Insane

by Emery LeeAnn

  “Bad stuff, huh?” I asked.

  “He has this piercing scream you can never unhear.” She shrugged. “Most of the patients here keep to themselves.”

  “Except you?” I laughed.

  “Sorry. Just no one to talk to my age.”

  “It’s ok.” I assured her. It would be nice to have someone my age to talk to.

  As we got to the cafeteria, the orderlies were bringing the trays around. The baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans were like a feast to us. We gobbled up every bite. I didn’t notice Donna watching me until I finished my last bite.

  “Do you want my food? You seem awfully hungry.”

  I smiled. “No thank you. This is just the best thing I have eaten in a very long time.”

  She was looking at me like she was waiting on the punch line. “What exactly did you eat before?”

  “Well I was served dog food but I could usually find an animal to gut.” I answered honestly.

  Her face paled. She pushed her tray to me. “Eat this, please.”

  Shrugging, I dug into her gourmet meal, then for some unknown reason, I spilled my entire ordeal, my life’s suffering to her, and for the first time, in front of any stranger, I cried.

  She came around to my side of the bench, wrapped her arms around me, “You have been through a lot. You all have. Now is your time to heal.”

  She reminded me of my aunt, that comfort gave me strength.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Dr. Dhavern

  Case File BSMH- 1021

  Donna Owens

  Donna had come to the institute after chopping her husband up into little pieces with a pickaxe because she thought he was an alien imposter. The mix of prescription medications she had been on, made her hallucinate that a spacecraft had abducted her husband and sent down an alien imposter. After binge watching Men In Black movies, she was positive her only option was to tear his body apart and find the alien controlling him.

  When she realized there was no alien, she called 911 telling them an alien invasion was coming. They sent an officer out on a well visit. Her family paid for her to be sent to Brunswick, then they washed their hands, walking away. She would live the remainder of her life in the institute.

  Donna’s sessions were usually tearful, but today she seemed in a better, almost cheerful mood. She did understand it was her meds that made her hallucinate, but she still believed there were aliens that walked among us.

  “Donna, how are you today?”

  “I met the new girl. She is my age. Oh my gosh, all the things she went through.” She looked at me conspiratorially, “She shared with me why she was in here.”

  Frowning, I looked at her. “I’m glad you two hit it off, but how are you?”

  She cooked her head. “I am well. I feel good.”

  “Still having nightmares?”

  “Only a couple times a week.” She said so low I almost missed it.

  “You feeling more comfortable on the new combination of medication?”

  “Yes ma’am. “

  “Sounds good.” I smiled, seeing her getting agitated in her chair. That was always my cue she was ready to leave.

  “Ok, well I can see you’re ready to go.”

  She giggled. “I was going to show Katherine the garden today.”

  “Have fun.”

  Writing some notes, it occurred to me, this could be good or bad. I wasn’t completely clear if Donna was aware that Katherine believed she was a multiple.

  At any rate, I had a D.I.D. specialist coming in to talk to her. Hopefully, it would do some good, and help us all.

  ***

  Donna

  I was so excited to show her outside. It was beautiful. There were iron benches and tables made of Italian filigree that accentuated the beautiful garden. You could sit there all day if the weather permitted, just had to be inside by dark.

  Walking to her room, I peeked in to see her holding a doll and talking in a little girl’s voice. This must be Mary. She had explained her condition to me. I was prepared. My alien alarm was buzzing but I pushed it down. This poor thing had been through enough.

  “Mary?” I said quietly.

  She looked up. She was frightened.

  “It’s ok! I’m Donna. I’m friends with Katherine. You can ask her.”

  I stood there as she closed her eyes and her face went blank. It was remarkable. Her bright eyes opened back up and she showed me a shy little smile.

  “I’m Mary.” She smiled.

  “Mary would you like to meet Toby? He has stuffed animals. You could bring your doll.”

  She grinned taking my offered hand. We walked over to Toby’s room. He was busy setting his animals up. It was pretty much the same routine everyday, but it made him happy.

  “Toby.” He looked at me, and I signed Mary’s name. He saw her doll and handed her an animal. She sat beside him. He was overly cautious who played with his toys but he took to Mary. They seemed to get along.

  For a half hour they played. The orderlies came to take Toby to get his bath and feed him. He grabbed Mary’s hand and signed something to her. She looked at me.

  “He wants you to come back.” I smiled at their new friendship.

  She promised him she would. She grabbed her doll then my hand, and we walked back to her room. “Thank you, Donna. I’m sleepy now.” With that she closed her eyes and Katherine came out.

  “Donna! How great to see you.”

  Smiling and chattering about the garden outside, I knew this was never going to be easy to get used to.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Dr. Dhavern

  I was happy when Dr. Newton showed up. I could tell Katherine was getting anxious.

  I gave him her case file, explaining what I had observed so far.

  “What is your conclusion?” He asked me.

  “Do you mean if this is a legitimate multiple case?” I asked.

  He nodded.

  “She has some of the trademarks, but she also does some things different. She doesn’t know who the host is. I really don’t know. That is why I needed you here.”

  He nodded. “Can I see her now?”

  I guess he wanted to take her off guard. That made sense. “Let me go get her.”

  The log book said she was in the garden. It was a favorite place for the patients because it was so beautiful with the added bonus of a sense of freedom because it was outdoors.

  She was sitting on one of the benches with a dreamy look on her face as Donna chattered on. When I approached, both girls looked at me curiously.

  “Katherine?”

  She nodded.

  “Could you come with me? I have someone I want you to meet.”

  Donna looks at me quizzically. “This isn’t her therapy time.”

  Smiling, I realized her protectiveness may become a problem.

  “Well, I would like for her to come with me.”

  Katherine stood up, she walked over to me, turning her head to smile at the other woman to reassure her.

  She was quiet walking back with me to the office. Her lack of reaction was curious to me. I didn’t know if this was normal, or if she was closing down.

  “How are you doing?” I asked as we reached the door.

  “You tell me.” She said, looking at me with a knowing look on her face. It was almost unnerving.

  “I wanted to make sure you felt like you were receiving the care you needed.”

  Her eyes changed several times as each persona looked at me. Katherine gritted her teeth nodding.

  We walked into the office. She shrunk back when she saw Dr. Newton. Gently, I placed my hand on her elbow, trying to let her know it was ok.

  She looked back at me with an accusing stare.

  “Katherine, this is Dr. Newton. He specializes in Dissociative Identity Disorder.” This made her eyes light up. She peered over at him.

  Dr. Newton

  She was a frail girl, very self-contained, which was normal with a patient
who was aware of their other alters. Some patients were never aware of their other personalities, they thought they blacked out or lost time.

  This was a peculiar case, if it was indeed a true case of D.I.D. Usually the aggressive alter is made to protect the host, but in this case, Grace is here to protect Mary who is seven. So the question was, where was Adalyn?

  “Please sit own.” I didn’t want to address her as any name, since I didn’t know her.

  She nodded, sitting down across from me. Wringing her hands, she looked at me expectantly.

  “Dr. Dhavern has explained to me that you believe you are a multiple.”

  Her whole look deflated. Then dark eyes came out. “Gee doc, did you think we might’ve thought that because there are multiple of us in here, or you think we got excited after reading Sybil?” She shook her head looking disgusted. “As I told Dr. Dhavern, we don’t give a good goddamn if you believe us or not.”

  This was what I wanted. The change was so seamless. The next set of eyes that looked at me, looked tired and discouraged.

  “I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. Please remember, I just met you.” I explained.

  She nodded, still looking like she wished the floor would swallow her up.

  “May I ask who I am talking to right now?”

  “Katherine.”

  “And can I assume it was Grace who just handed me my ass?”

  She giggled, nodding yes.

  “Tell me about your transitions. Can you hear the other alter when she is out?”

  “If they allow us to. We have all learned to put up shields if we don’t want anyone to hear what we are saying. We do this a lot with Mary so she won’t be scared.” She explained.

  That was interesting. Not many multiples were that comfortable with the other alters knowing what they were doing.

  “May I tell you what we found out about you?” I asked.

  She looked afraid, but assented.

  “There will be some hard truths here, but I think it is important for you to know them if you think you can handle them.”

  She leaned forward in her chair waiting.

  “You were born Adalyn Moser. Your mother, Ruby Moser, did some horrific things to you, as well as allowed others to do bad things to you for drug money when you were young. I believe that is when your mind fractured off.”

  I waited so she could take that in. She shook her head. “I don’t remember any of that. Mary doesn’t remember anything until after the age of seven.”

  Dr. Dhavern handed her a glass of water.

  “We can get more into your abuse in later sessions. I can help you find your host, Adalyn. After all, it is her body.” I shrugged.

  “But maybe she is too broken. Maybe it is better for her to stay hidden so she can’t contaminate Mary.” Katherine said adamantly.

  “She is a part of you. Is it fair to her to leave a broken part of you alone and not aid her?” I quizzed her with hard eyes.

  Big tears came down her face. Then her face went blank. There was nothing.

  “They are discussing the situation.” Dr. Dhavern murmured.

  I sat waiting for one of them to come back. When the eyes opened, I wasn’t prepared for who I got.

  “Who are you?” A little girl’s voice came out.

  “I’m Dr. Newton. Are you Mary?”

  She smiled. “Yes. They are arguing and blocking me out so I came to the light.” She eyed the candy on the desk. I handed her the dish so she could snag a piece.

  “Do they keep you out of conversations a lot?”

  “Mostly so I don’t get scared. Thanks for the candy.” She said with the glee of a child. Then she looked at Dr. Dhavern, “Were you able to get my bible?”

  The doctor went over to her desk, pulled out a bible and handed it to her. “Thank you.” She ran over and hugged her.

  Then without warning, the eyes changed. “It was not unanimous, however Grace agrees with you that we should find Adalyn.” Then she looked confused at why she was so close to the other doctor. Looking down at her hands, she saw the little black book and understood. “You spoil her. Thank you.” She said genuinely.

  “Well as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, this won’t be done in a day. It will take extra therapy sessions, and I will need your complete commitment.”

  “Fine.” She said dejectedly.

  “Good. Then we can see about integrating all of you so you can have one functioning personality.”

  “Why the fuck would we do that? No way in hell will we talk to you again if you think that is going to happen. We have no issues having our separate personas and if you have a problem with it, you can go right on and fuck off.”

  Ah, Grace again.

  I threw my hands up. “One step at a time.”

  “As long as you get that integrating shit out of your head.” She muttered on her way out, slamming the door behind her.

  Dr. Dhavern looked at me pensively. “Well, what do you think?”

  “I think she needs to be medicated and needs to be moved to my facility for intensive therapy.”

  Dr. Dhavern

  His facility? There was no way she was going to go along with that. The other problem was, I promised I wouldn’t medicate her. She didn’t need it. Was he trying to suppress her alters?

  “Well you would need to file for an injunction through the courts.”

  He looked at me surprised. “Did you think I would stay here to do all her therapy?”

  I wasn’t sure what I thought, but I had to do what was best for my patient. Maybe I was too close to Mary, but someone needed to be.

  “I only asked you here for direction. Your specialty is integration. They aren’t interested in that so I feel confident I can handle their care from here.”

  He shook his head. “You are making a mistake.”

  Well it will be my mistake to make.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Mary

  There was a darkness that kept invading my thoughts. It happened after I watched Grace slaughter our uncle. I felt euphoric, even though I knew it was against God’s law.

  After we left the office, they wanted to talk so they let me have the light so I could read the bible to my dolly. A part of me wanted to hold her and rock her, while the other part – well it wanted to dismember the doll.

  Everything was kind of a blur. I remember ripping some pages from my holy book, tying them up with pieces of my dolly’s hair, and throwing them in the corner.

  There was evil in my room but I couldn’t see it. It was inside me.

  Katherine

  What the hell? We thought it was a good idea for Mary to come out and play because things had gotten tense.

  Whatever happened in this room was not our sweet Mary. I pulled Grace out to see what I did. Mary was sleeping comfortably in her room in our mind. Grace came back with a worried expression, then told me about the night she killed Uncle Wilke.

  When I went back to the light, I saw Grace had cleaned the room up. I was exhausted over the whole day.

  Donna stopped by to make sure I was alright. I gave her a brief rundown, telling her the doctor was a specialist.

  She hugged me goodnight. It was nice having a friend. I fell fast asleep.

  Dr. Dhavern

  Reading through the reports that the other doctor had left, I was repulsed at what Adalyn had been through.

  Her mother, from the time Adalyn was six months old, sold her to men to use for sexual pleasures for drug money. There were pornographic videos of men with her found in the apartment when her mother was finally arrested.

  When she wasn’t being rented out, she lived in a large dog cage. Her mother would put cigarettes out on her, there were scars on her back where she was whipped. The way the poor child survived, it’s no wonder she split. When the cops raided the house, a man was pushing into her as her mother videotaped it.

  Her tiny broken beaten body was carried out by a police officer who said he needed to walk away so h
e didn’t blow her mom’s head open.

  She went into the foster system for about eight years then her aunt and uncle took custody.

  It seemed to all go well while her aunt was alive, she even graduated from high school. Then her uncle seemed to think he owned her. This girl couldn’t catch a break.

  I wanted to give her a couple days off of therapy so she could get herself comfortable again. I was worried if she got too distraught, she may close up and she was making good progress.

  We seemed to have a good rapport. I was counting on that as we relived the torture of her childhood.

  Dr. Newton

  I knew Dr. Dhavern had formed a bond with the girl. Sometimes that happened. As a medical professional, you hope your judgement is the best for the patient. I’m not sure hers was.

  Slipping into the building, the security had seen me yesterday so they allowed me access. I wanted to say goodbye to Adalyn and leave my card.

  I saw her walking down a hallway with another patient. Glancing at the logbook, it gave me her room number.

  I slipped into her room and waited on her. I luckily got Mary as she bounced in the door.

  “Hi Doc.” She sung.

  “Mary I am going back to my facility. Dr. Dhavern is going to continue your therapy. I wanted to leave my information with you.” I reached into my pocket, pulling out a card.

  Mary smiled taking the card placing it in her bible.

  “Will you make sure Katherine and Grace see it?”

  “They can see it.” She said solemnly.

  She walked over to her dresser, pulled her cross out. She really was a religious little thing. I had a syringe of Haldol in my pocket. I was waiting on the right moment to inject her.

  It was unethical as hell, but if I could get her alone. It would be a scientific breakthrough if I could get her mind to integrate. Alexis Dhavern wouldn’t come after me. Not with all the shit that has happened in this institute.

  This girl deserved saving and I was the one to save –

  Mary

  He was acting strange. Making me uncomfortable. I don’t understand why he would come to my room. He is making me feel jittery.

  Why is he keeping his hands in his pocket. My mind can’t take his hand on me. I remember all the men touching me, hurting me, why – why did she let this happen?