Just Dessert

by Heather Gray

  Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes were dumbfounded to see the entire Fitzgerald clan waiting by the road for them. "Well, I'll be," Mr. Wilkes said under his breath. Mrs. Wilkes scooted closer to him to make room for Mary on the bench. Wrapping her arm through that of her husband, she gave him an extra squeeze conveying what she couldn't say in words.

  ****

  The older couple ushered the family in to church. Lizzie pulled Gigi aside to go use the necessary and explained the rules about getting up during the message. Out of courtesy to their visitors, the older couple chose a pew toward the back of the church. Mary slid into the pew and scooted over until she was next to the wall. Gigi, followed by Lizzie, slid in beside her.

  "This pew ain't gonna hold all of us," Mr. Wilkes said. "Boys, why don't you sit here with me," he said, indicating the pew behind the one Mary was in, "and the missus can sit up there with the girls."

  As other families entered the church and saw the Fitzgeralds, many stopped to say hello and welcome them. Her position by the wall saved Mary from having to return handshakes and hugs, for which she was thankful.

  Mary heard little of Reverend Green's message. As she sat in the pew she was awash in memories long forgotten. Ma had brought them to church every Sunday. She didn't remember Pa ever coming, but she remembered Ma bustling them all in and then sitting by the aisle so the boys wouldn't get any funny ideas about trying to sneak out. Lost in her own reminiscing, Mary didn't realize the service was over until everyone around her stood up to sing a closing hymn.

  Gigi still seemed forlorn this morning, so Mary reached down and picked her up, holding her close and humming the hymn softly rather than singing along. Gigi, arms wrapped tightly around Mary's neck, snuggled close. Mary realized it wouldn't be much longer before Gigi was too big for her to pick up. A stab of sadness pierced her heart at the thought of her brothers and sisters growing up and leaving home. She pushed the notion away, determined, for today at least, to enjoy each moment as it came.

  ****

  "Would you like to join us for dinner?" Mrs. Wilkes asked as they stepped out into the sunshine. Mary regarded the faces of her family and then turned to the couple, "We'd love to, but first we need to stop at home so we can change clothes. I also hoped I could bring some of the sewing over and maybe we could work on some clothes for school. Summer is about over, and I need to take you up on your offer to help get everyone ready for the school year."

  Beaming, Mrs. Wilkes said, "That sounds wonderful! The girls can work on their quilts if they'd like, and I'm sure Mr. Wilkes has projects that'll keep the boys busy."

  "I sure do," came the voice behind them. "We need to build ourselves a cart big enough to carry at least two people and sturdy enough to haul milk and eggs, don't we Mary?"

  ****

  The afternoon was one of the most pleasant Mary could remember spending in a long time. Nobody pressed her about church. She and Mrs. Wilkes repaired the kids' clothing that needed mending. The older woman also promised to come over the next day and help cut down some of the dresses Minnie had given them and bring Grady's old clothes like they'd talked about.

  Mary's heart was full as the five of them walked back home. She felt a peaceful sense of satisfaction deep in her soul and wondered if it had been the afternoon's company or the morning in church that made her feel that way.

  "So, are we getting the contract for the hotel?" Clive asked. Mary nodded slowly and said, "I think so. I still have a couple questions, but Mr. Livingston's offer is a good one. He will pay for the cows we need, and then we will pay him back for that loan by giving him a reduced rate on the milk. We can make this work."

  "It's a good thing we grew some alfalfa this summer, but will it be enough to feed three cows through the winter?" This question came from Bobby.

  "Probably not," Mary said. "I was thinking we should start collecting brush and other greenery from around the farm. It won't be the cow's favorite food, but it'll do in a pinch this winter if it comes to it."

  "What if we moved the cows around and let them work on eating that stuff now so we could save all the alfalfa for the winter?" Clive asked.

  Mary ruffled his hair as he ducked away to escape her hand. "Clive, I do think you've got an excellent idea. Let's start doing that. Although it's not cows yet. We still have one for now. Mr. Wilkes is working on getting us two more."

  "What's a professional milk cow?" This came from Gigi." Are they easier to milk?"

  Laughing, Mary said, "I think they're supposed to make more milk. At least that's how I understood it when Mr. Wilkes explained it. We'll have to wait and see for ourselves I suppose." Then, winking at Gigi, she said, "Maybe we'll have to give them special treatment. Keep them in the house so they stay warm, sew bonnets for them so the sun doesn't get in their eyes, that sort of thing. What do you think?"

  Gigi giggled and joined in the fun. She talked the rest of the way home about how they would have to treat the professional milk cows. "We'll have to make extra big chairs so they can sit at the supper table with us. And we'll have to get special boots made for them so they don't get their feet dirty. And I'm sure their manure won't smell bad at all. I'll bet it'll smell like flowers!"

  ****

  That last week before school went by quickly. The kids spent every moment they could outdoors, except when Mrs. Wilkes came over to sew, which she did every day. Lizzie and Gigi would come in then and visit with her and work on their quilts for an hour or so, and then they would look bored and Mary would tell them they could go play. Via Mrs. Wilkes, Mr. Wilkes sent the message that they should keep their cow close to home and bring the food to it rather than the other way around.

  The way Mrs. Wilkes explained it, "He said if you had a large herd of five or six hundred, it wouldn't be a big deal if a predator got one or two. But with you having only one, and even eventually when you have three or four, if a predator were to attack, it would be devastating. He said you're better off keeping them close to home and bringing the food to them." Though more comical than proficient, the boys eventually got the hang of pulling the mishmash of plants together into something resembling bales.

  Mary took Grady's letter out to read it again each evening before bedtime. She'd come to refer to that time, in her own mind anyway, as her quiet time. Once everyone was settled for the night, she would stay up a bit longer and enjoy the peace in the house. This sense of harmony she was finding in her home was still new to her. Saturday evening, as she was drifting off to sleep, a thought struck her.

  I'm not afraid. Mary was so startled by the realization that all thought of sleep fled. Bolting into a sitting position in bed, she said it out loud. "I'm not afraid." For years, even in her own home, she had always been afraid. When the fear had started leaving her was a mystery. Had it been before she'd first read Grady's letter? Or had his words been the catalyst for it? At the moment, she didn't particularly care. All that mattered was here, in her own home, she was not afraid. Mary felt secure, peaceful, and safe.

  With a bemused smile on her face, Mary lay back down and tried to get some sleep.

  ****

  The following Sunday went much the same way as the previous one. Clive, for his part, knew they were going to church for four Sundays and didn't make a scene at the breakfast table. He even came downstairs dressed for church. Gigi again seemed glum about the whole prospect, but she wasn't quite as out of sorts as she had been the week before. Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes were as happy to see the five this Sunday as they had been the prior week.

  The two families settled into the same pews as the previous week. Trying to be more sensitive to Gigi's feelings this week, Mary held her arm out to the girl. Gigi was too grown to comfortably sit in her lap anymore, but she did snuggle up to Mary's side. Feeling blessed beyond measure, Mary wondered how it was each of these kids, her brothers and sisters, had come to trust her so much. They might not always get along or see eye to eye about things, but every single one of them felt safe with her and trusted her to do righ
t by them.

  Humbled and deeply touched by the thought, Mary held Gigi close as the message began.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  "Today we will talk about trust," said Reverend Green, causing Mary's jaw to drop. "We will discuss the different types of trust and whether or not the Lord Himself is trustworthy." She quickly glanced around to see if anyone else was reacting to the reverend's announcement, but everyone had their normal "goin' to church" expressions on. Hadn't she just been thinking about how the kids trust her? Mary reined in her racing mind and decided this was one message to which she truly needed to listen.

  Reverend Green continued, "God gave me this message, and I believe someone here today needs to hear it. Before we begin, let's pray." Everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads. It took all of Mary's willpower, but she managed to do the same. Her nerves were humming, and her heart was beating rapidly by the time Reverend Green said, "Amen."

  "Let's start by discussing some of the different types of trust. I came up with three specific kinds as I studied for this message. You may have an example of trust that doesn't fall into one of these categories, and if you do, I'd love to hear about it after church today." Reverend Green paused to take a deep breath and then launched into an explanation of the types of trust.

  Mary listened attentively as he explained the different uses of the word. "You might trust what someone says. If a person says they will help you, you can trust they are being truthful. They are a person of their word. You believe they will do what they say they will do." The sanctuary was divided by a middle aisle. Reverend Green moved back and forth behind the pulpit, making eye contact as he addressed both sides of the congregation. "What about your secrets? Is there someone you trust with your secrets? When you have an issue in your life that you are dealing with, is there someone with whom you talk things over? Perhaps they are wise or experienced or loving, and those are all good reasons to talk to them. All of those reasons, however, are trumped by trust. If you could not trust that person to keep what you say to them confidential, then no amount of wisdom or experience would motivate you to share your secrets with them."

  Gigi was warm against Mary's side, and Lizzie was listening to the reverend with apparent interest on her face. Mary hoped she, too, reflected interest rather than the anxiety she felt building inside her.

  "There is yet another kind of trust, one that is often overlooked. Do you trust people's reactions?" The reverend's voice became hoarse with emotion as he said, "When you have made the worst mistake of your life, and you need to talk to someone about it, are you going to go to a person whose reaction you cannot trust? Not knowing from one day to the next whether that person will greet you with loving tenderness or with scathing rebuke?" Reverend Green stood uncustomary still behind his pulpit as he said, "You cannot trust their reaction, and if that's the case, you won't trust them with the things that matter to you."

  Mary sat there, flabbergasted. She'd known she couldn't trust Pa to do the things he'd said he would do. In recent memory, he had not been a man of his word. She'd also known she could not trust him with her secrets or with the things that mattered to her. It wasn't so much that he would go blabbing around town to other people, but rather he would use those things against her to manipulate and hurt her when he wanted to get his way about something. He would hold things over her head. That last one, though, trusting his reaction to things – Mary had never thought of it in that light before. She liked the way the reverend explained it.

  In a blinding moment of insight, Mary looked back on her many interactions with Grady over the course of the summer and realized she had never fully trusted him. Grady hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't earned her skepticism. It hadn't been his fault, but, rather, it had been her habit. Distrust had become an insidiously invasive way of life for Mary, and, even with Pa's death, she hadn't been able to shake it. She hadn't trusted his reaction, and so she'd held herself back from him.

  Mary wasn't sure she was ready for all this growth she felt occurring inside her. It was painful and awkward. She felt uncomfortably out of sorts, like a colt who didn't know how to use its legs yet. Realizing she was leaning forward in the pew, she slowly sank back into her previous position. The reverend, who had continued talking about those three different types of trust, was now transitioning to the next part of his message.

  "Do you want people in your life you cannot trust to keep their word? Do you want to be surrounded by people to whom you cannot entrust your secrets? Do you want your life filled with those whose unpredictability means you cannot trust their reactions? Hopefully you are blessed with friends and family you can trust in all of those areas. Whether that's true for you or not, I nevertheless want to introduce you to One who is completely trustworthy in all things."

  "Let's look at Proverbs 3:5.'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.’ That's a great verse, wouldn't you agree?" When a smattering of amens came from the crowd, Reverend Green continued. "Here's the thing. That verse tells us to trust God. You could even say it commands us to trust God. It doesn't, though, tell us why we should trust Him."

  After a dramatic pause, Reverend Green continued, "What about Psalm 62:8? It tells us to 'Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.' So here we have a verse that again tells us to trust God but that also tells us why. 'God is a refuge for us.' What is a refuge?"

  The reverend let the question hang for a moment before continuing. "It is a place of protection. A refuge is a shelter that provides you with security and comforts you with safety. A refuge is the place to which you flee when you are running for your life. Are you going to run to God when you feel threatened if you cannot trust His reaction?"

  Reverend Green allowed the question to soak in for a moment before slowly shaking his head and saying "No. You won't."

  "There's good news, though," he said with a smile. "I believe we can always trust God's reaction. That is the only way He could truly be a refuge for us. We might not necessarily like what He has to say to us, but we can trust He will always say it in love."

  Lifting his arms expansively, the reverend continued his sermon, "It's not always easy to understand why we should trust God. David trusted that when he went against Goliath, God would give him victory. Why? You might believe he was too young to know better, but I like to think it was because God had shown him victory with the lion and with the bear. David had no reason to doubt. He had a childlike faith in God. There's nothing wrong with that. What about the rest of us, though, who have not always had victory, at least in the way we understand it?"

  His tone shifted, entreating his listeners to see the heart of his message. "You all know I'm a widower. I loved my wife dearly. When she became ill, I prayed fervently for her recovery, but God had other plans for her. I don't begrudge my wife the glory of heaven, but I did have to face the challenge of continuing to trust God when it felt as if He had not kept His word to me, His child."

  Mary could no longer help herself. She was again leaning forward, listening to the reverend's every word. It felt like he was speaking directly to her heart. Gigi, apparently vexed by her movements, had switched places with Lizzie and was sitting beside Mrs. Wilkes now.

  "I believe in getting to know people's character," the reverend continued. "We can sometimes be quick to judge someone based on their actions, but actions can be misleading. If we genuinely want to know another person, we need to spend enough time with them to understand their character so that, if they do something we don't agree with, we can put it in context of who they truly are before we go and unfairly pass judgment on them. The same is true with God. I cannot pass judgment on God based on one incident, my wife's death. Instead, I need to put that incident within the context of God's character."

  Holding up a sheet of paper, Reverend Green went on, "Let me tell you a bit about God's character. You don't have to flip through to read these verses. Simply listen for
now." Then, taking another deep breath, he said, "In Genesis 17:1 we see that He is called the Almighty God. Exodus 17:15 gives us the name Jehovah Nissi, which means The Lord My Miracle. In Psalm 23:1 we see Him referred to as Lord My Shepherd, which comes from the name Jehovah-Raah. What does a shepherd do?" Reverend Green paused for a beat before continuing, "He protects and defends his flock, caring for them much as a parent cares for a child."

  Looking around the room at the people before him, he said, "In Exodus 15:26 we are given the name Lord That Healeth, or Lord That Heals. Genesis 21:33 tells of us of the Everlasting God, which comes from the name El Olam. Literally translated it would be God Everlasting. Deuteronomy 7:9 tells us that He is The Faithful God. One of my favorites is found in Judges 6:24. The name Jehovah Shalom means The Lord is Peace."

  Reverend Green allowed his last statement to settle over the crowd before continuing. "How, then, can we know God is trustworthy? It is in His very nature, in His character. It is built into who He is. We can trust Him to keep His word, we can trust Him with our secrets, and we can trust His reaction no matter the situation." Reverend Green paused, and Mary's anticipation grew. She could feel something changing inside her. Long left in the desert sun, her heart was being allowed to drink from the well, and with each sip, its thirst grew. "He is God." Another pause. "He is almighty." As the reverend continued to pause after each statement, the effect grew in magnitude. "He is our miracle. He is our shepherd. He is our healer. He is everlasting. He is faithful. He is our peace."

  His voice still strong with no waver in pitch, Reverend Green went on to say, "I invite each of you today to get to know God a little better. There is much more to God's character than the snippets I was able to cover in today's message. Feel free to talk to me anytime you have questions and to come back next week where we will be learning more about the character of God."