It almost tore my heart out to think I’d been responsible for that look. I had tried to be honest with her, and I’d wanted to reassure her, but I knew if I told it would be okay, that would have sounded as if I was brushing over the situation. She was only eighteen, and although I was pro-life, and she was carrying my baby, we’d never even discussed her perspective on that subject.
“Listen, Valerie, we’re both well aware the timing isn’t ideal if you’re pregnant, but trust me when I say I love you. Other than that I don’t know what to think or say because I don’t know what you want,” I said, and prayed I’d said enough, but not enough to pressure her one way or another. She had to come to her own decision. I stared quietly as I accepted responsibility for my stupidity, at that moment I hadn’t been sure we’d have survived if she’d chosen to abort our child.
My lack of anything constructive spurred a fresh wave of emotion in her, and she sobbed into her hands, “Just say it, Flynn. You don’t want a baby.”
Blood rushed into my veins as adrenaline pumped through my body, furious at her comment. I fought to contain how hurt I felt at her assumption I’d reject something as wonderful as any child we’d made together. I scooped her into my arms and rubbed her back as I tried to sooth the sobs that wracked her body. In a low tone, I realized the only thing I could offer her was my honest feelings. I pushed her back and held her by the arms, and my eye-to-eye contact told her that what I had to say was my word.
“Alright, you want me to be completely honest with you? You’re nineteen years old in two weeks. Nineteen. Fuck! I had hoped to have you to myself for a lot longer than this, but if you’re pregnant, then we’re having this baby as long as that’s what you want. I want children, babe. I fucking love children, Valerie.” Her eyes darted back and forth across my face nervously as she bit her lip.
“We have never had the kind of discussions this warrants, but you’re wrong. If you’re having my baby, I’ll love it just as much as I love you. The thought of making babies with you doesn’t scare me at all. I’d welcome us being a family, babe. I’m more than ready to be with you forever and a day…then some. I just didn’t want you to feel pressured into something you’re not ready for.”
Huge watery emerald eyes searched my face again, and she leaned in and kissed me. The feeling in her kiss portrayed every unspoken question and fear in her mind. From the way she clung to me, I knew a heart-to-heart conversation had to follow to ensure Valerie explored her own feelings in an unhurried way once she knew mine.
After a couple of hours of talking, we’d both arrived at the same decision. If Valerie was pregnant, she wanted to keep the baby, and we’d go forward as a family no matter what. I felt relieved, because the more we spoke about it, the more I wanted her and our baby. We had both been in shock at the news, even though we’d been careless, but we were solid on how we’d deal with a baby entering into the already complex equation of our lives.
The first thing we had to do was confirm it, Valerie had been under a lot of pressure, and at only a week late, stress could have been the cause. She enlisted Simone’s help, who drove to town to pick up a pregnancy test from the drugstore. The last thing Valerie wanted was the small town gossip mongers seeing her with one.
It was the longest hour and a half we’d ever spent before Simone brought two testing kits back and Valerie finally peed on the stick. The three of us held our breath waiting for the result, even when we knew the likely outcome. When she walked out of the bathroom holding the small stick in my direction her eyes were cloudy with tears. Two pink lines on the stick confirmed what we’d pretty much known already.
“I’m keeping my baby,” she said, defiantly.
“Our baby, and damn straight you are,” I smiled affectionately and pulled her into my chest. My heart skipped a beat and swelled with my love for the gutsy young woman in front of me. “This baby is going to be so loved, babe. I won’t have anything negative around him.”
“Him?” Valerie said, with a small smile as she glanced up. Her characteristic smirk took over, which showed her sassy side, the visible pressure she must have felt disappeared from her face once she’d known the truth of the matter.
“Yeah, I don’t think I can deal with a daughter at this point in my life. I need another ten years under my belt for that,” I’d grinned, and kissed the top of her head. Simone had been sitting on the sofa. She stood quietly, made her way to the cabin door, and let herself out without commenting.
It was 10:00 pm, and we still hadn’t eaten, so I ordered some takeout, and we sat talking into the night. Absorbing our new situation, we tried to figure out how we were going to cope with the band, touring, and parenthood in one hit. Nothing seemed to happen for either of us in singular events.
“Why is it every time my life seems to pick up, there’s a curveball that appears from nowhere and shoots straight at me?” she mused.
I chuckled heartily, “If we knew that, we’d be rich.”
“We are rich, Flynn,” she reminded me, dryly.
Pulling her to my chest again, I dipped my head and nuzzled into her neck. “Mmm, you smell awesome, you know that?”
She tilted her head away from me and our eyes connected. A serious expression washed over her, “What are we going to do, Flynn?”
“We’re going to live long and be happy, babe. No fucker is going to disrupt that for us, you get me? We’re gonna do everything you set out to accomplish. RedA will cut an album in our fancy new studio, we’re going to make sure Bernie gets what he’s due, and you are going to keep on doing what you’re doing. When that’s happened and we launch ourselves out there you’ll have a swollen belly, and I’ll get more of you until you’re ready to drop. Then, Valerie, you’re going to be an awesome mom, and we’re gonna be a beautiful, happy family.”
“And when do we tell my family?” she said worrying her lip between her fingers.
That was the one thing I hadn’t been looking forward to, “On your birthday? Christmas? My birthday is February, but I figure they’d probably have guessed by then.” I grinned reassuringly and thought about all the changes her body would go through during the nine months that followed. It stopped me in my tracks.
For half of my young life, all I’d ever been responsible for was me. With the reality of her carrying our child, I’d have a family by blood again. It had been thirteen years since my brother and mother had died, and finally, there was something that represented family for me that was good. I was looking forward to that new beginning.
*****
The week before Christmas Valerie spent her nineteenth birthday, throwing up. Her mom continually tried to give her anti-emetics to quell the sickness, and eventually we came clean about the real reason Valerie had been puking her guts up.
Naturally, her mom, Marianne, cried and went off on a rant directed mainly at me, but after she calmed down she tried to be supportive. We weren’t sure if her reaction was due to Valerie’s age, the fact we weren’t married or simply it had reminded her of the children she’d held in her arms all those years ago, that were no longer with her. Children that would never have the opportunity to reproduce the way Valerie and I were. Maybe it was a combination of all of those things.
When her dad, Alan, called me into his home office, I knew he was mad about his youngest child having a child of her own before she’d had the chance to live. Valerie was his light in the dark, and from how he’d gotten behind her in her business, I could see as soon as I’d come back into her life how much she’d changed under his guidance.
Once we’d gone into his oak-paneled room, I stood silently waiting for the onslaught I felt I’d truly deserved. Initially, there was no eye contact as he continually opened and closed drawers, flicked pretend lint from his slacks, and wiped his hand over his highly polished mahogany table. I wondered if he was going to speak at all, right before he finally did.
“Can’t say I’m over the moon about what you’ve done. What do you intend to do about it?�
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“What do I intend to do? You mean about our child, Alan? We’re going to bring him up and teach him about love and respect. I want this kid to feel all the best feelings I never had growing up. Love, praise, safe, happy, I want him to look at his parents and feel in awe of what they are. I want him to walk around as if the sun is shining on his face even on rainy days. He’ll be proud of his mom and me.”
Narrowing his gaze, he stared at me square in the eye. He seemed pretty out of his depth about accepting he was going to be a grandfather so I figured I’d just keep going until I’d said my piece.
“There are no second chances at being a child, and if he lives right, it’ll be less than twenty percent of his life. The weight of that is on me, and I’m going to ensure that his one crack at it is the best we can give him. I know we’re young, and you think we know nothing, but I love Valerie with all my heart, and she loves me. That’s all we need, everything we want we’ll work for. I thought the way we’d told you about it you’d have gleaned that.”
Studying me for longer than was comfortable, I began to feel unnerved by the charged emotion that was emanating off the man. A few minutes later he stood sharply, and for a split second, I’d thought he was going to hit me when he lifted his arm. I think I may have closed my eyes before I felt his strong hand pat me on the back.
“Make her happy, Flynn. Don’t let this be a mistake for either of you.”
Nodding my understanding, I grasped his forearm and smiled, “Yes, Sir. Absolutely, that’s my intention. We trust each other, and with what we’ve lived through, we have old souls compared to most people. I’m sure those will keep us steady while we find our feet with this new situation we’ve found ourselves in. Now, if you don’t mind, I bet my girl is sitting there with her nerves on edge worrying about what we’re saying in here. That’s not good for her or our baby, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to take her home, and share a romantic birthday dinner with her.”
Clearing his throat Valerie’s dad stood and walked around the desk. He settled his hips against the edge and issued a clear warning, which I actually appreciated because he was protecting her, “Don’t disappoint me. Valerie is precious. She’s my only baby girl. Fuck with her heart, Flynn, and there’ll be no second chances for you—but I think you already know that.”
With my hand on the door handle, I stared pointedly at him and nodded again, “That’s one thing I know for sure,” I said, with a level of gravity in my voice that ensured him I’d taken the full weight of his words.
When I left his office, I heard Valerie giggling sweetly and wandered into the kitchen. She was sitting on a stool at the countertop with her back to me. She turned and gave me a soft smile that melted my heart, “Okay, babe, let’s get you home while I’ve still got my kneecaps. You’re dad is in a good mood today.”
Valerie gave me an infectious grin and her shoulders visibly relaxed. She slid off the stool and wrapped her arm around my waist. “See you tomorrow, Mom,” she said, as we headed for home.
Chapter 13 ~ Valerie
Hidden treasure
Initially, I’d felt devastated that I’d been so naïve about sex, and the likelihood of becoming pregnant even though I’d thought I knew everything in theory. As it turned out it had taken no practice at all. Flynn and I had been careful most of the time, but there were a handful of times when our passion and desires had overtaken us, and fortunately, or unfortunately, I appeared to be one of those fertile females that conceive with no effort needed.
When Flynn had stood in front of me and asked what I meant by late, I thought he’d go ballistic when he knew. I’d never felt more like running away in my life as I had at that moment. Fear ran through my veins, and my heart was pumping so fast I could feel it in my mouth.
I felt some of my anxieties ebb away when I heard he’d wanted children, but I’d still watched him intensely for new fears that he was just using those words to make me feel better. It wasn’t until after I’d taken the test, and knew for sure he meant it, that I started to accept he’d been telling me the truth.
After I’d taken the test and my pregnancy was confirmed, Simone helped me find an OBGYN. Dr. Alan Clark was an obstetrician with a great reputation, and he was a few towns away from my parent’s place. Flynn was happy with my choice but suggested I consult with two, and that the other should be in Chicago, where his place was. We hadn’t decided exactly where we were going to live once the baby was born, but it made sense to do that as we’d be sharing our time between both states.
Two days after making an appointment, Flynn and I were both a bundle of nerves as we sat waiting for my appointment at the doctor’s office. When Dr. Clark walked into the room, I saw Flynn physically recoil.
The doctor looked like a guy straight off of a hospital romance film set. Tall, broad-shouldered, blond and sun-kissed, he had the California surfer dude look down, but his white lab coat made him very sexy to look at, and he was way too young for Flynn’s liking. His relaxed manner and familiarity was perfect for someone like me, but I could see Flynn already had an opinion to express once we’d left the office after the examination.
After a paper consultation where both of us were asked a gazillion questions about family history, and various other factors that would determine risk factors with my internal health, and that of our baby, he leaned over and checked the insides of my eyelids for signs of anemia.
Once he’d done that we moved to his examining table where he performed a head to toe physical, including my blood pressure, pulse, and a heart and lung examination. Flynn bristled and rocked on his toes when the doctor had lifted my blouse to place his stethoscope under my breast to listen to my heart.
When he lay me down and began to examine my abdomen Flynn moved closer. At first, I thought that was because he wanted to be a part of what was going on, and was seeking a better vantage point. However, when I’d glance at him and saw his hands clenched into fists as the doctor began to palpate my belly below my navel. I almost burst out laughing. The look on his face was priceless.
We hadn’t expected much from the first visit, and thought it would be more of a fact-finding consultation, but when he pulled over a portable sonogram machine, and his nurse began to prepare my belly with a translucent gel my heart rate soared at the thought I was going to see our unborn child.
Watching Flynn’s face was a real education in how he was feeling at that time. His eyes full of apprehension darted between my face, the nurse’s ministrations on my belly, the doctor’s face and over to the equipment that he was setting up beside the bed.
“If you’d like to pull the chair over and situate it here, Flynn, you’ll be able to hold Valerie’s hand and see what I’m doing,” he said in a gentle, encouraging tone.
Flynn did what he asked and slipped his hand underneath mine, placing his other one on top as if he were holding a delicate flower between them.
Electricity brought the sonogram to life at the flick of a switch, and a black screen became visible. The doctor began to type in my details as he referred to the paper notes he held in front of him. From the angle I was at I could see him enter my name, my date of birth, the date, and my last period date. Turning toward me he smiled slowly and glanced at Flynn before looking back at me.
“This won’t hurt, and depending on the age of the embryo, I may have to do a trans-vaginal scan for accuracy. This would involve placing a small sheathed probe into your vagina to gain a clear view for better measurements.”
Flynn growled, as his jaw strained with tension, and I felt his unease in his hands. His shoulders hunched at the disapproval he felt at the thought that something invasive may have been necessary. He didn’t need to worry, though, because with a few sweeps across my belly with the ultrasound conductor, our little one came into view. The baby was big enough to be visible on the screen, but it looked suspiciously like a cashew nut in the grainy picture to my untrained eye. “Ah, there it is,” Dr. Clark said like he’d struck gold.
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My eyes darted to record Flynn’s true reaction. His serious face stared silently at the screen. Swallowing rapidly, I saw his eyes fill with unshed tears until he turned to look over at me and our eyes met in an unspoken connection.
A single teardrop fell from his left eye onto his light blue t-shirt leaving a small dark stain as a slow smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. He shook his head indicating he couldn’t speak at that particular moment, his throat choked with the emotion of what the tiny fluttering heart at the center of the screen meant for the both of us.
When I saw his reaction, my throat closed as I blinked back my own tears and stared through the blurriness to the screen, at the tiny, precious life growing inside of me. The doctor worked silently as if he was aware of the charge of emotion Flynn and I were experiencing, and a few moments later we had somehow managed to compose ourselves. It was at that point the technicalities of my pregnancy began to be discussed.
“According to the measurements you are seven weeks and five days of gestation. The measurements are in correlation with your last period date. Everything seems normal at this time, I’m happy the baby is developing normally…”
Flynn exhaled heavily, and squeezed my hand again, giving it a tight little shake to demonstrate how relieved he was to hear those words.
I hadn’t really minded that I was about to be a young mom, but the unexpected position of being a teenage mom when I’d protested against it so strongly in the past, was a real shock to my system. Flynn and I were still pretty new to each other in the scheme of things, but he’d convinced me he was happy about being a dad.
Flynn had given me no reason to doubt that our baby would be welcomed and loved. Once I was confident about that, I’d felt relieved because the last thing I would have wanted was to have a constant reminder of him if he’d walked away. There was never any question in my mind about keeping my baby. When the shock had worn off, I was pretty certain I’d be able to juggle both my career and my new family.
Ready For Flynn, Part 2 : A Rockstar Romance (The Ready For Flynn) Page 12