A Year in Girl Hell

by Meredith Costain

  And until then, I guess the best thing to do is just stay out of their way.

  Chapter 9

  monday afternoon

  Beep beep! I get a text message as I’m opening my front door. I scrabble round in my bag for my phone, then click through to my message screen.

  ur a loser with no friends

  I stare at the screen in disbelief. What?! I check the sender information. It’s a number I don’t recognise.

  Oh, great. Oh, fabulous. Just what I need after a day like today.

  I throw my backpack down in the hallway and wander into the kitchen. ‘Mum?’ I call. ‘Sam? Anyone home?’ I could do a with a friendly face and a chat round about now.

  Silence. Guess not.

  My phone beeps again. I look at the next text.

  i hate u ur a cow

  I quickly drop my phone on the bench, like it’s a flaming coal that’s just burnt my hand. Then I pick it up again, and check the sender details. Still not a number I know.

  The phone beeps again while it’s still in my hand. ‘So are you!’ I yell at it, then stop, my hand to my mouth. What am I doing? Yelling at a freaking phone? This is getting really silly.

  My finger hovers over the Delete button. No way do I want to read any more nasty texts, thank you very much. I’m just about to push Delete when my ring tone blasts. Yet another unknown number. Oh no. Do they think I’m a moron or something? As if I’m going to answer it.

  I wait till the ringtone works its way through to the end, then another few moments for the double beep that lets me know someone’s left a voice message. Like I’m going to give them the satisfaction of hearing me freak out big-time when I hear a nasty message. I don’t think so. Maybe I should just trash the voice message. But I can’t help myself. I have to know exactly what it says. And who’s saying it, though after today I’ve got a pretty good idea. My fingers trembling, I punch in the numbers for message retrieval. And nearly fall over backwards with relief when I hear Mia’s voice.

  ‘Hi Mich,’ she says. ‘Just checking to see you’re all right. Calling on my dad’s mobile – my phone’s dead. Give us a call back when you get a minute, ’kay?’

  OMG. Mia. And to think I nearly trashed her message! I quickly call her back. The phone rings. And rings …

  ‘Come on, Mia, pick up,’ I beg her.

  ‘Mich!’ Mia’s voice is warm and friendly. ‘How you doing?’

  ‘You don’t want to know,’ I tell her, my voice shaking.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing. Everything.’

  ‘Want me to come round? Mum wants me to do some stuff here for a bit, but I could come after that …’ I smile, picturing Mia’s concerned face. Just hearing her voice is making me feel better, less freaked out.

  ‘Nah,’ I tell her. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Finer than fine.’

  ‘You sure? Cos I don’t mind … ’

  ‘Forget it,’ I tell her. ‘I’ve got homework to do, anyway. And violin practice. It’s only a few days now till my exam. Eek. I’ll IM you later maybe, ’kay?’

  ‘’Kay,’ says Mia. ‘See ya.’

  ‘Bye.’ I flip my phone shut, grab a drink from the fridge and head for my room. On the way I knock quietly on Sam’s bedroom door, then, when there’s no answer, stick my head in to see if he’s asleep or something. But his room’s empty. Must be still at uni. Or out with his mates somewhere.

  Just my luck. An empty house when I’m in need of some company.

  I pop the top of my drink can, then fire up my computer. There are three emails waiting for me. They’re from noone@noone.com. Usually I would think they were spam, but the subject line says ‘Hello Michi’. I click open the first one.

  ur a loser with no friends

  the email screams at me. I quickly trash it. The second email replaces it.

  i hate u ur a cow

  Oh great. They’re all the same wording as the text messages. Well, I think they are, anyway. I didn’t read the third text. Might as well do it now, I guess. Put myself out of my misery. I pick up my phone.

  ur ugly

  I drop my phone and turn back to my computer. I delete the second email and the third one displays.

  ur ugly

  Tears sting my eyes and I jump up from the computer as though it’s slapped me. Why? Why? Who’s sending these horrible things? What am I supposed to have done?

  I force myself to sit down at the keyboard again, to re-check the sender details. But they don’t tell me anything.

  noone@noone.com

  Whoever it is is obviously too gutless to reveal their identity. Furious, I hit Reply, all fired up to send them back an email that shows exactly what I think of them. But then I delete that as well. It’s probably what they expect me to do. Why give them the satisfaction of knowing they’ve got to me?

  A new email comes in. Should I just trash this one, too? I wonder. I force my eyes to focus on the From and Subject details. Oh, phew. It’s just from Mia. Something about tonight’s humanities homework. I let out a deep breath of relief, shake my shoulders as though to banish the bad karma that’s been in the room up till now, then click on the message.

  fat ugly cow u suck

  Stunned, I reel back from the keyboard. No way would Mia send me an email like this! She wouldn’t, would she? Not Mia.

  I run blindly out of my room and into the backyard. Anything to get away from my computer and its nasty messages. The cruel words on my screen burn themselves into my brain.

  Ugly. Loser. Cow.

  I crouch down in the corner of the backyard near my old swing, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees. I should just call Mia and find out if she sent that email. Right now. I should go back into my room, grab my phone, and call her.

  But what if she did send it? What if she does think that about me? She might just have been playing along with me before, when she said all that stuff on the phone about checking to see if I was okay. Maybe that was all just a trick, to string me along.

  Crazy thoughts tumble through my brain. All that drama last term with the text message Lexi sent Mia from my phone. Mia’s not still dwelling on it, is she? Thinking maybe I really did think all those horrible things about her? And now she’s getting payback by being nasty to me? No. No way. It’s not possible. That all got cleared up. Lexi even admitted it had been her.

  But what if …?

  Call her, a little voice sounds in my brain. Just call her. Find out for sure.

  But I can’t. I’m too scared.

  ‘Michi? Sweetheart? What are you doing out there?’

  It’s Mum. Mum’s home. The spell cast by the wicked witches – whoever they are – breaks and I suddenly see everything clearly. Of course Mia wouldn’t have sent me a message like that. There has to be some other explanation. I’ll call her later and find out.

  I unwrap my arms from my knees and pull myself up.

  ‘Nothing,’ I call back to Mum. Then I go inside and listen numbly while she tells me about her day.

  Chapter 10

  tuesday morning

  Mia is waiting for me at the gate as soon as I arrive at school the next morning.

  ‘Hey, Mich,’ she says, giving me a hug. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘So far,’ I say.

  ‘No more emails or texts?’

  ‘Only the six you sent me last night, checking to see if I was okay,’ I grin. Mum had sensed something was wrong, and kept quizzing me about school. Was something wrong? Had I had a fight with one of my friends? No way was I going to tell her the real reason I was freaking out. Finally, I’d plucked up enough courage to call Mia. She was just as shocked as I’d been. Shocked – and angry and puzzled. Angry that someone had used her email account to write to me, and puzzled as to how they’d managed to do it.

  I’d been tempted to simply turn my phone and email off, then decided against it. I mean, I use them everyday. I need them. And anyway, why should I miss out on getting messages from people I
like? And when those reassuring ones from Mia and a few other random friends came in, I was glad I hadn’t. Not everyone thinks I’m a fat ugly cow, it seems.

  ‘What have we got first?’ I ask, as we head towards the lockers.

  ‘English,’ Mia tells me. ‘Probably have to work on our oral reports again.’

  ‘Probably,’ I say, opening my locker. A shower of paper scraps cascades onto the floor. I reach down and pick one up.

  UR UGLY

  it says in thick black marker pen. I grab a fistful and begin flicking through them, my heart racing. The messages are the same, over and over.

  UR UGLY

  UR A LOSER WITH

  NO FRIENDS

  I HATE U UR A COW

  FAT UGLY COW U SUCK

  I screw up the paper scraps and hurl them at my locker. People are staring at me but I don’t care. I just want to get out of here. I slam my locker door to drown out the sniggers coming from behind me. I can’t see them, but it sounds like Jane and Jess. And Amira of course. Who else?

  Mia grabs my arm. ‘Come on, let’s just go,’ she whispers.

  ‘And leave all the evidence behind?’ I hiss. ‘For everyone to see?’

  I bend down again and start picking up the paper, piece by piece. The bell rings, sending the last of the gawpers scurrying off to class. Mia helps me.

  ‘You go,’ I tell her. ‘You’ll be late.’

  ‘And leave you here, all by yourself?’ says Mia. ‘No way!’

  We gather up the last of the messages and shove them into a bin halfway along the corridor.

  ‘Come on,’ says Mia, when she sees me hesitating at my locker. ‘Get your books. I’ll make up some excuse for Hazy for why we’re late. It’s no big deal.’ ‘She’ll probably give us detention,’ I say.

  ‘For being five minutes late?’ says Mia. ‘I don’t think so. Especially if she knew the reason.’

  I stare at her, panic-stricken. ‘You’re not going to tell her! They’ll come after me even harder if they think I’m a snitch!’

  ‘As if I’d tell! Come on, let’s just go.’

  Ms Hayes gives us a cool look when we arrive but doesn’t say anything, just asks us to hurry up and find our seats. It’s not as though we’re often late.

  I keep my head down and blindly follow Mia as she walks towards a spare couple of seats near the back of the room. That way I don’t have to meet anyone’s eyes I don’t want to. As I slide into my seat I’m almost sure I can hear a faint mooing sound, then dismiss it as my paranoia working overtime. They’re not going to try anything in here, are they, in front of a teacher? They wouldn’t dare.

  I shake my head to clear it and try to focus on what Ms Hayes is saying.

  ‘Okay, by now, you should all be well on the way to choosing your topics for your oral reports. Anyone want to tell me the ideas they’ve come up with so far?’

  A few hands go up, including Amira’s and Jess’s. ‘How about you, Amira?’ Ms Hayes says, pen in hand ready to record her answer.

  ‘Obesity, miss,’ says Amira clearly. ‘There’s far too much of it about. Especially at this school.’

  Jess giggles and I feel my face flushing. Is she talking about me?

  ‘Very good, Amira,’ Ms Hayes tells her. ‘There was an article about youth obesity just last week, in the Daily News. You might like to look it up in the library. Get some facts and figures from it.’

  ‘Thanks, miss, I’ll do that.’ Amira’s voice is smug. I can feel her eyes boring into me, even though I can’t see her.

  Now Jess is waggling her hand for Miss Hayes’ attention.

  ‘Yes, Jess?’

  ‘The dairy industry,’ Jess says, while Jane almost explodes beside her.

  Ms Hayes looks puzzled. ‘Really? That’s an unusual choice of topic. Do you have relatives who are dairy farmers?’

  ‘No,’ says Jess sweetly. ‘I just like cows.’ She glances at the ceiling, as though searching for inspiration. ‘They have such … lovely long eyelashes,’ she adds, sending Jane into a coughing fit.

  Ms Hayes checks to see that Jane’s okay, then tells us all to carry on with drafting our reports. ‘I’ll be pulling names out of a hat each day,’ she tells us, ‘so you’ll all need to be ready to go.’ She glances meaningfully at Liam and Harry, the class troublemakers. ‘No excuses.’

  Mia checks to see that Ms Hayes is safely occupied elsewhere, then turns to me.

  ‘Just ignore them, okay? Don’t let them see that they’re getting to you.’

  ‘I am,’ I tell her. ‘I am ignoring them. But it’s hard. It’s really … hard.’

  ‘I know it is,’ says Mia. ‘But it will stop soon, whatever it is. They’ll get sick of playing silly games, and make up and be friends again. They can’t go on like this for ever.’

  She turns back to her English folder and starts making notes in her neat handwriting about vintage clothes. I stare down at my own blank page but I can’t seem to concentrate. As if I’d want to be friends again when they’ve hurt me so badly. ‘MUSIC’, I write, my pen stabbing the letters into the paper.

  Then I scratch it out again. The mooing sound has started up again, very, very faintly. And this is only the first class for the day.

  Exactly how long is forever? I wonder.

  Chapter 11

  tuesday afternoon

  The end-of-school bell finally rings, signalling my escape from class and the hell Amira and co. have been putting me through all day. At least I was able to escape from them at recess and lunchtime, and hang out with Mia and Lexi. Not that I felt like eating any lunch. Alysha even stopped over for a while, to tell us about some new guy she’s got the hots for. But I had to put up with Amira and the Js’ nasty whispered comments and looks at the lockers and in the corridor on the way to and from classes.

  And I still don’t know what it is I’m supposed to have done, to cause all this hate.

  Lexi meets up with Mia and me at our lockers, and we walk with her to the school gates.

  ‘So, you’ll be all right?’ Lexi asks, her face crinkled with concern.

  ‘Fine,’ I tell her. ‘Finer than fine. I’ve got Mia to look after me, haven’t I?’

  Mia nods. ‘You betcha.’

  ‘Only after all the stuff you’ve told me, about what those witches said to you today … well … I just want to …’ She makes wringing movements with her hands.

  ‘I know,’ I tell her. ‘And hey, thanks. That’s really sweet of you. But now that school’s finished, I’m not going to see them again today, am I?’ I hoist my backpack onto my shoulder and smile grimly. ‘Unless they decide to follow me into orchestra practice, that is.’

  ‘They wouldn’t dare,’ Mia says. ‘Anyway, Mr C wouldn’t let them in. You know what he’s like about friends coming along to watch.’

  ‘Some “friends”,’ says Lexi, picking up her own bag. ‘Okay then. I’d better go, or I’ll miss my bus.’ She leans over and gives me a hug. ‘See you tomorrow, ’kay?’

  I return the hug. ‘Yeah, see ya.’

  Mia waves goodbye to Lexi then turns back to me. ‘Hey, it’s great to see you two getting along so well these days.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I admit. ‘Lexi’s okay. At least I’m beginning to find out who my real friends are.’

  We head back into the main building. The music room’s already half-full by the time we arrive. We join a group of people helping to set up the room.

  ‘Hope we get something new to play today,’ says Mia, as she drags chairs into a neat row. She bumps an older girl with her elbow, nearly sending her flying.

  ‘Whoops, sorry,’ Mia tells her.

  The girl curls her lip at her. ‘So you should be. Watch what you’re doing, okay?’

  Mia and I exchange looks. ‘Boy, touchy,’ she whispers to me. ‘It’s not like I meant to bump into her. Who was that?’

  ‘Don’t know her name,’ I whisper back. ‘She’s one of the other violin players. She never talks to me.’

 
‘Weird,’ says Mia. She unbuckles her case and starts setting up her flute. ‘Hey, your violin exam must be coming up soon.’

  ‘Yep,’ I say. ‘Day after tomorrow.’

  ‘Are you nervous?’

  ‘A bit. But nerves are good.’

  ‘They are?’

  ‘Sure. They give you an edge. Keep you focused. Otherwise your performance would be really flat.’ I grin. ‘That’s what my dad reckons, anyway. Personally, I think they just make you feel sick.’

  I reach under the collar of my uniform and bring out the chain holding little Batty. His jewelled eyes catch the light, making them sparkle. ‘Anyway, Batty’s my good luck charm. He’ll see me through okay. Whenever I have to do something scary, like a music exam, I rub his little tummy for luck.’

  ‘Cool,’ says Mia.

  Mr C bustles in and starts handing out music scores. I give Batty a little kiss, then slip him back inside my uniform. I’m just putting my bow together when an elbow suddenly digs me in the ribs.

  Me: Oww! What did you do that for?

  Mia: Don’t look now but someone’s looking your way again.

  Me: How am I supposed to see who it is if I’m not allowed to look?

  Mia [rolling her eyes]: Just trust me on this, okay? Me: Is it him?

  Mia: Who?

  Me: You know. Him. Curly Hair. Ben.

  Mia: Of course it’s him. How many crushes have you got?

  Me [blushing]: He’s not my crush.

  Mia: Oh, really?

  Me: Yes. Really.

  Mia: Could have fooled me.

  Me: Ha ha. Like he’d be interested in me anyway. He’s in Year 9, remember?

  Mia: Leesh’s friend Jayde’s hanging out with a Year 9 guy. It does happen, you know.

  Me: Not to me. Anyway, according to Amira, he’s her ‘property’ anyway. Like I need to give her any more reasons to hate me.

  Mia: I just don’t get it. And she still hasn’t said anything about why she’s dumped you as a friend?

  Me: Nope.

  Mia: Have you tried asking Jess? Or Jane?

  Me: Nope.