by Shealy James
“Why don’t you? Have you even told her happy birthday?” He said.
“I just had the band play her favorite songs for an hour. Give me a break Max.”
He grabbed the water and walked it over to her. He made her drink the whole thing after what looked like a short argument. Hopefully that would keep her from being too sick tomorrow.
I looked around and saw that everyone was having a good time. The guys from the team were hanging out with the girls’ team. Sarah was sitting on Billy’s lap behind the drums kissing him. I guess that’s whom she had been spending all of her time with. Maggie was laughing with Vinny, Max, Becca, and Rachel. I suddenly felt out of place in the one place I had felt comfortable for the last five years, so I left. I walked out the back door to my car without saying good-bye.
I lay in bed awake for hours that night thinking. What was so wrong with Maggie helping us anyway? Why did it bother me so much? She wasn’t trying to be my mother or my wife. She was trying to help, and maybe she felt like she had to do more because she knew all of my secrets. I should have never listened to what Max said about stringing her along. I wanted her here. I wanted to see her, to have her at my house, to study with her, laugh with her…Shit.
Early the next morning, I got up and headed to the kitchen. Pops was up drinking coffee and reading the paper.
“Mornin’ Parker. How was Maggie’s party?”
“Fine.”
“When do you think you will want to go back to her house?” I shrugged noncommittally, and he continued, “Why not? It has been almost four weeks.”
I shrugged again not knowing what to say.
“Parker, why hasn’t Maggie been around all week? I called her to come to dinner, and she made up some excuse about a paper.”
“Because I told her not to do anything else for us.”
“I see.” There was a quiet moment. “You know, she cares about you. She was trying to make you happy.”
“It’s not her job.”
“No. You’re definitely right about that. It is not her job to make you happy. It is your job to find happiness, but you gave up on that a long time ago. Maggie was doing everything she could to make you feel loved. She was doing what your mother would have done because Maggie knows how hard it is for you not to have her here.”
Pops took a sip of his coffee while I stood there staring at my feet. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his belly.
“You know Parker, I have been terrified that since your mom passed away your purpose in life has shifted so much that one day you will give up and not live up to your potential or stop living altogether. I could already see your spirit slipping as she became sicker. I never wanted you to live for anyone else or do anything you didn’t want to do, so I tried to encourage you the best way I know how to continue with the things that you wanted when your mother was alive.”
He leaned forward now and took his reading glasses off. He was getting really serious. “I tried to get you to stay away from the band that is perfectly happy playing in bars and going nowhere. I wanted you playing the music that your mother taught you. I wanted to see the kid who learned Fϋr Elise over a weekend at age nine because it was his mother’s favorite song. I wanted to see you play at the symphony. I wanted to see you go to college and play soccer and do all the things you had always wanted to do, but I was worried that if I didn’t make you do those things, you wouldn’t, and it turns out that I was right. When is the last time you touched a piano, Parker?”
I looked up at him. It wasn’t a rhetorical question. He wanted to know and was waiting patiently for me to answer. “Before Mom died.”
“And I let you get away with it. For that I’m sorry, but I cannot make you do anything you don’t want to do. You have to find a way to overcome whatever demons you have. Maggie was helping you do that. I saw a change in you. I know you took her down to the music room and told her about your mom. You let her spend time with us. I know you care about her, but now you’re pushing her away like you have done with Preston and me. There is only one problem with that, Parker. One day you’re going to push her too far, and you won’t be able to get her back. Preston and I’ll always be here, but if you keep pushing Maggie, she won’t be.”
“Ok Pops. I get it. Max kind of said the same thing. I’m trying, but I don’t know what to do.”
“Take one step at a time. Start with going back to her house. Then try playing the piano. Learn that it’s okay to ask for help.”
“Yeah. I can move back over there. No promises on the piano though.”
“Okay son, just promise that you will try. It would drive your mother crazy if she knew you weren’t playing with your talent.”
I knew Pops was right about my mom and Maggie for that matter. I had been so messed up since Mom died that I didn’t even know how far off track I had gotten. I went back to my room and packed. I was able to throw it over my shoulder and hobble to my car. I drove over to Maggie’s thinking about what I was going to say to her when I saw her.
When I arrived, Maggie wasn’t in any shape to talk. She was passed out on the couch with a small trashcan next to her. No one made her go to bed? Where was everyone else?
I put my hand on her back and whispered, “Maggie.”
“Hmm.”
“Come on Maggie. Get up. You need to go to bed, and I can’t carry you.”
“No. Leave me alone,” she said, but the pillow she had her face buried in muffled it.
I went up to my room and dropped my bag off. When I walked in, it was spotless. My bed was made, the carpet was vacuumed, my bathroom was clean, and I had a pile of clean laundry sitting on my bed. It was probably the laundry that was in a pile on the floor. Maggie…
I went downstairs and into the kitchen to make everyone breakfast. I was guessing that no one was in good shape since they all were drinking pretty heavily last night. Pancakes were just the thing they needed.
Maggie
I woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. I immediately leaned over to the trashcan next to me to throw up whatever I had left in me. Who let me drink so much? I had never been hung-over before, but I was never drinking again after this experience. My head felt like it was going to explode, and my stomach felt like someone was squeezing it from inside my body. It was miserable.
When I actually opened my eyes, I saw Gatorade and two pills sitting on the table next to me. That was nice of Sarah and Max. I wondered which one of them was up and cooking breakfast. When I made it to the kitchen, I was surprised to see Parker standing there sans crutches cooking.
“Good morning Sleeping Beauty. There is a plate for you over there, and I poured you some Gatorade too. That will help you recover from last night.”
I couldn’t really argue since I knew I needed to eat to get past this hangover. “Thanks. What are you doing here?”
“I moved my stuff back in. Is that ok?”
“Oh. Yeah. I guess.”
He came and sat down with me at the table. “Look, I’m really sorry about what I said. I’m trying to work through everything, and I’m apparently not doing a very good job of it.”
“Mmm.” That was all I could say. I didn’t even care about the apology. I was done with take two steps forward and three steps back. He could figure this out on his own because I already did everything I knew to do to be his friend, and honestly, I was tired of trying so hard and getting hurt because I care about him more than he cares about me.
“Maggie?”
“Yeah?”
“I really am sorry. You were amazing, and I was a complete asshole.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I got up and took my plate to the sink. I had all that I could of the food…and conversation. I left the kitchen and went upstairs. I took a shower, and the room started spinning again, so I just crawled into bed and went back to sleep.
When I woke back up, it was almost noon. I felt a lot better; my head wasn’t throbbing, and I felt like I could keep food
down. I threw my messy hair up into a bun and went down to the kitchen to make something to eat, and I found Sarah, Billy and Parker sitting at the table.
“Hey! How ya feelin’?” Sarah asked happily.
“Better. I fell back asleep after I took a shower. Umm…hey Billy. Did you spend the night?”
Sarah just grinned slyly.
“Oh! Is this the guy?” I asked Sarah. Her cheeks turned red, but she kept grinning.
“So you have been talkin’ about me, huh?” Billy asked as one side of his mouth lifted into a flirty grin.
“Maybe,” she replied.
“Good things, I hope…”
“She didn’t really tell us anything, just that she would tell us who she was seeing when…” I shut up when I saw Sarah’s eyes widen. I guess she didn’t want me to say that. Whoops.
“When what?” He asked.
“Umm…when she wanted us to know. She just wanted us to mind our own business.” Parker added.
“Oh. Cool. Well, I’m glad it’s out there. I plan to spend a lot more time with her. And now that you’re back here Parker, we can practice more while you aren’t playing soccer.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and some ingredients for a sandwich.
“So, did you have fun last night, Mags?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah. I had a lot of fun. I can’t believe I had never been out with my team before.” I patted Billy’s shoulder as I walked by him. “Billy, the band was great. You played all of my favorites.”
“I know. We rehearsed it. They ended up all right. A few mishaps, but no one noticed.”
“You rehearsed what last week?”
“The set. Your favorites play list. Max told Parker, and Parker made us learn the whole list. We already knew most of them, but Parker taught us the ones we didn’t. Did we get the whole list?”
I looked at Parker who was leaning down on his hands that were resting clasped together on the table. I couldn’t figure it out. He didn’t talk to me all week, but he was preparing for my party. He didn’t even tell me happy birthday. “Why…Parker? Why did you do that?”
“Don’t worry about it. It was Max’s idea. All I did was have the band follow through.”
Of course it was Max’s idea. I turned back around and continued making my sandwich. I didn’t understand him. Why did he do things like that or read to me or take care of me when I didn’t feel good, but when I tried to help him, he pushed me away? He was an asshole to me the other day, and then he didn’t bother speaking to me all week other than in class. Even then, we didn’t talk, but that was mostly because I was reading before class and then I would jump up and leave as soon as the lecture was over. I didn’t want to talk to him after what he said. Now I found out he had the band play a special set for me. He was so confusing.
I needed space to think. I threw my sandwich in the trash and shoved everything else back in the fridge. I went up to my room, changed, and headed out the front door to run without stopping to tell anyone where I was headed. I needed to clear my head. I couldn’t take hot and cold Parker. You never knew whom you were going to get with him. Push, pull, push, pull. How’s a girl supposed to keep up? During my run I decided for a second time to stay away from him until he had his shit together, which could be never, but at this point, who cared? I only had one more year here, and then I could go to law school or get an internship or move to a convent because that is where I was headed if all guys were this crazy.
I ran harder and faster than I usually did for twenty minutes before I felt like I was going to collapse. This hangover was not working out for me. I was back at the house, but I didn’t want to go inside yet. I sat on the steps of the porch and leaned against the railing. It was a really nice day. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing gently. It was hot, but not stifling yet, so I felt more relaxed than I had in days sitting out on the porch.
When I finally went back inside, it was quiet. No one was home, so I finally made myself something to eat and then went and took a shower. I still had no idea what I was going to do about living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I also didn’t feel like I was going to punch him in the face for confusing me, not for the moment anyway.
Parker
I couldn’t talk to Maggie all day. She seemed intent on avoiding me, so I decided to ride with Billy to practice with the band. I figured Maggie was going to the library to study after she ran, and I wanted to study with her like we used to, but based on this morning’s interactions, she didn’t want me there. I knew she was upset with me, but I didn’t completely understand why since I apologized. She wouldn’t stay around long enough to talk to me. We had finals the week after next, and if I had any hope of keeping my 4.0, I would need Maggie to help me. I had been too distracted this semester to rely on the few notes I had taken and the textbook.
When I came home around dinner time, I found Maggie at the kitchen table wearing her glasses that make her look like a hot teacher with her notes, books, and computer spread out all over the table. She was typing up her notes from the class for one of her color-coded notebooks.
“Hey Maggie. You want to grab something to eat?”
“No. I’m good.” She didn’t even look up at me.
I sat down in the chair across from her, careful not to move any of her work. “Come on Maggie. I apologized. How long are you going to avoid me?”
She still didn’t look away from what she was typing. “I’m not avoiding you.” Yes, she was. She was avoiding eye contact like she used to, but this time it wasn’t because she was shy. It was because she didn’t want to look at me.
“You’re hardly talking to me.”
She sighed deeply and took her glasses off. Progress! She was looking me in eye now. “What do you want me to say?” Oh no. This was not how I wanted this to go. “I don’t know which Parker I’m talking to. You’re mercurial, and I can’t keep up with your mood swings. One minute everything is great, and you’re reading a story to me. The next minute you’re snapping at me for trying to help you and your family during a tough time. I can’t figure out what you want from me, so it is easier if I don’t give you anything.” She replaced her glasses and returned to her notes.
I covered her hands with mine to stop her. “Maggie, I told you I was sorry. I appreciated everything you did for us. I felt helpless. You don’t like feeling helpless either. I remember being snapped at once or twice for trying to help you.”
Glasses back off. Oh shit! Now she was pissed. “Is that was this is Parker? Tit for tat? And let’s not mention that telling some guy not to call me and trashing someone’s reputation are not the same as cooking you dinner and bringing you notes. Are you really that blind?”
Time to change the conversation. I needed to come up with something that would dissolve her anger. “No. I know they aren’t the same, and I know I have fucked up more times than I can count. I just I don’t want you to feel obligated to do things for me. You would do anything for anybody, and I don’t deserve your kindness, especially not after the kind of friend I have been to you.”
“I wasn’t doing anything out of obligation. I wanted to help you, and for the record, no, I wouldn’t do anything for anybody. I loved bringing food to your dad and Preston. You ruined it though, and that’s fine. When you get over yourself, you can let me know, and either I’ll be here or I won’t.”
She started packing up her books. “Please don’t leave,” I said quietly and put my hand on her arm to stop her.
She stood still.
“Please. I need your help studying for finals. This time I’m asking for your help. I need you, Mags.”
She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Fine, but if you start being a jerk again, you’re moving out.”
“Deal.”
“And you’re buying dinner.”
“Of course.”
“And getting me dessert.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.
”
I went and ordered her favorite Greek pizza and baklava and brought my book bag back into the kitchen to get started. By the time the pizza was delivered we were laughing and joking and quizzing each other.
Things had improved by the following week. Maggie and I rode to school together and I went to practice each afternoon. I was supposed to watch the guys, but more often than not, I caught myself looking over at the girls’ field watching my girl. My girl? Never going to happen.
I felt relief when I finally started working out again. I couldn’t run, but I did swim and lift weights with my trainer. Saturday and Sunday, the house was busy with all of us there studying, and Billy visiting Sarah. Maggie and Sarah made a bunch of food and Max and I grilled out. It was the best week I’d had since before the injury.
When I went by Pop’s house on Sunday to check in, he gave me a bunch of clean casserole dishes, bowls, and other random food containers as I was leaving.
“What is all of this?”
“It’s Maggie’s. She brought us dinner on Tuesday when she didn’t have practice. It was good. She brought chicken casserole and that delicious broccoli stuff she makes. She also brought a few things for us to have throughout the week and chocolate cupcakes. They were wonderful.”
She brought them dinner? Why didn’t I get any chocolate cupcakes? “I didn’t know she did all of that.”
“That is because you have your head in your ass,” he laughed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh nothing, Parker. Go home. Tell Maggie to come over anytime.”
“Bye Pops,” I grumbled. I was sure that he would rather see Maggie than his own kid.
When I made it back home, Maggie was baking double chocolate chunk brownies. I snuck up behind her and stuck my finger in the batter like I had been doing since we had moved into the house. She usually laughs and lets me lick the spoon, but not today. Today she slapped my hand and said, “Not for you.”