‘C-can I go in?’ I whisper, terrified of what I’m going to find on the other side of the door.
‘In a minute,’ Mum tells me quietly. ‘Your nonna’s in there right now, and Zia Teresa and Zio Paul. We don’t want to crowd him. And … they have things they need to say.’
‘But he’s … awake, yeah?’ I ask.
‘For now,’ Mum tells me. ‘But he’s going to need lots of rest, so he can … get better. So when you do go in, it will just be for a few minutes, okay?’
‘Okay,’ I say.
Mum pulls Lina onto her knee and gives her a kiss. Poor kid. She’s too young to understand what’s going on. Dad grabs Rocky and wanders off to find us some drinks from the machine.
I try to make myself comfortable on the hard plastic chair but it’s impossible. Nurses move quietly from room to room, their shoes squeaking on the glossy polished floors. And then the door opens and Nonna and my aunt and uncle come out, their faces pale and tear-stained. Poor Nonna. She looks so sad. Whatever I’m feeling, it must be a hundred times worse for Nonna. I can’t even imagine her and Nonno not being together for the rest of forever.
Mum makes Nonna comfortable, then asks me to wait outside for a minute while she talks to the nurse.
I sit there, watching the hands of the clock on the wall slowly moving around. I register each tick the clock makes in my mind as it counts down the seconds. Sixty seconds, one hundred, then Mum’s back beside me again.
‘There’s no easy way for me to tell you this, darling,’ she whispers. ‘But things aren’t looking good.’
Tick. Tick. My heart misses a beat. ‘But can’t the doctors do something?’
Mum shakes her head. ‘They’re trying, but sometimes …’ She smiles at me gently. ‘This might be the last time you get to see your nonno, sweetheart. You need to be prepared for that, okay?’
My stomach clenches. ‘It’s all my fault,’ I sob. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have gone on camp. I should have been here … should have watched out for him more. And now it’s going to happen again, just like it did with –’ Mum stares at me. ‘With Marco?’ She pulls me into a hug. ‘No, no, darling,’ she soothes me, ‘of course it isn’t your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. Please, please don’t feel that way. You were the best big sister ever. Marco was so lucky to have you.’
The knot in my middle begins to unravel. ‘Do you think?’ I whisper.
Mum wipes a tear away from my cheek and smooths back my hair. ‘I know. Come on, darling. Let’s see that lovely smile of yours. Nonno’s waiting for you.’
‘But what should I say to him?’ I ask, my heart thumping. What if I say the wrong thing and make things worse? How do you say goodbye to someone who’s about to die?
Mum drops a kiss on top of my head. ‘Just tell him that you love him, darling. That’s the most important thing. He’ll understand the rest.’
Tick. Tick. There’s more space between ticks now. The clock seems to be slowing down. Dad comes back and we all go into the room together. The beeping machines are there, and the tubes and the drips, just like in my nightmare. Only this time, instead of Marco’s tiny body lying in the bed, it’s Nonno’s. His lined face creases into a smile as he sees me.
‘Principessa,’ he wheezes, drawing me towards him with his eyes. He looks so different from the last time I saw him. Smaller. Weaker. Greyer. But still unmistakably Nonno.
Mum squeezes my arm, then nods at me meaningfully and I shuffle over to the bed. I lean down and gently kiss his stubbly cheek. ‘I love you, Nonno,’ I say, the words catching in my throat.
Nonno chuckles and reaches for my hand. ‘Don’t forget, principessa,’ he whispers. ‘On your birthday. That first dance is mine. Si?’
‘I won’t forget,’ I say, my eyes misting with tears.
Nonno grips my fingers tightly and we smile at each other.
And then a machine starts beeping and lights flash and more nurses come in and rush to Nonno’s side and we’re asked to wait outside in the corridor where all I can hear is the ticking clock.
And that’s the last time I see my wonderful nonno alive.
Chapter 15
friday afternoon
Lexi: Mia? Hi. It’s me.
Me: Lex? So you’re back from camp then?
Lexi: Yep. About twenty minutes ago. Umm … Mum told me about your grandad … I’m really sorry, Mia.
Me: Thanks.
Lexi: I wanted to call you from camp to see how you were going, but … there was only that one stupid phone and … Me: It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.
Lexi: So … how are you, anyway?
Me: Not great. Sad. A bit wobbly.
Lexi: Poor Moo. Your grandad was great. You’re really going to miss him.
Me: Uh-huh.
I’m missing him already. His funny smile. And the way his eyes twinkled just before he told you a silly joke or played a trick on you, so you could always catch him out. And how he liked to hang out in his veggie garden talking to his tomatoes, picking out the reddest, ripest, juiciest one just for me. And the way he always saved a special dance for me at weddings, even though I knew how much he loved to dance with Nonna. Yep, I’m going to miss him all right.
Lexi: Umm … when’s the … ah …
Me: Funeral? Tomorrow. At Saint Cecilia’s. They’re having the Rosary for him at the church tonight.
Lexi: Are you going?
Me: Ummm …
I’m not sure yet. I’ve talked it over with Mum and Dad and they’ve said they’ll leave it up to me. Of course I’ll be going to the funeral tomorrow – I’m even reading out a little poem I wrote about Nonno. But that’s going to be hard enough, seeing the coffin and the flowers and singing all those sad hymns. I don’t think I can face going tonight as well. The Rosary night is always so quiet and sad. And I’ve already said my goodbye to Nonno – this is the time for other people to have the chance to wish him farewell. The old guys he used to play cards with, and his friends from the bocce club. And then I get an idea. I’ve got friends too, haven’t I? Good friends. Even if they do stuff up sometimes.
Me: Lex?
Lexi: Yeah?
Me: Are you doing anything tonight?
Lexi: Not much. Unpacking my stuff. Catching up on emails. Annoying my little brother. Why?
Me: Do you think your mum would let you come round here? I know you’ve only just got back from camp, but … I don’t really want to go to the church tonight. If you guys were all here with me … we could, I don’t know, hang out in Pink HQ or something. We could order in some pizza or Chinese food, watch a DVD … You could even show me some of those martial arts moves Daniel taught you if you want.
Anything to take my mind off what’s going to happen tomorrow. The cemetery and the grave and … Plus I’ve been cooped up here in the house for the last couple of days. I want to do something. Having my friends around me is exactly what I need. Mum and Dad will understand that, I’m sure. I’m starting to feel a bit better about things already, just thinking about it.
Lexi: Sure. Sounds like a plan. And I can tell you all about what happened on camp for the rest of the week. I’ve got some really excellent goss.
Me: Cool. Can’t wait to hear it. Hey, Lex? Can you do me a favour?
Lexi: Sure.
Me: Can you ring Michi and Leesh for me? Ask them to come too?
Silence.
Me: Lex? Are you there?
Lexi: Yeah, I’m here. Well, I can call Michi for you, no worries. But, ah … Leesh and I aren’t actually talking to each other at the moment, so …
Again? I thought they got over that. I guess that’s what happens when I’m not there to sort things out for them.
Me: How come?
Lexi: I was going to wait till I saw you to tell you this but … Look, all this stuff happened the night of the concert. Leesh ended up having a hissy fit and going off to do Paige and Jayde’s stupid dance thing instead. Which left Michi and me looking like loser morons cos there wer
e only two of us … I’ll tell you the rest later, okay? You can try calling Alysha, but I don’t think she’ll come. But I’ll be there, Mia. We can still have fun, yeah?
Sure, I think. We can still have fun.
Michi arrives five minutes after Lexi. Dad brings her out to Pink HQ then heads off to the church with Mum, knowing I’ll be in safe hands.
‘Hey, Mia,’ Michi says, giving me a hug. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Getting there,’ I tell her.
Michi hands me a plastic container. ‘Mum and I made these for you. They’re those choc-chip cookies we know you like.’
‘Awesome,’ I say. ‘That’s really kind of you.’ I open the lid. They’re still warm. The rich, home-baked chocolatey smell hits me straight away, making my mouth water. I’m suddenly starving. It’s the first time I’ve felt like eating anything since I came back from camp. ‘Can I eat them now?’
‘Go for it,’ Michi says.
I cram a couple into my mouth. ‘These are yummy,’ I mumble through a mouthful of crumbs. I jam the lid back on and hide the container behind my back. ‘Don’t even think of trying to get your sticky little hands on them.’
Michi laughs. ‘We missed you.’
‘Bet you didn’t.’
‘Are you kidding? I was stuck in a cabin with Amira and the witches, remember? Without anyone to stick up for me this time.’
‘So did Jess work out it was us who set her up?’
‘Not sure,’ Michi says. ‘She kept giving me filthy looks all the time, and trying to make me say stuff to catch me out. So I guess she had her suspicions. But no way could she prove it.’
‘Yeah, and Daniel wasn’t going to tell her,’ Lexi says. ‘Specially after I filled him in on what she did to Michi last term.’
‘So how is Wonderboy, anyway?’ I ask her. ‘Has he asked you out on a date yet?’
Lexi blushes. ‘No … but he asked for my number. Hey, do you think that means he likes me? I mean, really likes me?
Michi rolls her eyes. ‘Enough with the mushy stuff already.’ She leans back against the coffee table, yawning. ‘That’s all she wanted to talk about on the way home on the bus today. “Daniel said this”
and “Daniel said that”.’
‘I can’t believe you just said that, Michi Kano,’ I say, swiping her with a cushion. ‘That is exactly how you used to go on about Ben every day.’
Michi stares down at her feet. ‘Did I? Yeah, well not any more.’
‘He didn’t call you when you got home?’ I ask gently.
‘Nope. Guess I was wrong about him missing me.’
‘Poor Michi,’ I say. I rattle the container. ‘Here. Have one of these. It will make you feel better.’
Michi grabs a cookie and munches on it, then looks around the room. ‘I’ve really missed this place. And what I said before? About missing you? It’s true. Look at you. You’ve got your grandad’s funeral to get through tomorrow and you’re still worried about how I am.’ She scrunches up her face into a dopey smile. ‘I’m so sorry, Moo. I’ve been a bad friend, haven’t I?’
Lexi shuffles around on her cushion. ‘Me too. I feel like a total cow.’
‘Stop it you two, you’ll make me cry,’ I tell them. But I’m smiling inside. Just having them here makes me feel so much better about everything.
‘Would … would you come with me? Tomorrow?’ I bite my lip while I wait for them to answer. It’s a big ask, I know.
Lexi leans over and gives me a hug. ‘Course,’ she says.
‘Me too,’ Michi says quickly. ‘Don’t you worry. The Pink HQ crew will be there to –’ She breaks off. ‘Where’s Leesh? Is she coming over tonight?’
Lexi scowls. ‘Hope not.’
‘Thought you might say that,’ Michi says.
‘Cos of that concert stuff you were telling me about?’ I ask Lexi.
Lexi pulls a face. ‘That, yeah. And other stuff. I don’t know. Haven’t you noticed? She’s just not the same Alysha any more. I mean, come on. She hardly ever comes to Pink HQ. She’s always got something better to do, like hanging out with Princess Paige. Or posing in front of the mirror, stressing over what she looks like.’
‘I guess so,’ I say. It’s true. Alysha has changed. And I’m not sure I like the person she’s becoming.
‘I don’t think she’ll turn up anyway,’ I add. ‘I left a message on her mobile but she didn’t get back to me. So I rang her house just before you guys turned up. Her sister reckons she’s gone out to a party.’
‘Probably that friend of Paige’s,’ Lexi says. ‘Remember, Michi? I told you about it on the bus. I heard her and Alysha talking about it in the cabin last night. Looks like they’re all chummy chummy again.’
So now I definitely know where I stand with Alysha. She’d rather go to a party run by some girl she barely even knows than spend time cheering up someone she’s been best friends with her whole life. It doesn’t feel very nice.
‘Yeah, well, who needs her anyway,’ Michi says, jumping up. ‘We can have our own party here. Want me to light some candles or something?’
I picture the row of candles that will be burning in front of Nonno’s coffin at the church tonight, their lights steadily flickering as people file past to say their last goodbyes. Candles burning here as well will make me too sad, and I don’t want to be sad any more.
‘Maybe not,’ I tell her. ‘But you could put some music on, yeah? Something we can dance to.’
‘Sure,’ says Michi. She’s in the middle of hooking up my iPod to the speakers when her phone rings.
‘Hang on a tic,’ she says, her eyes lighting up. ‘I’ll just get this.’
She checks the caller display and pulls a face. Guess it’s not Ben, then.
‘Hi, Jess,’ she’s saying. ‘Speak up. I can hardly hear you.’
I exchange looks with Lexi. Why would Jess be calling Michi? I watch while Michi’s face flames red, then pales to white. Then she snaps the phone shut and sinks back down onto her cushion again.
‘You okay, Mich?’ I ask her.
She turns to me, her eyes dull. ‘No, I’m not okay. Okay?’
I move a little closer. ‘Was that Jess? What did she want?’
‘Guess she found out it was us after all, yeah?’ Lexi chimes in. ‘Who told her? Alysha? Is Jess at that party too?’
‘Sure, Jess is at the party,’ Michi mutters. ‘Jess is at the party, Alysha’s at the party. Sounds like everyone’s at the stupid party.’
I stare at her. ‘Jess rang to tell you Alysha was at the party?’ I say. ‘So what? You said you already knew that.’
Michi’s eyes turn to ice. ‘Jess didn’t ring to tell me Alysha was at the party,’ she spits. ‘She rang to tell me who Alysha was with at the party.’
Lexi is clearly puzzled. ‘So who was she with?’
Michi looks like she’s about to throw up.
‘Ben.’
Chapter 1
saturday night
Carly waves to us as soon as we walk in the door.
‘Paige! Jayde!’ she calls. ‘Over here!’
I toss my hair behind my shoulders, smooth my top down over my hips, then follow my friends over to where Carly’s plugging her iPod into the sound system. Heads turn as we glide past. People are looking at us. At me. They’re smiling and waving, murmuring greetings. Happy to see us. Pleased that we’re finally here. I hug this feeling to myself, like a cosy blanket on a wintry night.
It seems like a pretty cool party. The main lights have been turned off, and the room is lit by lamps and softly glowing tea-lights in glass holders.
A few girls are dancing, but most people are standing around in little groups.
Carly greets and air-kisses us one by one. First Jayde, then Paige, then Bella, then me. Carly knows the right order to do things in.
‘It’s so good to see you guys,’ she gushes, her eyes darting to the clock on the wall, then back to us again. ‘I thought maybe you weren’t going to make it. Did �
�� did you have something else to go to first?’
Jayde raises her eyebrows, like it’s the most moronic question she’s ever heard. ‘Nope.’
Not unless sitting around in Jayde’s bedroom for over an hour after the party’s official starting time counts as ‘something else’, I think, but don’t say. It had been pretty boring, actually. We spent most of the time lying on Jayde’s bed while she went through her wardrobe, trying on a zillion different outfits. I’d much rather have been here, but no way was I going to say that to Jayde. Being late is ‘important’, apparently. It allows us to make an entrance.
‘Oh well,’ Carly prattles on brightly. ‘You’re here now anyway.’ She throws out her arm, indicating the platters of snacks spaced evenly around the room. ‘There’s heaps of food. Help yourself to whatever you want. Or … I could get something for you? A drink, maybe? What would you like?’
Jayde’s voice is dismissive. ‘We’ll be fine thanks, Carly.’ She juts her chin towards the kitchen. ‘The drinks are in there, right?’
‘Uh-huh,’ says Carly, anxious to please. ‘I can get them for you, though. My mum made this great homemade punch. It’s really …’
But we don’t get to hear the rest, because Jayde has gathered us all up like a clutch of chicks and is directing us towards the kitchen. I’m about to turn my head and look back, so I can give Carly an apologetic smile – one that thanks her for the offer at least – then change my mind. That is something the old Alysha would have done, back in the days when I hung out with Mia and Lexi. These days, I have to be seen to look like I couldn’t give a rat’s.
It’s all part of finally being accepted as shiny. It’s taken me most of the year to get here, but now that I’ve made it, no way am I going to give it up. Who would? Now I get invitations to all the best parties and hang out with the hottest guys. Guys with serious cred. Guys I could only admire from our bench in the newbie part of the school grounds back in term one. Plus, now that I’m a shiny, everyone wants to be my friend.
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