The Valentine Verse: A Contemporary Christian Romance

by JoAnn Durgin

  Thornton stopped chewing his piece of bread. “Gunk?”

  “Sorry to say that when you’re eating, but yes. Ugly, gross, disgusting stuff.”

  “Not a problem. I have an iron stomach.”

  They paused their conversation as their server arrived with their salads and another server refilled their water glasses. She was downing water like a sieve.

  “If you don’t mind telling me, where did you meet Daniel?” They began to eat their salads.

  “I was in the graduate program at The University of Florida in Gainesville, and he was an intern. We dated for more than a year. Six months before I graduated, he was chosen for a specialized residency program here in Minneapolis at Mercy Grace.”

  Understanding lit Thornton’s brown eyes, but he said nothing. At least now he knew the true reason behind her move to Minneapolis.

  “We were serious by the time he moved here, and within a month of my graduation, I…followed.” If only he knew how difficult those words were for her to say.

  “Were you engaged?”

  “No, but I fully expected Daniel would propose when he was more established. I figured coming to Minneapolis was the only way to see if our relationship would work long-term. After all, I was the one in the position to make the move, not Daniel.” Not that he would have ever moved for her—if their roles had been reversed—and not that she would have expected it, either.

  “Then, when he told me there was an opening for an SLP at Mercy Grace, I looked at it as a sign of God’s blessing on the relationship.”

  “Did you live together?”

  Vara stared at him, flabbergasted. “No, of course not!” His question didn’t sit well with her although he reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “Why would you even think that?”

  “I didn’t think that, but I like to be clear on the important things.” Thornton continued to eat his salad with his free hand as though he hadn’t just upset her equilibrium with an unfounded question. When it came to food, men rarely let such things bother them. “I’ve known Christians who’ve lived together before marriage, so I believe it’s a fair question. I’m not faulting you or judging you. I appreciate your telling me.”

  Thornton was right. She’d known others who’d done the same thing, including one of her sisters. “As you probably know, medical students are put through the rigors,” she said. “Long hours, little sleep, running on empty. We spent as much time together as we could, and our relationship was exclusive.” Or so she’d thought. “Although I knew what to expect, I still missed his company. But even when Daniel was with me, he wasn’t fully there, you know? I should have seen the signs, but it’s true that those closest to someone are the ones who are blindsided.”

  Thornton nodded slowly, his facial expression solemn. He kept a firm but gentle hold on her hand and encouraged her to continue.

  Vara took a quick breath before pressing onward. “We’d go to dinner, and he’d look around the room instead of staying focused on our conversation. Someone would say something in a loud voice, and he’d be easily distracted. An attractive woman walking by would catch his eye. He’d tell me about his work at the hospital, but then he’d get this glazed-over expression whenever I tried to tell him about my patients.

  “On the job, doctors need complete concentration for their patients, of course. I excused his behavior by telling myself that he was overtired and stressed. While that might have been the case, I began to worry that he’d grown bored with me or that I wasn’t enough for him.”

  “I’m sorry, Vara. You deserved better.” Thornton gave her hand a comforting squeeze which meant more to her than he could know.

  “Thornton, you were right when you said Daniel made me feel less than. I’d never thought of it in those terms before, and I’d never heard it expressed that way, but I didn’t feel that I measured up in his eyes. I felt that I wasn’t worthy of his love.”

  Thornton’s eyes softened. “You are more than worthy, Vara.”

  She bit her lower lip not to cry, but she needed to continue. “On Valentine’s Day, two years ago—I decided to surprise Daniel at the hospital. I took time off and spent hours cooking his favorite meal. I wanted everything to be as perfect and romantic as I could make it since I hoped to share dinner with him. Since he was on call, I knew our dinner would be shared in the doctor’s lounge, and he could be summoned at any time.

  “I packed everything in a lovely picnic basket—complete with fine china and crystal, linen napkins, the works—and drove to the hospital. Little Mary Sunshine bounced into the hospital, full of anticipation.” Lowering her gaze, she blinked hard to stem the moisture from her tears. “I assumed he might be sleeping, and I’d even planned a sweet, romantic way to wake him up.”

  “Vara, you don’t have to tell me this if it’s too difficult.”

  “Yes, I do,” she insisted, her voice firm. “When I walked into the doctor’s lounge, Daniel wasn’t alone. He was in the bed, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was tangled up with one of the nurses, and I considered her my friend. He was obviously getting to know her better.” She chewed her lip and turned her head.

  “They didn’t see me, and I’m not sure if that made the situation worse or better, but at least it saved a confrontation no one wants to have in their workplace. All I could see was the betrayal from both of them, but more so from Daniel. Seeing them together, and what they were doing, ripped the breath from my lungs, and I felt as though my heart was being torn in half, straight down the middle.

  “I dropped the basket, backed out of the room, and fled down the hallway.” She sniffled. “It all played out like an episode of a bad soap opera.”

  “I’m sorry you had to endure that, Vara. You deserved better, and he didn’t deserve you.”

  “The saving grace was that I was able to make it home safely that night.” She glanced up at Thornton, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Tell me why I thought it was a good idea to tell you this story over salad?”

  Pushing his chair back from the table, Thornton signaled to the closest server. “We’re going to step into the lobby. Please keep our table.”

  “Very well, sir.”

  Vara was vaguely aware when Thornton slipped a bill to the server. Protective, polite, courteous. In all her years with Daniel, he’d never made her feel as safe or protected as Thornton had from the first day she’d met him. A woman needed those things, and she needed them for her heart. The small gestures from a generous heart revealed as much, if not more, than the grand overtures. This man seemed to innately understand that principle whereas she doubted Daniel ever would.

  Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Thornton guided her to the outer lobby.

  “I feel guilty for leaving when others are waiting for a table,” she whispered.

  “If you don’t want to go back inside, we can go somewhere else or I can take you home. Whatever you need, Vara.”

  “It’s below zero outside. Let’s stay here for now.” She forced a small smile. “I don’t want to deprive you of your dinner.”

  “That’s not what’s important.” Taking her by the hand, he walked with her to a small room off to one side and partially closed the door behind them. Thornton pulled her into his arms and pressed a soft kiss to her hair. “It’s okay to cry.”

  Shaking her head, Vara opened her handbag and pulled out a tissue. “I’m done crying over Daniel.” After dabbing the tissue beneath her eyes, she reached for both of his hands. “In spite of what my family might tell you, Daniel wasn’t a bad person, or I never would have been with him in the first place. He never mistreated me, he never called me names, he never hit me, and he never said anything unkind. He basically began to ignore me. I should have known then that I’d lost him.”

  She tightened her hold on his hands. “Sometimes, when you think you’re in love—or you are in love—you’ll do almost anything to be with that person. It’s like this desperate need inside of you to be wanted, desired, and loved.”<
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  “Did you…?” Thornton shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Nothing you’ve done in the past will change my high regard for you.”

  Vara lifted her chin, wanting him to see the truth in her eyes. “I didn’t sleep with Daniel.”

  Lifting his head, Thornton closed his eyes. “Thank you, Jesus.”

  “But God help me, I wanted to,” she said quietly. “You deserve the truth, Thornton. I was tempted many times.”

  Slipping one hand from her grasp, he tilted her chin upward. “Don’t think for one second that his being with the other woman had anything to do with you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t presume to understand another man’s motivation, but from what you’ve told me, Daniel was seeking nothing more than a physical release with a willing partner. For a lot of people, sex has nothing to do with an emotional investment or wanting an ongoing relationship.”

  She widened her eyes. “As far as I know, he never dated her. In fact, he moved on quickly.” Withdrawing her hands, she began to pace, wrapping her arms over her middle. Thornton watched, waiting silently, giving her time to process her thoughts.

  “I’ve felt guilty for wanting to sleep with the man. I’ve confessed that sin a hundred times over, but I also felt as though it was my fault. I felt I’d driven him into her arms. I went through all the stages—hurt, then denial, then excuses, and anger followed by acceptance.”

  Thornton stepped in front of her. She halted her pacing and looked up at him.

  “And then…forgiveness.”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes, finally there is forgiveness. It should have been the first step, perhaps, thing, but I couldn’t.

  “That’s honest,” Thornton said. “Even if you said the words, betrayal takes time to process, and everyone’s different in how they handle it. It took you a few years to get where you were in the relationship, and love’s not something you can turn on and off on a whim. But I’m also talking about forgiving yourself, Vara, and knowing you only need to ask God for forgiveness once. If you’ve confessed with a repentant heart, that’s enough.”

  For a long moment, Vara looked at him as his words slowly covered her in truth. Finally, she released a breath and managed a small smile. “If you weren’t so great at making prototypes and static models, I think you’d make a wonderful psychologist.”

  “Temptation is part of being human.” He kissed her with a tenderness so sweet it nearly brought her to tears once more. They heard voices nearby, and Vara held her breath, praying no one would come into the room. Within seconds, the others moved out of range.

  “I counseled one of my sisters after a devastating break up with her longtime boyfriend,” she told him. “I learned how all-consuming a physical relationship can be. While she was involved in the relationship, her moral upbringing of knowing right from wrong, the Bible verses ingrained in her head, and my parents telling her they were disappointed because they’d raised her better—none of that mattered because being with the other person became the most important thing in her life to the exclusion of all else.”

  When Thornton opened his arms, Vara nestled against his chest and moved her hand over his heart. “Whenever I was tempted, a voice inside me would whisper, ‘Go ahead. It’s okay. Do what feels good. You’re going to marry Daniel, anyway, so God will understand.’ But then I’d hear another voice. It stopped me every time from making a huge mistake I would have always regretted.”

  “You know what that voice of reason was, don’t you?”

  “Yes, and I love how God graces His children with the gift of the Holy Spirit to clue us in when we’re about to make a major misstep in our lives.”

  Thornton gently brushed a strand of hair away from her forehead. “I’m thankful you listened to that voice.”

  “Grace that is greater than all our sin,” she sang quietly. When he started to join in, she quieted him with one finger over his lips. “Don’t. Please.”

  He stole a light kiss. “One of these days you’ll hear me sing and realize my voice isn’t as bad as you think.”

  “Thornton, not to belabor the point, and I know you said it doesn’t matter, but if I had slept with Daniel, can you honestly tell me you’d still want to be with me…as anything more than your friend?”

  Thornton caressed her cheeks with a gentle touch. “We all sin, and it’s not my place to pass judgment on anyone else. Want to know something? Since the day I first met you, I thanked God that you’re Charlotte’s SPL and not some bald guy named Joe with halitosis.”

  She laughed, and it felt good. Really good. “SLP. I’m grateful, too, and I don’t know Joe.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll never get it right.”

  “You got it right earlier, but don’t you see? You don’t have to get it right, Thornton. You’re right.”

  “Good answer.” Smiling, he rested his forehead on hers. “I don’t want you to suffer any misconceptions about me, Vara. Life on the road can be lonely, and I’ve had opportunities. The little voice in my head will say things like, ‘Go for it. No one will ever know.’ It’s not guilt that stops me. Neither is it a sense of morality about what’s right or wrong, although that’s part of it. I’m nowhere near perfect in my thought life, but God knows I try to be the best man I can be, and I’ll always strive to be better.”

  “Like you said, no one is perfect, Thornton. It’s impossible.” Vara patted a hand on his chest. “You know what? It makes me feel a whole lot better to hear you say the words.”

  “I’ve known men—single and married, unfortunately—who’ve gone too far and muddied the waters and polluted their lives,” he said. “Because of unrealistic expectations and disappointments, they’ve made destructive decisions that ultimately caused hurt, disillusionment, and a world of heartache.”

  Thornton cupped her face between his large, warm hands. “God always knows. In the times when I’ve been tempted, I’ve called out to Him for help. And every single time, without fail, He’s led me to someone who can help. That’s why I said He answers our call. I know He does because I’ve experienced it. My views are considered old-fashioned by the world, but I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

  Curling her hands around his neck, Vara kissed his cheek. “Your faith and your caring spirit make you shine. Let’s go be old-fashioned together.” Taking his hand, she opened the door.

  “You inspire me, Miss Alexandris.”

  “Thank you for getting my name right.”

  “That’s because you’re right. This is the most intense first date I’ve ever had, but it’s been the best.”

  “Same here. Any complaints?” Hand-in-hand they walked back into the restaurant.

  Thornton planted a soft kiss on her temple as they reached their table. “Not a one.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “If it’s not too late, and if you’re not too tired, would you like to talk a little more?” Thornton suggested after he’d collected her coat. Although she was bone-tired, he looked so earnest, Vara didn’t have the heart to tell him no. Not that she was in a hurry for the date to end. As emotional as the evening had been, it had also proven cathartic.

  “That sounds good.” Vara dipped her head to try and disguise her yawn.

  Their server had delivered fresh salads, and they’d enjoyed the remainder of their meal immensely. They’d purposely kept the conversation light and shared the kinds of getting to know you things that took some couples years to learn about one another. The art of one-on-one conversation—an increasingly old-fashioned concept in itself—was often lost, replaced by cell phones and alternative forms of communication.

  “Your manners are impeccable,” she said as Thornton helped her into her coat. “Was it your father who taught you how to treat a woman so well?”

  His smile conveyed his appreciation. “Dad ingrained it in me that women are to be treated with respect, and he learned that from his father. According to Charlotte, Grandpa Fielding was old
school tradition, and that included gentlemanly manners and understanding a woman is like the finest wine.”

  “I’ve always heard that but never thought much about what it meant.”

  “Basically, it means that a woman grows more enchanting with each passing year.”

  “That’s very romantic. Thank you.” Her gaze traveled to the three red roses in his hand. “I have an idea.”

  He eyed her curiously. “Sounds intriguing.”

  Taking his hand, Vara leaned close. She felt the curve of his smile as she whispered in his ear, reminding her of when they’d danced together. So much had happened since that morning, and it seemed so long ago. Time could be such a funny thing.

  “I like your idea.” He gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll be back.”

  “I’ll be waiting. Go get ’em, Romeo.”

  After heading back inside the dining room, Thornton returned a couple of minutes later. “You should have seen their smiles.” He’d given their server one of the roses, as well as the older woman who’d dined alone at the table behind them.

  “Now for the final rose.” He presented the third flower to the bored-looking, mid-40ish woman in the coat check. She brightened, blushed, and then thanked him profusely.

  “That was a very nice thing you did for those ladies,” she told him.

  He chuckled. “I’m just the front man. You’re the brains behind this operation. I was thinking we could find a coffee shop. That seems to work pretty well for us.”

  “Yes, but I’d feel like we were cheating on Andrea. I’m trying to think of a place where we could walk indoors at this hour on a Saturday night. I’m afraid my muscles are starting to tighten up.”

  “I know the perfect place.” Ten minutes later, Thornton pulled the Jeep to a stop in front of a…gym?

  Vara looked over at him. “You want me to walk on a treadmill? I said I wanted to walk, but I’m talking about moving at a snail’s pace. Is there such a thing as phantom roller skate syndrome? My ankles still feel like they’re weighted down.”