Comfort

by Joyce Moyer Hostetter

  Mr. Botts shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ann Fay, I can’t let you go tonight.” He turned to Junior. “My name is Fred Botts,” he said.

  Junior shook his hand, but he didn’t even tell Mr. Botts his name.

  “And you are—?”

  “Junior Bledsoe. I’m Ann Fay’s neighbor.”

  Mr. Botts looked at me like he wanted some proof. “Junior’s the one who watched after us during the war,” I said. “If you can’t trust him, you can’t trust nobody.”

  Mr. Botts nodded slowly, but I could see he wasn’t taking my word for it, and not Junior’s either. “Did Ann Fay’s parents send a letter requesting her release?”

  “No, sir,” said Junior. “The situation at home just doesn’t allow for it.”

  I tried to help him explain. “My momma wouldn’t want to disturb my treatment here.” I stopped there and took a breath. I didn’t want to say the next part, but I had to because I could see how things must look suspicious with Junior just showing up and me wanting to run off with him. “My daddy is hurting her. So he’s not going to write the letter.” I started crying then.

  “I’m so sorry,” said Mr. Botts. But I couldn’t tell if he actually believed me. “I know you’re upset, but we can’t fix one thing by breaking another. We’ve got to go through proper procedures to release you.” He looked at Junior. “You’re saying Ann Fay’s parents don’t know that you’ve come for her?”

  Junior’s nose started twitching. This was getting to be more complicated than either one of us had imagined.

  Mr. Botts tapped the arm of his wheelchair as he spoke. “We can see Dr. Bennett about this in the morning. Perhaps he will sign a release. But first I will need to speak with one of Ann Fay’s parents on the telephone.”

  I just can’t tell you the agitation that was building inside of me while I listened to Mr. Botts talking about procedures. As if doing things in the proper order was the only thing that mattered!

  Junior spoke up. “Sir, Ann Fay’s family doesn’t have a telephone. There would be no way to reach her mother.”

  Mr. Botts squinted. I could see this news did not make him feel any better about letting Junior Bledsoe drive off with me in his car. “There must be a neighbor with a telephone,” Mr. Botts finally said. “Your family, perhaps. Could I speak with your parents?”

  “Junior’s daddy is dead,” I said. “And his momma doesn’t have a phone. We always use the Hinkle sisters’ phone, but they don’t know anything about my family’s problems. Please believe me, Mr. Bot—”

  “Yes, they do,” Junior said, interrupting.

  “What?” I said.

  “The Hinkle sisters know. Your momma talks to my momma, and she talks to Miss Dinah and Miss Pauline.” Junior’s voice went soft, like he realized how bad it sounded. Like the whole neighborhood was gossiping about my family.

  I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and I didn’t think I could stand the humiliation of it. “Oh!” I practically shouted. “So I’m the last one in the wide world to find out? Is that what you’re saying? Well, thanks a lot for leaving me in the dark, Junior Bledsoe! Like I don’t have nothing to do with it. How could you?”

  “There, there,” said Mr. Botts. “Try to remain calm. I can call the Hinkle sisters in the morning. You understand, however, that I will need more information about them, such as their relationship to the family. And I would feel much better about this if we could get your doctor to verify your story.”

  Doctor? Did he mean Dr. Gaul from the polio clinic? Or Dr. Johnson, our family doctor? I couldn’t stand the thought of either one of them getting in on my family’s shame.

  “Sir,” said Junior, “we can call the Hinkle sisters right now if you want. They can confirm my story. But the doctors don’t know nothing about this. Mrs. Honeycutt is much too proud to go telling—”

  Mr. Botts cut him off. “Young man, I can see how sincere you are. And I want to help. But while Ann Fay is at the foundation, we are her legal guardians. So I suggest we sleep on this. I’ll make arrangements for you to stay in a guest cottage tonight and we’ll take care of it in the morning.”

  Mr. Botts began to turn his wheelchair. “Ann Fay, you may begin packing if you like. Mrs. Trotter is off duty right now but I’m sure she’ll be happy to help. I will ask her to meet you in your room. Junior, would you come with me, please?”

  And the next thing I knew, Junior was following Mr. Botts into his office. I heard Junior saying, “Sir, I’m very concerned about Ann Fay. And her whole family.”

  Then I heard Mr. Botts asking him to shut the door. And just like that, I was left out in the cold.

  27

  Desperation

  March 1946

  I started to knock on Mr. Bott’s door. “Ann Fay,” someone said. I turned and saw Martha, the older girl who sometimes played rook with me and my friends. She was with Lou, one of the Navy men staying in Kress Hall. “What’s the matter, Ann Fay? Can I help you?”

  I couldn’t talk to her about it. I just couldn’t. Not with Lou sitting there listening. “Where’s Suzanne?” I said.

  “I’ll find her,” Martha said. “Shall I tell her to come here?”

  I didn’t know the answer to that. Part of me wanted to break Mr. Botts’s door down. And another part wanted to start packing. “Tell her I’ll be in my room.”

  Kress Hall was close by, and Suzanne got there soon after I did. Olivia was with her. “Martha sent us,” Olivia said. “Who’s that fellow you were talking to? And what’s going on?”

  I just looked at my two friends. The sight of them made me want to lock the door and stay at Warm Springs. How could I explain about my complicated, falling-apart life? “My neighbor is taking me home.”

  “Home?” asked Olivia. “To North Carolina?”

  “I’ve got to pack.” I pulled open my underwear drawer.

  “Wait!” said Olivia. She shoved the drawer shut with her body and stood in front of it. “Tell us what’s going on.”

  “Are they making you leave?” asked Suzanne. “Did I get you in trouble?”

  Sweet, naughty Suzanne—if anyone could get me in trouble, it would be her. I shook my head. “It’s my momma,” I said. And then I started crying. “My daddy—he’s hurting her.”

  I couldn’t believe I said that out loud. I’d shown my little wooden Comfort to Olivia and Suzanne. And told them how my daddy made Wisteria Mansion for me. And how he served our country in the war.

  Of course, ever since I told her about that incident in the brace shop with Hubert, Suzanne knew that the war had changed my daddy, too. But who would’ve guessed he could hurt a living soul?

  All of a sudden neither one of them had a word to say. They were probably shocked and disappointed to find out what I came from. Maybe they thought I was lying when I told them the good things about my daddy.

  “He never used to do that,” I explained. “He never did.”

  Olivia put her awkward arms around me and then Suzanne grabbed on to me too. We stood in the middle of the room and they rocked me like I was their baby. And I think we all cried.

  Mrs. Trotter came in and put her arms around us all. And then finally, when I couldn’t take any more hugging, I pulled back and opened that bureau drawer again. Mrs. Trotter got my suitcase and pasteboard box out of the closet and put them on the bed. I handed Olivia my clothes one piece at a time, she handed them to Mrs. Trotter, and Mrs. Trotter put them in my suitcase.

  Suzanne gathered my personal belongings and put them in the box—my hairbrush, my diary, and other odds and ends. Including the scrapbook we’d started together. “I want you to have it,” she said. Before I could argue about the scrapbook, she handed me the blue bottle I’d brought from home. “Truth and faithfulness.” Her voice sounded shaky. “That’s you.”

  Apparently truth and faithfulness meant I had to leave Warm Springs with no warning. But first I had to lay awake worrying about Mr. Botts calling my doctor.

  If it was
any other night, I’d be in Georgia Hall having a good time. And that was what I should be doing on my last night at Warm Springs. But I couldn’t play when I had all these problems on my mind. So I told Olivia would she please tell Gavin and Martha and Sam I’d see them in the morning. “I just don’t feel like talking to people,” I said.

  Olivia made a sad face—like she was going to miss me. But I saw her inching toward the door. I had a feeling she was anxious to tell Gavin all about Junior and me. I wished I hadn’t opened my big mouth about Daddy.

  She hugged me one more time and said, “I’ll talk to you later tonight, okay?” And then she was gone.

  Mrs. Trotter checked the nightstand and bureau drawers one last time and then she left too. But first she gave me a sweet hug and promised to check on me first thing in the morning. I knew she would, too. She was like a mother to us all.

  She was hardly out the door before Ma Harding came by. “What’s this I hear about you leaving us?” she asked.

  I didn’t feel like telling the whole story again. Ma pulled me up against her. “My little darling,” she said. “Mr. Botts told me everything. I’m so sorry.”

  I didn’t want to start crying again either, but I was fixing to do just that if she didn’t stop hugging me. Why did everyone at Warm Springs have to be so sweet?

  “I’m going to Atlanta first thing in the morning,” she said. “So I won’t even be here to say goodbye. But I have something for you. It’s just a little remembrance of your stay in Georgia.”

  She handed me a small package wrapped in tissue paper. And when I opened it there was a peach inside. Not a real one, though. It was made of ceramic and was about the size of a softball. It had a slot in it for coins and a plug in the bottom.

  “Oh, it’s a bank! I love it.”

  “To save your money,” said Ma Harding. “So you can come back to visit. I’ll be watching for you.”

  I didn’t tell her I didn’t have much money for saving, but I think she knew that already. She gave me a big hug and told me to write once in a while. I told her I really wanted to come back.

  Then it was just me and Suzanne there in my room. I showed her the bank. “It’s so—peachy keen! How will I get it home without breaking it?”

  Suzanne helped me open my suitcase and squeeze the gift into the very center, where my clothes would protect it. “I’ll stay with you till my mother comes,” she said. “I don’t feel like playing games tonight either.”

  Suzanne was a true friend. How could I ever leave her? But then again, how could I stay? Even for one more night?

  “I’ve got to stop Mr. Botts from calling my doctor,” I said. “What if the doctor decides to investigate? My family would be humiliated. And for no reason. Momma and Daddy will never let me come home just because of their problems. Oh, Suzanne, my momma will die of shame! If I wait till tomorrow morning it will ruin everything.”

  Suzanne just nodded, but I saw that her brain was working on my problem. “Well,” she said, “you are all packed up.”

  I wasn’t sure what she was getting at. And not knowing wasn’t helping the pain in my stomach. But then it hit me. I was ready to go. All I had to do was get in the car with Junior and leave. Without anyone knowing, of course. But where was Junior?

  “I don’t even know where Junior is,” I said. “Mr. Botts was going to put him in a guest cottage.”

  “I know where the guest cottages are,” said Suzanne. “I can tell him to meet you behind Kress Hall after everyone settles down. How about eleven o’clock? And I’ll warn him about the night watchman.”

  “But what about my things? I can’t carry them.”

  “Oh, that’s right,” she said. “Maybe I can find someone to help.”

  “No! They’ll get in trouble. I have to do this myself.” I looked around the room, trying to think of a solution. “The window,” I said. “We’ll put them through the window.”

  So that’s what we did. First we looked outside to make sure no one was watching. Thank goodness it was getting dark. Together we lifted the pasteboard box. Just before we let it fall, I saw the blue bottle peeking out the top.

  “Wait!” I said. I wasn’t taking any chances on breaking my bottle. I pulled it out and we let the box fall to the ground. Then we both busted out laughing.

  For a few seconds the excitement of getting away with something made me forget my troubles. But then I looked at my suitcase. And evidently Suzanne and I were having the exact same thought in the exact same minute.

  “What about Olivia?” she asked. “If we put it out the window, she might notice that it’s gone when she comes back.”

  Oh, why did it have to be so complicated? Part of me just wanted to give up. To send Junior home without me. I didn’t want to leave Warm Springs anyway.

  But there was that blue bottle. I had to help my family. Maybe if I could find a way to leave Warm Springs without getting caught, then I could come up with some answers for back home too.

  “I’ll carry the suitcase when I go,” I said. “I’ll put the Canadian canes outside and just use my wooden one. It’s not far to the door. I can do it. But be sure to tell Junior if I’m not there at eleven to wait fifteen minutes, someplace where the night watchman won’t be suspicious. Then he can come back. I have to be sure Olivia’s asleep before I sneak out.”

  “Well, don’t talk to her. Go to bed now. And if you’re not asleep when she comes in, act like you are.” Suzanne picked up her canes. “I’ve got to find your friend Junior and then get over to Georgia Hall for some games so no one suspects anything.” All of a sudden a worry crossed her face. “What if Junior says no and you’re outside waiting on him all night?”

  “Trust me,” I said. “Junior Bledsoe doesn’t know how to say no. Not if someone needs help.”

  “Well, if you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure. Now go!” When I said that, it hit me that I might never see Suzanne again. “Thank you, Suzanne,” I said. “What would I ever do without you?” I wanted to grab her and hang on.

  We both started crying. But we didn’t hug or hold on to each other. We just stood there with tears running down our faces. Then she left me. I watched her go down the hall. The outside door opened right before she got to it. She went through and started to walk away, but then she turned. I thought for a second she was going to come back in. But then the door closed between us.

  I went back into my room. And almost tripped over the lump in my throat.

  I took my canes to the window and looked out. I didn’t see anyone, so I dropped them one at time into the dirt at the edge of the building. Then I shut the window. I put the nightgown and change of clothes into my suitcase, then set it and my blue bottle by the door. I sure hoped Olivia wouldn’t notice anything missing.

  After I went to the bathroom, I crawled into bed with my clothes on and pulled the covers tight around my shoulders so Olivia wouldn’t see I was wearing my sweater.

  At first I just laid there and cried. Then I started praying that Suzanne would find Junior and that she wouldn’t get in trouble. And that Mr. Botts, sweet kind Mr. Botts, would forgive me for going against him.

  I never slept. I was too keyed up and too worried. About Momma and Daddy and how things were at home right that minute. About how mad they would be when they found out what I did. And what if I got caught?

  When Olivia came in, I made my breathing sound slow and even. “Ann Fay,” she whispered. She waited a few seconds and then tried again. “Are you awake?”

  I ignored her and prayed she would turn off the lamp and get into bed. She did. First she went to the bathroom. Then she got undressed and crawled under the covers. After that I waited for her breathing to change. It was a long time before I had the nerve to even move one leg.

  The lights were off in the hall, so I knew it was after ten thirty. It was time to make my move. I could wait outside in the shadows for as long as I needed to.

  I turned in my bed and watched Olivia in the darkness.
I couldn’t see much except her dark hair against the white pillow. She lay still as a rug. I sat up ever so slowly and kept my eyes on her the whole entire time.

  Olivia would think this was a great adventure. She’d wish she could go along. I felt bad enough for involving Suzanne, but at least she didn’t live on campus. And she’d been at Warm Springs so long that her only punishment would probably be losing some afternoons at the picture show.

  I made one last trip to the bathroom. I hated leaving that little room with shiny ceramic tiles and white porcelain fixtures. Having it so close and handy when I needed it had made me feel rich. Like Cinderella at the ball.

  Leaving it was like Cinderella losing her glass slipper. But I couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever.

  I sneaked to the door of our room and opened it just a crack. I’d never noticed before that it creaked.

  Olivia turned over. Why now, right when I was going out the door? I waited until I was sure she was sleeping and then I opened it a little more. I waited again. I tucked my blue bottle into my dress pocket and slid my suitcase into the hall. Then I picked up my wooden cane and squeezed myself through the opening.

  I decided I could open that outside door so quiet that no one would ever know. But of course when I stepped in front of it, the door opened all by itself. And I could not control how much noise it made.

  It scared me so bad I almost dropped the suitcase. But I hung on to it and to the wall. Then I went through the door. I slid into the shadows close to the building and waited to see if anyone was around. Nothing happened. Ma Harding did not come out looking for me.

  I held on to the brick wall and followed it around the end of the building. I waited in the shadows until I saw headlights coming on the dirt road that ran behind Kress Hall. Junior! He got the message. I almost stepped out to wave when I realized something—it wasn’t Junior’s car! I ducked back into the shadows as fast as I could, but that threw me off balance, so I fell to the ground. I huddled there and waited for the car to go by.

  It passed and I breathed. I waited. I heard someone cough. Was the night watchman standing over me?