Love and Other Hot Beverages

by Laurie Loft

  From behind his desk, Sebby gave Todd a searching look.

  “Do you want to do lunch?” Todd asked dully. He plopped into a chair.

  Sebby tilted his head and regarded Todd, and then came around his desk, slid into Todd’s lap, and rested his forehead against Todd’s. “There’s lots of things I want to do.”

  There were footsteps outside, and Sebby rose from Todd’s lap and stepped aside as the door opened.

  “Gus, Todd doesn’t feel good. He’s going home sick,” Sebby said.

  Startled, Todd glanced up at Sebby, who moved behind Todd and placed a hand on Todd’s neck. One finger went inside Todd’s shirt collar and stroked. Todd tried not to move like a cat under his hand.

  Gus glanced at Todd. “Yeah, s’fine. Sebby, I need to know where that order of aluminum coil is at.”

  “It’s going to be late. I called this morning and bitched at them, and they said they’ll get it here day after tomorrow.”

  “Damn it. Guess that’ll have to do,” Gus said.

  Todd got to his feet. Never had he used a sick day on false pretense. He walked to his truck, wondering if he should just sit there for a bit and then return, saying that he felt better and would not need to go home after all.

  Sebby appeared and tapped at his door, a small, metallic sound. He offered Todd a key. “Go to my house. Okay? Wait for me. I’ll be so happy all day just thinking of you at my house.” Dimpling, he gave Todd big eyes, and how could Todd say no? Besides, the thought of crawling between cool, crisp sheets and sleeping the afternoon away, of being awoken by Sebastián easing in beside him, smooth and perfect as a new bar of soap, was too lovely to resist. He took the key.

  By the time Todd had driven the distance to Sebby’s house, he was seized by the idea of using the afternoon to do something nice for Sebby. He could wash dishes, sweep or vacuum, mop the floor, clean the bathroom . . . One by one he considered and rejected ideas as he examined each room in Sebby’s house and found them all pristine. Perhaps he could try to cook something, but when he hunted in the refrigerator and cupboards, he could find nothing he felt capable of preparing.

  Having secured a box of soy crackers, Todd took a seat on Sebby’s deck and munched, looking around the shady yard. The grass was overlong, and that decided him. He crossed the yard to the shed and found a lawnmower. It was a pleasant task, and he enjoyed the alternating sun and shade on his shoulders, the thrum of the mower, the tang of cut grass. At the rear of the yard was a small vegetable garden with thriving tomato and pepper plants, and Todd picked the ripe items and carried them to the kitchen. He cleared a patch of crab grass and reseeded the patch with grass seed from the shed. He filled the bird feeder and repaired a loose step on the deck.

  Just as he was finishing the step, he heard a car in the driveway and started. He’d meant to have something special ready for Sebby’s return. Instead, he’d let time get away from him and now here he was, grimy.

  “Tooodd?” Sebby called through the house.

  “I’m out back!” he yelled. Sebby appeared in the doorway. “Sorry, I meant to get cleaned up before you got home.” Todd brushed his hands off, wiped them on his jeans, ran his fingers through his hair, realized that he was getting dirt in his hair, stopped, and smiled sheepishly.

  Sebby came out on the deck and stared around wide-eyed. “Toddfox. What’ve you done? I thought you’d sleep or watch TV; I never meant for you to have to . . . Oh, you mowed my lawn? You . . . What’d you do?”

  “I hope that’s quite all right? If I overstepped my bounds, I apologize. It’s— Oof!” The air was knocked out of him as Sebby, in effect if not by design, tackled him into the mown grass and covered his face with kisses. Todd cringed, sure that he tasted of soil and grass and sweat. He started to put his arms around Sebby and stopped, for fear of dirtying his good clothes.

  “Todd, oh Todd, you didn’t have to do that!”

  “It was my pleasure. Sweet, let me up. I’m dirty. Let me go wash.”

  “No, no, put your hands on me. Get me dirty.”

  Charmed, Todd laughed and wrapped his arms around Sebby, who nestled his head below Todd’s chin. Todd nuzzled the soft hair. The sweet smell of cut grass rose around them, and Todd wondered if he could ever mow a lawn again without thinking of this moment.

  “Todd, oh Todd, you didn’t have to do all this. You’re so good to me. I would’ve let you fuck me anyway.”

  Appalled, Todd protested, “I did not tidy your yard in expectation of getting laid. I did it because it made me happy to do something nice for you.”

  “Everyone does everything to get laid, don’t you know that?” He buried his face in Todd’s neck and kissed him over and over. “It was so nice. Todd, you didn’t have to. Todd, oh Todd, oh Todd.” His arms tightened convulsively.

  Chuckling, Todd whispered, “Stop saying my name or I’ll die.”

  Sebby went still, and Todd, regretting the words, slid his fingers under Sebby’s curls at the back of the neck and pressed him to his chest. He kissed the top of Sebby’s head. For long moments, Sebby permitted this, but then he raised his head and regarded Todd. The late afternoon sun streaming through the branches of the trees backlit him, and Todd drew in his breath at the beauty of Sebby’s dark hair feathering into a golden nimbus.

  “I’m sorry about that. It’s just, that night, you kept saying it, um, and it seemed so intense, like serious, and it was a little scary.”

  “I’m a frightening lout, I am.” Watching the play of light, Todd ran his fingers through Sebby’s tresses. “But it’s fun being scared, remember?”

  “It’s fun being scared when you know you’re safe,” Sebby corrected him. He dropped his eyes and laid his head again on Todd’s chest.

  Todd continued stroking Sebby’s hair as these troubling words sank in. “You aren’t safe with me? You don’t know you’re safe?” Sebby didn’t answer. He sneaked a hand under Todd’s T-shirt and traced circles around Todd’s navel, but Todd felt this was an important point. He took hold of Sebby’s hand and draped one arm around his shoulders. “Wait, Sebby . . . are you afraid of me?”

  There was a long pause. Todd waited.

  Finally, Sebby spoke. “I think, Todd, that you might go back to him. I don’t want to get too attached. If he invited you back, I think you’d leave me and go.”

  Todd was struck silent.

  “You love him so,” Sebby said with a wistfulness that squeezed Todd’s heart. “You talk about him like he’s an angel that some old artist should carve in stone.”

  This was so similar to something Viv had once said that Todd was mightily annoyed. “He isn’t so great.”

  “Ha.” Sebby’s back jumped under Todd’s hand with the force of his exhalation. “Maybe not, but you think he is, and is there anything you really like about me? Tell me one thing, just one thing you like better about me than him.” Todd felt the held breath as Sebby waited for an answer, and he spoke the first words that came into his head.

  “Well, you’re here, and you haven’t broken my heart.”

  “Ohhh.” It was a drawn-out sigh. He raised his head and kissed Todd with exquisite tenderness, as if Todd’s mouth were yet wounded by Vivian’s kisses. Todd tangled his dirty hands in Sebby’s hair, and it seemed he felt a thrumming, an echo of the lawnmower’s vibration. Sebby paused and looked Todd square in the eye. “That line is going to get old, you know, about your broken heart.”

  “And so I use it sparingly, mon cher.” He smoothed his hands down Sebby’s back and tugged at his shirt till it came free of its tuck. “Anyway, it’s not so broken now.”

  “Oh, querido.” This utterance was a whisper against Todd’s lips.

  Todd insinuated his hands under the cotton, loving the smooth, supple feel of Sebby’s flesh. “Your skin,” he began, and stopped.

  “¿Sí? My skin?” Sebby arched his back and regarded Todd expectantly.

  “Your skin. Smooth and perfect as a new bar of soap. I cannot get enough of it.”
He caressed Sebby’s back, allowing his fingers to dip below Sebby’s waistband to touch the curve of his rear. Sebby tensed and molded himself to Todd. “It’s, well, to be honest, it’s . . .” It felt disloyal, and Todd had to swallow and clear his throat. “It’s much nicer than his skin.” Todd’s face flushed. Through no fault of his own, Vivian was layered in scars: some smooth and pale, some ridged and hard, some gouged and hollow, and it was the simple truth that Sebby’s unblemished hide was more attractive to a detached observer. Todd waited for the gods to strike his head with lightning for this temerity.

  “Tch. Mi chico tierno. You don’t have to. I was silly to ask. Silly and childish. But I love that you tried.” He kissed Todd again and nestled against him with a sigh. The sun warmed him, and the mown grass cushioned him, and Sebastián was compliant in the circle of his arms, and the sensation was so unfamiliar that he had to think about it before realizing he was happy.

  I’m becoming utterly too fond of Sebby, Todd texted Holly.

  See? You CAN get over Viv, she replied.

  Maybe. He sent her a photo of Sebby.

  Yikes, he’s really attractive, she texted. What’s he see in you?

  One evening, near dark, Todd returned to the construction site and mounted the steps to the mobile office. Sebby had texted that he was working late. “Thought I’d keep you company,” he said to Sebby’s startled look. “I could even help. I promise you, I balance a mean spreadsheet.” He dropped into a chair at the table.

  “Keep your patas off my spreadsheets.” Sebby sighed and regarded Todd, chin on fist. “I can’t concentrate on my numbers with you here. I’ll finish up tomorrow.” He began shutting down.

  “How validating it is to be the man who can distract you from your love of numbers.” Todd stretched and flexed his biceps.

  Sebby did not appear to notice. “I’m hungry. Did you eat yet?”

  “I ate, but I will gladly eat again.”

  Sebby stood and came around his desk. He looked sidelong at Todd as he thumbed a stack of papers. “What about this weekend?”

  “Yes. I am sure I will eat again this weekend.”

  “No. I mean I want you to meet my friends, and will you go with me to a party thing?”

  Meeting Sebby’s friends could be a significant step in their relationship. But why was Sebby avoiding his eyes? Todd slid from the chair and went to Sebby’s side. “A party thing? Pray do elaborate, Sebastián.”

  “It’s like a dinner party or get-together, and they said I have to bring you or I can’t come. They want to meet you. I think they’re a little suspicious . . .” Sebby tapped his finger against his chin and frowned. “They don’t even want me to bring any food. They said just bring ‘this Todd.’”

  “Fear not, I shall charm them and set their minds at ease.” Todd took Sebby’s hand in his and put an arm around his waist and led him in a graceful turn. “Will there be dancing at this gathering?”

  “Nooo, Todd, dancing? What are you talking about? It’s dinner.” Sebby pushed at Todd but then clung.

  “Aw, sweetheart, are you nervous to have me meet your friends?”

  “Aren’t you nervous? It’s just, they don’t always like my boyfriends. I want them to like you.”

  “What’s not to like?” Todd cupped the back of Sebby’s head and kissed him.

  Sebby melted. “Mm. Kiss them like that and they’ll like you pretty good.”

  It was a longish drive from Sebby’s home to the suburb south of the city and closer to the mountains. When Sebby led Todd into his friend’s house, Todd felt as if he’d strayed into a ski lodge. The entrance opened with no preamble into a brightly lit great room with a ceiling that seemed to be at least three stories above their heads. A staircase to one side swept up to a second-story landing that looked over the great room. The rear wall was floor-to-ceiling windows framing a stunning view of the Front Range of the Rockies.

  Their host, a tall man of about thirty whom Sebby introduced as Ethan, appeared puzzled when Todd was presented. “You’re Todd?”

  “Todd, rhymes with God,” Todd affirmed, gripping Ethan’s hand, and Ethan grinned as if UPS had just delivered an unexpected package on his doorstep.

  Sebby took Todd around and introduced him to a few people, at which point a blonde girl pulled Sebby aside, and Ethan took over the introductions. Repeatedly, upon being informed that this was “Sebby’s boyfriend, Todd,” the same surprised and pleased look came over their faces that had come over Ethan’s. Todd concluded that they had been expecting something different and that, for whatever reason, they were glad to have their expectations contradicted. What had Sebby told them about him?

  After dinner, Todd found himself seated on a sofa near the windows between two young men who, at first glance, appeared to be twins, but upon closer examination were revealed to be men who were fairly close in appearance and who had done everything they could to look alike: same styled brown hair, same artfully applied eyeliner and faux beauty spots, same pierced nostril, same tight plaid pants, and even the same mannerisms in their speech and gestures. Each sat like a reflection of the other, one leg folded under so he could turn toward Todd.

  “So you’re Sebby’s boyfriend,” said the one on Todd’s left, Barry or Lawrence; Todd had already lost track of which was which.

  “How much of his boyfriend are you?” asked the one on Todd’s right, tilting his head and placing a forefinger against his lower lip.

  “Very much,” Todd said.

  “So no playing?” said the one on Todd’s left, placing his hand on Todd’s shoulder.

  “None whatsoever,” Todd said.

  “All work and no play makes Todd a sad boy,” said the one on Todd’s right.

  “It’s sad,” the first one pouted.

  “Sebby should let you out sometimes.”

  “Like tonight.”

  “You’ll get stir-crazy.”

  “It’s not healthy.”

  Todd’s head moved like that of a tennis spectator as he tried to keep up with this dialogue. “Ahhh . . . if you gentlemen will excuse me?” He attempted to rise and was pushed back by two arms. Ping and Pong, as Todd had begun to think of them, leaned closer. Ping looped one arm around Todd’s elbow and Pong rested his knee on Todd’s thigh.

  “Maybe he’s already stir-crazy.”

  “I think he is.”

  “Would you feel better if we brought it up to Sebby?”

  “We’ll tell him we like you.”

  “He’ll be glad. He wants us to like you.”

  Ping nuzzled Todd’s ear. Todd flinched away, which sent him nearer to Pong, who nuzzled his other ear, humming breathily. “Sebby told us you like to sing.”

  “We can sing . . . into the right microphone.”

  “Ah . . . I’m sure you can,” Todd said.

  “We like a big microphone,” Ping said.

  “It doesn’t have to be big,” Pong retorted, placing a hand on Todd’s chest.

  “No . . . it doesn’t have to,” Ping agreed, placing a hand on Pong’s hand.

  “Are they trying to seduce you?”

  Todd looked up with relief at the arrival of Sebby, who stood with hands on hips and eyebrows raised. Todd opened his mouth to say that indeed they were, and would Sebby please save him.

  “We like him,” Ping said.

  “He has our seal of approval.” Pong shifted his hand in order to pat Todd’s chest.

  “We didn’t get to seal him yet, though.”

  “So, can we?”

  “Todd’s conservative,” Sebby said, “so you won’t get anywhere with him.” He paused as if in thought. “But you’re welcome to try.” He smiled and walked away.

  “Hey!” Todd protested.

  “See?” Ping moved closer and smoothed his hand over Todd’s chest with renewed enthusiasm.

  “We told you he wouldn’t mind.” Pong smoothed his hand in a motion mirroring that of Ping’s.

  “He’d like it, even!”


  “He wants you to be happy.”

  “We’re not trying to steal you.” Something wormed its way under Todd’s ass.

  “’Cause we wouldn’t.” Ditto something else.

  Todd plucked their hands from his chest, one hand in each of his own. “Charming as the two of you are, and tempting as your offer is, I must confess that I am a one-man man.” He raised their hands to his mouth and kissed them, pressing his lips to both at the same time. Identical regretful sighs came from Ping and Pong.

  “So gallant.”

  “Oh, Sebby’s just got to share.”

  Disentangling from the two, Todd felt as though he were escaping from a pair of octopi. He almost expected to hear giant kissing noises as their tentacles came free of his skin. After giving them a small, formal bow, he made his way to Sebby, who was pouring himself a glass of wine. “Pardonnez moi, mon cher, but what’s the big idea, leaving me in the nefarious clutches of Ping and Pong?” He drew Sebby’s arm about his own waist, feeling the need to reestablish who belonged to whom.

  “Ping and Pong? That’s not nice. Don’t you like them?” Sebby squeezed Todd with the arm, his other hand being occupied with the wine.

  “I feel fortunate that they’ve been declawed or I should never have escaped unscathed. Seriously, what?”

  “You don’t think they’re sweet? Poor Todd. I told them you wouldn’t want to.”

  “So you get credit for being generous with your friends and I get credit for being loyal, is that it?”

  “It wasn’t a test, if that’s what you’re asking.” Sebby took a long sip of wine and glanced at Todd sidelong. “You really don’t want to?”

  “Is Sebastián in the habit of loaning out his boyfriends? Seriously. Seriously, what?”

  “Mmm . . .” Sebby made a stalling noise into his wineglass. His eyes wandered around the room before coming back to Todd. He moved closer. “Don’t ask questions if you won’t like the answer.”

  “W— But— Ah . . .” Todd blinked. He blinked again. “What?”