The rebuke rendered Joan speechless for a moment. She stood staring at the abbess, her mouth slightly open, then finally said, “But everything I say is true. She has a right to know the truth, and ’tis my responsibility to tell her since we lost our mother.”
“Go now!” The two-word command came out in an angry bellow.
Joan left hastily.
Once she left, the abbess took a seat again. “You will disregard all your sister said. You will return to Lochluin Abbey. I have already dispatched a messenger to your sire’s residence so he is aware of your transgression.”
A lump formed in Juliana’s throat that she fought to force back down. “My father?” How would he react? Would he insist that she return home at once to wed his choice of husband?
“Your sister will return with you. I have discussed the issue with Ruari Cameron, and I expect he will offer for you as he should.”
Juliana’s hands gripped the arms of the chair she sat in. “You? You told him to offer for me?”
“Of course. He was found mishandling you. A man does not kiss an innocent lass unless he plans to marry her. A bairn could be just around the corner. I’m sure your sire will see it the same way.”
A bairn? From kissing? That was not what the serving lasses had told her. They’d told her about the man and the woman…something she didn’t wish to think about. But it was far more than kissing. Private parts, pushing, moaning, those were all the things she’d heard. How she wished her sister had explained it all to her.
Would she ever learn the truth?
Ruari had moaned when they’d kissed…as had she. Could it be?
No, she refused to believe such drivel. Kissing would not create a new life. Then her mind came back to the part that truly hurt her the most.
“You told him he should marry me?”
“Of course. ’Tis only right, though I told him it could wait until you return to Lochluin Abbey.”
Juliana ran from the chamber, tears flooding her face.
Ruari didn’t wish to marry her at all. He’d been forced into it.
***
They’d nearly reached Cameron land, and Ruari still hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with Juliana. While her sister guarded her like a chieftain, he’d expected she would slip away to speak with him during the short break they took, but she’d avoided making eye contact.
He would have to take matters into his own hands. And so, before they reached the abbey, Ruari approached Joan’s horse first and said, “I request a brief moment of your time before you return to the abbey, Sister Joan. And I’d appreciate it if you’d allow Juliana to join us.”
Sister Joan gave him a terse glare but nodded.
Ruari pointed to an area outside the stables, then gave instructions to the guards who’d traveled with them, sending some back to Stonecroft Abbey. Others would stay at Lochluin.
He found his way over to the area he’d chosen for their conversation, a small clearing, and waited until Sister Joan and Juliana joined him. “Sister Joan,” he said, nodding to her before greeting her sister. “Juliana.” Again she refused to make eye contact with him, her gaze solidly on the ground in front of her feet.
Nevertheless, he continued, “Sister, I’d like to apologize for my indiscretion. I should have asked for permission to court Juliana properly instead of taking advantage of her innocence.”
“Aye, you did, Lord Cameron, and you’re to keep your distance from her. She is not interested in you.”
Ruari wasn’t sure what to say to that, but he forged ahead with the words he’d planned. “I’d like to ask for Juliana’s hand in marriage. I would have preferred to court her to be certain we suit, but under the circumstances…” He paused because Juliana burst into tears. He wasn’t sure how to react to that, but he finished his sentence. “Under the circumstances, mayhap we should marry sooner. I meant no disrespect to either of you. I have strong feelings for her…”
Sister Joan held her hand up. “Stop right there. You need not continue with your lies. We know the abbess told you to offer for her. Juliana is confused and does not wish to take her vows, so we’ve been sent away. She has been shamed, and our sire has arranged for her immediate marriage. He is on his way here. She’ll be married to her betrothed within a sennight.”
Ruari was stunned. “But I’d like to marry her myself.”
Juliana sobbed even harder. He wished to console her, wrap his arms around her, but her sister stood in front of her, guarding her like any bear protecting its youngest cub.
He peeked around Sister Joan and asked, “Juliana? Why do you cry so?”
No one answered his question.
“I’d like to request a private word with your sister,” he said to Sister Joan. “Two minutes under that tree there, where you can see us.”
“Nay, you’ll not speak to her again. You’ve broken her heart and shamed her, Lord Cameron. I’ll not allow you to hurt her again. Please leave us.”
The hell with her sister. “Juliana, please,” he said, seeking her out with his eyes. “I must speak with you.”
To his surprise, she pushed her sister aside and stepped forward. “Just answer me one question, Ruari Cameron.”
“Anything. What is it?”
“Did the abbess tell you it was your duty to marry me?”
Ruari was rendered speechless. He didn’t know how to answer her honestly without her thinking the worst of him.
“You have your answer, Juliana.” Her sister grabbed her hand and tugged on her.
Ruari said, “Aye, she did, Juliana, but I would have asked you on my own. Why do you think I brought your horse back to you without any guards? I was interested in you and couldn’t wait to see you again.”
She glanced back at him over her shoulder, tears streaming down her face, but she said nothing.
Ruari’s world fell apart.
He’d thought the only thing he cared about was becoming his brother’s second.
But failing at this felt so much worse.
Chapter Twelve
Ruari stepped into his brother’s solar, closing the door behind him just before Aedan exploded. “A nun! You’ve shamed a nun? What were you thinking? You’ve been telling me you’ll never marry again. ’Twas all a big mistake, yet you were nearly caught with your hands up a nun’s skirts!”
“Aedan, you have it all wrong. I…we…I kissed her and the abbess caught us. But I wish to court her. It happened much faster than I ever imagined, but I have strong feelings for her. She’s not a nun yet, and she has decided not to take her vows. I believe we would suit.”
“The hell you suit. You’ll stay the hell away from her. I will not allow you to shame the Cameron name in such a way. You’ll stay away from the abbey for at least a fortnight.”
Ruari didn’t know exactly what to do, but he couldn’t let this go. “Aedan, I offered for her. Her sister rejected me, but I heard her sire is on his way, and I plan to ask for her hand in marriage when he arrives.”
Aedan stood behind his desk, both hands braced on the top. “Ruari, what is wrong with you?” he asked. His voice sounded calm, but Ruari knew better. This was always how Aedan sounded before his anger turned into a raging fury.
Perhaps it would be better if he gave him time to process everything before pressing his suit. “Aedan, she has chosen not to take her vows.”
“Because of you?” He leaned forward, his eyes bulging from their sockets. When had he last seen Aedan this upset?
“Nay, she’s not interested in becoming a nun. I don’t think she ever was. She’s young and confused. I believe her sister is the one who wants her to be a nun.”
Aedan sat down behind his desk, then ran his hand through his thick brown locks now peppered with gray strands.
The door opened and Jennie stepped inside, closing the door behind her quietly. She leaned against it as if to physically block either of them from leaving. “Aedan, I don’t like it when you allow your temper to control your actions.
’Tis not good for your body.”
Aedan motioned for his wife to come closer. “Jennie, you take over. I don’t know what to do with him. Mother Mary from Stonecroft sent me a message stating my brother was inappropriate with one of their novices. What am I to think? You know we must protect and respect the abbey. ’Tis Clan Cameron’s sacred responsibility. Saints above, he’s acting like a love-sick fool. You cannot go about kissing lasses who are thinking of taking their vows, Ruari. I hear her sire is on his way here because he’s furious.”
Jennie’s mouth had formed a little ‘oh’ of surprise, but she shook it off quickly. “If he is, we’ll handle it,” she said quickly.
Aedan stared at his wife. “What can I possibly tell him to explain my brother’s behavior? He’s nearly a decade older than the lass.”
Jennie turned to Ruari, giving him a reassuring half smile, and shrugged her shoulders. “Tell me what your thoughts were, please?” She moved over behind her husband and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Aedan, please remember that your brother is a man grown, and ’tis not unusual at all for a couple to have a difference in age.”
From the hall came a screech. “Aedan! Aedan!”
Aedan hastened to the door and opened it. “What is it, Mother?”
“Must you yell so? I’m sure Ruari has his reasons for whatever he’s done. Listen to your brother, my dear.” He could see over Aedan’s shoulder that their mother sat a good distance from them, in front of the hearth in the great hall. Which meant plenty of other people had likely overheard them, too.
“We’re fine, Mama. Do not concern yourself with us,” Aedan ground out through clenched teeth before he closed the door quietly. “Jennie, talk to him. He’s being incredibly dense.”
“Go ahead, Ruari,” she said gently. “Tell me your thoughts.”
Ruari took a deep breath and explained, “I have verra strong feelings for her…” He hesitated to say his next thought, but he needed Aedan to understand. “My feelings for her are already much stronger than what I felt for Doirin.” He cast his gaze downward, embarrassed to admit such a thing.
“You were too young to marry,” Jennie said. “It was pushed upon you. I don’t blame you for anything that happened with Doirin. You know that. You were ill-suited for each other.”
Aedan said, “It could have worked. We did not know they were ill-suited when they married.”
Jennie said, “Husband, you’re not helping. You pushed that marriage on him as much as Doirin and her sire did. It didn’t work. Aye, he was a fine member of our clan, but it didn’t work. Most of us knew that Doirin had other interests in this relationship. She wished to go to court and be on display, not carry bairns. She wished to be dressed in jewels and silks. That is not your brother, nor is it you. ’Tis over and forgotten.”
“I’ll never forget what happened, Jennie,” Ruari whispered, his heart heavy with pain.
“I know, Ruari. None of us will forget Doirin. But that doesn’t mean you can’t marry again. Now tell me about Juliana.”
“I like her verra much. I wish to court her.” He did his best to ignore his brother, focusing on Jennie, someone he trusted to be calm and reasonable. Someone he trusted to listen to him.
“And how do you know that?” his brother asked.
“Know what?” He glanced from Jennie to Aedan, confused.
“How do you know you like her, Ruari? You’ve hardly spent any time with her,” Aedan bellowed again, but he visibly calmed when Jennie squeezed his shoulders.
“Padraig and I spoke with her on the way to Lochluin Abbey. I talked with her quite a bit when we escorted her to Stonecroft Abbey, and I enjoyed our conversation verra much. You’ll recall that I protected her from the reiver attack near the abbey. I consoled her, but I know how much the violence had shaken her, even more so the loss of her horse. When the horse was found on Cameron land, I knew I must return her horse to her at once. ’Tis why I went back.”
“Without an escort.” Aedan glared at his brother, his arms now crossed in front of him.
“Aye, without an escort.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t wish to wait,” he said, knowing it was a weak reason, but it was better than admitting the lass had addled his mind.
“Or is it possible you were not thinking straight because thoughts of the lass have clouded your mind?” Jennie asked.
Leave it to the healer to see the truth in someone’s heart. Forcing himself to look Jennie in the eye, he squared his shoulders. “Aye. ’Struth. I cannot stop thinking about her. And I surely was not thinking when I found her in the herb garden, told her about her mare, and kissed her.”
Aedan bolted out of his chair, throwing his arms over his head. “This is what I mean. Had you no thought in your mind that you were outside an abbey? That she was thinking of taking her vows?”
“Nay, ’twas not like that at all,” he shouted back at his brother, tired of the thick judgment in his tone. “I told her about her horse, she threw her arms around my neck, and the kiss just happened.”
“Nay, you took advantage of a vulnerable lass.”
“Nay, the abbess caught us, so I proposed. I wanted to court her, and this pushed up the wedding, but Aedan, I probably would have fallen in love with her anyway.”
Jennie turned to her husband, her hands on her hips. “Took advantage? Aedan, may I take a moment to remind you of our first time together on the hill directly behind the abbey?”
To Ruari’s surprise, Aedan burst into a huge smile and leaned over to kiss his wife’s cheek. “I’ll never forget that night.”
Jennie arched her brow at her husband, whose expression quickly reverted to a scowl. She then returned to Ruari. “You think you love her?” Jennie asked. Her mouth tipped up at the corners, just slightly, as if she didn’t wish Aedan to guess she was smiling.
Ruari thought for a moment, then said, “I think so. Or at least I think I will love her. She’s given me hope, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t have many positive experiences with women, if you recall. This friendship has been wonderful for me.”
“Friendship?” Aedan asked.
“Aye, friendship. ’Tis how it started. Whether or not you support me, I intend to ask her sire for her hand. As I said, I tried speaking with her sister, but she was not willing to consider my suit.”
“What does Juliana want?” Jennie asked.
“She told me she would marry me if her sister agreed.”
“But her sister disagreed,” Aedan said.
“Aye, and I think she’s turned Juliana against me. I wish to speak to her alone.”
“Ruari, all right. I’ll accept you have feelings for her and wish to do the right thing, but you must tread verra carefully. Please do not anger the abbesses.”
Ruari didn’t care to listen to his brother any longer. Although he could remind him that Juliana didn’t want to take her vows, he knew it wouldn’t help. Why did his own brother continue to think the worst of him? Jennie believed in him, and for now, that would have to be enough. He spun on his heel and stalked out of his brother’s solar.
There was no point telling Aedan what was in his heart. He would not give up in his pursuit of Juliana Clavelle.
Nay, he would marry the woman who’d given him hope.
Chapter Thirteen
Juliana sat inside the abbess’s solar with Mother Matilda and her sister. How she wished she had her needlework to keep her hands busy. She did her best to stop squirming in her seat, but she failed miserably.
“Sister Joan,” the abbess said. “I believe you must accept the fact that your sister is no longer interested in becoming a nun. I don’t think, in view of the situation, that it would be appropriate for her to continue.” Juliana was pleased that this abbess did not seem as upset or angry about the circumstances as the abbess at Stonecroft Abbey.
“Please, Mother Matilda. She does not wish to marry. Allow her to become a novice.”
The ab
bess looked at Juliana and tilted her head. “Juliana? What say you about marriage? From what I was told, Lord Cameron has offered for you as has another person, who is coming to visit you along with your sire.”
Juliana glanced from the abbess to her sister. She’d known her sire was coming, but she hadn’t expected him to bring her betrothed.
“Munro? Is he bringing Ailbeart Munro?” her sister asked, her eyes wide with shock.
“I know not who he is bringing, but there is a man traveling with him and both of them would like to meet with Juliana. Think you this will be a problem?” the abbess asked calmly.
Her tone did nothing to calm the beating of her own heart or her sister’s.
“She’ll not see him,” Joan declared, crossing her arms.
Juliana fought back tears because she truly did not know how to handle any of this. Her world had descended into chaos from one kiss. If Ruari had offered for her on his own free will, she would have been overjoyed to marry him. But he’d been coerced, and she’d just learned that her sire was bringing another man for her to marry.
She was back to where she’d been when she first arrived at the abbey.
Her sire wished for her to marry a stranger.
Her dearest sister wished for her to be a nun.
Neither of them had asked what she wanted, and she didn’t rightly know. “I’m not sure, Mother Matilda.”
“Did you agree to marry Ruari Cameron? He says you did.”
Her sister turned to glare at her. “Nay, she did not.”
Juliana corrected her. “Aye, I did, but I’m confused.”
“You cannot marry a Cameron,” her sister insisted. She’d repeated this time and again over the last day.
Mother Matilda folded her hands on the desk and leaned toward Joan. “Why not? I think ’twould be a wonderful match for her. I’ve known the Cameron lads all my life and they are as honorable as any men I’ve ever met. What have you against Ruari Cameron?”
Her sister squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable now that the questioning had been shifted to her. Juliana was tempted to defend her sister, but in truth, she wished to hear her answer.
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