Trust Me (Finding my way)

by R. S Burnett

  I’m completely embarrassed and a little bit in shock. I’m not actually sure what happened to me but that’s the first time I’ve ever… well have been left feeling relaxed. And of course it would happen over a dream of Tucker. I have no idea how I’m ever going to look at him in the eye ever again without blushing.

  I’m still embarrassed by what happened to me as I make my way towards the usual table full of my friends and…Tucker.

  “Hey, where did you rush off to this morning?” he asks me as I take my seat next to Sophie.

  “I had to…umm…I had some stuff to take care of,” I answer, not looking up from my plate.

  “Are you okay, Brooke?” Sophie asks me quietly. I shake my head at her. I see her stand up from the corner of my eye and she pulls me up with her; we walk over to the vending machine out of earshot of everyone.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks looking at me, but I don’t meet her gaze.

  “I’m pretty sure I had my first orgasm,” I tell her quietly.

  “And that’s a bad thing because…” she asks, frowning at me.

  “I was asleep, it woke me up. I was dreaming about..we…we’re…I had a dream that I was having sex with Tucker and I woke up because I was…you know…coming,” I whisper the last word.

  I’m not sure what I expected her reaction to be, but laughing so hard she has tears running down her face wasn’t it. I clear my throat to get her attention.

  “I’m sorry it’s just…you’ve never…and then you get woken up by…and over Tucker,” she says through her laughing.

  “It’s not funny. We’re friends and I can’t even look at him. What am I going to do? You have to help me. I have to stay in a hotel room with him tomorrow night,” I plead.

  “Umm, I don’t know. Just don’t tell him,” she says suddenly serious.

  “Well obviously,” I say dryly, just imagining the field day he would have with that information.

  “Look, I’ll think of something. You’re coming to that party tonight right?” I nod at her. “Well, we will just have to find you someone to hook up with, that should get it out of your system,” she smirks.

  “Great,” I mutter.

  “So…was he any good?” she asks smiling mischievously. I glare at her. “Well at least it keeps the nightmare away,” she smirks and heads back to the table grinning at everyone, letting a laugh slip out every so often.

  “What was that about?” I hear Matt ask Sophie as I sit back in my chair and start talking to Luke about the tonight’s party.

  “You’re going right?” I confirm.

  “Of course, it’s supposed to be a good one,” he replies.

  We both turn to see what’s happening at the same time while Matt’s choking on his drink hitting his chest as Sophie laughs.

  I glare at her; in this moment I swear I could kill her.

  She smiles sheepishly at me “Sorry, it’s too funny not to,” is all she says.

  Matt looks up at Tucker and then to me and starts laughing again. “Matt,” I warn.

  Tucker just watches us all confused. “What’s so funny? I didn’t grope you again or anything did I?” he asks looking worried, making Sophie and Matt laugh harder.

  “No, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” I assure him without actually looking at him.

  “If I did, I’m sorry,” he says again.

  “You didn’t. You kept your hands to yourself,” I tell him only adding fuel to Sophie and Matt’s laughter. “That’s it. I’m going,” I say and then leave.

  I decide to skip the rest of my classes and head into town to buy something to wear to the party.

  ***

  Once I’ve finished getting ready, I step out of the bathroom and walk past Sophie and Matt who are sat on her bed waiting for me.

  “Is that what you’re wearing?” Sophie asks taking in my black dress.

  “Uh…No. This is what I’m wearing on the way there. I’m going to put jeans and a t-shirt on when we’re in the car,” I reply dryly.

  “It’s a bit BDSM isn’t it?” she asks.

  I smile to myself at the description she just gave it. My dress is black, strapless and has no back to it just straps of black lace with a strip of black leather in the middle of each strip, criss-crossing up my back.

  “Come on, let’s go and no more dirty comments please,” I beg as we head out to Matt car.

  When we arrive, the party is already in full swing. We head straight into the kitchen to get some drinks; obviously we have some catching up to do.

  An hour, four beers and four shots later, Sophie’s pulling me towards yet another group of guys.

  “Is this really necessary?” I groan to her as she adjusts my dress for me before we reach them.

  “Yes. You just need someone to distract you; you’re spending too much time with Tucker. That’s what the problem is here,” she says impatiently as I focus on standing upright without swaying.

  “Right, so that’s why every time he walks into a room you’ve been literally dragging me away into another room,” I reply dryly, but slightly slurred.

  “Oh god. No more drinks for a while for you,” she says looking me over.

  “I missed lunch,” I snap.

  “Hey Brooke, having fun?” Ethan asks joining us. He watches Sophie with amusement as she adjusts my dress in different ways to make the best of my breasts.

  “I was until this one decided to take over me,” I say not attempting to stop her. I tried once and got a lecture.

  “What exactly is she doing?” he asks not taking his eyes from mine.

  “Her mission is to make sure I have sex tonight,” I announce amazed that Sophie hasn’t caught on to the fact that we’re not alone.

  “I’m not even going to ask.”

  “Thanks,” I reply gratefully “Hey, you wouldn’t mind helping me out would you?” I ask.

  “Uh…what did you have in mind?” he asks nervously.

  “Distract her so she leaves me alone, please,” I beg.

  “Sure,” he shrugs.

  Sophie stands up and pats my shoulders. “Right, you’ll do,” she smiles at me and slaps me on the ass before pushing me away from Ethan and in front of two men that are in one my classes.

  “Hey Brooke,” they greet me smiling.

  “Hey, umm if you’ll excuse me a sec…” I quickly walk away before Sophie can hunt me down and throw me in front of any more men. I head to the bathroom but there is a queue so I head upstairs to use the ensuite.

  In the bathroom, I adjust my dress to attempt to cover up some of the flesh Sophie put on show, but it’s no use. I prick my finger on something and pull the top of my dress back to see that she’s pinned it to my bra. Where the hell did she get pins from? I walk out of the bathroom shaking my head at her randomness and stop when I see Tucker standing by the bed waiting for me.

  “Hi, Tuck. You okay?” I ask, eyeing him nervously; this is the first time I am looking him in the eye since the dream.

  “Yeap…I’m fine, are you?” he asks, watching me sway slightly.

  “I’m good,” I nod .

  “You need a ride home later?”

  “No, I’m actually going to head home now.” I start pulling the pins out of my dress so I can pull it up a bit, just so I have something to do with my hands, to avoid wringing them nervously.

  “Brooke…have I done something to upset you?” I look up at him when I hear his footsteps coming closer.

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “Well, you’ve been avoiding me.” He’s looking into my eyes so intensely I have to look away.

  “That’s Sophie. She’s been pulling me around the party since we got here, thrusting me in front of as many men as possible.”

  “And this morning? This afternoon? Was Sophie pulling you away then?” he asks frowning.

  “No,” I swallow.

  “Then why have you been avoiding me?” he asks softly.

  I look up at his face, his eyes are concerned,
his brows are pulled together, and there is no hint of a smile on his lips. Taking a step forward so we are almost touching, but not quite, I rise up a little and kiss him. I brush my lips against his softly to see if he will return the kiss; he does and soon he is parting my lips with his tongue and the kiss deepens. When I let out a moan that I desperately wish I could take back, I pull away from him. He looks stunned so I take advantage of that and walk past him to the door.

  “That’s why,” I whisper as I pass him and leave the bedroom, wondering if I just ruined our friendship for good.

  I wake up covered in sweat and shaking, looking around the dark room, the little light that comes through our only window casts shadows all over the room; squinting into the dark, I can see that Sophie’s bed is empty. I turn on the lamp next to my bed and get up to take a shower, hoping to wash away any remains of the nightmare.

  Throwing on one of my old baggy hooded tops and the first thing that comes to hand from my underwear drawer, I sit at the table nursing a mug of coffee, knowing my chances of getting back to sleep are slim to none anyway. To pass sometime, I start up my laptop and log in to Facebook. I click through the notifications that tell me I’ve been tagged in a bunch of photos from the party earlier this evening. Seriously, who uploads photos at that time of night?

  The flashing light on my Blackberry catches my eye and I browse through the messages and missed calls I got while I was asleep. A few are from Sophie asking where I am and a voicemail from her sounding worried. I quickly tap out a reply apologising for not saying goodbye, but tell her I headed out early and fell straight to sleep when I got back. I have two missed calls from Tucker but no messages, so I send him a message just saying ‘sorry’ and lock the phone; it starts ringing instantly.

  “Hello” I answer it quietly. I’m not sure why, maybe because it’s so late.

  “Hey, can’t sleep?” Tucker says just as quietly.

  “Bad dream. I can never get back to sleep after them.”

  “Do you want me to come over?”

  “Umm…” Do I want him to come over? I’m not sure...

  “It’ll be fine. I promise.”

  “Are you sure? It’s like three in the morning.”

  “I’ll be there in two, pour me some of that coffee.”

  I look down at my cup, surprised that he knew what I was doing. I hear him chucking as he hangs up.

  I shut down my laptop and am pouring two fresh coffees when there’s a soft knock at the door.

  “Hey,” Tucker greets as he walks past me straight to the table collecting his drink. He’s obviously just got out of bed. He’s wearing a plain white tee, jogging bottoms, socks, no shoes and his hair is sticking up everywhere.

  “I’m sorry I woke you,” I say softly as I sit opposite him.

  “You didn’t wake me,” he smiles.

  I feel like an idiot; obviously if I didn’t wake him then there is another reason he is rumpled. That other reason must still be in his bed. Shit.

  “Oh,” is all I can reply.

  “Think you’ll be able to get back to sleep if I stay with you?” he asks smiling encouragingly at me.

  “Umm, no. I don’t think we should be spending the night together anymore…the nightmares really aren’t that bad and I can catch up on any sleep I loose in the nights in the day when I don’t have classes.”

  “So you’d rather lose sleep than spend the night with me…what happened last night?” he’s frowning at me now. “Did I do something to hurt you? Is that why Sophie was dragging you away from me tonight?”

  “Eh…no. Sophie was trying to get me to spend the night with someone else, anyone else actually. She wasn’t exactly fussy with who she was putting in front of me,” I say, frowning myself now.

  “Why would she want you to spend the night with someone so badly? I don’t understand.”

  “I’m not answering that.” I shake my head at him, beyond embarrassed.

  “Does my being with you still keep the nightmares away?” he asks looking confused.

  “Yes…”

  “But what? I know you didn’t sleep all the way through the night last night because you were gone early this morning.”

  “No I didn’t, I got woken up.”

  “By me?”

  “Umm…kind of…no…I don’t know. It was a first,” I mumble.

  “Does this have anything to do with that kiss at the party?”

  “Maybe. I’m sorry about that by the way.”

  “I’m not worried about that. I want to know why it happened.”

  “You’re really going to make me say it?” I ask desperately.

  “Yes. I’m guessing Sophie knows so that means Matt knows. I’ll ask him if you don’t tell me and I’m thinking you might want to tell me because whatever it is; I can guarantee he will make it sound a lot worse that what it probably was.”

  “I doubt it,” I say quietly but I know he’s heard because his left eyebrow rises. “Okay fine. I had a dream…you were in it…it came out of nowhere…it felt so real and it…well…let’s just say the ‘climax’ of the dream woke me up feeling breathless.” I finish and watch as he chokes on his coffee. I wait patiently for him to calm down. “Don’t you dare tell anyone! You have no idea how much crap Sophie and Matt have been spitting at me because of it.”

  “Wow…that…umm…changes things,” he nods at me “So Sophie wanted you to sleep with someone else hoping the dream was as a result of you not having sex lately and spending so much time with me?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Then what?”

  “She thought it might distract me. Last night, or this morning was the first time I’ve ever…I’ve never had sex before and well I don’t…you know, myself and no boyfriends have ever…I usually just sort them out to avoid it.” Why am I telling him all of this? Someone please put a gag on me.

  “You’ve never…”

  “Nope.”

  “Not even…”

  “No.”

  “What about…”

  “Nothing” I shake my head.

  “And you were avoiding me because…”

  “I was embarrassed! We’re friends; you don’t dream of having sex with your friends and wake up mid orgasm.”

  “Right, well I can’t say I’ve had any wet dreams, but I’ve definitely been thinking about you in non-friendly approved ways pretty much since that day I first spoke to you.”

  “Really?” I ask scrunching my nose up.

  “Yeah. I just never thought you thought of me in the same way and then, I didn’t want to anything to ruin our friendship.”

  “So you agree it’s not a good idea to spend the night together anymore then?” I ask both hopeful and disappointed.

  “Hell no, I don’t agree!” he says grinning and standing up. “Come on let’s get to bed, maybe you’ll be getting back to sleep after all.”

  I look up at him nervously biting my lip. I’m not sure what he thinks is going to happen when we get into that bed, but I am not being someone’s one night stand.

  “Trust me?” he asks sincerely.

  I watch him silently for a minute and decide that after everything, I do trust him. All the nights we’ve spent together and all the times he talked me through the hard times. I nod at him and crawl into bed, he climbs in next to me and pulls me into him, tucking me under his arm so my head lays on his chest, I wrap my arm around him across his stomach.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hold you in my arms like this.” Tucker sighs above me and leans down to lay a kiss on my forehead.

  “It would definitely make sleeping in you’re bed easier,” I tease but frown when I feel him stiffen. “What’s wrong?” I ask lifting my head to see his worried expression.

  “I don’t want you to be in my bed, not anymore.”

  “Umm…okay”

  “It just wouldn’t be right.”

  “Okay.” I’m not going to say I understand because I don’t but I won’t push
him on it, I’m sure he’ll explain when he’s ready.

  His arms tighten around me and I squeeze him back.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure,” I answer unsure.

  “You never did tell me why you’ve never had any sort of sex.”

  “It’s hard for me to talk about…one of the last things my dad said to me before he died, was how he wished I could stay innocent forever and I guess it was the only innocence I could save. I know that’s backwards when you consider the things I’ve done for boyfriends in the past and the one thing I really I like doing is really not innocent at all. But, I thought if I didn’t let myself get to that point then my innocence would remain. It worked you know, until last night that is.”

  “You don’t talk about your dad much, do you?” he asks softly while playing with my hair.

  “No. The years I had with him were my happiest. I try not to think about it, it’s easier to get through all the rubbish times that way,” I shrug and yawn.

  “Go to sleep Brooke, we have a long weekend ahead.”

  “I’m glad you’re coming, thank you.” I yawn.

  “Anything for you,” is the last thing I hear him say before keeping my eyes open becomes too much.

  Ten

  I wake up to Tucker kissing my neck just below my ear softly. I turn my head to smile at him. “Morning,” he smiles before leaning down and kissing me.

  “Good morning.” I smile and stretch out “How long have you been awake?”

  “Not long, about ten minutes. Did I wake you?” he grins and starts kissing my neck again.

  “Mmmnnn,” is all I can reply while he continues his assault on my neck.

  I pull away and crawl over him so I’m hovering above him on my hands and knees.

  He tilts his chin up silently asking for a kiss; I obey. As the kiss deepens and his tongue softly moves against mine my knees give way and I fall onto his stomach. I pull back and smirk at him because he’s poking me in the stomach. He shrugs and grins sheepishly at me.