You Don't Know Me: A BBC Radio 2 Book Club Choice

by Imran Mahmood

  Curt gets up, a little dazed. He’s never seen her like this before and even though I have a few times before, she is on fire this time.

  ‘Fill them with water, get them on the stove. We need that water boiling. Add some bleach. You got some bleach right? That table, put it in the middle of the room. You need a big space around it. That table is your workshop. Everything else in the room – and I mean everything – must go. Get it into a different room. Just pile it up. No, leave the mattress. Windows. Pull those curtains off. They don’t look right. Tape the glass all up with newspaper instead. Tape up that ventilation brick up there. Now powder. You need something that looks like it’s a cutting agent. Vim. Curt, run down the shops and get some Vim. If there’s no Vim get something called scouring powder. And some baking soda. As much of it as you can get. We need lots of white powder. Epsom salts. Anything like that.’

  ‘Fuck babe,’ I says properly stunned. ‘Where the hell is all this coming from?’

  ‘There’s a shop down the road, I saw it when we were driving up.’

  ‘Nah babe. I mean all this. Like how do you even know what it should look like?’

  ‘You don’t want to know,’ she says straight away. Then after a pause she sighs and says, ‘I got taken to a couple of traps when I was with those bastards.’

  ‘Why they take you there?’

  Ki ignores me as if she hasn’t heard me and then says just as Curt is out of the door, ‘You need some girls. In masks.’

  ‘Okaaay,’ I say, ‘maybe I can find a couple.’

  ‘No clothes.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘So they don’t steal nothing,’ she says and looks at me dead in the eyes.

  Shit.

  ‘Ki. I’m so sorry,’ I say, and I am.

  Break: 15:05

  19

  15:15

  So just before the break, I was telling you about the trap-house we were making.

  Anyway the trap-house we made wasn’t no trap-house that would fool anyone who had ever seen a real one, but we were counting on Jamil never having seen one. Of course he was picking up a kilo from the Olders when he had to, but word had it that he met them in their Mercs in a car park. They trusted each other by now so it wasn’t really a problem for them to do business like that. But they weren’t about to let him into their factory.

  For this to work though, we needed to persuade Jamil it was a legit set-up. It didn’t have to be perfect but it had to be good enough to pass a casual look. The plan was to get him through the door, past all the powder and the operations, and into the back room. As long as it felt right, he wouldn’t ask no questions we reckoned. He was still a boy after all. He was still a plastic.

  When the day came we had the yard looking like it was a den. The place smelled of bleach and all other kinds of chemicals and there on the table in the middle of the room was a pile of white powder, soda mainly, some scales, some little plastic bags, a few razors, that kind of shit. The windows were all covered and the single bulb in the middle of the ceiling made a giant glow on the table but shadowed out edges of the room. I thought it looked the part, but then I’d never seen the inside of a crack house before. Curt was happy with it though. And Ki. And they knew what was what, though for different reasons of course, even if I didn’t.

  The only problem was the girls. There weren’t no girls we could count on who we wanted to bring into this shit. We thought about all the girls we knew but the only ones who would be willing to do this kind of shit were basically drug whores and they were too fucking unpredictable. There was no telling what the fuck they might do. I decided that we would just have to do without them. There was no other choice.

  ‘We could just say they’re on a break or something innit?’ I say.

  ‘A break? This ain’t fucking McDonald’s man. Those bitches don’t go on no breaks. And they definitely don’t go on no breaks at the same time,’ says Curt as he gives the place a once over.

  ‘Well there ain’t nothing we can do now is there? He’ll be here in about ten minutes. Ki you better make tracks. Now Ki!’ I shout out at her in the kitchen where she is boiling up some pans of water.

  ‘And give me them masks,’ I go, ‘at least maybe we can have them lying around or something.’ These were the mouth masks that if this was a real trap-house, we would be wearing to stop the powder getting into our lungs while we were cutting it up. I had bought them for the girls to wear but as I say, we couldn’t find no girls.

  ‘And the aprons,’ I add.

  I spend a few minutes trying to get the plan straight in my head in the little time I have got. We got the room ready. We got masks and aprons though we got no one to go in them. I got the gun.

  The Baikal makes me feel a bit like I don’t know who I am but at the same time I feel almost complete with it. A part of me doesn’t know how I will be able to live without it in a way. The fucker is still whispering to me but me and it have come to an understanding about it. I ain’t going to use it. It’s just there as a back-up, like a third man. Although it is possible I might give him a whack on the head with it. You know, if needs be.

  Just then Ki walks in wearing a baseball cap pulled down low over her eyes and one of them white masks over her face. For a second I almost laugh out loud as if she is just pissing about. Then I look again and see the rest of her and immediately I start seeing all kinds of colours, not just red.

  ‘No fucking way,’ I say. ‘No you ain’t doing it.’

  She pulls her mask down. ‘You don’t know what I have done. You do not tell me what I can do. I am doing this.’ Then in a different voice she adds, ‘Do you even have a choice?’

  I look at Curt hoping that he’s going to say something, but he has this look like, she has just done the only obvious thing there was to do.

  ‘Come on man, tell her,’ I say.

  ‘She’s right bruv,’ he says and puts his palms in the air.

  ‘Well at least stop fucking looking at her, dude,’ I say and throw her an apron.

  ‘I still haven’t agreed to this Ki. Put the fucking apron on please while I think.’

  ‘There’s nothing to think about,’ she says and right then there’s a knock on the door.

  ‘Fuck he’s here,’ I say and dart into the back room and get flat behind the door. I touch the Baikal to make sure it’s still there and then I look around for something to put in my hand. I find the metal bar bit of a dumb-bell in amongst the wreckage in the room and weigh it in my hand. It feels solid, but too heavy maybe.

  My heart starts doing its thing. Bang bang bang. I wait for a minute and then hear the front door opening. Fuck this shit is too quick. Then I hear Curt’s voice. Then Ki’s. That is the strangest part. Ki should have her mask on, bent over the table. She should not be saying anything. She should be playing the role of a beaten-into-submission trap girl, not chatting up the punters. I start worrying for real now. I should have pulled her in here with me. What was I thinking?

  I steal a look through the crack of the door but can’t really see anything. Curt’s massive body keeps getting in the way to block the view. Just then a voice is calling out and steps towards my door. The bar is clenched hard in my fist. I can feel the blood leaving my hand and the fingers throbbing, ready. Curt should be coming into my room first. Then Jamil. I need to hit the second head I see. Just then I see it. There is Curt’s head leaning into my room, the light from outside making a stripe of colour. Something is wrong. He is calling my name. He shouldn’t be doing that. Nobody is supposed to know that I am here, hiding in this room. With a fucking gun in my pocket. Am I being set up?

  ‘Fuck man! False alarm. False alarm. Put that fucking thing down man.’

  ‘Shit,’ I say and start deep breathing. It takes me a while to catch my breath again. Finally I say, ‘Who the fuck was it?’

  ‘A Blessing.’

  Break: 15:40

  20

  15:45

  So, yeah, it was Bless. At the door. Man I was
furious. My sister? What the hell was he doing bringing my sister into this? It was bad enough that Ki was here and now her? Shit, we had like two minutes and we had no fucking way to get rid of her. I couldn’t leave her here. And I couldn’t send her back out in case she bumped into them coming in.

  ‘Bro. What the fuck we going to do with her?’ I say pulling Curt to one side as I step out of the bedroom and into the main room.

  Curt says nothing but points his chin behind me to where Bless is standing. She is already undressed and has a mask on. I can’t even look at her. This is fucked up. How has this happened? Shit. I look at the floor when I speak to her.

  ‘Bless. Bless. What the –?’

  I am proper vexed about seeing my sister there. My mind is going round in circles. I’m angry and I’m scared you get me. I look over at Ki at that time to see if she’s going to step up for me.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she says. ‘She’s fine. I will look after her.’

  ‘Ki what the fuck? Bless? Curt man, what the fuck we supposed to do with these two now?’

  ‘Bro do we have a choice? Boy’s going to be here in like two minutes.’

  And that was that. There was really no choice. I couldn’t have them in the room where I was going to jack Jamil. There was barely enough room in there for me with all the crap in that room. And besides it was the last place I wanted either of them to be. In a room with a shooter. And a shotter.

  ‘Listen, Ki, promise me, as soon as he is in that back room, you throw your coats on and you leave. Straight away. No waiting, no watching, no nothing. Just please get the fuck out, both of you. Please.’

  I am almost crying now and I don’t know whether it’s the tension of waiting to smash someone over the head or the worry of what might happen to the girls. Then the knock comes for real.

  Curt is supposed to let them in. Jamil and his mans Shilo and Binks would want to have a quick check of the room, we knew that. They’ll check Curt for weapons, Curt will check Jamil. The two bodyguards will then leave. Curt will then come into the back room. Jamil then follows. I bang Jamil on the head. We take the money. Job done.

  How Curt told me afterwards about what actually went down was this. Jamil and them had come in as expected to check the place out. I could hear them in the room chatting shit being all loud and proud. At one point Jamil looks at one of the girls apparently and says to Curt, ‘You might have to throw these bitches in, innit.’

  ‘Fuck off,’ says Curt, ‘they’re working.’

  ‘Just a quick suck off for my boys in one of the rooms innit, while we doing business?’ says Jamil.

  ‘Hey I ain’t having your boys in here while we dealing. I got to watch my back blood,’ says Curt.

  ‘How you know we ain’t just going to roll you over right now?’ Jamil says with a cheesy grin.

  ‘That’s easy,’ says Curt. ‘You can’t score at these prices and if you want more, you need me. And anyways blood, you roll me and you a dead man. Now get these fuckers out of here and let’s do some business.’

  Shilo walks out and Binks hangs back a bit to say loudly how they’ll be just outside. I am in the back room waiting but even I can hear that bit. Two guard dogs really just making noise. I hear the bolt going on the front door. Then as quick as anything I hear Curt bringing Jamil to me. As they near the door, I hear Curt:

  ‘You got the dollars?’

  ‘In the bag,’ says Jamil.

  ‘I want to count it first,’ says Curt.

  I’m thinking now about Ki and Bless. Somewhere in that room in masks. But no clothes to hide behind. And here I am, with a gun and I am so scared. I hate being here.

  Then there is a second where it’s like time has stopped. Then what I hear next makes my blood cold.

  ‘Count this,’ says Jamil and pulls out a gun.

  I can’t see the gun at first. All I can hear is that suddenly there’s loud banging on the front door. Shilo and Binks are trying to kick the door in. I can hear Ki crying out and then there’s the scrape of the table as it goes to block the door. Curt is trying to calm Jamil down. I am hearing what I can and making pictures to fit the sounds but it’s patchy and I really want to step out so my eyes can catch up with my ears. Then I hear Curt’s voice.

  ‘Easy man. Take the fucking gear if you have to blood. But unless you are prepared to shoot me here and now, I will be coming after you.’

  ‘I am taking the gear blood. And you ain’t coming after no one. Do you know who’s even got my back? Your shit lickle crew ain’t going to do fuck all. Now give me the block man or you eating bullets.’

  I hear Curt sigh heavily. ‘In here,’ says Curt and pushes in through the door I am standing behind. Light floods into the room. I see Curt with his hands out come into view. Jamil follows. Curt suddenly leaps away and jumps on top of all the shit that’s in the room and looks at me to do something quickly. But for some reason I feel as if I am walking through jam. Nothing about me can move quickly enough. I see Jamil’s face which starts to change colour as if he has realized what is going to happen next. He hasn’t seen me yet, but he knows this is all wrong. Then I see his shooter. In my head all I can hear is my own voice, saying ‘nine mil’. He brought a gun. For some reason I never thought he would bring a gun.

  Just then a spark ignites somewhere in my body and starts the motor. I drop to the floor and swing the metal bar I still have in my hand at Jamil’s legs. It’s too risky to hit him higher in case I catch the gun and bullets start flying. Jamil screams out then falls down flat. In a second Curt is on top of him, crushing him with his huge weight. It’s only seconds before Curt has him knocked out cold. Jamil’s gun is still in his hand. I pick it out. It’s nice as guns go, nickel-plated Browning. Where the fuck he get that kind of shooter from? I stick it in my pocket. Right next to my Baikal. I almost feel sorry for my shitty gun next to this one. Then I ain’t thinking about that no more. Suddenly the only thing in my head is the girls and I am ashamed I forgot them for even a second.

  I look at Curt and we run to the front door where there’s still the sound of it being kicked in hard. The lock has already gone and the door is splintering. The table has been pushed flush against the door and the girls are doing everything they can to stop it flying open. I don’t even see how they got there. All I know is that every scrap of soul they got is trying to keep that door shut. A gap starts to open up as the men behind it are pushing it. Then I see the nose of a gun poking through. Binks is calling out for Jamil, his voice all jumpy and high. As soon as they realize Jamil ain’t answering back, the kicks to the door get harder and more violent. The door jumps open and shuts again as the girls push against it. Curt runs across and sweeps the girls away with one arm.

  ‘Go and sit on that idiot,’ he says and nods at the back room. ‘He’s out cold.’ Curt takes care of the gap that the men are trying to make by slamming it shut with one huge heave and then sits with his back against it, breathing hard.

  I throw their coats at the girls as they head to the back room and then remember something and run after Ki to hand her the Baikal. It’s not as pretty as the Browning but I know mine works. ‘If he even moves,’ I say. Then I run back to help Curt who though he has his whole weight against the table is now straining against heavy kicks to the door. I know we ain’t going to be able to hold it for long. I ain’t even that sure the door ain’t going to split.

  I need to think but it’s getting slow again in my head. More jam jamming up the parts. All I can think is that the door ain’t going to hold for much longer now anyway. I know Ki is watching Jamil but I have no idea what Bless is doing. When I caught a glimpse of her face earlier I swear she was looking at me like this might be the last time she ever sees me. The door bounces again and I know we have to do something quick.

  ‘On three, pull the table away. They’ll come tumbling in. You put your hands up high and surrender. I’ll get behind the door. They won’t be expecting me. I’ll take their legs out,’ I say whispering, showing hi
m the Browning.

  Curt nods. He stands and yanks the table back. As they come crashing in, he flings his arms in the air. The two men come tumbling in, tripping over themselves as they do. Their faces are like the perfect picture of surprise as they fall to the floor on top of each other. I am behind the door and they see only Curt with his hands up. Their faces change as they jump to their feet. Binks is holding some fat weapon and has it pointed straight at Curt. The image of it for a second seems almost funny. This skinny guy holding a gun that big makes him look like a cartoon. He’s all edgy and has a look like a person who’s had too many drugs.

  ‘JC!’ he shouts out, keeping his eyes on Curt but spinning his head round the room frantically.

  I aim my gun. They are both moving around the room looking for their boy, making it hard to keep them at the other end of my barrel. Shilo is the easier target. He’s big. Bigger than Curt even and he moves slow like an elephant. He lumbers over to Curt, probably planning what to do to him. It’s going to be seconds, if that, before they see me. Or worse, seconds before they are in the back room where the girls are. Just the thought of them now makes me desperate to go to them. I can’t see them and that’s making me even more nervous.

  Binks then comes in my eye-line but he doesn’t see me. I line him up but each time I get ready to fire he moves again. He’s twitchy but all I need is one second of still. I get it when he turns suddenly and sees me. He raises his arm with the huge gun and points it at me. I don’t want to kill him. I just need to stop the guy. I look at his legs and in that split second I pull the trigger. I pull it once but three rounds go off. Bang bang bang. One catches him in the leg and he drops and hits the deck.

  Shilo, who by now is nearly at the door to the back room, looks round stunned. Then in half a second, Curt’s huge right hand comes hammering down on top of Shilo’s head like he is dunking a basketball and he goes down hard. It’s like seeing the Hulk knocking out the Hulk’s brother.