Finding Me, Finding You (Finding #1)

by Shealy James

  I cringed a little at both his question and the way he was holding the guitar. “Uh,” I groaned uncomfortably before I set the Martin acoustic similar to mine back on the stand. “Yeah. Besides guitar, I play piano, the bass guitar, saxophone, and violin. I have tried drums, but they aren’t my thing. I’ve been playing piano the longest, but I rarely play now.” By rarely, I meant never, but he didn’t need to know that. Other than Pops and Preston, no one needed to know how odd it was that the instrument that I used to spend all my free time with has been sitting in the music room with the lid closed gathering dust. It wasn’t something that needed to be discussed.

  “That’s cool. Maggie and I took piano lessons growing up. Our parents insisted we take lessons together. Maggie was better than me, but only because her mother would leave her alone if she was practicing, so she practiced more than me. I was decent. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star was my specialty.”

  “Ha. That is a really advanced piece. You should be at Juilliard,” I said jokingly.

  “I know. I know. I could be famous for my rendition of Mary had a Little Lamb, and your guitar solos have nothing on my Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”

  We messed around for a little while longer when Max’s phone buzzed with a text message. “Hey. I need to go meet up with Maggie. We have to call our parents, and I promised we would do it together. She hates talking to her mom, and my mom will burst into tears instantly if Maggie isn’t there to talk her ear off.”

  I can’t imagine Maggie talking anyone’s ear off. She was incredibly quiet last night and even this morning she didn’t say that much. I was not much of a talker, and I probably said three times as many words as she did. “Sure, man. Let’s go. I can drop you off at her dorm.” We headed to my car and then back to the dorms.

  “She is meeting us at our room if you don’t mind. We are going to Facetime our parents. My mom wants to see our room. She wants to see that I actually unpacked and made my bed. Hell, she probably thinks I’m living in Maggie’s room.”

  “She wouldn’t think that was weird, you living with Maggie?” I asked with my eyebrows raised showing my surprise.

  “No. Maggie used to stay over all the time, but don’t worry she won’t sleep over. We don’t snuggle or anything, so a twin bed won’t work. I have a king, and we usually crash on our sides of the bed after a movie or a late night. It isn’t as salacious as you want to make it.”

  “As crazy as it seems that a guy and a girl can just be friends, you two seem to make it work,” I said as we pulled into the parking lot.

  By the time we walked to the front of the dorm, Maggie was coming down the sidewalk to meet us. She was wearing a short denim skirt that showed off her toned legs and a green tank top that was the color of grass. She was smiling brightly when she said, “Hey! Have fun?”

  I responded, “Yeah. Max was telling me about your sleepovers and teaching me about computers and video games. He said you were an expert piano player.” Max shook his head and laughed.

  “Oh did he?” She turned to him with her eyebrows raised. “You should hear his Row, Row, Row Your Boat or Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. They are impressive.”

  “So I hear. Max was bragging about his talents to me at the music store. He said he would put my guitar playing to shame, so I know he must be good,” I said with a wink and her cheeks turned pink and she looked down at her feet.

  “You guys are hilarious.” Max said sarcastically. “Let’s go get this over with, Mags.” She grumbled in response, but followed Max up to the small room we were sharing.

  We went upstairs, and I sat down at my desk to check my email. From there I could also stay out of the way of the camera on his computer that would be displaying our room on his Facetime. I was interested to hear their conversation with their parents though. I wondered if their parents gave “inspirational” speeches like Pops or if their moms were more like my mom was, kind and ceaselessly supportive. I felt the familiar pang in my chest when I thought of my mom and wondered all too late if I should leave the room while they spoke with their mothers.

  Maggie

  When Mrs. Jones came on the screen, she looked so happy to hear from us. She was immediately teary eyed. I jumped in and started telling her all about the campus, Sarah, my pink room, and going out last night, well, not all about going out last night, but I told her the gist. She was laughing and happy by the end of it. Max gave her a glimpse of his room, showing her that his bed was made. After she told us how her sister was doing and what she had been doing while she was in Florida, which wasn’t much, we said our good-byes with a promise to call in a couple of days. That was the easy call.

  My parents were next, and I was dreading calling my mother. Fortunately, Daddy was the one who picked up since he was working on his iPad while watching a Sunday football preview in the den. He called Mother in to join the chat, and she started grilling us about what we had been doing, where we went, who we went with, if I had even tried to make friends with Sarah yet, if Max and I had gone anywhere without each other, if I had emailed my soccer coach or started my readings for class. She told me I looked terrible and needed sleep or make-up or both. Then she asked why I hadn’t even attempted to fix my hair. “The least you could do is try to look nice, Margaret Anne. I know your dorm room has at least one mirror. I swear, I knew you would fall apart the second you left this house.” I sighed, and Max put a comforting hand on my thigh out of my mother’s view.

  After the twins were born, my parents waited three years before they decided to try one last time for a son. The doctors told them I was going to be a boy. My nursery was even blue and white striped. Needless to say, I was definitely not a boy. One look at my chest, and anyone would see that I was all girl. I had to wear two sports bras when I ran just to keep the girls under control. While I took after my dad in the looks department with my mousy brown hair and big, round, brown eyes, I had the curves of a woman. My mother always viewed me as the chubby daughter, so she dressed me in shapeless dresses for all events so any "weight issues" could remain hidden. I was grateful for that though. Some of the fitted dresses my sisters wore look terribly uncomfortable. At least I could eat in my dresses.

  My mother then added, “I mean, you should really care more about your looks. It is everyone’s first impression of you after all. How are you ever going to meet a husband?”

  Seriously? First, I was only eighteen and not looking for a husband. Second, it was Sunday, and I was wearing my hair exactly how I always did at home. It wasn’t like I stopped showering or shaving.

  I didn’t say any of that though. Instead I opted for my standard, “Yes, Ma’am.” And I wonder why Max calls me a doormat.

  Finally, Daddy told her enough was enough and sent her away. He smiled and told me not to work too hard. Once he finished asking Max a few computer questions, he had to go finish up some contracts for tomorrow.

  “I love you kid! Make sure you’re ready for your first game. We’ll be there! Your mother even bought me a new polo shirt because she won’t let me wear the t-shirt we bought when we went up there for your orientation.”

  “Ha! I told you! You owe me an ice cream sundae next time I’m home.” He laughed his full belly laugh.

  “Sure thing, kid. Max, you take care of my girl. Don’t let any boys get their grubby paws on her and ruin her.”

  Max laughed like he usually did at my dad’s stupid and frequent warning. “Yes, sir. Bye”

  I groaned at both of them. “Daddy, stop it. Please don’t do that every time we call, or we aren’t going to call very often.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Bye darlin’!”

  After we hung up, I let out the deep breath I had been holding. My mother really knows how to dampen a great weekend. I sat on Max’s bed, leaned my head on Max’s shoulder, and closed my eyes in an attempt to decompress. I was sure my sisters had very different first phone calls home from school.

  “You alright?” Parker asked. I had forgotten he was there. My eyes shot open. H
e had heard her. He heard my mother talk to me like I was the mailman’s daughter. He also heard Daddy threaten any guy that considered touching me. I was never calling my parents again.

  “Yeah. I’m fine,” I said awkwardly.

  Max turned and looked at me questioning me with his eyes. With a quick squeeze of my knee he reminded me that she wasn’t any worse than normal, which didn’t make me feel better. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m gonna go finish reading. See you guys later.”

  I got up to leave, but Max grabbed my arm, “Let’s go get ice cream.”

  I pulled my arm away. “No. I’m going to read. I’ll see you later.” I tried and failed to sound a little cheerier when I asked, “Want to grab dinner in a couple hours?”

  He sighed knowing that I was bothered by my mother and not admitting it, but he still agreed. “Sure. Text me when you’re ready, and I’ll meet you out front.”

  I left the boys dorm and walked back to mine. I knew Max wanted to try to make me feel better, but I wanted to get away from Parker. The way my parents treated me like a baby was embarrassing. I understood that I was the youngest, but for once, they should let me try to be an adult. Mother wanted me to find a husband, but Daddy didn’t want anyone near me. Mother wanted me to be her perfect princess, but Daddy wanted me to be his little soccer star. I often wondered if they had shared the same opinion about anything at all in the years they had been married. Probably not.

  Right then I needed a place to think away from everyone. I wanted a place to look up at the vast sky and remind myself of how small my world and my problems were. In moments like this, I sought out the eighteenth green of the golf course that my parents’ house overlooked. Usually I went to my thinking place in the middle of the night, but it was a sunny, warm afternoon now. I thought of only one place that I could go- the soccer fields. No one would be there on a Sunday before school and practice starts.

  I grabbed the ball from my soccer bag in my trunk. As I juggled the ball in my bare feet, I thought about my conversation with my mother. Seventy-five toe taps later I realized what was plaguing me. I thought things would be different because I was away from home, like maybe she would miss me like she missed my sisters when they left. That was obviously not the case. Then on top of everything, Parker, a relative stranger, had to hear her critique me. Not that he thought anything of me before, but he certainly didn’t need to hear about all the things that were wrong with me.

  When I walked back in my room, Sarah was gone, so I plopped face down on my bed and blew out a big breath. I didn’t cry because I never (okay, rarely) cry, but if I were I crier, I would have because I was so frustrated and embarrassed. I closed my eyes and fell asleep instead.

  I woke up to my phone buzzing. I had three missed texts from over the last hour.

  Max: Dinner?

  Max: Hello.

  Max: Okay. Last one. I’m coming over.

  Sure enough there was a knock on my door. I grunted as I rolled off my bed and opened the door. Max was standing there with his phone in his hand, his eyebrows pulled together and his mouth pressed into a hard line. “What’s going on? You always answer.”

  “Sorry. I fell asleep. You ready to go eat? I need to fix my hair and throw on some make-up.”

  “Margaret Anne, since when do you have to do all of that to go grab a bite to eat?”

  “I just woke up, so give me a second.” I grabbed some clothes and ran into the bathroom. “And don’t call me by both names!”

  I brushed my hair, but I realized it was past the point of fixable, so I put it back up in a tighter, sleeker bun. I put on a white linen button-down shirt with the sleeves folded up to my elbows and a pair of dressy black shorts. To complete my look, I put powder, blush, and some mascara on to make sure I look a little more together. When I came out, Max shook his head making his curly mop flop around on his head. I ignored him. I grabbed my gold sandals and a small purse then said, “Ready?”

  Max knew the drill. When my mother pushed me too far, I would spend a few days trying to be the perfect daughter before I discovered I could never please her and gave up. Daddy did spend a lot of money on my clothes, so they should get worn at some point anyway.

  We went for a quick dinner, and neither of us brought up my mother or my impromptu nap or makeover. There was no point. Talking about it never changed the outcome. We sat and joked easily instead, laughing as we made up stories about what we thought people back home were doing or doing impressions of my sisters had they gone out with us the night before. My sisters hate rock music and hate beer, so they wouldn’t have had any fun the night before, but Max, Sarah, Parker, and I felt right at home at that dive bar and burger joint.

  Max and I headed back early because we knew we had our first day of class tomorrow. I was really anxious, but Max seemed as relaxed as always. It was just another day to him. I knew everything would be fine, but I would feel better once I had a week or even one day under my belt.

  I told Max I would see him the next morning for a run and headed up to my room where Sarah was sitting on her bed painting her toenails bright pink.

  “Hey girl! What are you up to?”

  I couldn’t help but smile at her. How was she always so perky? “Nothing much. Max and I grabbed dinner. I’m going to get ready for bed and read. Hopefully I’ll fall asleep early since I want to get up early and run.”

  “Yeah. I’m going to read a bit and crash early too. The first day is always stressful.” She waved her e-reader in the air, “Plus I have a very sexy MMA fighter awaiting my attention.”

  “Oh yeah? What are you reading?”

  “Right now I’m into romance novels. I have a couple of trilogies that I’m catching up on. I like mysteries and crimes though. Anything with hot men doing manly things.” She wiggled her eyebrows and smiled deviously letting me know the manly things she was referring to were in no way rated PG.

  I giggled then went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I didn’t want to admit this to her, but the only books I read for fun are romance novels. I didn’t have a lot of experience with romance thanks to Daddy and my lack of socialization with the opposite sex, well with anyone for that matter. Romance novels, even though they weren’t real, gave me hope that I might get swept off my feet one day, but I would never tell Sarah that. Max didn’t even know why I liked them so much. He teased me like crazy about my “dirty books,” so I saw no need to fuel the fire.

  Parker

  “Maggie okay?” I asked Max when I came back to the room after meeting up with Callie. Max had gone to dinner with Maggie, and I had finally called the girl from the bar. We had drinks at her place, and it only took one cranberry and vodka before she was trying to get my pants off. Who was I to deny her?

  I was still floating on the high from the evening as I drove back to the dorm with ACDC turned up too loudly. However, the second I saw Max, I was reminded of how Maggie left here upset earlier, and I felt a strange pang of concern. I had never felt that for anyone other than my mom.

  Max shrugged and nodded his head. “Yeah. Sometimes her mom pushes her too far, and for a couple of days she’ll try to be the daughter she thinks her mom wants, and then she gets over it. I think she was embarrassed that you heard all of that. No one really sees that side of her mom except me and her family. Karen didn’t know you were here, or else she would have put on quite the show for you.”

  It was hard to believe her mother didn’t see how beautiful Maggie was. For one thing, that was her daughter, but even if she weren’t it would only take one look at Maggie to see how attractive she was. “She shouldn’t listen to her mom.”

  “Sometimes she doesn’t, but today was a bad day. I have a feeling it had something to do with you being here.”

  “Why?” I asked. I couldn’t think of why Maggie I’m going to hit the sack. Maggie wants to run at seven if you want to join.”

  “Sure,” I agreed as Max stepped into the bathroom, and I flipped my lamp on to read.

  The n
ext morning, Max’s alarm on his phone went off at six forty-five. He groaned and turned it off. When Max finished tying his shoes, we headed out the door to Maggie’s dorm. Neither of us had spoken a word yet. When we arrived at Maggie’s dorm, she was bouncing down the stairs. She was wearing a blue fitted workout tank top and short hot pink running shorts that make her legs look long even though she wasn’t really that tall. All of her assets were on display causing me to feel a stir in my soccer shorts. Not a good time.

  By the time my eyes made it back up to her face I noticed her smiling at Max who looked like we dragged him out of bed against his will. Maggie must have noticed too because she laughed at him and ruffled his messy hair. “Good morning guys! How about we only do two miles this morning? I want to go swim later after soccer.”

  Max grunted in response so I said, “Sounds good. I have conditioning at practice this afternoon.”

  We started our jog. We took a similar path as yesterday, but there were more people milling around. People with eight o’clock classes were up early to get breakfast or make sure they know where to go. I don’t have to worry about that since I practically grew up on this campus.

  My mom worked here too until she got sick. She always brought me to work when I was a kid. She worked in the admissions office and always liked to deliver mail to the different departments to get out of the office. She never wanted to wait several days for the campus mail to run when she could go out and get fresh air. When I would come to work with her in the summers when I was younger, she would take me all over the campus. I loved seeing the different buildings and all the different people.

  That’s where the penny thing started. Every time we were on one of our walks and saw a coin heads up, we would give it to each other for good luck. This campus was littered with coins. College kids lose change like crazy. Homeless people would have a field day on a college campus if they were allowed to loiter there.

  When she couldn’t walk the campus anymore, I would still bring her coins. She didn’t feel like she was contributing at that point, so she stopped working altogether. Unfortunately, she didn’t have much time left after that, but she probably knew that at the time.