Contradiction

by Paine, Salina

  I rush to the bathroom, ripping the brush thru my hair and reapply my lip gloss. In that moment a familiar memory comes forward. As I look at my reflection in the mirror I see myself, only a couple years younger. My heart hammers in my chest and I see the hatred in my mother's eyes. Drawing in a deep breath I close my eyes, forcing myself to dry my tears. When I open them up I'm looking at myself, the small bruise still lingering on my cheek and his words echoing in my mind. A knock on the door makes me jump.

  "You ok in there," he asks.

  "I'm fine," I reply trying to swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.

  "Ok, I'm going to pull the truck around," he says.

  "Where are we going?" I ask, giddy like a school girl as I climb in the truck.

  "You'll see," he says looking over at me with a huge grin.

  We pull into the parking lot of DownSouth, a small local bar and my smile fades. I clench my jaw as I look over at Jeff.

  "I know, I know," he says, drawing in a deep breath.

  I sit there staring at him, waiting for an explanation. "Look, Jas, this is part of the surprise, I promised I wouldn't drink, and I won't," he says reaching for my hand, bringing it to his face, lightly kissing my palm.

  The excitement in his eyes grows as we walk to the door. I'm worried, worried that he is going to slip up and drink. The door swings open and I almost lose my mind. I catch a glimpse of Jared Wills, the lead singer of Searching Aces, sitting at a table near the front.

  "Holy shit, Jeff! H-h-how did you do this?" He just smiles and motions me to the table.

  "Jeff," Jared says when we reach the table. "Jared," so good to see you.

  They shake hands and I'm in complete awe. A night of singing and dancing ensues and I'm feeling pretty great. Jeff kept his word and didn't have even a sip of alcohol.

  The night winds down and we say our goodbyes before heading home. We reach the front door to the house and Jeff stops me. He pulls me tightly to him and kisses me. The passion in the kiss is so intense I almost lose control of myself. I open my eyes for a moment and his dark eyes are boring into mine. I quickly pull away, breathless and breathe in deeply to slow the strumming of my heart.

  "I'm sorry, Jeff, I know what you want but I just can't," I say as I continue to study his expression.

  "I know, Jas, and its ok," he whispers.

  "Thank you for understanding," I reply, wrapping my arms around him again.

  Laying my head on his chest I can hear the rapid humming of his heart. He pulls me in closer and I can feel his erection against my stomach.

  "You know there are other things you can do, right?" He says as he runs his fingertips down my spine, causing me to shiver.

  "What do you mean?" I ask, my inexperience flashing like a neon sign above my head.

  "Let me show you,” he says as he takes my hand and places it on his crotch. He groans as I lightly rub against the fabric and he fumbles with his keys.

  He gets the door open, picks me up and kicks the door shut, kissing me deeply when we reach the bedroom.

  Chapter 2

  ~~Brandon~~

  Carlie and I met in high school, our junior year. Carlie was beautiful and funny, her bright hazel eyes, dirty blonde hair and sweet smile would make any boy feel certain emotions. What started as a physical attraction quickly turned into more. By graduation we had made plans to move in together. Once I was enlisted in the Navy, we were living in a small apartment, close to the hospital where she worked as a receptionist, while going to nursing school. She stood by me at every turn. Soon after I finished my enlistment we decided we wanted move again. I always wanted to go back to my hometown. I sent my resume to the local hospital and within three weeks we were packing our belongings into a U-Haul and heading to the sunny Florida panhandle. We stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks while the apartment we had found was being finished. Working at the local hospital was great, and being back home was even better.

  After work I decide to go down to a little bar down the street to have a beer and unwind. Carlie is out with her new found friends for a, girls night out.

  I'm sitting at the bar, drinking my beer when I hear a familiar voce. "Brandon, is that you?" He asks.

  In turn around and there's Josh. "Yeah, man, it's me," I reply.

  "How the hell are you?" He asks holding his hand up for a fist bump.

  "I'm great, just got a job at the hospital and my girl is out with her friends."

  "It's so good to see you, man. It's been a long time," he says smacking me on the back.

  "Yes, it has. Grab a seat and have a beer with me," I say tipping my beer in his direction.

  "I'll have to take a raincheck on that," he replies, "I was on my way to see Michelle."

  "You son of a bitch, you're still with her?" I ask with a laugh.

  "Yeah, sure am," he says with a wicked grin.

  "Well, I'm at the parents’ house for about another week, get up with me," I say as he's heading towards the door.

  I smile and shake my head. The wild one has finally been tamed. I finish my beer and glance at the clock. Its eleven o'clock and I've got to work in the morning so I head to the house. It's only about a quarter mile so I figure I'll just walk home. I worked too hard to get to where I am to get a DUI. The evening air is cool and crisp and sobers me up almost instantly. I get to the house and Carlies' car is still gone. My mom is sitting by the front window the way she always did when I was a teenager. I walk through the front door and she looks at me funny.

  "You are home early, sweetheart," she says incredulously. I snicker at the look she’s giving me.

  "Mom, I’m not a teenager anymore, besides six comes early in the morning."

  She just shakes her head. "I'm so proud of you, son."

  "Thanks." I say leaning down to hug her.

  "I love you, goodnight." she says kissing my cheek.

  I hard down the hallway to my room, kicking my shoes off and crawl into bed. It's about two I'm the morning when a thump and a form of laughter wakes me. Carlie comes stumbling over to the bed nearly tripping over my shoes. She crawls into bed beside me and the smell of stale cigarettes and booze overwhelm my senses.

  "Carlie?" I ask.

  "Yeah, it's me," she says laughing.

  "I'm not trying to be mean, but could you at least change your clothes and brush your teeth? The smell is pretty potent."

  She groans, "Ok," and grumbles all the way to the bathroom. I fall back to sleep and I am once again awoken by her. She snuggles up to me, licking my neck.

  "Hey, please stop," I ask groggily.

  "What? I don't turn you on anymore?" she asks angrily.

  I groan loudly, "Carlie, you know you do. I've got to go to work in a few hours and you're wasted."

  "Asshole," she mumbles, turning away from me.

  I just sigh and close my eyes. When the alarm clock goes off I'm still exhausted. I get up, shower and get dressed. I look over to Carlie still passed out on the bed. Even with her hair a mess, and last nights makeup smeared, she's still beautiful. I walk over and kiss her lightly before leaving.

  The walk to my truck is invigorating, the chilly air blowing in my face helps me focus through the exhaustion. I get to work and meet with my mentor, Dr. Iverson, he was my pediatrician as a child. The incessant humming of the equipment and constant paging are wearing on my nerves. After today I've got a couple days off and I am definitely going to need them. From a car accident to a kid with a broken arm, the day flies by.

  It's just after dark when I start to leave and realize I've left my keys in my locker.

  "Damn it," I mumble under my breath as I head back inside.

  I'm in a hurry and not paying attention and slam right into this woman, practically knocking the breath out of her. .

  "Oh my God, I'm so sorry," she says bending down to pick up the stack of papers I'd knocked out of her hands.

  As I'm helping her gather everything together I accidentally touch her hand and the sensat
ion that rips through me is indescribable. I shake it off quickly and apologize.

  "I'm sorry, hope you haven't lost anything," I say as she walks away.

  She shakes her head and smiles at me. I turn and walk to my locker, grab my keys and go back to the truck, I sigh sinking into the seat. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I look, and it's a text from Carlie.

  "Hey, Babe. I'm sorry about last night. I'll see you when you get home."

  I just shake my head. She never has been able to hold her liquor and she is so rude and obnoxious when she's drunk. I put the car in reverse and leave the parking lot. The drive home is peaceful; no radio, pager or phone. I pull into the driveway and Carlie is on the front porch swing waiting. She smiles that sexy smile at me when I reach the top step. I collapse on the swing beside her and she begins rubbing my arm. Leaning in to kiss her, I catch a hint of her perfume, the subtle smell is intoxicating. I kiss her softly and her lips become hungry against mine.

  "Whoa baby, take it easy," I say in a groan.

  She smiles a devilish smile when she pulls away. She stands and takes my hand pulling me into the house.

  "You're parents went out to dinner," she says leading me down the hallway to our room.

  I press her up against the door bringing my lips to hers again. The taste of her mouth is a sweet mixture of mint and wine. She moans into my mouth as my tongue slips between her lips. I pull away breathless and open the door. I pick her up and carry her to the bed. She giggles as I crash down on top her. The sweet smell of her perfume and the softness of her skin is a dangerous mixture.

  A soft knock on the door wakes me up. I look over at the clock and its four o'clock in the morning.

  "Yeah?" I ask hoarsely.

  "The hospital just called and said they need you," my mother says.

  Why didn't they call or page me, I wonder to myself. I look at my phone and it's dead.

  "Thanks Mom, I'm up. I'll call them when I'm on my way," I reply.

  "Brandon, I'm sorry I had to wake you up, but I know how much this job means to you," she says.

  Her footsteps disappear down the hallway as I stretch. I lean over kissing Carlie on the cheek.

  "Baby, I got called into work," I whisper.

  She nods barely opening her eyes. I shower and dress quickly, grabbing my phone as I walk out of the door. I look back at her and smile.

  "Bran," she says sleepily.

  "Yeah, baby?"

  "I love you."

  "I love you, too," I say closing the door behind me.

  I rush out to the kitchen stopping only for a moment to hug my mother. "Have a good day," she says. I nod, grabbing my keys.

  I call Dr. Iverson once I'm on the road.

  "Hey what's going on?"

  "Dr. Simons' wife went into preterm labor so she's been sent via helicopter to a better equipped hospital in Pensacola."

  "Damn, that's not good. I hope everyone will be ok."

  "Yeah, me too. Sorry to have to call you in but were short as it is." Dr. Iverson replied.

  "Its ok, man. I'll be there shortly."

  "Alright, see ya later."

  I hang up the phone with a heavy heart. Raina, Dr. Simmons wife, graduated a year after me. I try to focus the haze that has settled in my mind when I turn into the parking lot. It is going to be a long day. I get inside and start all my paperwork and prepare for my rounds.

  Chapter 3

  ~~Jasmine~~

  Everything has been absolutely perfect since Jeff quit drinking. We have been going out, doing things together and he hasn't had any strange late night phone calls. Everything is going so well he even encouraged me to invite my cousin, Vanessa to visit. I haven't laid eyes on her in a few years but the moment she steps out of the car it feels like we haven't been apart.

  "Jas, oh my God, you’re looking so good!" She says pulling me into her embrace.

  "You look great, too Ness," I reply as I pull away.

  Standing there with her sends a small twinge of jealousy through me. Her blue eyes sparkle in the light, even under the cover of clouds, and her clear tan skin is just unbelievable.

  "I should have known she would be in a dress," I mutter to myself. She shakes her head at me with a smirk and her thick blonde hair blows in the cool breeze. Vanessa was always pretty, but boy has she bloomed into a voluptuous beauty.

  "It sure is cold down here, I thought Florida was supposed to be sunny and hot." she says wrapping her sweater around her.

  "It’s only January, it will start warming up soon," I reply leading her to the front door.

  Jeff pulls up as we are heading inside. "I take it you're Vanessa," he says, stepping out of his truck, clearly trying to avert his eyes away from her chest.

  "Yes, this is me," she says with a giggle and tucks her hair behind her ear coyly.

  Jeff smiles and looks at me. "Umm... we better get all this stuff inside," he says taking her suitcase from her.

  They walk in and I stand there in the doorway with my arms crossed. Drawing in a shallow breath I shake my head and close the door behind me. No matter what I try to do, I can't shake the green eyed monster within. The way they talk, the way they are shamelessly flirting pisses me off.

  "Jasmine? What's wrong?" Jeff asks coming up behind me and rubbing my shoulders.

  "Nothing," I reply, virtually through my teeth. He pulls me into him hugging me tightly. I smile as his warmth encompasses me.

  Rolling over in bed I realize I'm alone. The coldness of his side of the bed jars me to full consciousness. Getting up to use the restroom I hear laughter coming from the front of the house. As I scamper my way down the hallway a thought crosses my mind, “"No," I whisper to myself as I round the corner to the living room.

  Jeff and Vanessa are sitting on the couch talking. The more I observe, the more I realize just how close they are. Jeff is sitting there in his pajama pants and shirtless, while Vanessa is in shorts and tank top ensemble, that leaves nothing to the imagination. Clearing my throat as I walk towards them and they both jump up.

  "Sorry, I woke up and realized you weren't there. I thought something might be wrong but clearly it's not," I say turning to go back to bed.

  I'm angry as I crawl back in bed, as every possible scenario plays out in my head, while I lay there staring into the darkness. The bedroom door creaks open and I turn over facing the wall. Jeff climbs into bed and snuggles up to me. Laying there limp I make no effort to reciprocate. He kisses my temple and pulls me closer.

  "Jas," he whispers. I don't respond because if I do he will hear the hurt in my voice. "I love you," he says and kisses my cheek.

  Laying there in the darkness, I listen to the slow rhythm of his breathing before sleep finally finds me.

  The smell of bacon wakes me up and I reach over realizing Jeff isn't there. "Damn it," I mutter under my breath as I pull on a pair of sweat pants and a t shirt. I pull my hair up into a ponytail as I stomp down the hallway.

  Vanessa is in the kitchen cooking and Jeff is sitting at the bar sipping his coffee. I walk over to the coffee pot without as much as a word.

  "Someone is a still a real grump without their coffee, aren't they?" Vanessa says pointing the spatula at me.

  I nod and roll my eyes as I climb on the barstool beside Jeff.

  "So, Jas, since its ladies night at Bottlestopper, I was hoping you would go with me," she says.

  "I don't know about that now, I'm not really into the club scene." I say.

  "I don't mind, go ahead, have fun" Jeff says, winking at Vanessa.

  She hasn't changed a bit, she still gets excited at the smallest things. I just stare at Jeff, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  "What?" He whispers.

  "I have to admit I'm surprised that you are ok with this," I reply with suspicion in my tone.

  Jeff picks up on it quickly and rolls his eyes. "There's nothing to be suspicious about," he says, his tone soft, "I figured you two would like to catch up and have a little fun."


  Bars and clubs are not my idea of fun, I'm more of a relax at home with a good movie and pizza kind of girl.

  "I'll think about it," I finally say looking back and forth between the two of them.

  Vanessa frowns at me and gives me the puppy dogs eyes.

  "That doesn't work on me." I reply taking a sip of my coffee.

  "Well... I'll just have to bug the ever living shit out of you until you buckle," she replies with a huge grin, raising her eyebrows at me.

  I laugh knowing she means it, thats how persistent this woman is. In my freshman year of high school she convinced me to sneak out and walk almost five miles to her house so we could have a secret slumber party. I did it only to find out it was a make out party. I got the beating of my life for that, but it was worth it to play spin the bottle with Michael Smith. I would have gotten away with it if he would have known how to kiss but his braces cut my lip.

  "I'll consider it, but right now I've got to get ready for work," I say heading to the bathroom.

  Getting to work is a task. Waiting until the last possible moment, leary of leaving these two alone with each other, I have to take the backroads to work. Driving down this old dirt road gives me chills. Only moments from where I grew up I stop the car. I glance at the clock knowing I'm going to be late. Slowly letting off the break I turn down that old washboard driveway.

  As the old run down trailer comes into view I feel my insides buzzing with fear, but noticing that my fathers rusty old truck is gone brings some relief. I put the car in park and step out onto the uneven ground. I watch as an aging face passes the window. Her graying hair is pulled back into a messy bun and there are circles under her eyes, deep and dark, but her eyes are still the same bright blue.

  Making my way up rotting steps, the door creeps open. My mother steps out, butcher knife in hand.

  "Mom, it's me," I say holding my hands up in front of me.

  "Jasmine?" She looks at me and suddenly throws the knife into the grass and slings her arms around me. She sobs into my shoulder and I hold her tightly.