Love, Carry My Bags
Page 46
“Shall we?” Kurt asks, motioning to the control room where he starts the engine.
As we motor through the calm waters, I watch the swirls in our wake.
“Same route as last time?” Kurt looks my way, asking.
“Please,” I say.
“It’s a shame Uncle Jake and Aunt Jillian couldn’t come,” says Sydney. “Turned out to be a beautiful day.” She gives her long hair a nervous stroke.
I answer. “They were too busy. ‘Just take care of it,’ they said.”
Reese stands alongside me as I contemplate how my life has come full circle, many times. I look back, from a new and higher perspective on the twists and turns of life’s corkscrew, and wonder how many more there will be. I marvel at the journey from the pointed start.
A seagull calls; a raven answers.
Reese and I, together, hold the small box and start to pour. Dust in the wind. I release flowers from the garden; they fall from my hand, floating. We pass the remains to the girls and they say their final goodbyes. This chapter is closed.
And a new one begins.
THE END
END NOTE
Love, Carry My Bags started out to be a bittersweet tale of lost love painted against a backdrop of an unhappy marriage, but what it really is, is an unhappy, undiagnosed ADHD marriage. I had absolutely no idea when I was writing, as the novel has been essentially finished for almost four years and I only learned of ADHD a year ago. I could not have written it better if I had known, but now I sort of have a “platform” dropped into my lap.
Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder originates in childhood, yet, the symptoms of childhood ADHD can morph into seemingly different disorders with age (i.e. addictions, lost jobs, impulsivity, anger management issues, insatiability, etc.) An estimated 67% - 90% of childhood ADHD cases persist throughout adulthood, ultimately affecting at least 4% - 5% of the adult population (conservatively 11 million adults in the United States alone, yet some experts estimate as high as 30 million). Eighty-nine percent of adult sufferers are undiagnosed and untreated.
ADHD can manifest itself in the boy who used to be the class clown who then becomes a disorganized adult, telling jokes and making fun of himself to cover up forgetfulness. Or it can be the character, Glenn, who is irritable and angry, blaming others for misunderstandings, physically unable to look inward at his own hurtful actions due to a neuro-biological disorder. Both men and women can be affected and not all display Glenn’s characteristics; some can be very socially reclusive and passive. ADHD has many manifestations and “faces.”
If this strikes a chord for you, see Gina Pera’s book, Is It You, Me or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder. It is a wonderful non-fiction eye-opener and tear jerker, validating the experiences of those whose lives have been affected by undiagnosed ADHD, educating about the many myths around and manifestations of Adult ADHD, and explaining what steps can be taken next to help everyone involved.
About the Author
Ever since my elementary school days, I have been writing. One time I wrote a poem about a horse for a teacher, and she loved it so much, she asked if she could keep it. Like a stupid kid, I said, “Sure!” I knew it was good. I didn’t know I’d be wishing to this day that I still had a copy. I recall it was something deep and meaningful, something you don’t expect from a kid. I keep hoping that by some miracle, the teacher still has the poem and will return it.
I made a lame attempt in high school to write a novel, but didn’t have enough life experience behind me to make that project work. Then life and my “real” job (in finance of all things – not as far removed from creative writing as you might think) demanded all my time until about seven years ago when I made the time to start Love, Carry My Bags in spite of my busy schedule.
Today I am a stay-at-home mom and am able to pursue my true life purpose: make a difference through my written words.
Currently I reside in Utah, but grew up in Northern Illinois and have lived in a variety of other locations. I live with my husband, two kids, Shiba Inu, and cat. When I’m not writing, dinking with my website, connecting with my readers, or doing the mom thing, I’m cleaning up after the unruly pets. In my free time I like to read, usually at the gym while on a treadmill, bake, take walks and enjoy nature. Oh, and go to Starbucks.
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Discussion Questions
1. In Chapter 1, Camryn mention trees. “Unaffected by toxic runoff, they thrived. The saplings, on the other hand, struggled.” She also mentions the conditions of her apartment. “The linoleum in the kitchen looked clean at first glance, but filth, ground in from prior tenants, remained.” Discuss the “toxic runoff” and “linoleum filth” with regards to the basic premise of the book.
2. In Chapter 16, what did the author mean by being a circus animal performing tricks? Have you been a ‘circus animal’? What happened?
3. How is the relationship between Glenn and Camryn mutually beneficial or symbiotic?
4. Glenn takes Camryn to the scene of the church fire in Chapter 19. “I poked around on the fringe and found a charred hymnal, still intact on the inside.” Does the charred hymnal represent anything? If so, what? What in your life is ‘charred’?
5. How do you interpret the title LOVE, CARRY MY BAGS? Does it have anything to do with the Crucifixion? Personal crucifixions? If so, in what ways? How does this relate to the concept of self-sacrifice in the story?
6. In Chapter 35, Camryn tells Glenn that she didn’t love Reese more than him. Is she telling the truth? Does she love them the same? How do you quantify love?
7. Although undiagnosed and suffering because of it, Glenn has ADHD. How could a diagnosis have changed his life? Camryn’s life?
8. Kurt and Ashley have an ideal relationship with each other. What other sorts of emotional baggage might they be carrying? In what ways it is ironic that Kurt marries Ashley?
9. Forgiveness is another theme in the story. How and why does Camryn forgive her mother? Glenn? Reese? Herself? Others? Who else has forgiveness issues?
10. How might Camryn and Reese’s relationship have been different if e-mail was available ten years earlier? Would the outcome have been different? How has e-mail affected society? Has it brought us closer or more distant?
11. Megan never found a permanent significant other, thus managing to protect herself from any sort of marital strife. Who had a happier life, Camryn or Megan? Why?
12. Why did Camryn hesitate when Reese proposed? Do you think Camryn will marry Reese? Why or why not? What would you do in that situation?