Mai Tai One On

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Hello, darling. Is that handsome uncle of yours around?” Marlene paused in the doorway and peered around the small room as if expecting Louie might be under the desk or hidden in the lateral file cabinet.

  Em had to hand it to her. Marlene was always well put together, not an easy task on an island where the trade winds wreaked havoc with everybody’s hair. Kiki warned Em early on that it was a bad hair island and that she shouldn’t try too hard. Somehow Marlene managed to keep her blond hair coiffed in a pageboy that rarely moved. Her outfits were all name designer sportswear and every day she sported a different color theme. Today it was hot pink. Her plumeria earrings, her blouse, her shorts, her manicured nails and even her sandals adorned with big fluffy silk flowers were all various shades of hot pink.

  “Hi Marlene,” Em said. “Louie’s over at the house.”

  “Great. I’ll just run over and see what he’s up to.” Marlene smiled.

  Fernando was due to arrive shortly. Em could only hope Louie would entertain Marlene until the sit down with Fernando was over. She definitely didn’t want the woman running into the celebrity.

  When Marlene started to head back through the bar, Em stopped her.

  “Here,” she said, jumping up out of the chair behind the desk. “Go through the back door. It’s shorter that way.”

  Em had barely closed the door behind Marlene when Sophie walked into the office.

  “Head’s up. Limo out front,” she said.

  “So much for keeping his arrival quiet.” Em shook her head. She grabbed the menu and headed for the bar. On the way past the kitchen she called out to Kimo.

  “Fernando’s here! Got that pupu platter and the luau sampler ready?”

  “Yep. Get ‘em.”

  Kimo Godwin was a knight in shining armor. Born and raised in an old island family, Kimo could cook, build, repair anything, play the uke and sing. Kiki was a lucky woman when she married her hapa-haole husband. Em didn’t know what the Goddess would do without him.

  When Fernando came waltzing in, he was everything Em expected. According to his website, he’d been born and raised in Spain, a child prodigy who began performing piano concerts when he was five. He was virtually unknown until he stepped into Liberace’s barely cold spotlight at Caesar’s Palace.

  The gold sequins adorning the huge orange hibiscus flowers on Fernando’s custom Aloha shirt caught the dim light that filtered down from dusty blue glass ball floats and puffer fish lamps overhead. A pair of knee length satin shorts and rhinestone encrusted flip flops completed the outfit.

  Once inside, Fernando lowered his Gucci sunglasses and peered over the frames at Em.

  “Fernando has arrived,” he said.

  Em offered her hand in greeting. “I see that. I’m so happy to meet you. I’m Emily Johnson. My uncle, Louie Marshall, owns the Tiki Goddess.”

  Fernando glanced over his shoulder. “My assistant Wally will join us soon.”

  “Let’s go back to the office where it’s private.” She indicated the bar. “Sophie will show him in. What can we get you to drink?”

  “Dom Perignon?”

  At a loss, Em glanced at Sophie.

  “Oh, so sorry. We ran out last night,” Sophie said smoothly. “Shipment’s not in yet.”

  “Sorry,” Em apologized. “How about one of my uncle’s specialties? He’s a renowned mixologist.”

  Fernando appeared uncertain for a moment, then he waved his hand. “Whatever you think Fernando would like. We leave it up to you.”

  “Huli Huli Boolie?” Sophie suggested.

  “How about a Mango Tango?” Em shot back. A Mango Tango didn’t pack as much punch. She didn’t want Fernando out cold until he had reviewed the menu and signed a contract.

  “Ah,” Fernando nodded. “It is so good that you two keep the native language alive.”

  Em smiled as she led the way back to the office.

  Forty minutes later, with the help of his assistant, Fernando had polished off three Mango Tangos and a generous pupu platter. He was draped across the arm of Wally Williams, the man seated beside him.

  Wally was Fernando’s height, though his bouffant hairstyle made him appear taller and resembled a bleached blond football helmet. Em wondered if Wally consulted Donald Trump’s stylist. It reminded her of something else, but at the moment she couldn’t quite place it.

  Wally was obviously more than Fernando’s assistant. He doted on the man, running back and forth to the bar for drink refills and agreeing with all of Fernando’s menu choices—Kimo’s famous chicken thighs, egg rolls, crab leg salad and ginger fried chicken.

  It was decided that Kimo would attend the party to cook and serve the barbequed chicken satay fresh off the grill. Em would be there to supervise and serve and Uncle Louie would bartend. Louie was the only unknown in the equation, but Em figured she could keep an eye on him.

  After the meeting Fernando had Wally check out the bar so that he could make an exit without being seen. When Wally returned and assured him the coast was clear, Fernando looked more disappointed than relieved.

  They had nearly made it outside when Leilani Cabral breezed in.

  “Fernando!” she rushed up to the star, took both his hands in hers. “You naughty boy! I didn’t know you were on island until I heard from someone at the Post Office. Luckily I saw your limo parked outside. What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming in until next week.”

  “Fernando is so happy to have closed the deal and have a home on Kauai that we are hosting a gala in three days. Of course, you will be invited. In fact, Fernando was going to contact you in regards to a guest list.”

  “I’ll be happy to help, but don’t you think it’s a little soon? You don’t even have keys to the place yet.”

  “Ah, but we cannot wait to move in. After the party, we will start to break the ground and build the new guest house, pool, and screening room.” He leaned closer to Leilani, as if to share a secret. He didn’t bother to lower his voice.

  “Fernando has signed a film contract. Soon we will be appearing in a major motion picture from the Warner Brothers!” He flexed his fingers as if there were a piano in the middle of the Goddess and he was about to play.

  Obviously taken off guard, Leilani said, “That’s wonderful

  but—”

  “Right now, Fernando will go and visit with your Uncle Harold. We find him such a colorful character. He lives nearby, yes?”

  Leilani’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. I haven’t had time to contact you yet about him yet. My uncle…” she paused and heaved a heavy sigh. “My uncle died last week. I’ve been interviewing new landscape architects for you.”

  “No!” Fernando covered his mouth with both hands. “Harold is muerto?”

  “Worse than dead. He was murdered,” Leilani whispered. Her gaze touched on Sophie for a split second.

  “But why?” Fernando cried. He reached for Wally’s arm and leaned on the other man for support.

  “We don’t know who killed Harold or why yet,” Leilani said. “The police are still investigating.”

  “This is terrible. Horrible. We spoke to him just the week before last. We liked him so much. He was a…how do you say it? He was a colorful character.”

  “You spoke to him? Before he died?” Leilani hiked the strap of her designer bag a bit higher on her shoulder. “What about?”

  Fernando nodded. “About our plans for the property, the gardens. He said he had something very, very important to tell us.”

  “He did?” Leilani hung on Fernando’s every word.

  “He said he could not speak of it over the phone.”

  “Why don’t I walk you out to your car? I’ll call my office and have someone send out your keys. You can tell me more about your plans and what Uncle Harold had to say,” Leilani suggested.

  Em was searching for an excuse to walk out to the car with them when Uncle Louie and Marlene came strolling in through the back. His silver hair was sticking out all
over his head and his kukui nut necklace was askew. Em sighed when she noticed his tapa print shirt was buttoned off kilter. Marlene was wearing a fresh coat of hot pink lipstick and a Cheshire cat smile.

  “Aloha!” Louie greeted Fernando warmly. “This is quite an honor, Mr. Fernando. I have a couple of your CD’s at the house.”

  If Louie did own one of Fernando’s CD’s, Em had never seen or heard Louie play it. She introduced her uncle and Marlene to the celebrity, then to Wally and Leilani.

  “I’ve known Leilani for years. Seen her around Harold’s.” Louie grabbed her hand and held tight. “I’m so sorry about what happened to that old coot. He was a real bastard but we were neighbors for nearly forty years.”

  “Mahalo.” Leilani, obviously uncomfortable, tugged on Fernando’s arm. “We were just leaving—”

  Louie stared at her for a second too long, as if he’d already forgotten who she was. Then his vision cleared. He gazed toward the window facing Harold’s house.

  “Saw the police tramping around over there. Guess you’ll be moving Harold’s things out soon.”

  Leilani sighed. “I’m not sure. This is all very hard for me. I’m not sure when I’ll get around to clearing the place out.”

  “Care to try a Great Ball of Fire? It’s a brand new drink I concocted in honor of…”

  Em quickly interrupted. “They’ve got to go, Uncle Louie. Leilani was just walking Fernando out to the limo.” The last thing she needed was for Louie to launch into a conversation about Harold’s commemorative drink.

  “I can’t tell you how much I admire your music, Mr. Fernando.” Marlene left Louie’s side and stepped closer to the entertainer. “To what do we owe this visit of yours? “

  “We are holding a housewarming at the property Ms. Cabral sold us.”

  “Ah. And have you an event planner all lined up?”

  “Ms. Johnson here is going to…to…” Fernando weaved a bit and leaned heavily on Wally.

  “Cater the party,” Wally finished for him.

  “I really think we should be going,” Leilani stepped up to protect her client’s privacy.

  “Great idea,” Em agreed.

  Leilani, Fernando and Wally quickly bid them a hasty aloha.

  “I’ll walk you out to your car honey,” Louie offered Marlene.

  She paused, assessing Em for a moment. “Are you sure you can handle an upscale event like this, darling?” Before Em could answer she added, “I’d be happy to take over. I’ve worked with high end clients before.”

  Em forced a smile as wide as Marlene’s. “You’re too kind, but we’ve got it covered. Thanks. “

  “Well, if you find yourself in over your head, give me a call.”

  Louie slipped his arm around Marlene’s shoulder and winked at Em. “Isn’t Marlene just the sweetest, kindest thing?”

  “Just.” Em followed them out to the lanai and spotted Lil Smith in the parking lot. Lil was the first of the Maidens to arrive before the evening crowd trickled in. The minute she laid eyes on Fernando, Lil’s jaw dropped and her hand fluttered to her heart. She hurried over to the limo where Wally and Leilani were trying to pour the pianist inside.

  Em heard Lil scream, “Ohmygosh! It’s really you!”

  A second later Lil was clinging to Fernando’s right arm while Wally clung to his left and tried to tug him into the limo. Em raced down the stairs and headed across the lot. When she saw Lil next to Wally, Em realized why Wally’s hair looked so familiar; Lillian’s was styled the same way, only it was pink.

  Lil was obviously beside herself. Her mouth was going a mile a minute and she kept taking her glasses off and on.

  “I have all your albums. I have a scrapbook with every photo, every clipping I could find. MyBob and I have seen you perform in Las Vegas four times! When I left Iowa I never in a million years thought that I’d ever see you in person again. Imagine! Right here at the Goddess.” That said Lil must have run out of breath. Her eyes rolled up into her head and she fainted dead away.

  Sophie came running out of the bar to join Em.

  Fernando looked down and shrugged. “What Fernando does to women is amazing, no?”

  Wally finally succeeded in pulling him into the limo. Leilani jumped in after him and Em sighed in frustration. Now she might never know what Harold had said to Fernando.

  Em knelt beside Lil whose eyes were fluttering but the woman wasn’t coherent. Em looked up at Sophie.

  “Grab her other arm. We’ve got to get her inside before someone drives by and puts out the word that we’ve got another body lying around.”

  13

  Caught in the Act

  By Wednesday the Goddess luau was in full swing again. The late afternoon sun was shining low in the sky. The imu was ready for re-dedication.

  As Kiki predicted, ticket sales soared. Locals never missed an event where they could eat and pick up a little gossip. Mainland schools were out for the summer and tourist season was building. A huge pig was roasting in the new imu out back.

  The Maidens gathered in front of the thatched roofed Luau Hut. Flora adjusted her girdle. Lil fanned her face with her hands. Big Estelle was smiling from ear to ear, completely ignoring her mother who had accidentally jammed the Gad-About hand control and was spinning in circles. Kiki was front and center. For the evening’s show she had designed new floral hair adornments interspersed with the tips of peacock feathers.

  Puana Kimokane, a local kahuna, was ready to begin a pule, a prayer, to bless the new imu. The bar emptied of all but the regulars who were permanently glued to their barstools. Everyone made their way back to the pit area to watch the opening ceremony.

  Puana blew a conch shell to the four directions and then began a chant in Hawaiian. Afterward he translated. “I call upon Akua to bless this imu, to bless everyone in attendance and those who wanted to be here but could not. I call upon Akua to bless Harold Otanami, to keep him safe on his journey to the other side and his memory alive in our hearts and minds.”

  Puana posed, looking quite regal. Tourists snapped photos. Kiawe scented smoke escaped the hot coals. Trish Oakley moved silently through the crowd taking photos of those gathered around. She had told Em earlier that she was convinced Harold’s killer would be in attendance. On crime shows the killer always hung around at the victim’s funeral—usually wearing a trench coat and shades, so Trish was on the lookout.

  Em doubted anyone would show up in a trench coat, but everyone was in shades. She noticed Roland Sharpe behind a nice pair of Ray-Bans himself. He was dressed in a casual aloha shirt and linen pants and though he tried to blend in, his stoic expression gave him away. Em knew that behind his dark sunglasses, he was carefully scanning the crowd.

  After Puana finished, Kimo introduced the Maidens. Earlier, Em asked them to limit the performance to four songs, knowing they’d go on forever if she didn’t. Better to get folks back inside where they could order drinks.

  The Maidens were wedged between the Luau Hut and the new pit. Em wished she’d asked Puana to mention to Akua to make the Maidens surefooted and keep them from falling into the imu.

  Afraid to watch, she headed inside.

  “I sent Buzzy into Hanalei to get more Tabasco,” Sophie informed her when she reached the bar.

  “Looks like Great Balls of Fire is a hit.” Em thought folks looked glassy eyed sooner than usual.

  “Your uncle is acting very weird tonight.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know. Foggy.”

  Em knew. Sometimes Louie acted as if he’d just fallen off a taro truck. “Where is he?”

  “He wandered outside.”

  Em sighed. She’d been on her feet since dawn. The last thing she wanted to do was chase after Louie. “Would you mind tracking him down and bringing him back? I’ll take over here.”

  “Not a problem. I’d love to get outside for a couple minutes.”

  “That’s what I figured.”

  “How was the blessing?�
�� Sophie showed Em which order was up.

  “Great. The Maidens have started dancing. Kimo should be bringing the kalua pig inside and then we can start the buffet line. I’ll need all hands on deck.”

  “I’ll find Louie and come right back,” Sophie promised.

  Sophie scanned the crowd. Louie was nowhere in sight, but she saw the back of the detective who just so happened to keep “dropping by” to see how things were going. She couldn’t tell if he was dogging her, just doing his job, or if he had a thing for Em. She figured most likely all of the above.

  Sophie hoped she wouldn’t catch Louie and Marlene in the act as she headed for his house. But just then she caught sight of him slipping through the hedge that separated the Goddess parking lot from Harold’s yard.

  She waited long enough to be sure Detective Sharpe was looking the other way before she ducked behind an overweight family of visitors in matching aloha wear and then crept through the hedge after Louie.

  Harold had bragged that he’d been born in the house he lived in and had never left the island. He’d never been to Oahu. Never even seen Honolulu and didn’t care to. He’d been perfectly content singing Karaoke two nights a week, adding upscale accounts to his client list, and driving everyone who worked at the Goddess crazy.

  His yard showcased some of the crap he had salvaged. Rubber tires filled with dirt and planted with yellow and orange day lilies were scatted around. A four-foot tall plush Bugs Bunny was strapped to the trunk of an African tulip tree. A bald Cabbage Patch Doll in a frilly pink pinafore was impaled upon a metal fence stake at the entrance to the driveway.

  A collection of mildewed plastic chairs of all shapes, sizes and colors were lined up in a semi-circle in front of the house as if someone might actually stop and sit down. Harold rarely had anyone over except for Leilani and a few of his septuagenarian beer swilling fishing buddies.