Footprints in the Sand Desert

by Manakhatan Boldsukh

  Billy: „I can imagine well what you have said, you cannot buy happiness, but security. What had you done as an agent? Was it a kind of spy?“

  Alice: „Well, I know the meaning of the footsteps on the sand dunes, even though my moral prefers to be kept. Well, mostly that was duties like private bodyguard.“

  John: „How old are you, Alice? I hope it was not a big secret.“

  Alice: „I am a widow in her mid thirties.“

  Billy: „Your age, I couldn’t have guessed.“

  John: „Billy, did you think that Alice was older?“

  Billy: „Oh, John, you know the way of compliment of which meaning goes without saying.“

  John blinked to Alice, smiling, his golden tooth was twinkling reflecting the candle lights on the couch table which was filled with half full glasses of different contents.

  Adrian: „So you had been used to being the bodyguard of your late husband?“

  Alice: „No, he didn’t need a guard. He was strong and just wonderful as he was, even the name sounded melody that made my nerves tremble, Sky.“

  The gamblers were sunk deep into the narration, but not the philosopher. Adrian was trying to find out the reason for that much confession of Alice shaking her heart away in front of the strangers, who she had met only on the gambling map and the reason would be only the death. If Alice was going to follow her Sky, then what would happen to her, if he had not landed in the hell, where Alice had the only entrance. If Sky was virtuous enough to land in the heaven, then there was no sense for Alice to commit suicide in order to meet her Sky. But the untold rest of the story made the philosopher’s mind belong to the gravity.

  Telly: „Sky! What a strange name!“

  John: „There are so many names stranger than Sky, you know, like Mr. or Mrs. Greed or Evil.“

  Alice: „I knew even someone whose name was Mrs. Devil.“

  Billy: „Alice, do you mean Maria?“

  Alice: „No.“

  Adrian: „That must be a joke! All right, Mr. Evil sounds not really strange. But there is nobody who is called Mr. or Mrs. Virtue, or Mr. Love.“

  They nodded, laughing, none of them was showing a little sign of tiredness. Curiosity had always been a candle in the lion’s cave.

  Billy: „Love is like water.“

  John: „That is impossible.“

  Adrian: „Love can be like the ocean, you never get enough to discover the treasure. Nothing is more tender than the ocean, but nothing is stronger than the ocean filling every form.“

  John: „When you are in love, you will see the ocean full of treasure, but when you are not in love, you would see the ocean full of pollution cursing the cruise.“

  Adrian: „Oh John, please see the ocean in rose.“

  John: „That must be the heart infarct.“

  Telly: „But ocean can be beaten by earthquake causing tsunami destroying the beach with someone who was wondering the ocean.“

  John: „That someone on the beach won’t be me. The earthquake is caused by the fire of hell. You know, in the middle of the earth, there is flowing fire of the hell.“

  Telly: „Narrow minds would call it lava.“

  John: „Do you call scientists narrow minds?“

  Telly: „Aren’t they?“

  Adrian: „Who the hell must have made the hell show up?“

  Billy: „That must the sins which make us land in the hell.“

  John: „Bingo.“

  Billy: „Well, Alice, how had you met your husband?“

  Alice: „Sky was a client of Maria, who ordered a call girl and that was me. That time I had chosen my main residence in Zurich, as Maria had suggested me, where she lived too. The other girls and boys had their own ways of private life, we were not allowed to stay in touch. The only connection was Maria, in a case of some operation which must be performed involving some of us, like robbery or security service.“

  John: „Robbery and security? Existence of evil and virtue at the same time?“

  Alice: „Yes, we were engaged in the both alternatives, depending on Maria’s need.“

  Billy: „That sounds like twist of fate.“

  Alice: „Well, we were dependent on Maria, who was able to find us everywhere and destroy our lives within a day easily.“ John: „How?“

  Alice: „She kept all the information about us and none of the adopted people would dare to disappoint her, besides, we were just slaves, but we got used to being independent of each other. In my late twenties, I felt myself already in the end of my life regarding my experience, which I had to face very early. The desert made me able to adjust to every difficult condition and I had enjoyed everything from the hard soldier training till the high society luxurious life of shallowness. Inside my soul I had been always lonely, but no regret of the past, on the contrary, very proud of myself and the money was big satisfactory. Every client of Maria was in a fine, elegant manner, so there was always shallow paradise of short term which disappear easily, like the footstep in the sand desert. I had been the best and beloved adopted ‚slave‘ of Maria, but inside I hated her, the more I got older the more I was longing for revenge. Once I was relaxing in my nicely furnished apartment as Maria called me to announce my next duty. That time I was longing for love and independence for every price. In my life, there was everything but not love. I had been rid off the shallowness and being dependent on someone, not being able to rule my own life. The dissatisfaction grew with the maturity of mind and the sadness after every duty, the feeling of being abused. These things were beyond my power, I was envious of people who were able to rule their own life being independent and showered with love, despite the lacking luxury of materiality. Well, Sky was living in Germany in Munich, where the private jet of Maria brought me to my duty and I had to take taxi to the address. I was tired of that kind of duty and felt myself worthless. Maria had already transferred to my account a considerable sum, he must have been an idiot to indulge himself that way, so I was a bit afraid to face a handicapped client both mentally and physically. But, I was surprised by the modest apartment from the outside and almost frozen by the sight of him, as he welcomed me into the big tasty spacious apartment with high ceiling and not finished oil paintings leaning on the wall along the corridor. He was handsome and very kind gentleman. That was a love of first sight, I tried to hide my feeling as he told me his name was Sky, which I was already told by Maria. Well, I had to dance and afterwards to make love with him, which happened smoothly, but my feeling was very different from the usual. I cannot tell if it was caused by my own pulse or the reality of his kindness to me, paying the perfect attention to make a woman feel like Cleopatra, respected and adored. He was ten years older than me, but his fine appearance made him look younger. There was not a real harmony, but I enjoyed the moment fully, felt happy that I had never felt before. As we were bidding farewell looking at the taxi waiting for me, he suggested me to encounter us again. First time, I broke the rule which was strictly set by Maria by giving him my private email address and phone number.“

  Billy: „Sky must have liked you on the spot. Maybe he too had felt the love of the first sight.“

  Alice: „No, I had never had a luck to conquer his heart, but only to fulfill his fantasy of lovemaking to become the inspiration for his new painting which looked similar as some masterpieces of Pablo Picasso.“

  Telly: „What made you marry him?“

  Alice: „Well, two months later, after the fact I became an email from Sky including an invitation to his exhibition in Munich. I didn’t tell Maria about that and took the train to Munich to visit the exhibition. Besides, that was not a big deal, in the free time the ‚soldiers‘ were allowed to spend their time doing whatever they like, but the only condition was not to keep a private contact with the clients of Maria. I had been thinking about Sky, eyes closed, smiling for two months and was eager to see him again. He was a dark blond haired man of middle height, not too tall and not too small, just exactly the right man who would
guide you everywhere proudly sharing the warmth of the feeling without any effort. He was spreading full masculinity with his marked face and straight posture giving to every woman a feeling of being protected by his side. In my point of view, we could fit into each other like two pieces of the puzzle making a beautiful picture come into existence, but in his mind there was not the same expectation. I had already booked my hotel close to the exhibition in the center of the Munich, where I had stayed for an hour to leave my luggage and to dress up for him before I went to the exhibition. I couldn’t have dared to call him, all our contact had been limited by email, he hadn’t called me which made be sad. I entered the fully occupied exhibition hall, forced myself to fascinate his paintings, but my attention was drawn to the crowd to find him. Frankly said, his paintings were not of my taste, I had an impression that there should have been touched some more or complete different color. And then, suddenly my eyes were fixed one of the crowd, all my nerves felt burning, I could imagine the deep moist armpit of my pretty designed fine red silk dress. There I couldn’t believe in my eyes reflecting a gracious woman dressed in a loose double-breasted blue suit with silver buttons, her dyed brown hair bound at the neck and the luminous eyes fixed on a painting revealing the understanding of the soul the painters. That woman was Queen, who I saw last time in the elite school of Ulan-Bator at the wardrobe so many years ago and since then she hadn’t changed her look much. A man was coming toward her, he was Sky dressed in beige. They were talking and hugging each other by discussing about the painting. I couldn’t dare to approach the couple and my jealousy of Queen was burning inside me. She looked more beautiful than her teenage era when I felt myself an overseen ugly nomad girl compared to her upped chin with city allure and then she had Sky by her side which made me feel just a bitch. I decided to approach the couple pretending a painting lover. Sky recognized me and by the sight of me he turned red which didn’t last long, also Queen turned in my direction and smiled to me, who introduced herself from the Switzerland. She told me that she was from Mongolia which I already knew and Sky told me she was his girlfriend and studying psychology at the university of Munich. I was posing some dumb questions about Mongolia pretending a european woman who had slept on the desk during the geography classes at school.“

  Billy: „Some people are so good natured to be eaten easily by being a victim of lies.“

  Alice: „I had already used to blond hair according to my new identity given by Maria and the people of the desert had blessed with stressed nose. My most advantage to Queen was the poker face which I wore, playing like the cards on the gambling map.“

  John: „Incredible, the life provides us with accidents and chances to play.“

  Adrian: „That is exactly what we call destiny, because the cards are mixed beyond our power and we become the cards to play.“

  Billy: „Yes, that cards make us lose till we learn the tricks.“

  John: „Even the tricks let us lose, you know, provided by another incident like Telly’s hands.“

  They laughed, looking at Telly, who was smiling in her mysterious way, the waist long red hair and closed eyes should belong only to an alien.

  Billy: „In that kind of case, one should learn to enjoy losing the game.“

  Adrian: „Maybe that was not the enjoying losing, but to quit the game in right time.“

  Telly: „To find an alternative where you can win out of the superstition.“

  Alice: „You know, they say that losing in a game, but lucky in love.“

  John: „What a nonsense!“

  Telly: „Alice, what happened after the encounter at the exhibition?“

  Alice sipped her drink painting the thin transparent glass with the red of her lipstick, which began to lose its color and went on to tell her memory,

  „We stayed in the exhibition hall all the evening till it closed. I told them that I was a dancer, which was in fact true regarding the striptease as a call girl, and my silhouette would let them believe that I was a dancer. Sky asked me about where I stayed and other attentive questions that were making me disappear into the air losing my weight splitting my body into warm molecules spreading like dust in the heat. My envious eyes were scanning Queen to find in her any defect that would calm my jealousy down, but she was so beautiful in her way, building very opposite of me, Queen was pure and fair. Besides, she got everything what I was lacking, independence and love. Compared to me, a worn cheap soul, she was an untouched precious stone without having to have experienced all the scars provided by Maria. She was soft, sweet perfumed rose feather, while I was a gray hard stone lying deep in the river, showing a better color from the surface of the river reflected by sun and water.“

  John: „Then, how did come that Sky lost the rose feather preferring the gray stone? Sky himself was a painted gray stone, right?“

  Adrian: „Gambling tricks, my dear broker, don’t you use it to juggle with the derivatives?“

  John: „When it comes to juggling shares, I would have preferred the rose feather. You know, stones are heavy stuff.“

  Billy: „Shares don’t wear a poker face.“

  Adrian: „What a coincidence!“

  Alice: „Queen asked me to join them to drink in a pub close to the main station to where we took a taxi. There were other friends of them, so I agreed gladly not having fear of being revealed as Sky’s secret lover.“

  Billy: „Life is a lie.“

  Adrian: „But the lies smooth someone’s luck and ruin some other’s.“

  John: „There must be a thrown card laying unturned on the table.“

  Adrian: About the card, everyone would think or suppose whatever they wants.“

  Billy: „Or that would be told different from the reality, what kind of card it was.“

  John: „Even someone had told the truth about the card, nobody would believe.“

  Alice: „That night I got my hotel room shortly before the dawn, drowned into the worst emotion of the human being, the jealousy. After having traveled from Zurich to Munich, visited the exhibition and spent all night in the pub telling lies and acting, my jealousy of Queen kept me awake far away from being tired proving that the soul is the source of the energy, but not the physical effort. I thought about all my past and I cursed the clouds that had caused the rain, even it was my own choice having followed Maria, and I wanted to deserve the reward for my pain and scars, but also for my braveness and endurance, and found out that I had been a ship, led always by someone else not having own direction and purpose. That dawn lighted the purpose of my life, love and Sky. I swore to myself to take Sky away from Queen, who had already at the tourist camp in the desert Gobi, and then in the elite school in Ulan-Bator with her upped chin made me hate her for all the roots what I couldn’t have experienced, but she.“

  Billy: „Feeling of women is not much different from the men, when it comes to jealousy.“

  Alice: „I had to win Queen’s friendship, she was an easy fish to swallow every lure, who was brought up in a very protective and fine surroundings in the capital city not knowing the devils and evils, far away from the desert Gobi and Maria. The next morning I decided to stay longer in Munich, till Maria’s call announcing my duty.“

  Adrian: „People, who hadn’t had to face the world of evils in the childhood, tend to imagine the real world the same way they used to surrounded by, the secure proper environment, and trust in everyone and the evils make them fall down on the hard ground easily blooding the nose.“

  Billy: „Yes, I agree, who hadn’t had experienced the desert, tend to be seduced by the Fata Morgana.“

  John: „And the rainbow?“

  Telly: „That is not the Fata Morgana of the desert, you can see the rainbow everywhere.“

  Adrian: „But that is a different matter, because people know that is a rainbow, so they don’t get fooled by its appearance believing the eternity.“

  Billy: „The point is that people do believe the next Fata Morgana after having experienced the
other one.“

  Adrian: „People need hope and exactly that makes sense to go ahead forgetting the fear of another disappointment. On the other hand, that is the main purpose of the religions. The belief in God gives you power to overwhelm any difficulties you have to face, in fact, that is the belief in yourself.“

  John: „I agree.“

  Alice: „In my case there was neither God, nor belief. Well, my overcharged nerves both by my jealousy of Queen and intensive feeling for Sky, made me sleep all the morning and afternoon. In the evening I called Sky breaking the rules of Maria again. I told him lies that I liked his paintings and wanted to buy one of them, but Sky replied that I would choose one of the pictures of my taste, as a present and if I would have time I was invited to his place for dinner. Of course, that was the chance of my life and I made myself ready to seduce him, but there was Queen, who cooked the dinner for us. She was also a good cook, which threw extra fuel into the fire of my jealousy. That evening we spent talking about paintings, dancing career and psychology effects. In the extraordinary luminous eyes of Queen, Sky and I were looking as acquaintances bound by the paintings and exhibitions in the Switzerland, where Sky had by accident his relatives. I asked Queen for some advice regarding psychological improvements in stressful situations, failed dancing career and she suggested me to come to her place to choose a book I would like to borrow. My poker face was winning, in my whole life I had never interested in literature and paintings, as well in people’s variety of tastes to be discovered. My only wish was to conquer the heart of Sky and the same time to make Queen disappear from his life. The next afternoon I visited Queen, who lived in a small apartment full of books and sweets. The woman, who had grown up in an elite generation during the communism showered with love and devotion of her grandparents and who was approaching her thirty showed no sign of any age on her baby skin and despite her casual choice of nutrition like sweets and cakes, undisciplined way of the day rhythms, she looked fit and gorgeous, maybe only in my eyes of the envy and jealousy. She was a baby compared to me when it comes to drinking, smoking, dancing in front of the clients and nightlife, but I was the baby when it comes to civilization, kindness, cooking and education. But my poker face was like a chameleon let every color rubbed off on the skin. She suggested me a book, which I leaf through only to check if there was a picture. That afternoon, I succeeded to make her believe that I was someone who adore her boyfriend’s talent and who she can rely on. Since then I had begun to play with the couple winning successfully, making love with the boyfriend, going out with the girlfriend and canceling orders of Maria by finding any excuse like feeling sick. But the meanwhile old witch found out about my lies and fooling around with one of her clients, fostering private contacts breaking her rules. So she called me to come to her place in Zurich, no matter how ill I felt.“