Missy's Gentle Giant

by P D Miller

  “Yeah.” She shrugged.

  “Something wrong?”

  “He’s like Mama.” She gulped. “He said I should just grin and bear the sex.”

  “No, I don’t want our lovemaking to just be sex; I want it special with us and no ghosts.”

  “But there’s something I have to say.” She made letters in the sand with her fingers.

  “Okay, what?” Ben shifted and held his breath.

  “I’ve been ruined.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not a virgin.” Tears came to her eyes.

  “Then I’ve been ruined too, honey, because I’m not a virgin either.” He kissed her forehead. “It doesn’t matter to me if you’re a virgin or not. Did you expect me to be a virgin?”

  “No, but men are different.” She bit her lip.

  “Oh, in what way?” His eyes went down to the sand.

  “Mama told me.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yes, she said men want se—need sex more than women.” She trembled.

  “What are you trying to—”

  “Listen, if I can’t—if I don’t—” She looked at Ben with tears behind her eyes. “I give you permission to have a mistress.” Her fingers shook as she spelled the words.

  Ben sat up picked up a stick and started drawing. “Do you want me to have a mistress?”

  “No but—no I just don’t want to lose you or hurt you.”

  The muscles in Ben’s cheek rippled. “Missy, I don’t want a mistress; I want you.”

  She shuddered and took a breath. “But—but what if we can’t solve my problem?” At first Missy thought Ben didn’t understand her when he withdrew his hand and looked away rather than answer. She grabbed his hand. “What if you don’t like it with me because I’m—”

  He pulled his hand away, slowly turned, reached for her chin and made sure she could read his words as he also said them slowly with his other hand. “We’ll die working on it then. I married you because I love you and for life—not for sex. I don’t just want sex; I want to show you my love.”

  “Oh Ben.” She tore herself away with tears on her cheeks.

  “Oh Ben.” He mimicked her trying to lighten the air and reached for her ribs. Holding back a giggle, she jumped up to get away from his tickle. He tore right after her, and she kept turning to look back to see how close he was. Ben saw she was getting too close to the water and purposely kept a little distance between them. When a wave lashed up and wet her gown to the knees she shrieked.

  “Oh Ben, look what you did to me!”

  “I did to you?” He tried not to smile. Now she had to change clothes.

  “Yes, you. Chasing me all over the place! Oh, now, what am I going to do?” Furious, she stomped toward the house. Ben stayed behind and busied himself in the kitchen for several minutes allowing her to stomp into the bedroom. As he went through the house and turned down lights, he heard her complaining about someone’s choice of wardrobe, Ben’s clothes being too big and everything else in general. She finally pulled out a huge sweatshirt and headed for the bathroom where the window wall loomed at her. She climbed in the shower, quickly pulled off the gown and put on the sweatshirt. After washing out the nightgown, she hung it over a towel rack and prayed it would be dry by morning. She was just coming out of the bathroom when he entered the bedroom.

  “Mm, my shirt looks much better on you than on me.” He smiled. His sweatshirt reached almost to her knees.

  “I can’t believe someone could enjoy living in a glass house with no curtains.”

  “Honey, there’s no one to see you but me.”

  “That’s not the point.” She fumed, plopped on the bed and covered her thighs with the sheet. “You don’t even have pajamas in your bags.”

  “I never wear pajamas.” He nodded his head. So the naked body, especially the idea of someone seeing her, really bothered her? But of course! She’d be used to seeing her brothers partially dressed, and there was no one to compare herself with except her mother. Her problem was more than just shyness.

  “You don’t?” Her eyebrows shot up. She watched mesmerized as he stepped out of his cut-offs. “What do—forget it.” She felt the blood rush to the top of her head.

  “Go on to bed honey, I need to shower.”

  As soon as Ben was in the bathroom, Missy pulled back the covers, crawled on the bed, pulled the sweatshirt down as far as she could get it, and then tried to roll into the covers. No way was she going to wear any of those lacy, sheer things he’d had packed for her. Just having to wear the lacy bikini panties made her nervous. No, knowing she was going to have to spend the night in the same bed with Ben made her nervous. When she heard him coming, she clamped her eyes shut. The bed gave way to Ben’s weight, and she instantly rolled toward the middle. Sucking in her breath, she reached for the edge of the bed and finally let out some air when movement on his side stopped. Carefully she scooted to the far edge and let her breath out slowly.

  She was losing her mind. No, he WAS naked. How could he saunter in and drop on the bed so easily? She began to perspire between the heat of the heavy long-sleeved shirt, the comforter she was buried under and her thoughts. And Ben? He was as cool as a cucumber and totally comfortable, barely covered with just a sheet and wearing nothing! Her forehead grew even wetter. She couldn’t take any more. Groaning loudly, she sat up nearly taking with her the corner of the sheet covering Ben.

  Ben raised himself to an elbow, made no attempt to pull up the sheet and reached for her hand.

  “What’s wrong?” Although he wasn’t an exhibitionist, he firmly believed nakedness between them was important. She needed to get over the way she felt about her own body.

  Angrily her head whirled around to him. She saw the moonlight glowing on his beautiful body, the sheet dangerously low, even showing his lower abdominal hair and felt the blood rush to the top of her head. “I’m too hot, dammit!”

  “Oh.” Ben could hardly spell the word as his eyes lit up. His fingers kept moving as he slowly sat up and reached for the comforter. “All we have to do is push this down to the bottom. Of course, you could take off—no forget it.” He reached for the light and jumped from the bed. “I think there are some scissors somewhere. We’ll just cut the sleeves and it should—” Missy tried to keep her eyes away from the sheet sliding away from him.

  “N—no Ben.” She didn’t manage to stifle a gasp at seeing him, but Ben ignored it and whirled around to face her.

  “No, what?”

  Gasping again Missy quickly clamped her eyes shut. “Ju—just get one of your T-shirts.”

  “Oh yeah, quick thinking.” He reached to tell her trembling hand, then turned and pulled out a T-shirt and hopped on the bed on his knees. “Here, this will cover the top of you at least.” He grinned because she refused to open her eyes, so he reached for her hand to tell her to take the shirt and laid the shirt on his naked thigh.

  Missy felt like her mind had turned to jelly. She’d never seen her brothers so naked before! He was so beautiful, and he stood there so proudly and unembarrassed. How could he? Sudden heat shot up her arm from the hand he was holding, and she jerked it away to grab the shirt. She didn’t open her eyes until she was off the bed and heading for the bathroom.

  Ben lay back with a smile on his face. Oh Missy, you’re going to take some time, but it will be worth it. Damn, she was shy. Seeing him had really flustered her no end. Covering his hips with a corner of the sheet, he turned to his side so she’d see his back when she came back to bed. His heart raced when she slowly crawled back into bed but didn’t lie down.

  Finally she reached out for his hand lying on his hip. “Thank you and goodnight.”

  “Yes, goodnight, my love.” He didn’t let go of her hand as she crawled under the sheet and turned away from him. He felt too damn good just touching a part of her.

  Less than an hour passed; Ben had just fallen into a light doze when his eyes jerked open.

  “Ben, please—” She whispered.

&nbs
p; Quickly he turned toward her causing her to roll against him. “What’s wrong?” He reached for her hand, felt it shaking and asked again.

  “I’m just afraid. Lying there looking out—I was sure I saw—”

  “Oh honey, there’s nothing out there.” He told her with his hand. Then he rolled to his back, pulled the sheet up to cover himself a little more and reached for her. “Come on, sleep here in my arms. You won’t have to look outside, and I’ll hold you.” He smiled when he heard her deep shaky sigh. Slowly she pulled herself up so her head rested in the crook of his shoulder. The sweetness of her breath sent waves of heat through him, causing instant arousal he’d been fighting all day, and he bent his leg up to hide it. Missy carefully pulled the sheet around to ensure skin didn’t touch skin as she molded her body next to his. Carefully he held her close but made sure his hands didn’t touch dangerous places. This time when she sighed, it wasn’t shuddered. He kissed her hair, made sure her hand was folded against his chest, and smiled as he closed his eyes.

  Ben awakened in pain and quickly saw why. In the night Missy had twisted in the sheet so much it was wound up like a rope underneath her, and her naked leg was thrown over his. He pretended to be asleep and rolled over on his abdomen. She shifted too and turned away against him. After several moments, Ben raised his head and saw her curled in a ball, showing tiny lacey V’s for panties and his shirt dangerously up near her breasts. He begged for control and turned his head away. He might have to stay on his stomach all morning!

  It seemed like hours before Missy woke up. “Oh, oh,” were her first words. Ben heard her frantically trying to cover herself. “B—Ben?” She whispered. He pretended to be asleep and nearly ruined it with an urge to laugh when he heard her loud “Whew.” She fumbled with the sheet for a while more, covered his naked rear and then turned to him.

  “Ben.” She whispered again. Still he pretended to sleep. Slowly her tiny hand reached up and touched the scar on his left shoulder, the one from getting Moreno. Then she touched the other scars. Spying the scar down his thigh, she actually moved the sheet away to trace her fingers along it. Yep! He was going to have to stay on his abdomen all day, but he was glad she was exploring. Would she do it if she knew he was awake? He waited while she touched him some more, until she ran her forefinger around the outside of his ear, and then he groaned painfully. Instantly her hand jerked away. She’d heard him.

  Slowly he rolled toward her, careful to hide his arousal, and smiled. “Good morning, beautiful.” Pressing his forefinger to his lips, he touched hers and then touched his own again.

  “Good morning.” She smiled. “I—I was looking at your scars.”

  “Mm, ugly aren’t they?” He raised to an elbow and put his head in his hand.

  “Oh no, I think they make you beautiful.” Her eyes showed it was an honest declaration.

  “That’s the second time you’ve referred to my body as beautiful.” He laughed. “Women like you are beautiful, not me.”

  “Oh no, you are.” She glanced his way. “Why don’t you believe me?”

  He shook his head. “I would think a man without scars might be beautiful; that’s all.”

  “But you said everyone has some.”

  “Yes, I did.” He shifted until he was sitting with his feet over the side of the bed. “Usually the worst scars never show, or no one ever knows about them.” He reached for his briefs. “Close your eyes if you want, I’m going to get up.” Instantly her eyes clamped shut. He smiled and watched while he put on his briefs, then went to his suitcase and got some clean cut-offs. “I’m going to shower love, go back to sleep if you like.”

  When Ben came from the bathroom several minutes later, Missy was hunched up in bed and frowning.

  “What’s wrong?” He turned toward her and sat on the bed.

  “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me.” He smiled and brushed back her hair. “Does it bother you I might see you?” He watched the color rise in her face.

  “I’m not like you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Last night when you—you just got up and walked around like—”

  “You think I do this all the time?”

  “Well?”

  “No, only because out here where I know no one can see me but you. You’re the one and only person who has a right to see me naked because I’m supposed to be a part of you.” He saw tears forming behind her eyes. “Honey, there’s nothing more beautiful than the human body, and through our wedding we became one which no one else can share. Any time you want to touch me, look at me, explore me, you can. I want you to know every inch of me. It’s part of our problem; don’t you see?” He reached up and wiped at the tear sliding down her cheek. “Look maybe there’s a linen closet around here and you can find a large towel to wrap in or we can cut a sheet. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable. You’d be beautiful in anything.” He stood and faced her. “I’ll go fix breakfast so you can be free to hunt and poke around. Okay?” Bending, he kissed her nose and left.

  Damn! Maybe he’d said the wrong things. Ben cursed himself while he made coffee. He practically beat the eggs to death cursing himself even more. It surprised him how his omelets turned out so wonderful and fluffy. He put everything in the microwave ready to be warmed and sat with a cup of coffee fully expecting to see her come in the kitchen wrapped in a bed sheet like an Arab’s wife. The picture he conjured up made him smile because he visualized how damn sexy the satin red sheet would make her look. Maybe he’d made a mistake and should have packed clothes for a nun. Again he grinned.

  “What’s so funny?” Missy glanced at him suspiciously as she slid into the nook. She was wearing her nightgown which had dried overnight.

  He shook his head. “Just wondered how you’d look wearing my shorts.”

  “Well, I don’t think it’s funny.”

  Ben got up and served her breakfast. “Yeah, well I was thinking you’d look beautiful and sexy even dressed as a nun.”

  “I’m not used to seeing people undressed.” She smiled and ignored what he said. “I should be doing the cooking, not you.” She munched a strip of bacon.

  “You can cook dinner, if you like.”

  “I think I’d like.” She sipped the coffee. “What are we going to do today?”

  “We’re going to get to know each other, maybe explore the beach—”

  “And talk?”

  “If you wish.”

  “What you said this morning; did you mean it?”

  “Yes.” Ben fought reaching out and touching her. What did she mean? He’d said a lot this morning. Damn!

  “Tell me about the scar going down your leg. I thought it was just a cut, but you said you had to come out here to recover. Was it an operation?”

  “No.” Ben stiffened. “A guy cut me up.”

  Missy saw the flicker of pain in Ben’s eyes, knew he wasn’t telling her everything and changed the subject. “Is the water good to swim in here?”

  “Come on, I’ll race you and we’ll see.” He jumped up and took off running but she didn’t follow. Fifty feet from the house, he turned around and saw she wasn’t behind him. “Missy, what’s wrong?” He called the minute he entered the kitchen. Their breakfast mess sat there and the kitchen was empty. Slowly he made his way to the bedroom. Missy was sitting in the middle of the bed hugging her knees in deep thought.

  “Ben, if I ask you to do something; will you?”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Would you go fishing or swimming or something and let me be alone for a little while?”

  “Why? Did I do something—say something to hurt you?”

  She swallowed hard. “No.” She looked up at him. “I just need to do some thinking. This morning you said something about scars which couldn’t be seen—”

  “As you wish.” He kissed her forehead. “I was thinking about taking a long walk anyway.” Without another word, he left the room. Good for a fi
rst step. He hoped she’d think things out.

  Chapter Twelve

  As soon as Ben left, Missy went to the kitchen to clean up. She watched him walk away from the house and relaxed. So he didn’t want to talk about his scar? Well, she didn’t want to talk about scars either. For some reason she never thought Ben would have a scar he was unwilling to discuss. Still, with his scars, he wasn’t ashamed of his body, of being seen, and she was. Why was she so afraid to be seen when her scar wasn’t even visible? When the kitchen was clean, nothing was left but to face reality.

  She was Mrs. Ben Spinelli, and couldn’t be his wife because he terrified her. No, Ben didn’t terrify her; the sexual act of marriage did. It didn’t bother any other women in the world but her. She’d known girls at school who talked about how wonderful sex was. And Ben didn’t even call it sex. He called it showing his love or making love. Did he really consider himself a part of her? Then why did he want to hide the truth behind his scar? And why did she want to hide when Ben already knew she’d been raped. No, he didn’t know what it was like to be abnormal like she was. He didn’t know how it felt and what they called her and how they made her feel. If she asked him point blank to tell her about his scar, would he tell her? Or would he be angry?

  For the next several hours Missy sought answers to her problem. Sex had been a taboo subject around her house, so she only knew what she learned from listening to others in school. Ignoring the glass walls, she went to the bathroom, undressed and for the first time in her life looked at herself in the mirror. It had bothered her knowing she wasn’t like anyone in her family. Her mother was heavy and large, the men in her family were too, but she was half their size.

  Her mother had been horror stricken when Missy was around five and undressed in front of her brothers, yet they undressed all the time. Somehow she’d always felt her being different made her abnormal. Turning back and forth, she glanced at herself. With clothes on she looked pretty much like any other girl—well not as heavy in the upper half. But undressed did they look like she did? Was her mother like this? Then why had she been called the horrible names and told she was abnormal? If only she could figure out why she was different. Always she’d been told she was different—couldn’t do what her brothers did—couldn’t freely go as they went—because she was different. Girls were different, yes, but was she like other girls? The answer was no. She was smaller everywhere. And Ben, what would he do if he saw her naked like this and saw how different she was?