Milk Money

by Jude E. McNamara

  “You believed what you chose to believe, Nicholas,” Harper sneered.

  “The hell I did,” I dropped my fork, not able to finish my food. I’d lost my appetite. “I would have gone through the miscarriage experience with you. That was not something you should have had to go through alone. You let me believe you aborted our baby.”

  “Oh really? You would have gone through this with me, when? My third trimester when you decided you might just consider making a cameo appearance or something?” she squealed. “No sir, buddy. You let yourself believe I aborted the baby. That was your choice. I just didn’t correct you. How could you even think I would do such a thing anyway?” Harper snapped, the tears starting now to stream down her cheeks. “Didn’t you know who I was? Didn’t you know who we were?” she said through the muffled tears, dropping her head down toward her plate and not giving me eye contact.

  Harper had folded her hands across her chest. I considered her body language and knew this was not the dinner conversation that I wanted to have.

  I stood up, walking across the room, loosening my tie, and pacing in circles.

  “Are you seriously trying to tell me ten years later, that you’ve let me believe you had an abortion when you didn’t? I’ve been guilty all these ten goddamn years? Seriously, woman?” I was already starting to lose the battle, hearing the sound of my own voice escalating.

  “Last I checked, you left me holding the bag, Nicholas Miles Becker,” Harper snarled. “It was you who couldn’t handle the information. Not me. You got what you got. A girl’s got to get in where she fits in, and, clearly that was not with you.”

  We were headed down a dark path. This was a sensitive subject. We had to clear it now. But we both wanted to avoid discussing it as well. How could I be sorry for what I didn’t know about ten years ago, really? She let me believe that she aborted my child. She didn’t try to correct me or change my opinion. I had held on to my anger for so long for something that wasn’t even true or real.

  Harper got up from her chair and I pulled her into my arms to keep her from storming out of the room. I held her close and I held her tight. We must have been the epitome of the young, gifted, and stupid back then.

  “It’s okay baby,” I said. “We can’t go back, but we can move forward, together.”

  I wiped the tears from her cheeks. I decided a long time ago that a strong man gets cool points when he is able to comfort a woman through the tears. I needed all the help I could get now that the tears were flowing.

  “It’s all right, Kitten. Sit back down and eat. Okay, baby?”

  “Okay, Nicky,” she said, sitting back down and wiping the tears from her face with her white cotton napkin.

  Silence stretched out between us.

  “Harper, baby . . .”

  “Yes Nicky?”

  “You’re not going to the fertility clinic,” I said, just as I saw her mentally pull her Uzi out. I could almost hear the click clack going on inside her head.

  “And you’re not the boss of me,” Harper said softly, her face stern and her eyes squinting.

  I locked and loaded. War was near.

  We stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime. This was a dance we had perfected over time. Which one of us was going to blow up our fragile new beginning of a relationship first?

  I grabbed a biscuit off my plate. I jumped out of my chair, and grabbed her up in my arms, swung her around in a circle, and kissed her passionately, then stuffed the biscuit in her mouth. Harper laughed, chewed the biscuit down and wrapped her arms around my neck, planting a thousand kisses on my face, wrapping those beautiful caramel legs around my waist as she jumped into my arms. We both had crumbs all over our face. I was careful to hold her gently and not aggravate the tender places on her body.

  We laughed and fell back on the sofa, kissing, hugging, moaning, and groaning. I had no idea what Harper might have been thinking at this exact moment, but one thing for sure, this was my baby maker, my woman, and the only babies coming out of that womb were going to be mine. I could still see the reluctance and hesitancy in her face. I was just going to have to work harder to convince her to step down off that freaking “no one can tell me what to do” rock of hers. She was not buying any of the hype from me regarding my dislike for her trolling through some fertility clinic. I knew that nothing was settled between us on this point. It was going to be a challenge, but I was definitely up to the task. I considered that we were just going to agree to disagree tonight and call a temporary truce on the matter.

  And then I ripped those big girl, black silky lace come-hither-more-like-a-thong panties right off her.

  Mine.

  Chapter Twelve

  Harper

  “Oh Harper honey, Malcom told the senator and I everything that happened between you and Brooks Fitzgerald McKenna. I’ve been so worried about you, darling. Daddy’s been calling all over town to see if charges have been pressed against him.”

  “Yes mother, I know.”

  “Brooks is only getting a slight slap on the wrist since he was intoxicated. His lawyer argued that his state of mind was compromised and that he didn’t intend any real harm; good lawyers and all,” Elizabeth sighed.

  “I don’t want you to worry Mother.”

  I reached in my dresser drawer to find some warm socks to put on my feet before heading out in the cold. I grabbed my black suede over-the-knee boots out of my closet, and reached for a turtleneck and my oversized angora poncho.

  “Brooks has been sending me flowers every other day, calling me daily, and desperately trying to apologize for his behavior,” I said, hopping up and down on one foot. “It’s been two weeks now. I’m pretty sure he’s ashamed and embarrassed by his actions. I’ve refused to accept the flowers, returning them upon delivery. He and I can’t be friends.”

  “Well of course you can’t be friends dear. With friends like that, who needs enemies? There’s no excuse for that kind of conduct, coming from a grown thirty-eight-year-old man,” she said.

  “It is what it is Mother.”

  “Thank God Malcom was there to help you. Who’s heading your security detail now?” she asked.

  “Well Nicholas’s bodyguard has a twin brother. They both are in the security business together. His name is Scott Parks, Mother, and he’ll be heading up my security detail, so tell Daddy not to worry,” I said, noticing my jeans were starting to feel a bit more snug than usual. “I’ll be sure to send him around so that you and Daddy can be introduced. So far, he’s working out pretty well. He’s a real heartbreaker though, and to think there are two of them,” I giggled.

  God, I need to get to the gym.

  “Oh that Nicholas always has had your best interests at heart. He takes such good care of you, Harper. I just love Nicholas.”

  “It’s not like you hide your affection for Nicholas, Mother.”

  “Do you think you need to get a restraining order against Brooks, dear?”

  “I doubt it. Nicholas will not let that man get anywhere near me in this lifetime. He actually makes my new security chief report in to him as if the man doesn’t work for me.”

  “That’s a good thing, yes?”

  “That’s debatable. Nicky is starting to behave like a stalker regarding my safety. He just thinks I don’t know what he’s doing behind my back.”

  I could just imagine Mother beaming through the phone.

  “Nicholas is such a good man. He wants only the best for you, Harper. He’s just like his father,” Mother said. “He takes care of what he holds dear.”

  “Listen Mother, I have to run. I’ve got an appointment at Stone Fertility Clinic today and I’m about to be late,” I said, closing my eyes.

  Wait for it . . . wait for it . . .

  “You know Harper, I’m going to go along with this little fertility clinic project of yours for just about a few more days. But it’s time you grow up, dear, and put these silly notions out of your head. You’re just trying to make me gray-he
aded before my time.”

  “I told you I wanted a baby, Mother.”

  “Don’t break your mother’s heart, with this foolishness with fertility clinic’s stranger . . . what do they call that? Stranger baby daddies. Yes that’s it . . . stranger baby daddies. There will absolutely be no such goings-on in this family.”

  “It’s not as bad as it seems, Mother.”

  “The senator and I will not stand for it, Harper. It’s just not the ladylike thing to do. That’s for those other women who have trouble. It’s not for you,” Mother fumed.

  “You should try to get used to the idea, Mother.”

  “You have choices beyond the ones you’re focused on. If you just want me to get down and dirty with you on this, I will if I have to. The fact remains, you need to look at what’s right in front of your face, if you get my drift.”

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “I need to go now, Harper. I can’t have this conversation with you. I refuse to entertain this foolishness and give it any more of my attention or energy.”

  “My plans to have a baby is foolishness to you?” I said, challenging her.

  “You need to focus on the plastics acquisition and get your mind off fertility clinics and babies. I expect an update on Joduku Plastics by the end of the week,” she huffed.

  And just like that, she hung up and was gone.

  Okay, now that went well, I pondered to myself. Right according to my expectations.

  The Marimba played on my phone and I looked at my caller ID. It was Brooks Fitzgerald McKenna. He just wasn’t going to give up no matter how much I avoided him. I supposed he needed to hear the words come out of my mouth directly.

  “Hello.”

  “Oh Harper honey, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into me. I lost my head. I had too much to drink. I’m so sorry, baby. Please let me make this up to you,” he begged.

  I sighed. “There’s nothing more we have to say to each other, Brooks. I think you’ve done quite enough. I’m seeing Nicholas now. You should move on. Don’t call me again.”

  “I promise you, darling, I’ll make this up to you. This is not who I am. I was just so out of my head. I’ve been under stress. I just—”

  Click. Done. Next . . .

  “Are you ready Harper?” Reese texted me. “I’m downstairs waiting. Shall I come up?”

  “No I’m coming down,” I texted back.

  I grabbed my sunglasses, tote, hat, and scarf. I buzzed Winston and told him that I was headed down.

  “You know you’re really wrecking my reputation, dragging me to some fertility clinic with you. I’d only do this for you, sweetie. If any of my women see me out here like this, they may think I’m having some fertility issues or something. This could seriously mess up my game, baby,” Reese texted back.

  “And what game is that?” I typed. “As far as I can tell, the only game you’re focused on is basketball with your nieces and nephew.”

  “Woman, don’t underestimate me,” Reese texted.

  “No really, Reese. I need the emotional support. I didn’t know who else to ask. I really appreciate your coming with me today,” I replied, before hitting the Send button.

  “You could have asked Nicholas,” Reese texted. “It’s not like the two of you aren’t knocking boots right about now.”

  I would have bet money that Reese was laughing out loud as I looked at my iPhone screen.

  I hit the elevator button, laughing on my way down, still holding my phone and smiling. As I reached the ground floor, I clicked my phone off. I flew out the double doors and pulled myself close to Reese, who was standing by Winston, waiting for me like the good friend that he was. We both jumped in the car together.

  “Nicholas is not at all happy with this idea, Reese,” I said. “He and I can’t even talk about this, really. I told him I was planning to see what my options were, but I didn’t tell him I was coming today.”

  “Can you blame him? He sees you as his woman, and you going in a fertility clinic to make a baby without him is as if he doesn’t count or exist. It feels like you’re still punishing him on some level,” Reese said. “People will start to think he’s the one with fertility woes. The great Nicholas, a.k.a. God, Becker can’t make a baby? Are you kidding me?”

  “It’s not that, Reese. It’s just that I’ve had to learn to depend only on myself these last few years. I don’t want to be dependent upon anyone. I can only count on myself,” I said.

  “You know I’m your friend, Harper. I’m going to tell you like it is. You need to get over all that old baggage with Nicholas and lean into it, babe. You are seriously taking this independence thing way too far. You and Nicholas love each other. Nothing stopping you from making a baby with him, you know,” Reese said.

  “The subject of our making a baby hasn’t come up,” I said. “I think we’re both avoiding it. It’s a sensitive subject.”

  “You two shouldn’t have to avoid it. It’s just what people in love do. It just happens, and it’s okay honey. Some things in life ought not to be forced. Baby making is less about science, Harper, and more about human nature,” Reese said. “Trust me on this one.”

  “Oh you’re going to give me advice on babies now? Mr. Never Stay With the Same Woman Twice?”

  “Sometimes you have to let a man be a man. It’s okay for you to drop the reins, Harper. Everyone knows that you know how to take care of yourself. You’ve proven that to yourself and to the world twenty-five times over. The world won’t come to an end just because you let Nicholas do for you sometime. Unstrap those gold balls you’re wearing down there,” Reese laughed.

  “Oh you’re really having fun at my expense today, Reese,” I said jokingly.

  “Nicholas is man enough for you, baby. Lean into him, Harper.”

  Reese grabbed my hand, held it next to his lips, and kissed it just as my driver pulled up to the doors of the Stone Fertility Clinic.

  I knew Reese was right. Nicholas was more than enough man for me. Matter of fact he was exactly my kind of man. Gorgeous. Alpha. Smart. Passionate. Hot. Rich. But could we last the long haul?

  “It’s hard for me to take a chance on Nicholas, Reese. He left me standing on my own years ago. I don’t know if I can or should count on him. I’m really trying this time.”

  “Yes, sweetheart, but think about what you’re saying. That was ten years ago. Nicholas has changed. You’ve changed. That’s not who he is now, any more than you are the woman now that you were then. You two have grown,” Reese said.

  Reese was always the voice of reason in my life. Mr. Practicality. Always.

  I looked at Reese and he looked at me.

  “You know you could be the donor, Reese. I would let you father my baby,” I said, raising an eyebrow.

  “Okayyyyyyyyy now. Temporary lapse in sanity. Reese Nelson loves his life. Nicholas Becker will not be taking my life anytime soon,” Reese laughed. “Hell no. That’s a killing waiting to happen,” Reese chuckled.

  “Just a thought,” I said, not taking any of my own words seriously.

  “You ready, Harper?”

  “Yes, let’s go.”

  “Dr. Stone, thank you so much for seeing me. Dr. Richards has spoken so highly of you,” I said.

  Dr. Stone was very young too. Somehow I expected someone older.

  “This is my friend Reese Nelson,” I said, introducing Reese.

  “Oh so are you the expectant donor to be?” Dr. Stone said.

  “Oh no I’m not a donor,” Reese said looking much more wide-eyed. “I’m here for emotional support. Harper will have to pick a donor from your pool of . . . of . . . donors,” Reese said, looking embarrassed.

  “No problem. Ms. Montgomery, we’ve been expecting you. We will need to begin with a few preliminary diagnostic tests. We’ll be taking some urine and blood. Then we’ll do an ultrasound to get a three-dimensional view of your reproductive system. I’ll explain the medical procedures along the way, and then we’ll ta
lk about how to get your process for motherhood under way,” Dr. Stone said, smiling.

  I liked him. I liked the fertility clinic. Dr. Stone’s clinic was fresh and clean. His staff was warm. I felt comfortable. I can do this. I am my own woman. Women make babies as single parents every day.

  So maybe I wouldn’t be in a relationship with my baby’s father. I wouldn’t know him per se. But I could pick him. I could pick the best of all the attributes that I would want in my child. But then again, it wasn’t like the men I had been involved with over the last few years had been the kind of guys that I wanted to get to know better anyway. They weren’t father material, so this couldn’t be so bad after all, except if you were . . . maybe . . . Nicholas.

  But Nicholas never wanted a baby before. I doubted that he wanted a baby now. Maybe he thinks he wants me now, but me with a baby, now that’s a whole new discussion, yet to be had. If our past was a guidepost, we pretty much failed years ago on that level.

  Yes, I could rise to this occasion. I could do this. I could seriously consider having a baby all on my own. Elizabeth and the senator would just have to get used to the idea. From now on, it would be me and my baby. I would insist with my parents, Nicholas, or anyone else for that matter, that I was a package deal. You take one. You take the other. They would just have to get used to the idea. Love it or leave it.

  I might down the road regret the fact that I would never have Nicholas’s baby in my future. But this baby would be the next best thing. It really would. This could work.

  As I laid on the examination table, Dr. Stone’s staff shuttled in and out of the exam room, poking, prodding, and taking samples, tests, and blood work from me. The only thing I wanted to do was get to those books of bios and backgrounds on the potential donors and pick the father of my baby. Reese could help me with that. Reese has good judgment and wouldn’t let me make a wrong selection. If I applied enough pressure, I could maybe even convince Reese to be the donor if I could not find a donor suitable to my standards. But that would create the possibility of a whole lot of other complications down the line. God, I’m all over the place.