Nina In Utopia
Page 24
Now I can hear feet rushing down the corridors towards me as the real ball begins. The ceiling of my tiny cubicle soars up to the night sky, and the walls stretch like membranes of desire.
My mother sits at the pianoforte that has sprouted from the floor. Her dark hair is drawn into a bun at the back of her long neck as it was when I was a little girl, and she smiles as she picks out my favourite ninna-nanna with one finger. I never could go to sleep without it. Papa leans over her and caresses her hair.
As the room swells it fills with people. People who have died and people I have known and people who have not yet been born. Bella runs up to me as if she has just been playing in the garden and seems disgusted by my tearful kisses. She runs over to sit on her grandmother’s knee on the piano stool and slowly picks out ‘Three Blind Mice’ on the high notes.
I am not hurt by Bella’s insouciance because I am in Jonathan’s arms. He must have been here all the time, but I do not ask questions because I know he will always be here now. I am beyond words, and my visitors do not expect them. Jonathan stands beside me with his arm around my shoulder as I turn to Henrietta who glides in. That in itself is odd, for she has lost her scratchy gait and uppish manner and spoilpudding face. Perhaps I am also improved, for she smiles at me and takes a step towards me. We do not quite embrace, but there is no hatred in the air between us.
Dr Hood stands in the doorway and watches us all benevolently. Richard Dadd squeezes in behind him, and although I have never seen him before I know him at once by his luminous eyes and the sketch pad he holds. He is like the King of the Elves pointing his wand at us as he finds an empty page and starts to draw.
Lavinia dug and gouged at her piano, but Mama strokes hers as her tapered fingers caress the keys into a gentle waltz. Our feet stir and tap, and Jonathan has to be taught how to dance. They all watch as I show him how to hold me and give himself to the music and rise and fall with each triangle of melody. He is smiling, perhaps he thinks our gentle dancing ridiculous and his mind is still in the future, but I do not care because he is here and now and mine. We each keep our own time as Mr Dadd draws us all and gives to each of us our own particular reality.
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