Contradiction

by Paine, Salina

  "Everyone else left, they couldn’t take it, but I couldn't just leave him there. I couldn't bear to leave him alone. A final kiss on his cheek was all I was allowed before the nurses ushered me out.

  I hear Brandons' breath catch as he starts to speak. "I'm so sorry." He says kissing my forehead and I can feel the dampness on his cheeks.

  We lie there holding each other in silence until sleep finally comes.

  Chapter 10

  ~~Brandon~~

  As I process everything Jasmine has told me my heart breaks for her. From her brother's death to the abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to love her, I feel an overwhelming need to protect her regardless of the consequences.

  The sun begins to softly trickle through the curtains as I'm watching her sleep. I kiss her cheek and stroke her hair, lightly running my finger down the scar on her face. She shivers and turns over pulling the blanket up around herself. A faint whisper brings me out of my daze and I realize she's talking in her sleep. "I love you" she says over and over, and I can only wonder who she's referring to.

  The alarm clock goes off and she wakes up with a gasp. She looks around trying to focus, her eyes finding me. She smiles and stretches before saying, "Good morning." I smile and wrap my arms around her. "Good morning, sunshine." I reply. “

  "Do you work today?" She asks, crawling out of bed. “

  "Nope." I reply wiggling my eyebrows at her. She shakes her head and goes into the restroom. I slowly get out of bed and head to the kitchen. I fill up the coffee pot and grabbing two cups from the cabinet when she comes in.

  “"I thought I smelled coffee brewing." She says sitting at the bar. "I was thinking." she says with hesitation.“"I would like for you to go with me to Calebs gravesite."

  Without a word I go up behind her and hug her to me.“"Of course I will go with you." I whisper softly into her ear. She smiles and bites her bottom lip, “

  "Thank you, but first, I need to go by the room and get a change of clothes before we go. We also will need to stop by a flower shop, so I can get some fresh flowers for him." I nod and kiss her cheek. "Oh, and I need to go look at that apartment, would you be willing to do that with me also?" She asks, her voice laced with a hopeful tone.

  I just laugh.“"You know I will." We get ready to leave and I can see her filling with emotions. "So where is the cemetery?" I ask backing out of the driveway. “

  "Take 81 to I-181 and turn left, about three miles down is Cerro Gordo Lane, turn right and at the end of the road you'll see the cemetery.

  I nod not knowing what to say. The ten minute drive to the hotel room feels like an eternity with the blistering silence. She gets out and motions for me to come in. "I want to show you something." She says. I get out and follow her inside. Jasmine goes to the closet and pulls out a tattered old book bag and sits on the bed, patting the mattress beside her. I sit and she pulls out a handful of old pictures. The first one is a little boy, with stark blue eyes, whom I assume to be Caleb. As she flips through the pictures, giving me the background for each one, I find myself on the brink of tears. She hands them to me and smiles.

  "I’m going to shower and get changed. Make yourself at home." I sit there staring at the pictures trying not to cry.

  Her sweet smile and bright eyes were the same as they are now. I sit there the whole, while she's showering, thinking about what she was like at her younger age. I hear the doorknob turning and quickly wipe away the tears that were forming.

  "Hey." She says twisting the towel around her hair. I smile at how unbelievably beautiful she is. Looking at her with makeup on and messy hair is an incredible turn on. “

  "Do you know how beautiful you are?" I blurt out before I can stop myself. She smiles and her cheeks begin to turn bright red. "You're not accustomed to compliments are you?"

  "No." she says lowering her head.

  I get up and walk over to her.“"Don’t do that"” I say, bringing her up to meet my eyes. "You are beautiful, regardless of some scars or your past. I've never met anyone quite like you and I don’t know what to say or do to help you overcome what you have been through. I know we've only known each other a couple of weeks, but I feel something for you. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I hope you will hang around so I can find out." I say hugging her to me.

  Huge tears form in her eyes and she smiles, kissing me.“"We better get going." She says pulling her hair into a ponytail. Taking her hand I lead her out, opening the truck door for her. We needed to stop and get some flowers before we got to the cemetery, So we pull into the parking lot of a little shop, and she runs in coming back out with a bouquet of daisies.“

  "Caleb liked these flowers." She says as if she read my mind. "Did you ever do the, 'she loves me, she loves me not', with flower petals?"”she asks.

  “"No, I can’t recall doing that."” I reply.

  “"Well you pull a petal and say, 'loves me and then loves me not', alternating with each one. The last petal is the most important."”I nod and she continues. "Caleb and I did 'love you, love you more.' He always seemed to love me more and I knew he was being sneaky, but he was five when we started doing that and I'd always let him win. He liked daisies best because they had smaller petals."

  The entrance to the cemetery is on a long and bumpy dirt road. The twisted branches of the trees open up into a small open space with everything overgrown and untouched, except for a small headstone near the back of the cemetery. 'Caleb Michael Greyson' sits across the front in childlike script with an engraving of a familiar cartoon character covering the middle. There are cars and trucks lining the small filled grave square in front and a plastic butterfly sits atop the small marble structure.

  Jasmine sits cross legged in front of the grave and places the daisies in front of her. I feel strange like I'm invading a private conversation, but she motions me to sit with her. Squeezing in between the two small statues on either side of the plot, I'm so close to her I can hear every breath she takes. She pulls a letter out of her pocket and begins to read it to Caleb, as her tears begin to smear the ink. When she is finished, she moves aside some of the gravel and folds it back up, placing it in the spot she's made. Covering it up she looks over at me with her glistening eyes.

  "He would have liked you because you drive a big truck." She says smiling through her tears.

  As we are leaving she looks back and whispers.” "I love you, Caleb and you will always be with me."

  I pull her closer to me and put my arm over her shoulder. "Do you realize how amazing you are?" I ask. She shrugs and climbs in the truck.

  “"Do you remember where I told you the apartment complex is?"

  I nod and buckle my seatbelt. I watch her as I pull out, and she sighs deeply. "If all this is weird to you I don't know what to tell you. This is me coping with life."

  "I don’t find it weird at all, we all have our quirks and coping mechanisms." I reply taking her hand.

  The small two bedroom apartment she found is perfect and its only three blocks from mine. What she doesn't know yet is that I've paid the first three months and the deposit. I'm sure she'll be upset with me, but I'll feel better when she is in a safer area.

  I drop her off at her hotel room and head back home. I'm lying there in the darkness and can still smell a faint hint of her perfume. Closing my eyes I keep thinking about her, the way her hair swings when she walks, and the blushing of her cheeks when she is embarrassed. My phone whistles indicating I have a text message and I almost ignore it. After a few minutes, curiosity gets the best of me and I open the message.

  "You awake? "

  My heart thumps a little faster as I answer it."Yeah. Everything ok?"

  "Yeah, I'm just bored and my bed is cold."

  I smile because I’m feeling the same way.

  "I'’m sorry."

  I reply, waiting for the invitation.

  "Want to come watch a movie with me? "

  "Sure."

  "Good, come on then and bring a good movie."

&nbs
p; "Ok, be there in a few."

  I sit there for a good ten minutes before I rush over so that I don't seem expectant or anxious. She answers the door in a pink tank top and black running shorts.“

  "No wonder you're cold. I say, jokingly. “

  "All my jeans are dirty, I need to go to the laundry mat tomorrow." She says, embarrassment in her voice. “

  "How about this, you gather your clothes, wrap up in a blanket and you can wash your things at my place, tonight." “

  "Ok." She says slowly, looking at me.

  Trying to decipher the expression on her face is impossible. I wonder if I'm being too available and that its turning her off?

  "Thank you, I don’t know how I will ever repay you."

  Loading up the clothes basket into the back of my truck, I chuckle at myself then take off back to my house.“"I have to go to work tomorrow but you are welcome to hang out here, if you'd like."

  She nods pouring the soap into the washing machine. "Why don’t you go put on a movie and pop some popcorn." “

  "Yes, ma'am." I reply with a salute. She laughs and shoos me from the laundry room.

  I put in a movie and have the popcorn waiting when she comes in. She sits down close to me pulling the blanket over her and laying her head on my shoulder. The feel of her bare skin against mine makes it hard for me to concentrate on the movie. When she puts her legs over mine, I do everything I can to control myself.

  She looks up at and smiles. "I get to go back to work the day after tomorrow."

  “Well then, after work we will get you into your apartment." I reply.

  "It’s fine.“I really don't have anything but my clothes to move. “

  "Don't you worry about anything, ok? You will have everything you need. As a matter of fact, I have a bed in the spare room you can have and I'll check with my parents and see if they still have anything in storage."

  "You would do that for me?" She asks, surprised.

  “"Of course. That’s what friends do, they help each other." I reply with a sly wink.

  She kisses me and hugs me tightly, each move making it hard to control all the blood rushing south. She pulls away and her leg skims across the fabric of my pants making me groan. “

  "Are you ok?" She asks.

  "I’m fine." I quickly reply in a strained whisper. Closing my eyes I try to think of everything that turns me off.

  Thirty minutes into the movie and she's asleep on my shoulder. Picking her up gently I take her to my bed and cover her up. Taking my place on the couch I smile knowing I'm never letting this one go.

  Chapter 11

  ~~Jasmine~~

  Seven o'clock finally comes around and my workday is done. It felt good being back at work again. I clock out and walk to my car. As I sit down my phone whistles indicating I have a text message and only one person is set to that particular sound, Brandon. A huge smile crosses my lips as I open it.

  "Hi."

  I laugh at that one small word. All I can think about lately is him and the things he said to me. "Sweetheart, I am far from perfect and I have many flaws. One of them being the inability to leave you alone."

  I really don't want him to leave me alone, but I fear he's going to want more than I'm willing to give right now. I'm damaged, Jeff ruined me in such a way I'm not sure I'll ever have the ability to fully trust anyone again. I shake off the feeling of doubt and reply to his text.

  "Hi."

  I sit there with my eyes closed for a minute and then put on my seatbelt and start the car. As I put it in reverse my phone sounds off again.

  "What ya doing?"

  A huge smile crosses my lips as I respond.

  "Just got off work and headed home."

  "If you're headed home why are you still in the parking lot? "

  Immediately my heart begins to hammer in my chest as I look around for his car.

  "How do you know that? " I text back.

  "I can see you."

  "Don't bother looking you won't find it. I got a new car. ;)"

  "Where are you? I want to see it."

  "Three cars over. Come on and I'll take you for a ride."

  I can feel the heat rushing to my cheeks and the excitement is overwhelming. Quickly I look in the mirror making sure I look presentable and spritz a bit of perfume on. One last glance in the mirror and I sigh, drawing in a deep breath, as I get out and walk over to him. I see this metallic blue beauty a few spaces over. Walking to the driver's side quickly as I pull my coat tightly around me. The night air is cold and chills me to the bone. He rolls down his window and says, "You know it is a lot warmer in here." I giggle and smile because the temptation is almost too much to resist.

  "I'm fine." I fib as I pull the hood up on my jacket. I am really freezing, but I don't want him to think I'm excited that he's here.

  "Oh, come on." He says, "I don't bite."

  Men make me nervous. Even after being at his apartment, seeing him in nothing but his slacks, I still get jumpy. After all the turmoil concerning Jeff, I'm extremely guarded. I slowly walk around the car and climb in. The warmth is so nice, I remove my gloves and put my hands close to the vents to warm them.

  "See, I told you it was better in here." He says with a smile. Nodding in agreement I look around and check out his ride. Immaculate I think to myself. I should have known. "What are you thinking about?" He asks.

  Smiling, I reply. "I never would have figured you for a SUV kind of guy. I would have assumed you would have a shiny new gas guzzler, not a hybrid."

  He smiles. Well I still have my gas guzzling truck, if that makes you feel better."

  A fit of laughter escapes my lips and it takes all I have to compose myself. He sits there smiling. "Oh, there it is, my favorite shade of red." I turn my face to look out the window drawing in deep, steady breathes. When I get everything in check.

  I sigh, "It's very nice, but I really do need to get home."

  "Want to go for a quick ride?" He asks smiling that panty soaking smile. My mind tells me NO but my body won't move.

  "Sure." I reply having no idea where this is going. He pulls out of the parking lot and my heart begins to pound in my chest. The sound is so loud I'm certain he can hear it over the radio. I sit staring forward trying not to let my eyes waver in his direction.

  We turn down a dark side road and I look over at him raising my eyebrows. "Ummm... where are we going?" I ask.

  "Nowhere, just driving around." He says with a smile.

  "Ok, but don't get lost." I reply with a snicker.

  The intensity with which he looks at me makes my walls begin to melt. The sudden urge to touch him is almost overwhelming so I sit on my hands in an effort to keep them to myself. He keeps looking over at me with that smirk I love so much.

  "Eyes on the road." I blurt out. He laughs a hearty laugh.

  "Yes, ma'am." He says looking straight ahead.

  I see his eyes darting in my direction and I can feel the blush begin to creep up my cheeks, again. I draw in several deep breaths as the dark road winds on. He reaches over taking my hand and places it on his lap, only centimeters from his cock.

  An intense heat fills me and the wetness between my legs indicates the effect his touch is having on me. He moves my hand slightly and I can feel his hardness straining against the fabric of his pants. He smiles and groans from the movement of my hand. Next thing I know he has unzipped his pants and my hand is sliding against his bare flesh. I begin to panic and pull my hand away knowing where this may lead. He looks over at me with a pained expression on his face.

  "I’m sorry, Jasmine, I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do." He says catching his breath.

  I smile weakly, knowing this is true. He has been nothing but understanding regarding these situations.

  "I want to, I do, and I just panicked in the moment. Jeff was never as understanding. He assumed since we were together I was.." I pause for a minute trying to find the right word. "Obligated." I finally whisper. He takes my han
d in his and softly kisses my palm. A shiver of lust runs through me at the contact. I draw in a deep breath and smile. I reach over and slowly begin to stroke him. The sheer size of him is daunting. As I continue I can feel the warmth between my thighs. He reaches over and grabs my breast squeezing lightly and rubbing until he finds the edge of my bra. He slips his hand inside and rubs his fingertips across my now hardened nipple.

  A ripple of desire takes over as I lean over and kiss his neck and whispers in his ear, "Have you ever had a blow job with Altoids?" He hits the brakes on the car rather hard and looks over at me with curiosity.

  "Altoids?" He asks.

  "Yeah." I reply pulling the tin from my purse. I turn on the inside light so he can see as I pop a couple in my mouth. I look around and realize we're in the middle of the road. "You may want to pull over for this." I say smiling.

  "Nah, it's cool." He replies as he hits the gas.

  "Ok, but if you wreck, it's all on you."

  He shakes his head and smiles as I edge closer to him, slowly lowering my head onto his lap and taking him in my mouth. As I begin to slowly move up and down his shaft he grabs my hair and sighs. "Oh. My. God." He says as I take his full length in my mouth. I can feel the car slowing down as I suck harder and he begins to pump into my mouth hitting my throat so deep. Cupping his balls in my hand as I lick the tip slowly, I notice he has placed both his hands on the steering wheel. I can feel his breathing quicken as his thrusts become more intense.

  "Jasmine, I'm about to come." He says.

  A sudden jerk and my mouth begins to fill with his seed. I swallow quickly and lick away every last drop. The car has stopped in the middle of the road again as he sits there with his eyes closed. I lick the tip one last time and he shivers and opens his eyes, looking at me strangely.

  "That was damn good." He says as he zips his pants up.

  I smile and laugh,“"I told you I was good."

  "I admit, I had my doubts." He says with a wink, "but you clearly have talent." I half smile and roll my eyes at him. He laughs and turns the car around. "Want to go get some dinner?"