I’ve almost made it to the kitchen when Stacey Zammit grabs my arm. ‘Hey, Alysha,’ she says, in that annoying breathy voice she has. ‘I love what you’re wearing. Did you get that top from Vamp?’
I step back slightly, so that her hand breaks contact with my arm and slithers back to her side. ‘Can’t remember,’ I say. Which is a fib. I know exactly where it came from and when I bought it. I hassled my parents for days to give me the money after I saw it featured in last month’s Crave magazine. I yawn. ‘Maybe.’
‘Oh, wow,’ she says. ‘I’m going to get my mum to drive me to Eastfields first thing tomorrow so I can get one too. I’ve been looking everywhere for a top just like that one. To go with this skirt, you know?’ She does a little twirl for my benefit. ‘Isn’t it cute?’
‘Totally,’ I mutter. If you were six, I think. I wish Stacey would just shut up and leave me alone. I peer beyond her shoulder to the kitchen, where my friends are chatting to Jack Moxham and a few of the other guys from our class. Plus another guy I haven’t seen before. A hot guy, from what I can see from here. If I don’t hurry up and get in there, someone else will snap him up.
‘Catch you later, ’kay?’ I tell Stacey, then watch her face fall as I slip past her. I feel a bit mean, but what else can I do? Stacey’s only been at our school a few weeks, so I guess she’s still struggling to make friends. But she’s a try-hard, and I don’t want other people to see me talking to her. It’s just not the kind of thing that shinies do.
‘Can you believe we have to go back to school on Monday?’ Paige is saying when I finally make it to the kitchen.
‘I know,’ says Bella, who’s perched on the bench between the microwave and Jack. ‘I was only just starting to settle into a routine. You know, watching movies or chatting online till late, then sleeping in the next morning. And now I have to break it again.’
‘Yeah, it sucks big time,’ Jack agrees. ‘I hate getting up in the morning. School should start at lunchtime.’
‘And finish by two,’ Bella adds, wiggling herself along the bench until she’s practically draped across Jack. Not that he seems to mind at all.
Lexi does, though. She’s just come through the door with Michi, in search of some drinks. She sees Bella and Jack all over each other, and a weird look comes into her eyes. Surely she can’t still have a thing for Jack? She was crushing on him really badly in term one, but when it went nowhere, I figured she’d moved on, like I always do. It beats me why some girls moon around over a guy for too long. If he’s not interested, he’s not interested, end of story. Suck it up and move on, I reckon. There’re plenty more out there. Anyway, Lexi’s with Daniel now. She doesn’t need the ghosts of old crushes haunting her.
Then she sees me. I decide to get in first, in case she says something that will embarrass me in front of my friends.
‘Hey, Lex,’ I say. ‘How’s it going?’
Lexi’s eyes slide to Michi, then back to me.
‘All right, I guess,’ she says defensively. ‘You?’
‘Oh, you know,’ I say. ‘Same old, same old.’
Though we both know that’s not how it is at all. There’s nothing the same about our lives these days. I used to spend every holidays all through primary school hanging out with Mia and Lexi in Pink HQ, playing music, flipping through magazines and catching up on gossip. Then when Michi became friends with Mia, she’d hang out there, too. But ever since I hooked up with Ben last term, I haven’t exactly been welcome in Pink HQ. Which is just crazy if you ask me. I mean, Ben wasn’t even Michi’s boyfriend at the time. They’d been broken up for a whole week! Which is about how long he and I lasted. Apart from Ben being older and in Year 9, I don’t really know what she saw in him. He was way too soppy, texting me mushy little love poems all the time. And his hair was too curly, too.
Anyway, so what if they don’t want me hanging out with them in their stupid garage. I’ve got way better friends now. Friends who are cool – not nobody babies like the Pink crew. I don’t even like pink anymore. It’s a little girl’s colour.
I wait till Michi and Lexi collect their drinks and return to the lounge room, then turn back to my real friends.
Paige and Jayde are talking to the new guy about skateboarding. From the terms he’s throwing around, he sounds like a real pro. Either that or he’s read a lot of skater-boy magazines.
‘So maybe we should come and see you at the skate park sometime,’ Paige is telling him.
‘Sure,’ Skaterboy says, smiling into her eyes. ‘I’ll be there tomorrow.’
I can’t believe this. Paige is already organising to hook up with this guy and I don’t even know what his name is yet. It’s like people keep interrupting me on purpose to stop me from getting to him.
I push myself into the circle. ‘I like skateboarding too,’ I tell him. ‘Sorry, what was your name? I’m Alysha. With a Y.’
Skaterboy extends his hand. ‘Hi, Alysha. I’m Jasper. So you’re into it too, huh? You got your own deck?’
Jayde’s eyes glitter. ‘As if,’ she laughs, before I can answer. ‘Alysha doesn’t do sport.’
Then she turns to me, all pal-sy wal-sy. ‘Hey, Leesh,’ she croons. ‘I think I left my bag in the other room. Can you go get it for me?’
Is she serious? ‘Umm …’ I begin.
Jayde raises an eyebrow. ‘Please?’ Behind her, Paige and Bella are trading glances.
What am I supposed to do? Say no, and then get into a fight with Jayde about it? I shoot Jasper an apologetic look, who shrugs and gives me a lopsided smile in return.
I stumble back out into the lounge room and weave between groups of people, on the lookout for Jayde’s stupid bag. Everyone at this stupid party seems to be having a good time. Everyone but me, that is. Over in the corner, Mia’s miming to the music, while Lexi and Michi prance around her like backup dancers in a video clip. I stop for a moment. Before we started high school I’d have been right up there with them, tossing my head around and pulling crazy moves. But now … they just look silly. Like they’re little girls still back in primary school. I move away before they catch me watching them.
It takes me another two minutes to realise I’ve been set up. No way did Jayde leave her bag in here. It was just an excuse to get me away from Jasper.
‘Hi, again,’ a voice sounds in my ear. ‘Great party, isn’t it?’
I glance to my left. It’s Stacey. Just what I don’t need right now.
‘Fab,’ I mutter, trying to think of a way to blow her off. I glance past her to the brightly lit kitchen, where Jayde is zipping open her bag so she can get her phone out. Big surprise. Now Jasper’s beside her, their heads close together as she punches a series of keys on the keypad. His phone number.
Stacey follows my gaze. ‘Jayde’s really pretty, isn’t she.’
It’s not a question.
‘She could be a model,’ Stacey prattles on. ‘Or a cover girl, even.’
I stare wistfully at Jayde. She’s telling the other people in the kitchen a story, rows of metal bangles cascading up and down her slender arms as she waves them about. The bones in her neck and wrists are tiny, like a baby bird’s. She has perfect cheekbones. And not one extra gram of fat anywhere on her body.
‘Oh, easily,’ I sigh. ‘I wish I looked like that,’ I add, my jeans suddenly feeling uncomfortably tight. ‘I’m so fat.’
Stacey stares at me, stunned. ‘You’re not fat,’ she tells me. ‘You’re skinny as.’
I slowly shake my head. What is she? Blind or something?
I’m fat all right. A big fat lump. But I’m going to do something about it. Just like Paige and Jayde did.
Chapter 2
saturday night … two hours later
Paige’s dad drops me at my front gate and I stand there for a while in the cool night air, waving to everyone as the car pulls away from the kerb. Only Paige and Bella wave back. Jayde just stares out the window, ignoring me.
I head inside. Mum’s tapping away on he
r laptop in the lounge room, surrounded by empty coffee cups and pieces of paper. I wait quietly in the doorway until she notices me.
‘Good party?’ Mum asks, looking up from the business report she’s been working on every night this week.
‘Fab,’ I tell her, though it hadn’t been. Not really. The music was boring. And that try-hard Stacey ended up following me into the kitchen and hanging around like a puppy dog, sucking up to Paige and Jayde the whole time. Paige let her stay. She thinks she’s cute or something.
‘That’s good, darling,’ Mum says. Her eyes flicker from me to her laptop and I can tell she’s hoping I won’t hang around chatting for too long, so she can get back to her report.
Except I don’t feel like going to bed just yet.
‘Want me to make you a tea or a hot chocolate or something?’ I offer.
Then maybe we can sit together on the sofa and drink it, and I can tell her how I really felt about the party. Mia and Michi talk to their mums about everything. Even personal stuff, like who they’ve got crushes on, or when they’ve got bad cramps. Or even if they’ve just had a bad-hair day.
But Mum never seems very interested in what’s going on in my life. I used to tell her stuff when I was little, about the funny things my classmates said, or the new friend I’d made, or what I was going to wish for on my birthday. But I could tell she wasn’t really listening. Not proper listening. She’d nod and smile and say ‘Uh-huh’ or ‘That’s nice, darling’. When the whole time she’d actually be thinking about the points she would score in the meeting with the company directors the next day, or the outfit she was going to wear to the races or the office party. So after a while I just stopped telling her stuff. Why bother?
It’s obvious Mum’s not interested in hot drinks or cosy chats. ‘No thanks, darling,’ she murmurs, her fingers tapping away at the keyboard. ‘I just want to finish off this last little section and then I’m heading to bed.’
Thought so.
‘Is Dad still up?’ I ask hopefully. ‘Or Bec, maybe?’
Mum’s fingers slow to a stop. ‘Honestly, Alysha,’ she sighs, her forehead wrinkling with irritation. ‘Can’t you see I’m trying to …’ Then she sees my face and her expression softens. ‘Your dad went to bed about an hour ago,’ she says, pushing her laptop aside for a moment and stretching. ‘He’s got an early start in the morning. And Bec’s out with Rachael somewhere. The movies I think, or a concert. Or was it Emma she went with? I don’t know. It’s hard to keep up sometimes. She has so many lovely friends.’
Yes, she does, I think. Hundreds and hundreds of lovely, lovely friends. There was never any question of Bec being in the shiny group of her year level. She didn’t have to wait to be invited, like me. Bec was born a shiny. Everyone adores her. What’s not to like? She’s skinny. And funny. And beautiful. Perfect in every way. None of Bec’s friends would blank her at a party, or not bother to wave back.
Now Mum’s smiling, a little faraway look in her eyes. Is she thinking about Bec, out with her lovely friends? I bet she’d have made time for a drink and a cosy chat if Bec had arrived home first.
The clock in the hallway begins its soft chiming. I peer out into the darkness, waiting for the twelfth note to sound before I speak. It’s a game Bec and I used to play when we were little. If you spoke before the last note sounded, the boogie man would get you.
‘Okay,’ I whisper at the end. ‘I’m off to bed too, then. Good night.’
But Mum doesn’t answer. Maybe she didn’t hear me. When I look back she’s picked up her laptop and is tap-tap-tapping away at her keyboard again.
I can hear Dad’s gentle snores as I creep down the hallway to the bathroom. I quickly brush and floss my teeth, then wipe the make-up off my face with cleanser, remembering to only use upward strokes so I don’t get muscle droop. My moisturiser’s empty, so I use Bec’s expensive brand (the one I’m forbidden to use on pain of death) instead.
My room’s the small one, next to the bathroom I share with Bec. Mum and Dad have their own ensuite and a walk-in robe, which is something I am definitely going to have when I get my own place. Imagine having a whole separate room, just to keep your clothes and shoes in! All I’ve got is a stupid built-in wardrobe with sliding doors that stick all the time. And a chest of drawers with stupid sparkly stickers stuck all over it from when I was nine. I keep hassling my parents to get me a new one but it hasn’t happened yet. I tried peeling them off one day, but no way were they budging. I wish they made false-eyelash glue that strong.
I like my bed though. It’s big and comfy, with lots of pillows and cushions. And it’s where Flossy lives. Flossy’s my deep dark secret. If I know Paige or Jayde are coming over, I always make sure he’s wellhidden before they arrive. They’d only make fun of him, and me for having a little kid’s toy when I go to high school. Flossy’s a plush horse with a silky mane. Dad won him for me in an arcade game at the show when I was about four, and I’ve kept him on my bed ever since. Pathetic, I know, but he’s good to cuddle if I’m feeling a bit down about something.
But the best thing about my room is the giant pin board behind my desk. It’s like my own version of the Wall in Pink HQ, only better. And instead of photos of my Pink friends and me (my Pink ex-friends and me?), I’ve cut out pictures of my favourite models from magazines. Well, actually, most of the pictures are of one model – Mathilde Carr. She is so beautiful. If I could look like anyone in the world, it would be her.
I’ve made a start. I took my favourite photo of her along to Alfio’s, the hairdresser Paige and Jayde always go to. Dad almost choked when I told him how much it was going to cost him. Alfio’s is a lot more expensive than Sharon’s Cut and Curl, my usual place, but it was so worth it.
Paige came with me. We showed Alfio the picture of Mathilde and asked him to cut my hair exactly like that. And he did! With the same layers and feathering at the sides and everything. And Paige showed me how to style it in that sidesweep she does her hair in sometimes. And she plucked my eyebrows so they looked like Mathilde’s too. Really fine. I thought Mum would go off when I came home that first day but I don’t think she even noticed. Bec did, though. She told me they looked wicked. So now I get Paige to do them for me once every two weeks.
But there’s one problem. And it’s a big one (like my bum). Mathilde Carr is thin. Gloriously, fabulously, goddess-ously thin. And I am a fatty-fatty boombah. No wonder Skaterboy didn’t want to talk to me at the party tonight. Not while Jayde was there, showing me up. And it’s just as well there aren’t mirrored doors on my built-in wardrobe, or I’d scare myself to death every time I undressed in front of it.
But I’m working on it. It won’t be long now before I’m as thin and gorgeous and goddess-like as Mathilde.
I undress quickly, smoothing out and hanging each item of clothing carefully in my wardrobe as I go. Then I pull on my PJs and lie down on the floor. If I’m quick I’ll be able to get in three sets of crunches and maybe – if I’m extra extra quiet about it – even some star jumps before Bec comes home and wants to know what all the thumping sounds coming from my room are.
Chapter 3
monday morning
School’s back. I stand at the lockers with Paige and Jayde and Bella, accepting hugs and air kisses as people stream past on their way to class.
‘What have we got first again?’ Jayde asks, when the crowd finally thins.
‘Dunno,’ says Paige, shuffling books around inside her locker. ‘Maths, maybe? Do you know, Bell?’
‘Nope. Hey, Leesh. What have we got first?’
I consult the timetable taped inside my locker door. The one that’s exactly the same as the timetable taped inside Jayde’s and Paige’s locker doors. They’re so lazy sometimes.
‘Double English,’ I say.
Paige groans. ‘English? I was hoping it would be art or something, so we could have a good bludge. No way am I awake yet.’
‘Who is?’ says Jayde, jamming her hands over her ears as th
e second bell shrills. ‘Guess we better get moving though. We’re already late.’
We stroll together up the wide corridor, our shoes scuffing against the dirty grey linoleum. Just because we’re late, it doesn’t mean we have to run. Shinies never run anywhere.
Ms Gallo has already started the lesson by the time we arrive at our classroom, but she stops when she sees us hanging around outside the window.
‘Do come in, girls,’ she tells us as she opens the door and ushers us inside. She takes a deep breath, then sniffs the air, hamming it up. ‘Strangers might think they’ve come to a beauty salon or a model shoot by mistake if you stand out there all day.’
Jayde runs a hand through her hair. ‘Gee, thanks, miss,’ she purrs, blowing Gallo an air kiss.
Jack and Nick, sitting in the back row, crack up. I wish I could think up funny lines like that. Jayde does a little Academy Award bow, making the rest of the class laugh.
Gallo rolls her eyes. ‘You should be on the stage, Jayde,’ she tells her.
Oh no, I think. She’s going to tell us the stage coach joke. The one Mr C, our music teacher, is always coming out with every time one of us does something funny. It’s so old even my dad knows it, and he’s ancient.
‘There’s one leaving town in five minutes,’ Nick calls out, beating her to it. Everyone groans. Gallo shoots him a greasy then turns back to us.
She reminds us of the school policy on lateness and tells us all to hurry up and find a seat before the period ends.
We scan the room, looking for empty seats. There are a couple near Lexi but no way am I sitting next to Little Miss Sportypants. Ever since she started doing tae kwon do classes with Daniel, she thinks she’s got the best moves in the universe. Plus she hates me. If I get too close, she might try and karate chop me under the table with her leg or something.
Then Paige nudges Jayde. Stacey’s waggling her hand in the air and mouthing their names, pointing out the two spare seats at her table. Ten seconds later, Paige and Jayde are sitting in them, leaving Bella and me with nowhere to go except over with Lexi.
A Year in Girl Hell Page 22