The Summer House

by Susan Mallery

  When the aftershocks subsided, Rick rolled off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom to deal with the condom. Mandy watched him go, not sure if she was supposed to duck under the sheets or start dressing. He returned before she could make up her mind, and held out a hand.

  Still not certain about what was expected of her, she let him pull her to her feet, then waited while he drew back the covers and motioned for her to slide in first. He settled next to her, drew her close and wrapped his arms around her.

  “Like I said…incredible,” he told her as he nuzzled her hair.

  Mandy wasn’t so quick to relax. She enjoyed being in his arms, and the sensual aftershocks of her multiple releases were very nice, but…

  “I can’t believe we did that,” she said, before she could stop herself.

  Rick smiled. “I’ll agree with you on that.”

  “But you don’t seem upset.”

  “Are you?”

  “No. Not upset.” But definitely something, she thought, feeling contented but very confused.

  He touched her face, then rested his hand on her upper arm. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation,” he said.

  “Which is?”

  He gave a shrug. “Lots of things. We have a past, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. There are old emotions and new discoveries. That sort of thing.”

  “Uh-huh. This is where I inform you that I’ve met other people from my past and have managed to get through entire evenings without once thinking about making love with them.”

  A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “We didn’t just think about it.”

  “I got that.”

  “Face it, Mandy, you’re an amazing woman. I can’t remember ever being swept away by passion like that, but it was great.”

  “For me, too,” she admitted. “I just feel weird about it. We were married. We got a divorce. After eight years we fell into bed together. Doesn’t that strike you as strange?”

  “A little.” He shifted and shoved a couple of pillows against the headboard, then sat up. “Okay, a lot strange. Apparently there’s still something between us.”

  “How is that possible? It’s been a long time.” She sat up and sat cross-legged, facing him, with the sheet carefully pulled up to cover her breasts…not to mention the rest of her.

  “Things didn’t end well,” he reminded her. “Maybe this is about working through that.”

  She might not have a Ph.D. in some scientific field, but even she could figure out that the fact they’d ended their marriage badly didn’t explain having sex now.

  “Try another one.”

  “Don’t dismiss the idea,” he said. “We fought, we disappeared from each other’s lives. Maybe we should talk about what went wrong in our marriage.”

  “Now?” Was he serious? “We’re both naked.”

  “So we can flash each other as a distraction if things get uncomfortable.”

  Mandy couldn’t help laughing. “You’re crazy,” she said, wondering when Rick had changed so much. When they’d been married, talking about anything remotely touchy-feely had sent him screaming out of the room. Now he was suggesting it.

  “Probably,” he agreed with far too much cheer. “I’ll even start.”

  He adjusted one of the pillows and frowned slightly. She waited, more than willing for him to go first.

  “Okay. I was emotionally immature,” he said. “You weren’t my first lover, but you were my first girlfriend.”

  She stared at him. “What? You never told me that before.”

  “I was twenty-two. It wasn’t something I liked to brag about.”

  “But…how is that possible?”

  “Mandy, I was a total nerd. I didn’t know how to talk to girls. I hadn’t stopped growing and I was still tripping over my own feet.” He shrugged again. “Which is off the point. I wanted to play house rather than have a mature relationship. I was more into sex being available than worrying about your needs. I wanted a mistress and a housekeeper to fulfill my vague fantasies of what marriage should be like. I was young and dumb and I’m sorry.”

  His ease of conversation didn’t dilute his sincerity. She hadn’t expected them to discuss their marriage at all, but if she had, she would never have thought Rick would be so willing to take responsibility for his part in things. She knew then that she couldn’t do any less.

  “I was young, too. Young and foolish with a lot of unrealistic expectations.” She tucked the covers under her arms. “I used to watch my dad with all the women in his life. I don’t remember how he was with my mom before she died, but after, he treated his girlfriends like pets or toys. They were easily discarded. I always wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be…everything to the man in my life.”

  Rick winced. “That was probably the one thing I didn’t want you to be.”

  “I know. You had your studies, which took up so much time. I wanted you to focus on me, and I wasn’t willing to go find other interests. I didn’t make friends, I didn’t continue going to college.”

  “We moved across the country,” he reminded her. “You were all alone.”

  “Making excuses for me?” she asked with a smile.

  “Trying to see both sides.”

  “I do that, too. With that pesky wisdom of hindsight, I know now that I should have gotten a life of my own instead of expecting you to be everything to me. If I’d had my own friends and things to do, I wouldn’t have spent so much time waiting for you to come home. I wouldn’t have resented your long hours, the study groups, the dinners with your professors.”

  “Then I dragged in late, wanting sex rather than conversation. I’m sorry, Mandy.”

  “Me, too.” She sighed. “The harder I tried to pull you to me, the more you pushed back. I felt you slipping away and I didn’t know what to do.”

  He nodded. “Instead of talking about what was wrong, I ignored it, and you. I think we both wanted the other to give in, so we could each be right.”

  She tilted her head and studied him. “For a scientific nerd type, you know a lot about people.”

  “I’ve learned some. I’m still learning. Light particles make a whole lot more sense to me, though.” He shifted so he was lying on his side, facing her. “I remember the first time I saw you. I took one look into those pretty green eyes and knew you were the one. What happened to that?”

  His question made her sad. She hadn’t been the one…not for him. He’d let her go without a backward glance. Of course, she’d done the same with him.

  “It got lost,” she said.

  “Too many maybes,” he told her. “Maybe if I’d responded to your needs better. Maybe if you’d fit in to our life in Boston more. Maybe, maybe, maybe.”

  “And now everything is different.”

  So different, she thought. She’d finally figured out how to make her life work. If she’d stayed with Rick, would that have happened? So many things would have been different. She might never have found her way into her current teaching position. She might never have met Eva.

  “What?” he asked. “I saw something in your eyes. Something I can’t explain.”

  “Eva,” she said, knowing right away what he meant. “I was thinking that if you and I had stayed together, my life would be really different. I wouldn’t have met her.”

  “Who is she?”

  “A little girl in my class. She’s eight. She’s one of the kids with Down syndrome. She’ll never have a regular life like everyone else, but I see so much potential in her. She’s a sweet spirit slowly being crushed to death in foster care. Her parents were both kids on the street. Her mother was into drunks. We think her father was killed in a drive-by shooting. Eva’s been in and out of foster care for years. Her mother kept taking her back, then abandoning her. A few months ago, Eva was made a ward of the state.”

  Mandy recited facts, but Rick could easily see past them. “What are you waiting for?” he asked. “Or have you already started the a
doption procedure.”

  Mandy looked surprised. “Is it that obvious?”

  “It is to me.”

  She sighed. “The situation is complicated. If I adopted her, I would be a single mother. Eva deserves a lot of individual attention. How much would I be able to give her, working all the time?”

  “Wouldn’t your schedules be similar?”

  “Most of the time. But not all of it. There are some financial issues, too. My dad has offered to help, but I hate the idea of sponging off him. It’s a big step and I’m trying to figure out if it’s one I’m prepared to take on my own.”

  Earlier he’d asked if there was anyone special in her life. Now Mandy had confirmed she was alone. Rick couldn’t figure out why some guy hadn’t snapped her up years ago. She was pure fantasy material. Even though they’d just made love, knowing that she was less than two feet away, and naked, made him hard.

  But it was more than sex, he told himself. He enjoyed talking to her. Being around her. Why wouldn’t she be chasing off men with a stick?

  “Why have you been avoiding Mr. Right?” he asked.

  “He’s been avoiding me.” Her mouth twisted. “You would be amazed how fast men can run when someone mentions the phrase ‘special-needs child.’”

  “Why?” he asked, knowing the situation would create challenges, but not clear on why they would be a deal breaker. “Are you saying with Eva you wouldn’t want children of your own?”

  “Of course not. I think both would be great, but so far I haven’t had a lot of offers. Most of the men I’ve met are only interested in ‘perfect’ children. Those who don’t qualify need not apply.”

  She sounded bitter, and he couldn’t blame her. While adopting Eva sounded like what she wanted to do, it wouldn’t be easy, whether or not she was alone.

  He tried to reconcile the thoughtful adult sitting in his bed with the volatile young woman he’d married.

  “I’m impressed with all that you’ve done,” he said lightly. “Next you’ll be telling me that you’ve taken up a hobby or two yourself.”

  She flipped her hair over her shoulders. “I’ll have you know that I not only crochet, I hike. I even camp on occasion.”

  “You? Camp? Where do you plug in your electric curlers?”

  She grabbed the free pillow and threw it at him. “I do without for those days.”

  “I’m even more impressed.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been horseback riding, too. I’ve taken Eva a few times and she loves it.”

  The longing was back in her eyes. He wanted to tell her to just go for it—that everything would work out fine. But time and experience had taught him that saying the words didn’t make anyone a believer. Nor did they change the situation. Mandy would have to figure out what to do on her own.

  If only he’d known this much about life and people eight years ago, he thought, things might not have ended so badly.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out his hand and capturing her fingers.

  “For what?”

  “Before. How it ended. My part in that. I know back then I made a big case about not technically doing anything wrong. I’ve learned since then. The problem wasn’t with what I did or didn’t do, it was about disconnecting from the marriage.”

  Mandy squeezed Rick’s fingers, then released them. So they were going to talk about that, she thought, not sure if she wanted to.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t go there,” she whispered, but it was too late.

  The memories returned in vivid detail and blinding color. Of the silence in the hallway of their apartment building. Of the melting snow dampening the hem of her jeans. She had hated winter in Boston, hated the snow and the cold. She’d walked into their tiny apartment to find coats on the sofa. Not just Rick’s coat, but another one…an unfamiliar one.

  Her heart had stopped. She remembered that distinctly. The sensation of a steady beating in her chest, followed by nothing. Not even a flutter.

  Knowing she shouldn’t, yet unable to stop herself, she’d entered the small bedroom. The room was so tiny that the bed took up most of the floor space. Their battered dresser was in the living room by the bookcase.

  Mandy told herself to breathe slowly, that the past didn’t matter. But suddenly she was there again. Staring at Rick, a younger Rick, kissing another woman. Touching her. They were both still dressed, but with their lips locked and his hand on her breast, it was pretty clear where things were going.

  “Mandy?”

  She tried to shake off the memories. “It was a long time ago,” she said.

  “Not long enough.” He stared at her face. “Does it still bother you?”

  “Not in the way that you mean. I’m not hurt or anything.”

  How could she explain there were lingering shards of her shattered life stabbing her soul? The ghosts weren’t as much about him or her but about what should have been and what was.

  Suddenly she was very aware of being naked. She hated to get out from under the protection of the covers, but there didn’t seem to be any other way to reach her clothes. She sucked in a breath and stood, then circled around the bed, picking up panties and her bra as she went.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “It’s getting late.”

  “I thought you didn’t have other plans for the day.”

  “I don’t. It’s just…” She pulled her dress up over her hips. “I really need to get going.”

  Rick watched her without speaking. His serious gaze spoke volumes for him, though. She zipped up her dress and searched for her shoes before remembering she’d left them downstairs. She faced him and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Why does it have to end like this?”

  “Like what?”

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  But it did. She couldn’t explain her compulsion to leave. After all that had happened, she felt unsettled. Time and distance would ease that.

  “You haven’t changed as much as I thought,” he said flatly, not bothering to get up and get dressed. “After all these years, you still run when things get tough.”

  His words cut through her…probably because she didn’t have a good defense.

  “You call this tough?” she asked, motioning to the bed. “In my mind, it was too easy. I don’t have a clue as to what happened today. One minute I was minding my own business, the next Jo suggested I contact you for lunch. Somehow we ended up in bed. Doesn’t any part of that strike you as strange?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Well, it does for me. We shouldn’t have done this. The sex…” What about the sex? It had been great, but what had she been thinking? Or not thinking? She and Rick were strangers.

  “I have to go,” she repeated, and headed out the door.

  As she ran down the steps she half expected him to come after her. He didn’t. Rick claimed she hadn’t changed as much as he had thought. She could say the same about him. She might be the one who was running, but he’d always found it far too convenient to let her go.

  Chapter Five

  Mandy was still shaking when she arrived back at Cassie’s beach house. It had taken her five tries to get from Rick’s house to the highway; she’d been so upset, she’d turned north instead of south. What should have been about a thirty-minute trip had taken her nearly an hour.

  But she was safe now, she told herself as she paced the length of the living room. Safe and everything would be fine. Eventually. She just had to figure out what had happened back there and how to put it in perspective. Oh, and she also had to find a place to put her growing anger.

  The anger surprised her. After the past five or six hours she would have expected to be dealing with a lot of emotions, but why was she mad? Or was the anger simply a cover for some other feeling?

  She didn’t want to think about that, so she continued to pace and mutter and try to distract herself. Only her b
rain kept flashing back to her time with Rick. She could recall dozens of things he’d said—how he’d smiled, the changes in his body and the way they’d been together in bed.

  “Not that!” she said aloud. “It was a mistake. All of it. What should have been a charming, easy encounter with my ex turned into something…”

  What? Horrible? Not exactly. Scary? Maybe. Confusing? Yes. Definitely confusing.

  The phone rang. Mandy spun to face the plain beige instrument sitting on the counter dividing the kitchen from the living area. Her first instinct was to run. She didn’t want to hear whatever Rick had to say. Then she reminded herself that not only did he not have her phone number, he’d never been very good on damage control or follow-up. He preferred to disappear until things blew over.

  “Hello?” she said into the receiver.

  “Hey, how’s sunny Southern California?”

  Mandy sagged against the counter. Relief filled her. Cassie. Just the person she needed to talk to.

  “It’s beautiful here,” she said, pulling out a stool and settling on it. “August is always wonderful weather.”

  “I can’t wait until I get to experience it myself.”

  “How’s the transition?” Mandy asked.

  Cassie worked in a hospital in Arizona. She’d recently given notice, causing her boss to panic and swear she couldn’t survive without Cassie there.

  “Slow. Really slow. I think they’re hoping to entice me into staying here, but that’s not going to happen.”

  Mandy nodded sympathetically. “How are you doing?”

  It was more than a casual question. It hadn’t been all that long since Cassie had walked in on her fiancé and roommate doing the wild thing. What was it about men and other women?

  “Okay. Some days are easier than others. I’m working hard, which helps me forget. Maybe it will all crash in on me when I’m at the beach and don’t have as many distractions.”

  “Maybe you’ll find out that you didn’t care about him as much as you thought.”