

  “Time?”

  “With the kids. With Raven, because he’s so young.”

  We walk around the back of the barn. I throw the garbage in the bin, the compost in the compost pile, and the ruined food in the pig pen. Stacking the two bins together, I carry them with one hand, listening as the pigs grunt over the toasted cheese sandwiches.

  I turn to Sam. “So what are you? Crane’s right hand man now?”

  Sam laughs. “Not quite, but you know what they say, keep your friends close-”

  “Yeah, and your enemies closer,” I finish his sentence for him.

  “Don’t trust for a minute that he won’t slit your throat if you become less than useful.”

  “Jesus Christ, Sam. Are we seriously having war talk?” I take a step back and watch him in the moonlight. He’s still the same Sam. Looks like Andie, just huge and intimidating, the total opposite of a little brother.

  Sam frowns. That’s unusual. He’s always smiling. “Look, Ian, things are going to get tougher. I just need you to remember Andie has one agenda, she’s always had just one agenda, and that’s to keep those kids safe, to keep her family safe. That includes you and me.” Sam pokes me in the chest. “I know you probably hate Adam for all that he was and all that he did, but if you had seen her like I did when I first got here…” Sam rubs his hands through his hair. “She was a total mess.”

  “I know-”

  “No, Ian, you have no clue. They fucking broke her, man. They broke her to pieces and made her believe that Lina would be dust if she didn’t do what they said. They told her that you would be dust. She knows she fucked up screwing around with Adam. And I can’t say I wouldn’t have done something similar if I had to consider my spouse dead. There was just something about him. Hell, I trusted him with my life within moments of meeting him. She may have done a hell of a lot of things wrong, but you know what she did do right? She aligned herself with one person that she could trust to get her and Lina out of here. And they almost made it.”

  “And left me behind in the process.”

  “No, man.” He pokes my chest harder. “That’s one thing about Adam, if she had ask
ed him to go back and get you out, he would have. He told me so. He didn’t have to come pull my ass from the wreckage of the Reformation, but he did. He did it for her. He would do anything for her.”

  “But they didn’t save me.”

  “He never got the chance.”

  I shove my hands in my pockets, chuckling a breath of defeat out of my lungs in the process.

  “Hey, man. We’re all on the same team now. We’re all together.”

  “Yeah, we’re all Sovereign. I just don’t understand why. Out of all the people in the world, why us?”

  “Don’t know. But I’m going to find out.”

  “And what do I do about Andie in the mean time?”

  Sam gives me a look, one of those good-luck-with-that-buddy looks. “That’s your deal, man. Whatever you do, you need to get her head straight. It’s going on two years since anything crazy happened. Something’s coming. I can feel it. She probably can too.”

  “Great,” I mutter.

  “You should probably get some rest,” Sam suggests. “Still sleeping alone?”

  “Shut up.”

  Sam laughs.

  I look towards Blithe’s house, see her turn out the lights downstairs. Turning towards Sam, I ask, “What the hell are you doing coming from Blithe’s house at this hour? Doesn’t she have like seventeen kids to take care of?”

  “Four. Douche. She has four.” Sam turns suddenly serious. “And what I was doing in there is none of your damn business.”

  If I didn’t know Sam, hearing him call me douche might have upset me. But that’s Sam; sarcastic, funny, easy going. Now I guess I’ll have to add slightly-deceiving to that list.

  He stops and turns as he’s walking away. “Ian?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We’re family. You and me.”

  “I know this.”

  He runs a hand over his head. “She cuts hair.”

  “Who?”

  “Blithe. She’s good with hair. And you could use a trim.”