What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 9)

by Kristine Cayne

  Connor stroked her hair. He could deal with this.

  “So, you’ve been afraid to start something with me because we might break up?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.”

  She sat up and looked at him. “What?”

  “That’s like not driving because you’re afraid of having a car accident, or not walking because you’re afraid of falling down. You’ve got to take risks, Jessie.”

  “I’m just not sure I can risk my business for a good fuck.”

  He chuckled, a deep throaty rumbly sound. “As flattered as I am by that statement, I must disagree.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “How about this. How about, we date. As long as we’re together, I’ll do whatever I can to help you grow your business so you aren’t totally dependent on me. That way, whenever we break up, as you are so positive we will, and I quit buying the best chevre I have ever tasted, you will have enough other customers to keep yourself afloat. Deal?”

  She looked at him warily. “That sounds ridiculous.”

  He closed in on her, bringing his face within inches of hers. “No more ridiculous than you not starting something with me because you think it will end.” He brushed his lips against hers gently, taking care not to hurt her bruises. Entwining his fingers around the back of her neck, he leaned his forehead against hers. “Besides. I need you too badly to end it anytime soon.”

  He brushed his lips against hers again, before pulling back to look into her eyes.

  They were filling with tears.

  “What?” Mortified, he couldn’t imagine what he’d said to make her cry. “What did I do, now?” A lone tear fell from the green pool of moisture. “Honey? What did I say?”

  She wiped her eyes. “Exactly what you needed to say.” Jessie put her head back on Connor’s chest, just as the nurse walked into the curtained area with papers for her to sign, releasing her.

  He watched her, his heart filled to capacity with an unnamed feeling. He wasn’t sure what this woman was doing to him, but he liked it.

  Driving her home, he rested his hand on her knee, squeezing it gently, aware of any bruises she may have. He watched as she let out a deep sigh, and leaned her head back against the head rest of his truck.

  “Comfy?” He asked her softly.

  “Mmm-hmmm…” She turned to look at him, still resting her head on the head rest. “Can I ask you something?” Her voice was sleepy sounding, far away.

  “Of course.”

  “Why do you like me?”

  The question came out of left field, and Connor was surprised by it. Jessie seemed so confident of herself, of her abilities. He wasn’t expecting to hear doubt in her voice.

  “What’s not to like? You’re independent, smart, beautiful, and you don’t play games.” He stroked her thigh, reassuringly. “Why are you surprised? Has no man ever liked you for you before?”

  She was silent for a minute, as if thinking about the question. “No.” Her voice was hushed.

  “What about your Dad? Brothers?” Surely, there was somebody who cared for this woman half as much as he did.

  “No. Dad cared about his beer more than anybody, and I didn’t have any brothers. I don’t want to talk about this, Connor. Please forget I asked.”

  Driving in silence the rest of the way to Jessie’s house, he pondered that disclosure. Her dad had been an alcoholic, didn’t give her any attention. Did that explain why her relationships didn’t work out for her? It didn’t matter to Connor if Jessie’s dad was the flying purple people eater, he liked her for who she was.

  Pulling into her driveway, Connor finally broke the silence. “Jessie, I want you to know that you’re special to me. I don’t know who’s hurt you in the past, but this is the present. I like you. I want to be with you. I will make it work. Okay?”

  She nodded, not speaking.

  He helped her into her house, and took her into his arms for a hug, brushing her lips softly with his. “Can I get you anything?”

  “Stay with me, tonight?” Her eyes had taken on a glazed look, and he wasn’t sure what he was reading in them.

  “You need to rest. I’ll help you into bed.”

  She shook her head. “No, I mean stay with me tonight, Connor.” Her hand rubbed his chest, as she pressed her body against his. The feel of her against him was almost his undoing, but he managed to grasp her wrists in one hand and lift her chin with the other, so he was looking into her eyes.

  “You’ve had a long, hard day, Jessie. As much as I want you, I don’t want it like this. You’re battered and bruised, and I don’t want to be gentle. You need to go to sleep. I’ll come check on you tomorrow.”

  Her green eyes flickered with pain, then anger, almost breaking his resolve. He knew he was capable of making love to her right now, but he needed it to be different. He couldn’t be like the others.

  “Get out, Connor.”

  “Jessie…I just want to take it a little slower…That’s all.”

  “No. I’ve had enough of this roller coaster with you for one day. Get out.”

  He turned, and trudged out the door, regretting every step.

  Chapter Nine

  Jessie spent the night in a bottle of whiskey. She sat in her bathtub, soaking her aching body and drinking the only booze she had, a bottle of rotgut whiskey she had been putting off drinking. She needed it tonight.

  Connor was making her crazy. After their wonderful morning together, making cheese, he had kissed her. And it had been amazing. Kissing Connor was riding in a jet. It took her breathe away, and made her want to shriek and laugh with intense pleasure. It made her stomach drop, then rise to her throat. Kissing Connor made her want to dance a happy dance. And then he’d put a stop to it, and walked out the door. Then, at the restaurant, he’d snapped at her, treating her like a plague. Then he’d come back to the house and saved her from Chad, stayed with her through the visit to the emergency room. He’d told her he liked her, wanted her, needed her. Then he wouldn’t sleep with her. Shit. He was the rollercoaster. And she wanted off the ride.

  She didn’t know if she could do it. He said he wanted to, and then he acted like he wanted to. Then he would slam on the breaks again. She wasn’t sure how many times she could take the break slamming without finally flying through the windshield, only to lay broken and battered by the side of the road.

  Taking a slug of the whiskey straight from the bottle, Jessie sunk lower in the bubbles. At least Chad wasn’t coming back anytime soon. The judge wanted to make a deal with her, and Jessie pondered what he could do for her that would make it worth her while. She did see Connor’s point, that if she didn’t press charges, he would be free to do whatever to whoever the next time. One thing was for sure, though. He would never touch her again. Period.

  That was one less thing to worry about.

  And if she could just quit thinking about Connor, she could have another less thing to worry about.

  She took another drink from the bottle and reminded herself of how her heart had jumped when Connor told her he wanted her. He made it sound like he wanted a lifetime with her. And it had made her feel good.

  Sure, men had wanted her. And she had wanted them. But no man had ever wanted more than sex from her. Every time she tried to pursue something beyond sex, she had been rebuffed. Men wanted her. For sex, but nothing more.

  And apparently, Connor didn’t even want her for that.

  Jessie looked at the bottle of whiskey in her hand, and inevitably, her thoughts turned towards dear old dad.

  Living with Sonny Stillwell had been something she didn’t usually dwell on, but with recent events, she couldn’t keep from it. How the man managed to hold a job was beyond Jessie. She was pretty sure that he’d kept a bottle of vodka in his company truck, and stayed drunk most of the day. He was a supervisor on the grounds crew for the city of Serendipity, so he sat in his truck and “supervised” all day. When he came home, he’d sit in his cha
ir and drink, feeling sorry for himself, until he passed out in his recliner, with the TV blaring to drown out his thoughts. Jessie had fended for herself most of her life.

  She took another slug of whiskey. Why wasn’t she drunk yet? She was tired of all of this thinking. When would the liquor take over and send her into a spinning stupor?

  Getting out of the bathtub, she pulled on her robe and carried the bottle back to the couch. She sat there, in her robe, clutching the whiskey, taking occasional drinks until the anticipated stupor finally took over.

  The next morning, Jessie woke to a pounding headache and a stiffness, which made her cry out when she stood. She had passed out on the couch, and at some point in the night, she’d actually laid down on it. Drawing herself another hot bath, she soaked some of the soreness out of her bones before making a whey smoothie. Having something in her stomach, and feeling her joints loosen up gave her just enough mobility to go out and milk the goats.

  Today, the goats were listening to Eurythmics. Jessie had the CD player set on a loop of Sweet Dreams are Made of These, which she listened to for the next two hours. After the first hour, she couldn’t stop the thoughts that kept creeping into her consciousness. Thoughts of yesterday. Chad. Judge Foster. Connor.

  She hurt, but she knew in her heart it wasn’t the physical pain that was bothering her. When she had seen herself in the mirror this morning, she had been surprised she didn’t look worse. Her face was swollen a little, but she only had the one black eye. The split in her lip wasn’t all that visible, and a little makeup would make it all go away. Her ribs didn’t look as bad as she expected either.

  Not having the visible bruising she’d been expecting made the pain less. Physically. Nothing could help her emotional pain.

  She had always just gone with her hormones. She didn’t know how to reign herself in. But apparently, that’s what Connor wanted. He wanted her to reign in her hormones, and not get physical with him. She had no idea what to make of that. She needed somebody else’s take on this.

  When she finished with the goats, she went inside and called Summer.

  “A Summer Place.”

  “Hey, Summer.”

  “Jessie! What’s up?” Her friend’s voice bubbled with enthusiasm.

  “I have a problem. With Connor.”

  “Uh Oh. What’s going on?”

  “I’m not even sure if you can help me. He doesn’t want to have sex with me. I don’t get it.” Jessie felt confused, and a little disheartened. She just didn’t understand what she had to do to get the guy in bed.

  “What?” Disbelief was evident in Summer’s voice.

  “Well, he seems like he does.” Her fingers fiddled with her hair, winding tendrils around her fingertips, a nervous habit that revealed she was unsure of herself. A rarity for Jessie.

  “Yeah, he does. The way he looks at you, girl…”

  “Yeah, well. He said he doesn’t.” Jessie said, matter-of-factly.

  Summer sighed, “Okay. What exactly did he say to you?” She sounded like she was talking to a kindergartener.

  “There’s something really intense between us, you know?” Jessie ran her hand over her face, trying to gather her thoughts.

  “Um. Yeah. That’s pretty obvious.”

  “Well, he keeps stopping us. He says he wants to start something, but as soon as we actually start to do something, he slams on the breaks. It’s really frustrating me. He says he wants to take things slow. I don’t know what that means.” Jessie finished with an exasperated sigh, blowing air out in a whooshing breath.

  “It means, he wants to take things slowly. He doesn’t want to just jump into bed with you. He wants to build up to it. To develop a relationship with you, first. That’s what it means.”

  “I’ve never done that. I’m not sure I know how.”

  “Just let him take the lead.”

  “I’ve been doing that, Summer. He’s the one who kissed me! I don’t know what this man wants!” Her hands waved around in exasperation.

  “Well, I can tell you. He wants you. He just doesn’t know how to go about it yet. Be patient with him. He’ll come around.” Summer sounded so confident, Jessie wished she could be as sure of herself.

  “You think so?”

  “Absolutely. You’d have to be in the grave to not feel the chemistry between the two of you. In fact, I’m not even sure that’s true. Have you been back over there?”

  “No.” Jessie lied.

  “Well, be careful if you do. Please.”

  “Just what, exactly are you afraid this ghost woman is going to do to me?”

  “I don’t know. But the fact she made herself visible to me indicates there’s a powerful energy at work in that house.”

  “Okay. Whatever. I’ll be careful. In fact, I may go over there for dinner.”

  “Good luck.” Summer said quietly.

  “Thanks. I’ll need it.”

  “I wasn’t talking about Connor.” She warned.

  “Whatever, Summer.”

  When Jessie got to the restaurant that evening, she noticed there was only one car in the parking lot. Absently, she wondered what she could do to increase his business. Glancing at her watch, she realized it was later than she thought.

  Kathy was standing at the hostess stand, straightening the menus, getting ready to leave when Jessie entered.

  “Oh thank goodness. I really hope you can put him in a better mood. If I have to listen to that Nickelback song again, I’m going to murder someone.”

  Jessie giggled into the back of her hand. “Really? Nickelback?”

  Kathy rolled her eyes in response, and led Jessie to the table she had sat at before, next to the kitchen. “I was on my way out, I’ll talk to you later?” Kathy dipped a quick kiss on Jessie’s cheek before disappearing through the kitchen door.

  Less than a minute later, Connor appeared, standing at her table with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He deftly opened the bottle and poured them, not saying a word.

  Jessie began. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You had an awful day.” His cobalt blue eyes on her brought a warm flush to her cheeks, a feeling she was unaccustomed to.

  “I just don’t know how to do what you were asking.”

  “Take things slowly?”

  “Yes. I’ve never done that before.” She sighed, and tugged on a tendril of hair. “I’ve always just taken men home and had sex. I’ve never gotten to know any of them first.” She looked up at him. “The time I’ve spent with you is more time than I’ve spent with a man before sleeping with him. I guess I just didn’t see the point.” She took a sip of the wine, even though the thought of more alcohol turned her stomach. “But I’m willing to give it a shot. So. Here I am. Let’s get to know each other. Ask me questions. I’ll answer them truthfully.” She leaned back with her glass of wine on her stomach, tracing the rim with her fingers.

  Connor looked taken aback at her forwardness. Surprise twisted his features, before smoothing into amusement. “Okay. How many men have you taken home to have sex with?”

  Jessie thought a minute. “I’m not totally sure…in the last five years, probably between twenty and twenty-five.” She said candidly.

  Connor had just taken a sip of wine and when he heard her answer, he sputtered and choked. Between coughs, he rasped, “Twenty-five? Jesus!”

  “What? That’s one every few months. If I were a man, that would be considered…studly.” She finished weakly.

  “I’m just surprised, is all.” He said. “Your turn.”

  “Well, how many have you had?”

  “In the last five years?” He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers over his stomach.

  She nodded.

  “None.”

  Jessie couldn’t hide her shock. “What?!? Are you serious?”

  “Deadly.” His face was a mask, and Jessie couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  “You haven’
t had sex in five years?”

  He coughed slightly into his hand. “Eight years, actually.”

  “Well, I do feel slutty, now.”

  “Don’t. I’m an aberration.” He said wryly.

  “Well, now we know why we’re so bad at this stuff.” She laughed, trying to ease the tension. “Why haven’t you had sex in eight years?”

  “It’s my turn to ask the question.”

  “Okay. Ask.”

  He took a sip of wine, thoughtfully. “Do you want kids?”

  “Someday.”

  “Do you like kids?”

  “My turn. Why haven’t you had sex in eight years?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “Neither is how many guys I’ve slept with, but I answered you.”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “Fair enough. Um…My ex-wife pries into my sex life, and uses it against me. So I just quit having sex.”

  She looked at him. “Ex-wife?”

  “My turn.” He stroked his chin with an index finger. “What’s your favorite song to make love to?”

  “Wow.” She was shocked at his blatant question. Shocked he asked, not that she didn’t have one. “Just about any song by Nine Inch Nails, but I really like Down in It off of the Pretty Hate Machine album.”

  A corner of his mouth quirked up in an amused smirk. “Great album.” He shifted in his chair. “Your turn.”

  Jessie inhaled deeply, suddenly realizing she was more turned on than she had been in recent memory. “Okay, since this is the direction the questions are going…what’s your favorite position?”

  His eyes raked down her body, slowly. “I enjoy most of them. But I’ve been fantasizing about taking you from behind. And against the wall…”

  “Oh my…” Jessie’s words had left her. And her breath. She stared at him, watching his expression. She thought she could see desire in his eyes, but she had been mistaken about that before. “So, all this talk about sex…Have we gotten to know each other enough?”

  “I’ve been thinking today, about us.” He said quietly, his eyes watching her intensely. Sheesh, was he always this intense?

  “What have you been thinking?”