Mercy

by Dimon, HelenKay

  “I had to believe you seeking me out meant something.”

  The memory of his words from that first time in his office bounced back at her. “You acted like you hated me.”

  He claimed he wanted to humiliate her and use her for sex but his touch said otherwise. Oh, he fought it for days. Almost two weeks in, he still acted like an ass sometimes and stole her breath in others.

  “I tried. I really did.” Pain echoed in his voice. “I can’t lie about that, but I couldn’t make the anger stick.”

  That was the before. They could forgive those moments and explain them away. But they needed to tackle the now. “Why send me away? You were sitting down there with Natalie, wrapping up my life without ever talking to me.”

  His hold moved to her shoulders and he brought her in closer to his body. They kicked at the clothes at their feet until her hand rested against his chest.

  “I couldn’t take the risk you’d think you could take on the entire CIA by yourself,” he said as his gaze searched her face.

  Some of the painful sternness had disappeared. Stress lines still pulled on his mouth and eyes, but she saw something else there. Something lighter, freer. Maybe hope. She recognized the sensation because it fluttered to life within her.

  “With you.” She spread her fingers out, covering as much of him as possible. “Not by myself. I wanted to be with you.”

  He leaned in and kissed her. A lovely touch that lingered before falling away.

  “I love you,” he said in a whisper against her mouth.

  It was so easy to fall back into this warm feeling. He finally declared his love and he stood there with his eyes glowing and a smile tugging on his lips. It was normal and healthy. But it wasn’t everything. It wasn’t enough.

  When he lowered his mouth again, she caught him with a touch of her hand against his cheek. “I want more.”

  “Anything.”

  She hoped that was true. The anxiety bouncing around in her stomach suggested it might not be. “I’ve turned this around and looked at it a million ways and I’ve come to some conclusions. I think we’ve loved each other stretching back to eight months ago.”

  He turned his head and kissed the inside of her wrist in that sensitive spot that drove her wild. “God, yes.”

  “We settle into patterns, it all gets comfortable. You tone down the controlling crap and become tolerable.” When he started to talk she placed a finger over his warm lips. “But none of that counts if we don’t trust each other. If you can’t open up to me and we can’t communicate, it won’t matter what deal I have with the agency.”

  He pulled her hand away and threaded his fingers through hers. “I trust you.”

  That was too easy. It came too fast. “Since when?”

  “Maybe always. Do you really think I would have let you in the building, in my condo, if I didn’t have a spark of trust?”

  Not that she thought he was lying. She knew he believed it, but this was a time when actions spoke louder. “Jarrett, you just proved downstairs that you don’t. You didn’t let me make the decisions about my life.”

  He started shaking his head before she finished the sentence. “That was about me being so desperate to keep you safe that I would have done anything, including drugging you and putting you in a crate and sending you away.”

  “Your controlling side.”

  “Guilty.”

  “Is it that easy to separate from me?” Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for an answer. Actually held there until she wondered if her lungs had shut down.

  The darkness that sometimes overwhelmed him moved through his eyes now. “You can’t believe that.”

  “What am I supposed to think?”

  He leaned back against the wall and brought her body between his thighs. “I need you to hear this.” When she nodded, he continued. “Losing you the first time broke me into pieces. The idea of getting you back only to lose you again shattered me. Ripped me the fuck in two. I’ve been sick with it.”

  She touched his face then. His mouth and lips. “Jarrett.”

  “I love you. I trust you. I want to spend my life with you. I don’t know how else to say it. It sounds simple but the emotions behind the words are complicated and huge.” His hands tensed against her. “You know my history. You know how difficult it was for me to get it this place with anyone, and it’s only ever happened with you.”

  “You deserve it.”

  “We both deserve a family and forever love. We can have it together.”

  Her head dropped and her cheek rubbed against his. “I don’t want to be coddled or sent away. I want to be with you, as an equal. We talk, we work things out. We figure out if we have a future.”

  He lifted her head and stared down into her eyes. His intense will thrummed into her, as if he silently pleaded with her to believe. “We do.”

  Her doubts fell away, crashing on the floor around her. The lightness filling her head didn’t have anything to do with panic or fear. Or even anger. It spun with a kind of relief that made her giddy. “I want that.”

  “Then believe me when I say I trust you. A part of me always did, but then you stuck the gun in the back of Elijah’s head and I was a goner.”

  She smiled at the memory. It wasn’t funny at the time and it might take another ten years to get there, but at least it no longer made her tremble with rage. “I would have shot him.”

  “So fucking hot.”

  And the man knew a thing or two about hot. “Having a man risk everything to give me a white picket fence in Kansas was pretty sexy, too.”

  “You want to live in Kansas, we’ll go to Kansas.”

  Maybe not the best proposition for some women, but for Becca it sounded perfect. He was giving her a choice and a life. Handing her back the power. The willingness to follow her anywhere made her love him even more.

  She kissed a line across his throat and loved the way his Adam’s apple bobbed under her mouth. “I’ll settle for moving into your bedroom.”

  “On the condition we make a new agreement.”

  With deliberate slowness, she lifted her head. If he said the wrong thing, she just might punch him. She held her forefinger and thumb an inch apart. “You are so close to not messing this up.”

  “Trust me.”

  Those were the magic words. When she heard them, her body relaxed and her arms slipped around his neck. “Go ahead.”

  “We forgive all the times we didn’t talk to each other when we should have. We stop keeping secrets.” His hands rubbed up and down her back. “And we forget how we met and got together. Instead, we focus on how we stay together.”

  No wonder she loved him. Through all the gruffness and snapping lay this. “That was a pretty romantic statement right there.”

  “You know I want to add that you don’t work for Natalie again, but I’m trying not to be a douche.”

  Poor baby.

  But now came the biggest leap of all. Moving in a second time was big because it meant diving in and not holding back. This would be the real thing and not part of an assignment. And she wanted to be all in. “I was thinking.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  She tugged on his hair. “You might need someone to help out with membership. Maybe look into security and intelligence. After all, if there are congressmen in here with national security info someone might steal in a moment of ill-advised drunkenness, I can handle that.”

  His eyebrow lifted, but he couldn’t hide that smile. “Really?”

  “I think Wade and I could work well together. In time he might even grow to like me.” Probably way in the future.

  “I feel safer already.”

  “And from now on if someone wants to set you up, they have to go through me.” She planned to hang up her guns, except for a few. But for him she would bring out all the
weapons. Her rule still stood—no one touched Jarrett but her.

  His hands slid down to her ass. “Right now I want to be in you.”

  The man was predictable and she was not complaining.

  She ran her hands over his head and into his hair. “I love you.”

  “Show me.”

  He ended the words by kissing her. This one wasn’t sweet. It carried a naughty edge, complete with tongue and a bit of nipping.

  When she felt him shift toward the bedroom, she lifted her head. “No, I think we should try the closet.”

  “I love when you’re a dirty girl.”

  Her hands went to his belt. “Then the next half hour is going to be pretty amazing for you.”

  • • •

  Wade waited at the door while Elijah stood at the head of the conference room table. He read a memo Bast said Natalie had provided. Wade knew what it contained because Bast knocked on the condo door and briefed him before he asked to talk with Eli.

  Wade only hovered because of security concerns. The sooner all the extra people were out of the top two floors of the building, the better.

  Eli got to the end and dropped it on the table. “So, this is over.”

  Sitting there with the briefcase open and sitting in front of him, Bast nodded. “Natalie cleared the slate. Once we get the final signal, you’re free to return to your old job.”

  “Like hell.” Wade didn’t even try to whisper it.

  “Okay,” Bast said. “I don’t actually think that would be wise either.”

  “Where’s Todd now?” Wade asked.

  Bast cleared his throat. “I get the distinct impression he won’t be an issue by the end of the day.”

  Eli stared at both of them, his gaze traveling between them. But he didn’t say anything. The hunted look hadn’t left his eyes and his shoulders still bunched with tension.

  To diffuse, Wade stated the obvious. “By tomorrow you should be safe on the streets again.”

  Eli shot him a blank look. “What happens if I want to stay here?”

  That was easy. In those moments when Wade thought about giving in, he just had to call up the memory of walking into that conference room. Eli’s words played like a horrible tape in his head. “No.”

  That door closed when Eli announced that his time in the building was about sex. Not even memorable sex. Just a release. Like something he could do with his fucking hand but had Wade do instead because he was right there.

  “We need to talk about this.” If Eli cared about having a witness, he didn’t show it.

  But it didn’t matter if fifty people hung around. The answer was the same for Wade. “You said everything already. I heard it.”

  “Give me another chance.”

  Wade ignored the request. When the pleading moved to Eli’s face, Wade looked away. “Take a few days to figure out where you’re going and get the final okay from Natalie, then move out. The crash pad is yours until the beginning of next week.”

  Locks clicked as Bast shut his briefcase. “On that topic, I have an offer for you.”

  Elijah blinked. “What?”

  “A job offer.”

  Elijah scoffed. “Your law firm needs an assassin on the payroll?”

  “Interesting thought.” Bast smiled as he stood up. “But not to my knowledge.”

  “Then, no offense, but I’m not exactly the civilized office type.”

  Maybe that was a sign of growth. Wade hadn’t realized Eli even knew that about himself.

  “That’s not what I need.” Bast set his business card down on the table in front of Elijah. “I’m looking for your tech skills. You locate and recover devices, collect and analyze details, and you can work around a firewall. Maybe some protection, bodyguard work.”

  Elijah looked at the card but didn’t pick it up. “Is this work you’re barely describing legal?”

  “I’m a lawyer.”

  “Is that an answer?” Wade asked because, well, he kind of had to.

  “Take the card.” Bast slid it closer to Elijah’s closed fist. “Call me tomorrow.”

  This time he picked it up. Flipped it over, read it, then flipped again. “Can you guarantee no one will try to kill me on the job?”

  “‘Guarantee’ is a strong word.” Bast shook both of their hands. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Eli.”

  Bast walked out and the resulting silence was like a living thing. It crawled and swirled. Wade had to get out. He grabbed the keys out of his pocket and got as far as the doorway.

  “Wade—”

  “Eli, look.” Wade turned around again. This part had to be said and once it was it never had to be said again. “You wanted some fun and a release. I get that, but I’m not your guy.”

  “We can try to fix this.”

  He nodded at the card in Elijah’s hand. “Take the job.”

  “I don’t care about that.”

  “Bast is a good man. Take the offer and give up black-ops before the next Todd waiting in line out there or going through training actually succeeds and kills you.”

  Elijah’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You don’t think I can take care of myself?”

  “I don’t think you can outrun a bullet.” And the idea of reading about Eli’s death in the paper under the guise of a strange accident made Wade want to heave.

  “And you would care if something happened to me.”

  Wade hesitated, debating. The truth wouldn’t change anything, so . . . “I would care. Good-bye, Eli.”

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Jarrett was almost afraid to be too happy the next morning. Luck rarely worked on his side. He hustled his butt off for everything he owned and accomplished. He’d made millions, but not without backbreaking hours and a few choices he’d rather not discuss, and couldn’t in some counties.

  But this might be the best perk of his job. He sat in his office chair and watched Becca bend across his desk with that fine ass on full display at mouth level. She cycled through the security monitor views. She had already declared they needed an overhaul because of blind spots. He had no idea what the hell she was talking about. He’d write her a check for anything, agree to almost anything, if it kept the smile on her face.

  Now she watched as their guest walked through the back hall toward the office. “You should have people escorted in. There’s no need for anyone to be wandering around in the back offices.”

  He started to wonder if Becca would run an even tighter ship than he did. “This one is safe.”

  Kyra poked her head around the corner and into the open doorway. “Hello.”

  Jarrett waved her inside. He also thought about grabbing Becca and sitting her on his lap, but he guessed she’d find that to be a private activity. And she stood up too fast for him to catch her.

  “Becca, this is Kyra.”

  With a bright smile on her face, Becca reached across the desk and shook the younger woman’s hand. “Hi, Kyra.”

  “It’s about time we met. I’ve heard all about you.”

  Becca sent him a “we’ll talk later” glare. “Depending on when that conversation happened, I dread what you’ve heard.”

  “This morning on the phone.” Kyra fluttered her eyelashes like something out of a cartoon. “He used the word ‘love.’”

  “Isn’t that cute?” Becca smiled down at him as she brushed her hand over his hair.

  “That’s enough of that talk.” But not the touching. She was free to do that anytime. To let her know, he caught her hand and brought her around until she stood beside his chair. His palm went wandering behind her.

  “What’s going on?” Becca asked.

  “Jarrett asked me to come in.”

  Becca glanced down at him again. “Why?”

  “To offer her a job.”

  Kyra’s mouth
dropped open. When she closed it again she looked at Becca, not him. “Did you know about this?”

  Becca shrugged. “News to me.”

  “Because I just came up with the idea.” He rushed to add that, trying to stave off a lecture about communication that might be headed his way later.

  The excitement vanished as quickly as it came. Kyra frowned at him. “What’s up with the change in position?”

  “Oh, I see what you’re doing.” Becca made a humming sound. “The change is Wade.”

  “Becca.” Jarrett used her name as a warning. He had no idea how much Wade wanted his baby sister to know about his love life.

  “She deserves to know what’s going on. I would want to know.”

  He trailed a hand down the back of her thigh. “You’re an only child.”

  “Is that the point?”

  “Wait.” Kyra shifted to the front of her chair. “Is Wade okay?”

  “He had a falling out with someone he was dating.” Jarrett thought that was as vague as he could be without resorting to hand signals.

  “You mean a guy.” Kyra rolled her eyes. “Really, Jarrett. It’s not a secret he’s gay. He announced that to me years ago. Not the rest of the family, of course, but I know.”

  Jarrett decided to skip the tiptoeing. “In that case, he had a shitty breakup.”

  “I didn’t even know he was seriously dating someone.”

  “I think he was stunned, too. Point is, it might be good for you to hang around for a few months.” More careful word choices, but telling her every detail wouldn’t solve anything. “A familiar face. You can always make him smile.”

  Becca snorted. “I’d like to see that.”

  “And when he kills me for even suggesting this, you can both come to my funeral.” Because Wade would be pissed. At this point Jarrett would take anything over the quiet moping.

  “I won’t let that happen.” Becca patted Jarrett’s shoulder as she said it.

  Kyra laughed. “You really must love him.”

  “Most days.”

  He pinched Becca’s butt and smiled when she jerked in reaction.

  Kyra must have missed the byplay because she launched into a new round of questions. “How bad was it?”