The horse pushed him a bit.
“Fine, I’ll take you to her,” he said, his heart beating faster at the thought, “but only if you keep quiet.”
The horse took in a deep breath and sighed just like Heckie had.
***
Juliana crept out the back door of the kitchens, not wanting anyone to see her. She just had to get away. Joan’s constant babble about the joys of being a nun—and the inevitability that Juliana would take her vows—was making her anxious.
She didn’t have the heart to tell Joan that she simply wasn’t interested in taking her vows. At least, not yet. Although she didn’t feel drawn to being a nun, she still did not wish to marry the man her sire had chosen for her.
She stepped carefully through the brush and made her way toward the front of the abbey, moving past the stables. Wistfulness washed over her at the thought of her lost friend. Her dear horse, Winnie, was still missing. She’d hoped the animal would find her way here. She’d heard that animals’ sense of smell was so strong they could often follow the people they loved.
Winnie didn’t have that feeling for her, apparently. She sighed, glancing up at the full moon, her heart full of longing for Winnie. And, if she were being honest, for Ruari too. Scant clouds passed in front of the luminous object, lighting up the herb garden with an eerie glow, although it did not deter her from her wandering.
Stonecroft Abbey’s garden was quite large. Full of herbs and various vegetables, it had a lovely scent unlike anything she’d ever smelled before. The back of the garden next to the curtain wall was full of fruit trees, though they were just budding. This was a perfect spot for her to clear her mind and give careful thought to what she really wanted.
She sat on the cold stone, not caring about the temperature, arranging her skirts carefully to keep herself as warm as possible. Tipping her head back, she took in the beauty of the night, the dark blue sky dotted with bright stars, occasionally covered with moving clouds.
A twig broke behind her. She bolted up, whirling around as a scream built in her throat, but her gaze caught the dark red hair of Ruari Cameron. Instead of screaming, she let out a low squeal of delight, throwing herself at him and wrapping her arms around his neck before she thought better of her boldness and stepped back.
Ruari smiled at her and said, “I wish I’d get that kind of reception from you every time we meet.”
She blushed and stared at her boots, wiggling her toes against the cobblestones. “Forgive me, but I thought you were someone I didn’t know and I feared the worst. I was verra pleased to see it was you. But why have you returned so soon?”
He pulled her close, his hands settling on her hips. “I came to give you good news.”
Her heart raced at the contact, pounding so hard and fast she wondered if he could feel it, too.
She liked being this close to him. She savored it. And she was done denying her feelings. She would tell Joan in the morn exactly how she felt about this man.
“I have a surprise for you,” he whispered. “I brought your horse. She returned to Cameron land so I thought…”
She didn’t allow him to finish, so pleased with his news that she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
But something different happened this time.
Her heart still pounded and raced, but a strange heat coursed through her. She liked Ruari Cameron. She pulled back to stare up at him. She liked his looks, his scent, his eyes, his touch, his shoulders, his…everything.
What didn’t she like?
Before she could consider that thought, his lips descended on hers, the warmth of them pressing against her. She couldn’t have been more surprised. Her lips parted with a will of their own, and his tongue touched hers tentatively.
She wouldn’t tell her sister how much she liked the taste of Ruari Cameron, although it was true.
She whimpered and opened her mouth more. He slanted his mouth over hers, deepening their contact, and his tongue teased hers. Oh, how she wished this could go on forever.
Instead, a roar interrupted them.
“What goes on here?” the abbess shouted.
Chapter Ten
Ruari ended the kiss abruptly and pivoted on his heel, tucking Juliana behind him. “Abbess Mary, forgive my indiscretion. This was all my fault. I came upon the lady in the garden and I took advantage of her. She is innocent of any wrongdoing.”
Juliana stood on her tiptoes and peeked over his shoulder. “Nay, I’m not completely innocent. I rather enjoyed it, but do forgive me, Mother Mary.” Her hands gripped his shoulder, something he rather liked, but he hoped she’d stay behind him. He didn’t wish for her to get into any trouble on his account, although he was more certain than ever that she should not go through with becoming a nun.
“Lady Juliana, you will take yourself back inside the abbey while I have a word with Lord Cameron. And may I remind you that you should not have been out here in the middle of the night alone? Why have you returned, Lord Cameron? And how did you know he would be out here, lass? Oh, my heavens. Praise the Lord to give me strength. Inside, my dear. I’ll speak with you and your sister soon enough, though I know not whether to wake poor Sister Joan given all she’s had to contend with of late.” The poor nun looked flustered, her hand going to the crucifix she always wore around her neck. The wind ruffled her long dark habit around her thin frame.
“Please, nay, wait until morn to tell her,” Juliana said, still clinging to Ruari.
“Silence. You will not argue with me,” the older woman said, tightening the belt around her waist. She lifted her hand from the side of her body and turned to point to the abbey. “Get yourself inside.”
Juliana did as she was bid, hurrying away into the dark, casting a quick glance at Ruari over her shoulder.
It took every bit of self-control he possessed not to wink at her. Hell, he’d never wanted a lass this much before. She was both sweet and had spirit. But he needed to be respectful of the circumstance. It had been poor judgment on his part to kiss her outside the abbey.
“Ruari Cameron, your brother will be verra disappointed to hear you’ve been indiscreet with a lass on our property. I’ll speak with the lass’s sister, but I’ll be sending her back to Lochluin Abbey on the morrow. She is clearly not a candidate to take her vows. I assume you’ll stay and escort them back. May I also ask about your intentions? Shall I tell her sister you’ll be offering for her as soon as you return to Cameron land?” Mother Mary crossed her arms in front of her while she awaited his response.
The words came as a shock, though they shouldn’t have. And to his surprise, the notion wasn’t disagreeable to him. Indeed, he rather liked the thought of taking Juliana to wife, which came as a shock given he’d vowed never to marry again. Destiny had a way of interfering with the best-laid plans.
“Offering for her?” he said softly, thinking on it, “I probably will, but I think ’tis a bit soon for that.”
“I found you outside with the lass in the middle of the night with no chaperone. I found her in your arms. I’d be within my right if I were to insist you marry her here before you leave, but to do so would unsettle me.” The abbess’s foot tapped at a rapid pace, showing him the extent of her vexation.
Ruari rubbed the scruff of his whiskers, too stunned to speak. Though lads and lasses were not forced to marry if found engaged in a simple kiss, her sire would probably view the matter differently.
“I’ll consider offering for her once I speak with my brother. I’m assuming her sister will be returning with us, so I can speak with the two of them together once I’ve made my decision.”
The abbess leaned toward him and whispered, “I’ll go pray that you make the right decision, my lord.” She glanced at him through narrowed lids—the kind of glance that made him want to confess to every sin he’d ever committed.
Once she left, he fell back onto the bench he and Juliana had been standing in front of when he’d kissed her.
Marriag
e.
He’d sworn never to marry again, simply because his first marriage had been a disaster. Doirin hadn’t cared about any of the things that were important to him, and the opposite was also true.
How would it feel to be married to Juliana Clavelle?
For starters, there’d be a possibility of love because they obviously had feelings for each other. Juliana, while an innocent, had ignited in his arms, full of a passion and desire he wanted to see more of, but how could he without marriage?
He couldn’t deny that his intention had been for a soft, sweet kiss, yet it had turned into something that had been anything but soft and sweet. In fact, he’d nearly mauled the poor lass, but then again, she’d matched every bit of his ardor.
While every part of his brain fought the idea of marrying again, he had to admit that the part of him that had beaten with a pulsating fury when they’d kissed wanted more. She was different than Doirin, of that he was certain.
Much as he wished to deny his feelings, he couldn’t deny that he’d made the decision to bring her horse to the abbey without consulting with anyone, and he’d come alone. That much spoke volumes of his feelings for her, even if he didn’t wish to acknowledge them.
He’d come alone because he was anxious to spend more time with the lass and gain her favor.
Aye, he wanted Juliana Clavelle, and he was prepared to wed her.
***
Juliana marched back to the abbey, her steps loud enough to be overheard, but another emotion overcame her as she stood outside the door. Tears threatened to tear from her chest, and she didn’t wish to awaken everyone in the abbey.
Besides, Ruari had brought her dearest Winnie back to her, and she hadn’t even seen her yet.
Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the nun was deep in conversation with Ruari. Neither of them were likely to notice if she slipped off to the stables instead. Once she determined she could make the trip safely, she made a quarter turn and tiptoed until she found grass to walk on so her steps wouldn’t be heard.
Mother Mary’s voice carried across the land, and although part of her was tempted to listen, she went instead to the stables.
She opened the door and stepped inside. A stable lad sat up on the pallet in the corner, his eyes heavy with sleep, but she waved him back down. “I’m just here to see my horse, wherever she is. The one Ruari Cameron brought.”
The lad pointed down toward the end of the stalls, so she hurried in that direction, pleased when she finally heard the soft nicker of her dear mare. “Winnie!” she said, trying her best to quiet her voice so the abbess wouldn’t hear her through the walls. She fell against the chestnut beauty, wrapping her arms around the horse’s neck as she finally dissolved into a flurry of tears.
What had she done?
The abbess was furious, her sister would be upset enough to send her home, and Ruari…?
She had no idea how Ruari felt. As if prompted by a question from the beast, she murmured into her soft fur, “Aye, I do like him. But what have I done?”
Her horse whinnied as if to soothe her, and Juliana felt at home for the first time in days. The sensation gave her a new sense of clarity.
She didn’t belong in an abbey.
She didn’t want to become a nun.
She would not take her vows.
On the morrow, she’d confess what she’d done to Joan, but she’d also tell her that sisterhood wasn’t for her. Even if it meant she and Joan could not be together. “’Tis not for me at all, sweet Winnie.”
Approaching footsteps caught her attention, and she swiped at the tears on her cheeks, forcing herself not to cry anymore. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
Moments later, Ruari swept into the stall, his eyes full of concern. And something else. “I thought you’d gone inside, but the stable lad told me you were in here crying. I told the abbess it was all my fault. I’m sorry for taking advantage of your innocence.”
Juliana continued to stare at her dear pet, her breath hitching once before she managed to say, “I’m not sorry.”
Ruari reached down and placed a finger under her chin, tipping her face up gently until their eyes met. “You aren’t?”
She couldn’t speak, but she shook her head adamantly, locking her gaze on his.
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, the two of them staring at each other.
“I don’t wish to be a nun. I don’t want to live in an abbey. I would prefer to marry someone I care for deeply and have his bairns. But that man is not the one my sire chose for me.”
“Your sire has betrothed you to another?”
She gave a slight nod, and Ruari’s hand fell from her face.
She continued, lifting her chin a notch, “But I have not accepted. I don’t wish to marry him. He’s more than twenty years older than me. My sister doesn’t wish for me to marry him either.”
“May I ask his name?”
“Ailbeart Munro.”
Ruari thought for a moment, then said, “I don’t know him, but you should have a say in whom you marry.”
“My father allowed me this visit because my sister requested it. He’ll allow me to escape the marriage only if I take my vows.”
“Have you met Munro?”
“Nay, I don’t wish to. I’ve not heard anything nice of him. He’s been married once already.”
“There is another possibility. Will you marry me?”
Her heart started beating fast again, and emotion clogged her throat as Ruari took her hand and searched her gaze. “I know we don’t know each other well, but I think we would suit. I like you verra much, and I would definitely like to court you. Mayhap we could marry at Lochluin Abbey. Your father might agree to you marrying me. I’m eight and twenty, so I am a bit older, but not twenty years.”
Juliana hadn’t dared to hope he might make such an offer. Marriage to Ruari would be agreeable. Nay, more than agreeable. She felt sure she could love this man. But would Joan accept her decision?
“You’re thinking too hard,” he said, his face falling. “I see you don’t agree that we may suit.”
She said, “Nay! ’Tis not so. I was thinking about Joan. I like the idea because I like you verra much. But I need to speak with my sister first. But if you truly mean it, and my sister agrees, then my answer to your question is aye.”
Ruari smiled and pulled her into his arms, his embrace warm and inviting. A promise.
Winnie nickered and lifted her head as if to give her approval, something that made Juliana smile.
“I think ’tis best if you go inside. Talk with your sister on the morrow. I believe I’ll be escorting you both back to Lochluin Abbey. You can give me your answer then.”
Her life had taken a sudden turn for the better.
She could soon be the wife of Ruari Cameron.
Chapter Eleven
Joan was feeling much better in the morrow, so she’d agreed to meet with the abbess after they broke their fast in the great hall. Although Joan did not say why they sat in the abbess’s private chamber, Juliana certainly knew why, and her hands trembled with nerves.
Mother Mary greeted her. “Sister Joan, you look much better this morn. How are you feeling?”
“I feel much better. I’m sure I’ll be tending to my usual duties in another sennight. I’ll start today, but mayhap I’ll only work for half the day.”
Mother Mary folded her hands in her lap as she leaned back from her desk. “Has Juliana informed you of her activities last eve?”
Joan glanced at Juliana, confused. “Nay. What transpired last eve?” Her sister’s face lost color, something that caused Juliana to start twisting her gown in her hands. Poor Joan had just gotten back on her feet. Would her transgression send her back to her sickbed?
Mother Mary nodded to Juliana, indicating it was her turn to explain everything. She’d hoped the abbess would speak for her, but she’d prepared herself for this possibility. Indeed, she hadn’t slept much last night—instead lying awake an
d planning what she’d say.
Juliana cleared her throat, blushed, and said to her sister, “I went for a walk after dark because I was confused about my calling. I’m just not sure if I am meant to take my vows…”
The abbess noticeably cleared her throat, so Juliana moved on to the critical part of her tale. “I encountered Ruari Cameron. Winnie had found her way back to Cameron land, and he immediately brought her to me because he knows how dear she is to me.”
“Juliana!” Mother Mary prodded. “Your feelings about an animal are not part of this discussion!”
She did her best to ignore the fact that an abbess was yelling at her. “He found me in the herb garden and we…well…he kissed me and…”
Juliana didn’t have the chance to finish the tale because her sister shot out of her seat, her face now livid.
“How could you? And you saw them, Mother Mary? You’ve embarrassed yourself and me? I don’t know what else to say except to repeat myself. How could you?”
Everyone was always trying to control her, from her sire to her sister, and she was sick of it. She decided to speak what was in her heart, even though both listeners in front of her would probably disagree with her. “Joan, I don’t think I wish to take my vows. I don’t think I am interested in becoming a nun. I would like…”
“You would rather marry someone like Ailbeart Munro, who will abuse you and treat you as if you have little value more than a mouse running through the fields? I see I’ll have to tell you all that marriage involves so you’ll finally understand why you won’t enjoy it. Men paw you and take you as they wish. They…”
The abbess stood, her cheeks flaming red. “Sister Joan! You will hold those thoughts to yourself and not repeat them in my abbey. You will take your leave now, go to chapel, and pray for forgiveness for speaking such horrific remarks in front of me. Go now!” She pointed toward the door. Her thin frame shook visibly underneath the voluminous robes of her habit. Juliana prayed she wouldn’t crumple to the ground. She was partially at fault for upsetting the older woman.
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