Darkwood

by Rosemary Smith

  The church was silent. Gareth and I looked at each other and smiled, then a voice broke the silence.

  ‘I have just cause why they should not be married.’ Estelle’s measured and melodic voice echoed around the church. My heart started racing as she stepped forward from her seat to face the congregation.

  George Poulter looked lost for words, but suddenly found his voice amidst the ensuing silence. He stepped forward only inches from Gareth to face the bewitching Estelle.

  ‘My child, can you explain your reason for this interruption?’ the vicar said with a slight quiver in his voice.

  ‘Indeed I can, Vicar.’ She turned to face Gareth, pointing a gloved finger in his direction, ‘This man, Gareth Samuel Hunter, is already promised to me!’

  Estelle’s voice rose with each word and I recalled the evening at Darkwood when she had implored Gareth to marry her.

  I felt Gareth’s body stiffen beside me. Someone in the congregation coughed loudly.

  ‘So what have you to say, Gareth?’

  She almost screamed, her eyes staring wildly at him.

  ‘Madam, you know as well as I, that this is not true and never has been.’ His voice was gentler than expected under the circumstances, but I could tell Gareth was struggling to keep his self-control.

  ‘Come now, Miss Benedict,’ George Poulter’s voice seemed more assured now. ‘This obviously is not true, for a gentleman such as Mr Hunter would admit to it. Take your seat,’ he coaxed gently, taking her arm, but Estelle wrenched her arm away from him.

  ‘Take my seat, indeed! I will not, and Gareth shall never marry this woman!’

  Speaking almost hysterically, she flew at Gareth without warning, intent on scratching his face, but he turned away just in time and she pounded with her fists at his chest. He gently pushed her away and she collapsed at his feet sobbing hysterically. There was no doubt she was unstable in the mind and I felt some pity for her.

  It was Aunt Rachel who helped Gareth bring her to her feet and lead her out of the church, all eyes agog at the spectacle they had witnessed. Gareth took his place back beside me and gently laid his hand across mine.

  The vicar gathered himself together and spoke quietly to us. ‘Gareth, I should by rights defer the wedding, but I can see the unfortunate state of mind Miss Benedict is in, so will let it pass,’ he said.

  ‘Thank you,’ Gareth and I uttered in one accord.

  On arrival back at Darkwood I was somewhat calmer, but Gareth recommended a brandy which I partook in the drawing-room.

  ‘You do believe me, don’t you, Silvia?’ he asked as I sipped at the brandy.

  ‘I do indeed, Gareth, have no fear. Is Estelle unsound of mind?’ I questioned.

  ‘Yes, she is, but I can say no more now.’ Little did I know then that I would not see the lovely Estelle Benedict again.

  As I stepped back into the hall I could see Mother almost running down the stairs, ‘Silvia, Silvia!’ She called my name with some excitement in her voice. ‘Silvia, where have you been and where is Aunt Rachel?’

  ‘Mother, calm yourself,’ I admonished. ‘Whatever’s wrong?’

  ‘Your parcels have arrived, Silvia, from Honiton and France. I can hardly contain myself and am longing to see your veil. Come child, they are in your room.’ So saying, she started back up the stairs with me not far behind her.

  As I stopped and looked back at the hall Gareth was stood by the drawing-room door with a glass in his hand and as I caught his eye he raised the glass and smiled.

  My purpose was now more assured than ever. As I stepped into my room there was a sense of great excitement.

  ‘I put the packages on your bed, Miss,’ said Pru, walking quickly that way.

  ‘Let me at least remove my bonnet and cloak,’ I said, and I did with Pru’s help.

  ‘Oh, come on, Silvia!’ said Mother, exasperation in her voice. ‘And where is your aunt?’

  ‘I am here, Hannah.’ Aunt Rachel’s voice broke in, she was obviously as full of anticipation as everyone else, and no-one would have known but her and I about the stressful moments of the past couple of hours that we’d endured.

  As we all surrounded my bed I could see a long white box and two smaller pink ones. The first box obviously held my veil and I undid the lid with trembling fingers, removing the layers of tissue paper quickly to reveal my Honiton lace veil.

  ‘Take it out of its box, child,’ said Mother impatiently as I stood for some seconds looking at it. I did as I was bid and gently removed the full veil from its box, shaking it with care. I ran my hand over the fine white machine net, tracing with my fingers the pillow made lace motifs invisibly sewn to the foundation. It was beautiful and would complement my plain gown perfectly.

  Mother, Aunt Rachel and Pru all touched it briefly with a reverent silence and awe before I laid it back in the box.

  The next box contained my waxed orange blossom headdress. I took it out of the box amid cries of, ‘Try it on, Silvia’, so I placed it on my dark hair and ran over to look in the wardrobe mirror, Mother following with the veil which she draped over the headdress.

  ‘It complements your dark hair perfectly,’ offered Aunt Rachel, ‘You look quite lovely.’ And her voice wavered as she spoke.

  ‘I must remove it,’ I said, suddenly fearing I would spoil the veil before my wedding day. Mother removed the veil and Pru the headdress, placing them back in their boxes. Aunt Rachel brought the final box over as I sat in Lizzie’s armchair. How I wished she were here now, and I wondered if it was possible she was still alive, but I was sure it was just wishful thinking on my part.

  ‘Try these on, Silvia.’ Aunt Rachel’s voice interrupted my thoughts of Lizzie.

  ‘Let me remove your boots.’ As she spoke, Pru helped to remove them while I held the ivory silk half-boots in my hand. The laces were of silk also, and small eyelet holes had been fashioned for them. The small wood block heel was also covered in silk. They were exquisite and a joy to look upon, and thankfully, fitted.

  The items all put away and the excitement over, Mother and Aunt Rachel left me to go down to luncheon. I declined as I felt a great tiredness had come over me. The events of the morning had taken their toll. I sank gratefully back into the armchair as Pru went to the kitchen to fetch me some lunch. After eating little, I dozed off to sleep only to be awoken by a gentle tap on my door.

  ‘Come in,’ I called sleepily. The door opened to reveal Gareth standing in the doorway and I, suddenly alert, thinking of the last time he had come to my room and hadn’t even had the courtesy to knock. The situation had definitely changed since then, but what to, I asked myself, love or respect. The word love had not been spoken and this is what I longed to hear.

  ‘I’m sorry to disturb you,’ he said moving further into the room. ‘Would you be able to join me now? For I have something which I wish to show you.’

  ‘But of course, just let me place the guard by the fire,’ I replied.

  I walked with him along the corridor to the far end and I knew for certain he was taking me to the master bedroom. On reaching the door he opened it and bade me enter before him.

  As I stepped inside the room, I gasped with surprise, and my hands flew to my mouth. It looked a different room.

  The walls were a dusky pink as were the curtains and bed hangings. Gone was the huge dark mahogany wardrobe and in its place a lighter coloured one. A plush pink carpet decorated with yellow rosebuds covered the floor and a fire was burning cheerfully in the marble grate.

  ‘You are pleased, Silvia?’ Gareth asked.

  ‘Indeed I am,’ replied, looking back at him. ‘I can’t quite take it all in.’

  ‘See,’ he said, walking into the room, ‘I have had a dressing table placed under the window for you, and through here,’ as he spoke he opened a door in the far corner which I had not even noticed. As I followed him to look, I could see it contained a hip bath with fluffy white towels on a hand rail.

  ‘You’ve thought of everyth
ing,’ I conceded.

  ‘So you could sleep in here after our wedding?’ At his words my cheeks grew hot at the thought of our wedding night and I turned back to the bedroom to cover my confusion, asking myself the question he’d just asked. Everything seemed so matter of fact and devoid of emotion, it would indeed be a marriage of convenience. Gareth, by the window, looked at me expecting a reply.

  ‘Yes, I think I could,’ was all I would say.

  As I walked back along the corridor to my room I felt sorely disillusioned and questioned whether I was doing the right thing. Gareth had gained more than one opportunity of taking me in his arms and speaking of love. The fact that he had not done so led me to believe that he felt nothing other than a desire to inherit this house.

  * * *

  Tuesday arrived and so did Caroline Peacock with her senior, Mistress Harriet Ford, together with the gowns and work basket. Isabel also arrived and I took her up to my bedroom where we would try on our wedding outfits. Pru was there to assist us and ready to fetch my mother and Aunt Rachel when the gowns were in place.

  We removed our outer clothing and Caroline arranged my gown while Harriet dressed Isabel in hers. When we were ready I turned to look at Isabel in her cornflower blue silk. She looked totally enchanting. A smile added to that enchantment and Pru had arranged her hair in a chignon and decorated it with silk flowers to match her gown. Pru then went to fetch the other ladies.

  ‘You must try your headdress and veil,’ Mother said. ‘We need to see the total effect, don’t we, Rachel?’ Aunt Rachel agreed and between them placed my headdress on and arranged the beautiful veil.

  Now both of you, stand in front of the mirror,’ ordered Mother. Isabel and I did as we were bid. The picture which stared back at us seemed almost unreal. A bride who didn’t seem like me at all and a beautiful bridesmaid in a blue which complemented the wedding gown perfectly.

  ‘Oh, Miss Silvia, I can hardly believe it is me,’ Isabel declared. As for myself I was pleased the veil covered my face for tears sprung to my eyes as I thought of Gareth and how much I loved him, a love which I knew he did not return, idly wondering at the same time what flowers he would choose for our wedding posies, as it was tradition for the bridegroom to present his bride with the flowers she carried and I also wondered what his feelings were for, alas, he had not proclaimed them to me.

  That evening after dinner, I sat in Lizzie’s armchair looking at my wed-ding gown which hung from the picture rail by the door, the flames from the fire casting eerie shadows across it, at times appearing that someone other than I wore it. Then I thought of Isabel and how pleased she was at being my bridesmaid and how lovely she had looked in the cornflower blue gown. What would she do when the wedding was over?

  I fervently hoped she would not revert to her solemn ways. Maybe I could help by giving her some company to ensure she wouldn’t be disinterested in life again and she could teach me the piano. I’d never play as well as her, but I could make some endeavour for her sake. Estelle came to mind and the outbursts I’d witnessed in recent days. She needed help, this I knew with certainty and pledged to assist all I could.

  She was so exquisitely beautiful, would that I had half of her beauty. The thought of Gareth caused my heart to skip a beat. His proposal in the morning room had been a gallant gesture, but he’d only done it to make things easier for me, once he’d rescued me from his ruthless brother and from Estelle also, but surely any man would have helped a lady in distress.

  He’d altered the master bedroom, but with what thought in mind, to please me or to ensure that I would share his bed? I walked over to Lizzie’s sampler on the wall. Gently running my hand over it, I made a silent plea, help me, Grandmother, show me what is right.

  After some thought I decided to seek out Gareth for I needed to speak to him. As I walked down the staircase I looked over the banister and recalled the evening I witnessed Estelle’s outburst.

  I tried the dining-room first for he sometimes lingered over his port. As I opened the door I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Gareth was sitting alone at the table, a glass in his hand. He looked at me with some surprise.

  ‘Why, Silvia, I thought that you had retired for the night. What ails you, for you look pale.’ His voice held concern and for a brief moment I hesitated before I spoke.

  ‘I’m sorry, Gareth. I cannot marry you. For now at least we must cancel our wedding.’ With these words I left him. He looked stunned and as I climbed the staircase to my room, I heard him call my name.

  ‘Silvia, an explanation is called for.’

  But tonight I could not explain anything for I hardly knew the answer myself.

  9

  ‘I am mortified, Silvia,’ my mother’s voice berated me next morning when I was hardly awake. ‘You have your dress and the church booked, what are you thinking about.’ As she spoke, Mother paced up and down my room.

  ‘It is not about gowns and churches, Mother,’ I replied quietly.

  ‘Then what is it about? Tell me for I am interested to know why you have called off your wedding to such a catch as Gareth.’ Mother spoke harshly.

  ‘Love Mother! It is about love!’ I stressed the word.

  ‘And what would you know of love at your tender age?’ Mother scoffed.

  ‘I know I feel love, but it is not returned. I cannot marry a man that does not love me, Mother.’ I uttered with sincerity.

  ‘Well, he’ll certainly not love you now and that’s a fact.’ She laughed as she spoke. ‘And who’s to pick up the pieces and cancel all the arrangements?’

  ‘I shall do it myself today,’ I offered. ‘And it doesn’t mean I’ll never marry Gareth.’

  ‘You can be sure he wouldn’t consider marrying you after this charade,’ Mother interrupted, waving one arm in the air as she spoke. I could see she was getting more agitated by the second.

  ‘Calm down, Mother,’ I pleaded.

  ‘Calm down! When you’ve brought nothing but shame and disappointment upon me, and what will your Aunt Rachel think? Tell me that.’ Her voice was getting louder.

  ‘Aunt Rachel will understand.’ As I spoke the words I was sure that this would be so.

  ‘Understand!’ exclaimed Mother. ‘What I suggest, my girl, is that you come back with me today to Exeter, for that is where I shall be going as soon as it can be arranged.’

  ‘I have no intention of leaving Darkwood,’ I said stubbornly. Tor my intention is to get to know Gareth better.’ Mother headed to the door, before opening it she indicated with her hand to the ivory gown still hanging on the picture rail.

  ‘And what are you to do with this pray tell me, for it cost a pretty penny?’

  ‘My intention is to store it in the wardrobe and wear it one day soon.’ I hoped my voice held conviction. Mother tossed her head with an air of contempt and slammed the door behind her, while I stood on a chair and lifted down my wedding gown and laid it across the bed.

  Sometime later Pru came to me, ‘The mistress is in a foul mood, Silvia, and says that we are to go home today.’ As she spoke, Pru dabbed a handkerchief at her eyes. I got up from the armchair and placed one arm around her shoulder.

  ‘Please don’t cry, Pru,’ I entreated. ‘You can stay with me if you care to, for Kitty will look after Mother.’

  ‘Could I really, Miss? Oh I’d like that.’ Pru’s face lit up and as quickly looked crestfallen again. Tut I’d need permission from your mother.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I consoled, ‘I’ll speak to Mother on your behalf.’ It was quite a battle, but Mother agreed to Pru staying with me understanding that I’d be left alone without a maid.

  Mother left Darkwood with all her belongings at one o’clock that same afternoon, Aunt Rachel and I stood on the path waving until the carriage was out of sight. I felt a great sadness in my heart which Aunt Rachel must have sensed for she took my arm and suggested that we have a cup of tea in the drawing-room.

  ‘Silvia,’ began Aunt Rachel as she poured tea f
or the two of us. ‘If you are not ready for marriage to Gareth I do understand, but may I ask how you feel about him?’

  ‘I truly love him Aunt, but before I can marry him I need to know that he loves me too. I cannot condone marrying someone for the wrong reasons, for some time I thought I could, but realised last night it would be the wrong thing to do,’ I replied truthfully.

  ‘And you have no misgivings?’ My aunt inquired.

  ‘None at all,’ I replied emphatically.

  ‘This is all that matters. Now I want you to go and rest in your room and come down to dinner this evening looking your best for I shall ensure Gareth joins us. In the meantime, I shall call at the vicarage and explain to Mr Poulter and Isabel, I will also need to get a letter to our relations at Lydford.’ How kind my aunt’s words were, so different from Mother’s and I wondered how two sisters could be so different.

  ‘And what of Estelle?’ I asked, suddenly thinking of her also.

  ‘Estelle is indisposed and could be for some time, but I don’t want you to worry your pretty little head about it. Now run along and I’ll see you at dinner.’ My aunt’s voice was firm and would brook no argument.

  I sat in my room by the fire all afternoon mulling things over in my mind, and praying Gareth would not be adverse to joining us for dinner that evening, for I longed to see him. Pru carefully put my wedding gown away in the wardrobe covering it with muslin. That evening it took me some time to decide what to wear. I decided on the lemon-coloured silk with the scooped neckline, simply because I’d worn it on the first evening Gareth had addressed me by my Christian name.

  I asked Pru to fashion my hair the same as well, covering it as the back with the snood that matched my dress. I tried to recreate the effect of that previous evening which seemed so long ago. I clasped the cream pearls at my neck and slipped the ruby and diamond betrothal ring on my finger, it sparkled in the light of the lamp and I knew that to wear it would be a statement for Gareth, hopefully conveying the message that I was still betrothed to him.