“Have eyes for whom?” The bastard could try to dismiss him, but he wasn’t going to allow it. He grabbed Neil’s arm, forcing him to turn back around.
“Lady Juliana. Anyone could see you are interested in her. I just hope she doesn’t end up dead like your wife.”
“You’ve made sly comments about that before. ’Tis time for you to stop. I had naught to do with Doirin’s death.”
“Didn’t you?” he asked.
“Explain yourself,” Ruari said, clenching his jaw so hard it hurt.
Neil’s voice dropped so low that only Ruari would be able to hear it. “If you hadn’t argued about having bairns, she wouldn’t have bolted on her horse at such a speed. You know it, and that’s why you feel guilty.” His gaze narrowed with condemnation. “As you should. ’Tis as if you killed her with your own sword.”
That crossed the line. Ruari set Heckie down, careful not to hurt him, then leaped at Neil and grabbed him by the throat. “How the hell would you know all the details about our conversation?”
“Because I heard you arguing. I followed her because I was worried about her. You surely weren’t.”
“I followed her, or don’t you recall? I was right behind you. My question is, why were you listening to us?”
“It was accidental. I didn’t eavesdrop. I just happened to be walking by when I overheard you.”
“You wait until now to tell me this?” Ruari wished to shut his mouth for good, but he knew Aedan wouldn’t be happy about it if he did.
“Don’t worry. I haven’t told anyone. But I know the truth. There was no love between you, was there?”
“What the hell do you know about love?”
“More than you.”
“You’ve never married.”
“But I have loved.”
Riley’s words popped back into his head. You’re not wrong.
He’d often suspected that Neil had cared for his wife a wee bit too much. “Is that so? And who were those feelings for? My wife?”
Neil’s blank stare neither confirmed nor denied anything.
“Or is it Lady Juliana you’re after? Is that why you were so upset? Because you’re interested in her?” He tossed Neil aside and brushed his hands together as if to cleanse them of dirt. “Do you not think your age difference is too much, Neil?” It surprised him how the question came out—almost as a growl. He hadn’t realized Neil could rile him that much. “You’re an old man. Lady Juliana would never be interested in an old man.”
He had to walk away before he said something he’d regret. Leaning down to pick up Heckie, he tucked him close and glared at Neil over his shoulder before he left.
Neil’s face turned serious. “You’ve got it all wrong, Ruari. I am not interested in Lady Juliana. She is too young for me.”
Neil spun on the heel of his boot and stalked away without another word.
He hadn’t denied being interested in Doirin, had he?
***
Later that eve, Juliana sat in her sister’s chamber. She’d listened to Joan’s chastisements for the better part of the day. While she’d pushed her sister to explain why she didn’t wish to have bairns, she’d always skirted the issue, saying she’d explain once they left the abbey.
Finally, she got the courage up to ask her dear sister the question that had always lurked in the crevices of her mind. “That day when I was eight winters and you argued with Papa… Who was it he wished for you to marry, and why did you choose to become a nun instead?” She folded her hands in her lap, her gaze on her sister, expectantly waiting for an answer.
The color drained out of Joan’s face, and she reached for the coverlet on the bed and pulled it up to her chin. “Go now. Leave me. Please find me an ale. I don’t wish…I cannot…” Her hand waved at her and Juliana saw the misting in her eyes.
Why would such a simple question make her cry?
Not wanting to upset her sister anymore, she bolted off her stool and moved to the door, pausing to say, “Forgive me, Joan. Is there anything else I can get for you?”
Her sister averted her gaze and shook her head.
Juliana closed the door as quietly as possible, then found her way down the stone passageway, glancing up at the ornate etchings on the columns she passed. Occasionally, a spider’s web waved at her from a dark corner, but she had no interest in killing the wee beasties.
Let them live. They’d do nothing to hurt her.
The sound of her slippers hitting the stone floor echoed down the length of the passageway. At the end, she took the steps down to the great hall, shivering as she entered the lofty common chamber. The stone abbey was uncommonly cold, the hearths few and far between.
The young lasses who’d visited Joan had been heading toward the main door, but they turned to greet her as she walked in.
“How is Sister Joan?” Prudie asked. “Is she much improved? I do miss her.”
“She’s much better.” She forced a smile for her sister’s students.
“May we visit with her?”
“I’m sure she’d be pleased to see you. Go right ahead and tell her I’ll be there in a few moments.”
Prudie and Lavena left, but Anora, the dark-haired one, held back. “Go on,” she said to her friends. “I’ll catch up with you.”
The two hurried toward the staircase at the end of the hall. Juliana pointed to the empty grouping of chairs in front of the blazing hearth. “Do you mind? ‘Tis a wee bit drafty for me.”
Anora nodded and followed her to the end of the hall. Juliana stood in front of the roaring fire, holding her hands in front of her to toast them. She detested the cold, and always had. Her chamber at home had seemed so much colder after Joan had left, mayhap because they’d always shared their bed.
What an odd revelation.
She settled in the chair and smiled at Anora, hoping the lass would tell her why she’d stayed back. She didn’t have to wait long.
Anora’s smile was so bright, it radiated light like a sunbeam. “I hope you do not mind, but I wished to ask you a question. If ’tis too forward, please let me know and I’ll take my leave.”
“Please ask me anything you’d like. I’ll answer if I can,” she said, silently basking in the heat of the fire like a kitten being tended by its mother.
“I wondered if you could tell me why you wish to become a nun,” the lass said, leaning forward, obviously anxious to hear her answer.
Juliana hadn’t expected that question. She’d not been around many young lads and lasses, but she found their youth invigorating. Their innocent joy touched her, and their honesty made her wish to be better. But why had Anora asked her such a question? “I haven’t decided for certes, but my sister loves her vocation so she has tried to convince me to take my vows. What about you?”
“Prudie and I have always lived here. It’s assumed we’ll take our vows. She’s sure ’tis what she wants, but I’m curious.” She kneaded her hands in her lap, clearly uncomfortable with the subject of their conversation.
“What are you curious about?”
Anora blushed and whispered, “About lads. Are you not curious?” The poor lass glanced over her shoulder as if she feared being overheard. She probably didn’t have anyone to ask about lads if her sister was as averse to the topic with them as she was with her.
Could she be honest with a stranger? Why not? Her sister refused to hear her out, but Anora had sought an audience with her. She took a deep breath and spoke her mind. “Aye, ’struth is I am verra interested in lads, but Joan doesn’t wish for me to discuss it.”
“Lavena and I tried to ask her about kissing one day, but she wasn’t interested in talking about it. She must not have any experience with boys. What say you?” Anora’s eyes were brown, the color of chestnuts.
“I haven’t much experience either, but I’m attracted to the prospect of loving someone and having bairns of my own. I’m just not sure if being a nun is right for me.” She could see the excitement building in Anora at
the mere mention of lads. Surely such a lass didn’t belong in an abbey. “How did you come to live in an abbey? Your parents sent you at such a young age?”
Anora shook her head, then chewed on her fingernail before she spoke. “Prudie and I are orphans. We were found in baskets and brought here.”
“Together?”
“Nay, about six moons apart. Prudie likes to say we’re true sisters.” She chewed on her fingernail again, then covered her hands as if embarrassed by her habit.
“Mayhap you are. ’Tis a lovely idea. Would that not please you?”
Anora looked over at a group of nuns still eating at one of the trestle tables. “Aye. ’Tis hard not knowing where you came from. My mother died birthing me and my sire didn’t wish to raise me alone, so he brought me here. The nuns accepted me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you wish to leave the abbey?”
“I think I would like to travel somewhere new. I’ve never been anywhere but the abbey.”
“Will they not allow you?”
“The abbess told me that I can leave when I turn six and ten. They have a list of places I can go. Mayhap to Edinburgh. The abbeys are larger when you go farther south, and there are many people who work in them who are not nuns or priests. They cook or clean. Mayhap I’d like to try that. I…I don’t know.”
“Does my sister know of your wish?” Joan wouldn’t tolerate any talk of Juliana leaving, but surely she would understand this young lass’s wish to see something more of the world.
“Aye, but she says ’tis up to the abbess,” she replied, chewing on her fingernail again. She looked unhappy, Juliana realized, as if she were counting the days until she would turn six and ten.
“Anora,” she said, reaching for her hand. “Promise me that you’ll go. You deserve to see more of the world before you decide what to do with your life. No one should be able to make that decision except for you.”
Anora’s face brightened. “Thank you for saying so. How about you? What will you decide?”
The first thing that surfaced in Juliana’s mind was a broad-shouldered man with dark red hair.
But how was she to see him again?
Chapter Nine
Ruari headed to the lists with Padraig, determined to practice his sword skills until his hands bled. Mayhap he could best Neil by proving he was better than him. Brin tagged along, something he often did of late. Though the laddie wasn’t quite capable of swinging a full-sized sword yet, he worked hard, as hard as any of the men in the Cameron lists.
Unfortunately, Ruari’s mind kept drifting to a sweet lass with light brown hair that shone like honey in the light of the mid-day sun.
Padraig noticed and teased him. “I’m thinking your vision is clouded by a nice curvaceous pair of hips.”
Ruari growled and swung harder at his sparring partner.
“Och, I hit the mark.” He chuckled. “Or have I just grown a nice pair of breasts that are calling to you?”
Ruari burst into laughter, stepping back to keep himself from getting struck.
Padraig lowered his sword arm and puffed his chest out. “I have, haven’t I?” He changed his position, bending at the waist and puckering his lips. “Or are you of a mind to kiss my sweet lips?” He closed his eyes and made smacking sounds with his mouth.
Ruari got his laughter under control and leaned against a tree next to them, crossing his arms. “Let me know when you’re ready to be a true threat, lass, because you’ve a ways to go.”
Padraig strolled about in a slow circle, attempting to sway his hips like a lass. The spectacle made Ruari laugh again, and it also caught the attention of Brin, who’d been busy playing with Heckie.
“What are you doing, Padraig?” the lad asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Why are you walking so oddly? Did you hurt yourself?”
“Nay, he’s afraid to spar with me, Brin,” Ruari said with a grin. “Ignore him.”
Brin shrugged and shifted his attention back to Heckie.
Padraig grinned, and Ruari moved away from the tree and said, “I’ll focus if you’ll stop your taunting.”
It was indeed difficult, but he had come up with the perfect way to focus. Every time Juliana surfaced in his thoughts, he forced himself to think of Padraig swaying his hips.
For the next two days, Ruari devoted himself to practice, but on the third morning, he knew it was time to visit his mother. It had been too long. Taking in a deep, heartening breath, he made his way to the tower room where she spent most of her time. It pained him to see that she was still abed. “Mama, are you hale?”
“Ruari, of course I am. Come in and chat with me for a wee bit. I haven’t seen Brin, but that sweet Tara stopped by to visit with me.”
He kissed his mother’s cheek and pulled up a stool. “Mama, why do you have a bandage on your arm?”
“I bumped into something last eve. Jennie took care of it for me. What would I do without her?”
“Are you sure Tara didn’t put the bandage there? Mayhap ’tis why she visited with you.”
“Do not be ridiculous. Jennie is the healer, not Tara. Tara, Riley, and Brin come to see me every day. They’re my blood.”
“Either way, you’ve been fixed up. Please be careful when you move about. Did you not have the tallow lit?”
“I did. Or I was trying to light it. Perhaps that’s what happened.”
She stared off into space.
“Mama, you look tired. I’m going out to the lists. Do you need anything?”
“Nay,” she replied, blindly staring at the wall as if lost in some dream of her own making.
He stood up to leave, but her hand grasped his arm. “Ruari, ’tis not your fault. Aedan was born first, so he was destined to be chieftain. He’s stronger.”
He chuckled at the oft-repeated platitude. “I know, Mama. You need not worry about me. I accepted it a long time ago.”
“Did you?”
“Aye, stop thinking on it.” He blew her a kiss and hurried out the door, not wanting to take the discussion any further than that. On his way out, he stopped by the hearth in the great hall to check on Heckie, who was cuddled up in the small crate he’d left out for him. When he picked the puppy up, Heckie nuzzled against his chest. “Do you sleep all day, wee one?”
Heckie yawned and settled inside the plaid strip he had tossed over his shoulder. “Fine, you may stay there.”
He headed out the door and off toward the lists, passing the stable along the way. The stable lad was bringing a new horse into the building.
That horse looked extremely familiar.
“Where did that horse come from?” he asked, circling back. “Have the lasses returned from the abbey?”
“The abbey?” the lad repeated, giving him an odd look. “Nay, we found this mare grazing in the meadow. No one claimed her, so Aedan said to bring her in.” He gave Ruari an odd look. “Do you recognize this horse, my lord? She’s a fine mare, pretty coloring. She looked lost.”
Ruari rubbed the horse’s flank and grinned. “I believe I do. This horse belongs to Juliana, the lass we escorted to the abbey. She’ll be happy to learn she’s safe.” He’d searched for the mare on his way home, to no avail.
“You’re correct in that assessment,” Padraig said as he joined him, coming from the lists and wiping the sweat from his brow. He tossed his sword to the ground as he approached the chestnut-colored mare. The animal lifted its head and whinnied.
Ruari crooned, “Hush, we’ll not hurt you, lassie. Do you miss your rider? Lady Juliana is off to Stonecroft Abbey, though I know not how long she’ll be before she returns.”
“Do you think the mare brought herself back here?” Padraig asked thoughtfully. “Do you believe animals can find their way home?”
He continued to rub the horse’s muzzle. “She’s never been to the Cameron Keep before, but she has been around some of our horses. Mayhap she recognized a familiar scent.”
Brin joined them and said, “Come on, Padr
aig. I need some porridge.”
“Join us, Ruari?” Padraig asked as the two moved toward the keep.
“Nay, I just ate. You two go along while I calm this beautiful animal.”
Padraig didn’t go far before he turned around and said, “Just beware. My cousin’s son has a Highland pony that seems to be possessed by a strange spirit. That pony has saved his life more than once. There was never a more devoted pet, but I’m not ashamed to say he scares me. You can never know what goes on inside a wee beastie’s mind.”
Brin said, “Steenie’s only five. Papa said I must wait until I’m twelve summers to have a horse of my own.” The lad’s face fell.
Ruari ruffled the wee lad’s hair. “You’ll have a pet someday.” He knew just how it felt to be considered too young for everything.
For anything.
He’d always been Aedan’s younger brother, in his shadow.
Wee Heckie squirmed slightly against his chest as if to send him a message. “Brin?” Ruari said. “I think Heckie is out of danger. Would you like to adopt him as your pet?”
The lad’s face lit up with sheer delight. “You would give him to me? I’ll take good care of him.” He tore back to put his hands out for the puppy.
“You have to ask for your mama and papa’s permission first, but if they approve, he’s your pet. I know you’ll take good care of him. As long as I can visit with him whenever I want.” He handed the dog over to Brin, giving him one last pet on his head. Although he’d enjoyed taking care of the pup, it felt right giving him to Brin. It felt like the best way he could tell the lad that he was worthy, that he was important.
“My thanks, Uncle Ruari.” He cuddled the pup under his chin, and Heckie sighed in contentment before settling in for another nap.
Ruari chuckled at the animal’s antics. “As long as your parents agree.”
“I promise to ask them both.” Brin hurried to catch up with Padraig.
Once they were alone, Juliana’s favorite horse continued to nuzzle him, but she let out a soft cry that sounded mournful. “You’re missing your lady, are you not?”
The Banished Highlander Page 6