With My Body

by Jo Briggs

  “One basic reason – even after realising she was taking drugs during her pregnancy and your suspicions about her slip-up, you still tried to placate her with reassurances that you would marry her. I couldn’t stomach the thought of you marrying her in spite of all the alarm bells that must have been going on in your head.”

  “But I didn’t marry her in the end. Where were you when I became free again?” You were with another man; he thought bitterly, so you could not have been that cut up by me marrying someone else.

  “I didn’t hear about the non-marriage until months later, by that time you were in Chile.”

  “I came looking for you before that.” He was unsuccessful in keeping the bitter bite out of his tone. “Several times, in fact.”

  “Really? When? Why did I never see you then?” “Your office gave me details on several fashion shows you were showing at in Paris and Milan when I was in the same cities on business, but you always seemed preoccupied, so I never approached you.”

  Elle frowned, “I would have made time for you.”

  “I imagine the man you were with at the time might have objected to any interruptions.”

  Elle gave him a strange look. I have not been with any other man. “What did this man look like?”

  “Umm, I don’t honestly remember – my height, blond and model-like.” Irritation and jealousy contorted his facial profile

  Elle tried to recall who that could be, until it hit her who it was, and she let out a sudden laugh.

  “Why are you laughing at my discomfort from seeing you with someone else?”

  “Will, there never was, and never will be anything going on between me and that guy. You saw me with Luke; he is my assistant designer, and has been happily living with his partner for many years.”

  “Oh, I see.” William could not quite bring himself to laugh, but he turned his mouth into an apologetic smile.

  “You mentioned blackmail. What on earth has she tried to hold against you?”

  “You mean apart from hanging the threat of aborting the child over my head in the early months, and then when she passed the deadline for a legal abortion, she modified the threat to ending both their lives? There is plenty more besides those, but I will save them for another”

  Elle shook her head in disgust. “Clearly the drugs have made her more unhinged that even I was aware of. Did you not talk to her doctor about getting her sectioned for the baby’s safety?”

  “Yes, after Charlie’s wedding I convinced her to go into private rehab. I even tried to work things through with counselling, but it just did not get us anywhere. She stayed in there for a few months after the baby was born. Even after, she was released, she was not capable of looking after the child, so the child stays in my house, in London, with a full-time nanny, Lydia, under the watchful eye of Mrs Button. Charlotte gets to have supervised visits once a week, and I doubt it will ever progress much further than that.”

  “So you have full custody?” She was confused why the child was not here with him full-time.

  “Yes, almost by default. Her social worker knew I could give a much more stable home.”

  “But, you still went away and left – I am sorry I do not even know if it was a boy or girl?”

  “Her name is Lily. I did not exactly leave her. I came back often to visit her, it was just not public knowledge. I wanted people still to believe I remained in Chile so I could get to know her with distraction.”

  “Not even Charlie?”

  “He knew about several of the visits, but not all.”

  His phone started to vibrate on the table. She had been aware of him ignoring several calls earlier, but he said he needed to take this, as it was Gina. His conversation with his sister was just a short catch-up, and after mentioning, he was out with Elle, he had handed the phone to her to get them reacquainted briefly. He had already spoken to Gina about the unplanned guest, and had shared his positivity of a renewed chance of a future with Elle. Gina was not too happy about this turn of events, but would reserve judgement for when she could see them together properly.

  Because of how cold things had become between Elle and Gina after the breakup, this catch-up remained barely cordial as Will went off to organise a taxi home for them both.

  The journey home was silent once Elle had drifted off to sleep on his shoulder. William felt better for getting most of what Charlotte had done off his chest. He was fully aware he still did not know what Elle’s messages had said, and why Charlotte had felt the need to delete them. Nevertheless, he knew he would find out soon enough, once Elle shared her own side of things.

  Ghost of Emotions

  17 April 2010

  After discussing plans to head over to the hospital, while they ate breakfast, they separated briefly to shower and dress casually, before heading out.

  Elle slipped on her dark-blue skinny jeans and white halter neck top. William has had donned his own pair of designer jeans, with a sports top designed exclusively by Hugo Boss, who sponsored his favourite F1 motor racing team. Unlike most males based in the UK, he had no enthusiasm for the typical Saturday football game, or as other countries may refer to it; soccer. He much preferred to chill on the sofa, with a beer, watching a race involving strategy and skill. Surprisingly, Elle shared his interests in that type of motor racing. In the past, he had flown them over to Monaco and Catalunya to watch the races in person.

  They arrived just as Jess' lunch was being served in her room. As a private hospital that commanded extremely high charges for the top specialists within their employment, their customer service was second to none even to the point of providing meals for visitors. Perhaps the meals were not quite Michelin star quality, but they were far more palatable than most public health run kitchens. Charlie and their toddler, Ruby, were given a room to stay in next to Jess' as part of the service, as well. This hospital was more used to deal with cancer patients, and patients affected with hereditary illnesses that involved lifelong treatments, and thus was of a mind to make family visits as easy as possible when it normally involved a lengthy stay.

  Charlie decided to go off with William for a bite to eat at the restaurant downstairs. He was interested in pumping William for information about developments with Elle; he was now wise to the fact that Jess would be doing her own probing into Elle's confidences, as they had discussed it at length yesterday after Jess had finished her revealing phone conversation with Elle.

  As they settled down at a free table, with each with a sandwich made of fresh crusty white bread, Charlie began his attack. "So, old man, what is this I hear about horse rides with your beautiful guest"

  William rolled his eyes, and shrugged casually, "it was a sunny day, and they needed the exercise."

  "Hmm, I bet it wasn't just the horse's exercise you were concerned about,” Charlie teased, "more like getting some of the two-person varieties!"

  "Charlie," he snapped, "Don't talk about her like that." He knew that Charlie was only trying to get a rise out of him, but he felt the need to defend Elle's honour.

  "Oh, come on, I know you have been pining for her for years. Surely, you are trying to show that you are not the man you once were?"

  "Of course, we have spoken about the past, and we are getting on adequately." William replied, as nonchalantly as he could manage. He knew Charlie would not be fooled, but he was not ready to discuss his plans with him.

  "So, you have made plans to keep seeing her once she moves into her house?"

  "We have discussed it in passing, yes."

  "Well, that sounds like a good start, but as her brother by marriage, I must warn you not to do anything to hurt her. I don't think I could keep Jess from maiming you if you did!"

  "I don't have any intention of hurting her, or myself, for that matter." William said firmly, slightly affronted that Charlie would think he would even do anything like that.

  "I am just saying to take it slow; I know that Elle was not entirely blameless last time, and I would be genuin
ely pleased if you could both make it work, so you can be as happy as Jess and I."

  "I have no plans to rush. By the way, do you know anything about her son?"

  "Nothing of consequence, there were complications during the pregnancy, causing him to be born with hearing problems, and he had corrective surgery early on in life."

  "Does the father have anything to do with him?"

  "Not that I am aware of. Certainly, nothing Elle has ever mentioned it, she seems to avoid even mentioning his existence; it was just a guy from New York that she briefly was with. A rebound thing from what I gather. "

  William munched on the rest of his sandwich in silence, considering this information.

  ~~~

  As the two men were sitting in the restaurant, Jess was relaying what the doctor had told her about the test results they had been running.

  As a young teenager, Jess, had been diagnosed with a moderate case of Crohn's disease, and had to have surgery to remove a small area within her intestines. This had led to a daily routine of immunosuppressant medications, and periodic flare-ups that meant intravenous treatments of biological therapy that were highly toxic to her body, often leading to allergic reactions.

  "It seems the drugs I have to take to keep the Crohn's under control are causing a bone development deficiency. Something called osteopenia."

  "And, what does it mean?" Elle was worried; the idea that her sister had yet another medical illness to add to her list was quite disconcerting.

  "It means my bones are more porous than they should be. Simply put, it makes me more susceptible to fractures than the normal twenty-six-year-old, so no more skiing for a start."

  "Can it be improved?"

  "No, I just have to be careful I don't put myself into any high-risk situations that making falling over more likely to happen. Having a diet with increased intake of certain vitamins via diet, and extra vitamin supplements can aid in reducing any further problems."

  "Is it going to get worse?"

  "It shouldn't do, as long as I follow the doctor’s guidance."

  Elle hugged her sister in relief.

  "Anyway, enough about me, spill, I want all the details before the guys return!" Jess said excitedly.

  Elle smiled shyly.

  "There is not much to tell at the moment. There is no disputing we have had enjoyable moments that made it feel like old times, but he is being as cautious as I am. We went riding yesterday like I told you, and we ended up at this beautiful little meadow clearing we used to go to before, and he kissed me."

  Jess let out a little cry of delight. "Did you kiss him back?"

  Elle blushed. "Of course, it led to us talking a bit about our past misunderstandings over why he had gotten involved with Charlotte when he knew that would hurt more than an unknown woman and why I left your wedding in such a hurry.”

  “What did he say?"

  "Just that she used to turn up when he felt vulnerable, they were drinking partners together, and then he gave her a job, which he admits was naive, as he agrees that my messages were deleted. At the time, he did not know any of this until the night before your wedding, but by then she was pregnant and that she had a drug problem.”

  “He didn’t know about that before?”

  “No, I never told him about it when we were together, and she was not upfront about it either. He only knew she drank heavily, which he was doing as well at the time.”

  “So what now; do you want to be with him?”

  "I do, but we will have to see once we have discussed everything properly. “ Despite William, seeming to be a better listener than he used to be, she was still dreading confessing about the existence of their son, and his response.

  "Did he say anything about Christian?"

  "I introduced him briefly while I was talking to him on Skype yesterday, but he did not ask any questions about him.” Elle tried to keep the guilt out of her voice; she knew also that once she had told William about Christian, she would then have to tell Jess that she had been concealing the truth from her, too. It was going to hurt her sister to know that Cate knew, but she could only hope she would understand her reasons for doing it this way.

  Before the sisters had a chance to continue their conversation, William and Charlie had re-entered the room. William met her gaze with a concerned smile; he knew that she had been going through a similar grilling as he had, as to the status of their reacquainting. She returned his smile reassuringly, as he came to sit beside her on the sofa.

  Both couples settled into an easy conversation of what plans that had for the coming days. Unobserved by the others, William's hand found Elle's, as he announced that he had a surprise planned for the next day, beginning with an early car ride. Feeling shock, and embarrassment by William's considerate attitude to her pending birthday, Elle just sat there with a silly smile on her face, not saying much. With the outline of the surprise now known to the foursome, and Jess' pending discharge from the hospital in a couple more days, they agreed to meet up then. Kissing her sister gently, before giving Charlie a quick hug, they said their farewells, and made their way out to the car.

  Finally, alone, she reached for him, before he started the car. "I hope you haven't gone to too much trouble for my birthday?" She said shyly.

  He smiled teasingly. "I guess you will have to wait and see."

  She kissed him gently on the cheek. "Thank you, I feel all excited now."

  ~~~

  William drew the car slowly into the long driveway that weaved its way to Winster House; the big grey stone building stood magnificently against the reddish hues of the mid-afternoon sun.

  "Shall I get the dogs, and we can go for a little walk around the lake?" He suggested.

  She waited out the front, perched on a stone bench; the three excitable dogs came bounding towards her. "They are as itchy for a bit of freedom as you." William observed, well aware that Elle insatiable appetite for walking in all weathers had remained unquenched, since his chauffeur picked her up from the airport.

  "So, are you going to give me any clues to what you have planned for me tomorrow?" She asked hopefully.

  "Only that you will need an overnight bag, a casual outfit for travel, and something elegant for later" Pulling her to him, he gave her a quick kiss on her nose.

  She laughed. "Is that all the clues I get?" Her hands slid to his waistband, up and under his top. He gasped as her cold fingers glided over his rippling abdominal muscles. She began to tickle him as they touched the sides of his rib cage where she knew he used to be slightly ticklish.

  "You can punish me as much as you want, but I will never tell you until we arrive tomorrow." His laughter mixed in with hers like a melody.

  "Ha! You are such a meanie!" She feigned a pout, pulling away from him playfully.

  "I am sure you will forgive me tomorrow." He said confidently, pulling her back into his arms, and kissing her keenly.

  "You are extremely sure of yourself, Mr. William Christian Dexter!" She exclaimed jokingly, enjoying the strength and warmth of his arms a little too much. I wish he did not feel quite so good. He kissed her again, firmer this time; one hand was caressing the small of her back, as the other was twisting a spiral curl, that the wind had blown into her eyes, around two of his fingers, as he leaned backwards slightly to look down at her.

  The dogs barked at them impatiently, breaking their unspoken thoughts. Smiling, they continued on the rest of their walk, occasionally throwing a piece of a fallen twig for the dogs to catch and bring back.

  An hour later, they were back inside the house, both of them going through countless emails, and making the odd work related phone call that could not be avoided. She knew that she had neglected her assistant over the past couple of days, and she had a deadline to meet to deliver some designs to aid her submission for a costume design contract, for a film shoot.

  Moving into the sunroom, she opened up her large sketchpad. She had already completed several designs to form part of her bid,
so she would be satisfied to produce one more, before submitting it for consideration to the production company. Her reputation preceded her, and the production manager had assured her that the submitting of designs was just a matter of protocol, as the opportunity was as good as hers.

  William had indeed been right all those years earlier; her fronting the ad campaign for the Pemberley Hotels and then for Dexter Media had led to many other offers. Even though, those contracts had been for her looks, rather than her designs, it had helped to lay the foundation to what had made her brand what it was today. She would never be close to the level of remuneration William generated in a year, as his companies had been around in one form of another for well over a hundred years, but she since the start of her working career, she earned well in excess of anything like she could ever spend.

  She was quite excited, as it was for a blockbuster film, portraying a love story in the Regency era, involving planned film locations at large country estates in both England, and Italy, as the script involved the characters taking a grand tour of Europe, as was common for the high-society circle of that era to take.

  Several hours later, the clock chimed eight, and she was finished. Happy with what she had done, she wandered off to find William, who had not wanted to disturb her, while she was working. He had been pouring over mundane spreadsheets, until he had started to prepare them dinner an hour earlier. It had been quite coincidental that his housekeeper was away during Elle's stay; he was secretly pleased for the chance to look after her by himself. Get a grip, he thought. You need to slow yourself down!

  "Will?" She called. She checked his office, but that was in darkness and the media room was empty. She could hear the faint echo of a radio-playing coming from the direction of the kitchen amidst the clattering of plates and cutlery. She stood in the doorway and observed him for a second. The dogs were lounging on the floor as he chopped away at something on the counter. "Do you need any help?" She asked.