by C. S Luis
We stood outside on the steps of the elementary school I attended. He left me by the stairs and began walking away. I stumbled behind him; he was angry with me.
He stopped as I hurried. I wanted to cry.
He turned. “I told you many, many times, Claudia, you have to learn to control your power! What have I said about that?”
“But daddy.”
He kneeled, angrily staring right at me. “You could have killed that girl. Do you understand what you did? This is not a game! Not only that, what if someone saw you?” he snarled. He grabbed me.
I flinched and pushed at his mind. His anger grew. It was a reaction I hadn’t meant to have.
“Don’t do that again,” he firmly said. “I’m protecting you, can’t you see that? What if someone saw what you did? Do you want them to take you away from us?”
I didn’t answer and he sternly shook my shoulders. “Do you!”
“No,” I sobbed.
He rose and stood facing me. I could see the anger on his face. He was disgusted with me and he let me know. He was like me; he could make me feel his anger.
“You’re lucky no one will believe the little girl. But the next time you may not be so lucky. Be normal; that’s all I ask.”
“I’m trying, daddy…”
“Try harder,” he sternly said.
He moved aside and pointed towards the car. I walked very slowly and he followed, opening the door so I could climb in. I was transferred to another school the next day.
I blinked. A breath escaped my mouth, above the rattling seemed to settle.
“Control,” the voice said again.
Rachel bowed just as the crowd clapped. I heard people chanting my name, “Claudia! Claudia!”
Rachel seemed shocked.
My heart raced, above things seemed to settle. The danger averted but now I faced the crowd of teens chanting my name.
I took a step forward. Above, the sprinklers exploded and a flow of water began to rain down upon the crowd. Everyone screamed and scattered. Rachel glared over at me. She was enraged; she wanted to launch herself on me but was too afraid to be near me.
“You freak!” she could only voice. “You ruined my dress—you ruined my prom!”
She ran off the stage along with everyone racing to get out. The lights flickered off and on, the microphone sparked.
I heard the voice, but this time it was Jimmy who caught me as I collapsed into his arms.
13
The Dream
I moved upon the bed, feeling I was home. I didn’t want to get up; I didn’t want to open my eyes. I felt a hand on my head.
“Daddy, I had a bad dream.”
“There, there, it’s alright,” the soothing voice said.
“Daddy?”
“Yes,” the voice said now but it didn’t sound like my father’s voice.
“You didn’t listen, did you Claudia?” his voice asked me.
“I’m sorry.” I opened my eyes, unable to see his face.
“Daddy, I’m sorry.”
“I told you to control your power, Claudia,” it continued.
“I’m sorry,” my eyes fluttered, trying to focus on the disappointment in his features.
“It’s okay,” the voice said, changing tone.
“This is who you are, my darling,” That didn’t sound like my father. His voice was the voice of disapproval and disappointment. This was the voice of approval and encouragement. This voice was soothing and kind, and it wanted me to be me.
“I want you to be…you.”
“But you said to be normal.”
“Normal is not what you are, Claudia. No, you are extraordinary!”
“Daddy?”
* * *
I remembered the prom. I sat up; it was dark in my room. I blinked, looking at the man that reached out and put a hand to my cheek, pushing back a lock of my hair. The darkness didn’t offer the features of his face but there was something familiar about him; something scary. I reached to turn the light on. Dr. Heinrich was seated beside the bed, stroking my cheek.
“There, there my child. Daddy is here. There is nothing to be afraid of. I will encourage your gifts—I will give meaning to your existence…my love,” he hissed and smiled in that condescending grin.
I pulled away and shut my eyes, wishing him away.
“You’re not real you’re not…” I took a breath. Why was I thinking about Dr. Heinrich? Why was he in my mind? What was I seeing? I felt his hand there still.
* * *
“Claudia?” But the voice was different now. I slowly opened my eyes; Jimmy was seated on the bed looking down at me. I felt myself lying flat on the bed. Had it been a dream? But it was so real… Nothing made sense anymore.
I sat up. Michael was standing behind him. He looked worried.
“You okay, Claudia?” he asked, staring at me and came closer. My expression said, “What happened?”
“You fainted.”
I tried to remember what was happening; the visions of my father and the voice that kept calling to me, and at one point screamed for me to be normal. And why was Dr. Heinrich on my mind? I hadn’t seen that man since Mr. Slater and yet there he was, as clear as day, haunting my nightmares. Why? What did it mean?
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, then froze as Michael stared firmly at me. I sensed he was trying to get me to keep that part to myself.
“For what?” Jimmy said with a smile. “You didn’t do anything. You have nothing to do with the sprinkler system.”
“The fire chief confirmed it was a faulty sprinkler system.”
The fire department had been called? I felt horrible.
“The hotel manager had to admit it; they’ve had trouble with those sprinklers before. And for that reason alone, the school gets its deposit back,” Michael added.
I gazed at them both as if they were strangers. ‘So, this wasn’t my fault,’ I wanted to say but of course, I didn’t. A part of me was relieved but another part didn’t believe it.
“Are you okay? You scared me,” Jimmy said.
I nodded. “I think I was just overwhelmed with the night,” I responded. “It was magical in a way.”
Michael moved to the door.
“I’ll give you kids some privacy,” he said, which surprised me. “I’m glad you’re okay, sweetheart.” And he walked out of my room, leaving the door ajar.
Jimmy looked back at me. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes,” I smiled. “Why?”
“You were dreaming and arguing with your father just before Michael came back to the room.” I looked away and didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry. I guess it’s none of my business, I was just concerned.”
“No,” I said, “My father was just a very strict person. Sometimes, I doubted I could please him, it seemed no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. He wanted me to be better than him in ways I couldn’t.”
“I know what you mean, Claudia,” Jimmy said. “My father is the same way. I can’t please him no matter what I do. So, I understand.”
“I’m sorry about prom. I feel I had to say it.”
He gazed at me and smiled. “You don’t know do you?”
“Know what?’ I asked.
He grinned again. “You won.” He reached to the side of the bed, where a small bag sat; he pulled out a crown and handed it to me.
“Your Milton’s new Prom Queen.”
I took the crown from his hand and stared at it, dumbfounded. This was my prize; did this mean I was normal at last?
He took it from my hands and placed it upon my head. Odd, but I didn’t feel any more normal with it on…
14
Graduation
Milton High School graduation, June 8, 2013, Saturday 5pm, TSU
* * *
Finally, the moment of truth came. I was in my room, getting into my gown. Michael was downstairs waiting, I rushed down the steps as Jimmy came through the front door.
“You ready, darli
ng?” Jimmy asked, pulling me close. He was handsomely dressed in a suit and tie, the first time I had seen him in such clothing. I had to stop and touch the tie to feel the texture with my fingertips. Curiously, I began to trace the fabric of the suit he was wearing, it was navy blue.
He froze; paralyzed by the sudden attention I was giving him. I don’t know what drew me but he looked very well put together, his blond locks neatly and freshly cut and brushed back to the side of his head. Clear, baby blue eyes so focused and so bold and magical staring deep into me. I almost felt we were connected to each other. I didn’t feel him like I felt Q or Mr. Slater, but there was something there, something drawing us close. A link of some sort and I was the conductor. Like a moth drawn to a flame. He was the moth, I was his light.
I grabbed his tie, pulling him to me; I could feel he liked that. He looked intoxicated, focused on the moment, as my lips came close to his.
“You look very handsome,” I whispered. I heard a throat clear; Michael was opening the door, “You can do that later—we have to get going. Come on or you’ll miss graduation.”
I nodded; Jimmy grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door, as Michael stood aside ushering us out.
I blushed over at him, wrinkling my lip at Michael. He motioned me out and we hurried to the side street where Jimmy’s car was waiting. Michael walked over to his own car.
“I thought he was coming with us,” I said to Jimmy. He shrugged his shoulders and opened the door for me.
Michael glanced over at us, noticing me looking back.
“You kids go; I’m taking my car. I’m the principal; I have responsibilities.”
I nodded and climbed in; Jimmy walked around and got into the car as well. He gazed over at me and smiled
“You ready?” He was handsome; his blue eyes sparkled back at me. I nodded; we were both ready, dressed in our blue graduation gowns. Ready for the biggest day of our lives.
He started the car and we began to move. Michael’s car had already pulled away from the driveway and was far ahead of us.
We arrived fairly quickly, found a parking spot, and hurried inside. Jimmy took hold of my hand as he pulled me with him into the University building where Milton planned to hold graduation. Inside it was chaotic, students everywhere, parents, families, and family friends.
Jimmy led me away; he seemed to know where to go. I was happy for that as I had no idea, I was lost in the many minds and thoughts. Not only the noise and the stir of the crowded place but the chaos in my head.
The auditorium was so large it looked like a stadium. I caught sight of the teachers I recognized, then spotted Mr. Claypool and Mr. Vasquez.
There were signs at each entry. A line was starting at one end where Mr. Claypool and Mr. Vasquez were directing the students to move into the center of the auditorium where we would be seated.
Jimmy led me in that direction, handing me my cap as we hurried over toward the assistant principals. A woman came to block our path and Jimmy and I nearly ran into her.
I fell upon Jimmy once he stopped, looking at the woman.
“Mom.”
I realized who I was looking at. It was Jimmy’s mother; I had never met the woman before. And now she regarded me with a puzzled look.
She looked like a woman that carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. She seemed well put together, she wore light makeup. Her hair was an ash blonde, cut short with large curls. She dressed in business apparel; mostly pastel colors.
“Where’s dad?” Jimmy asked, looking upset and disappointed. I felt him squeeze my hand. His mother couldn’t stop staring at me, but she now met the eyes of her son. She looked just as disappointed and apologetic about his father’s absence.
“I’m sorry, Jimmy. He really wanted to come. But your grandfather has been very ill and, well, your father has a lot of responsibilities to handle now.”
“Mother, it’s my graduation…” Jimmy said but took a breath. I knew he didn’t want to argue with his mother in front of me. It looked like a drama that had played out many times. I could sense that from his mother. Here it was again; the same song and dance, a different day, a different reason.
“So, aren’t you going to introduce me to your little friend?” she suddenly asked, going back to staring at me questionably.
Jimmy rolled his eyes. I looked over at her; she was trying to force a smile on her face.
“Mom, this is Claudia Belle, the beautiful girl I told you about. My girlfriend,” Jimmy said, placing a kiss on my cheek. He sounded proud. However, on the other hand, his mother didn’t like me. And her reasons were unsettling.
“Girlfriend?” she wrinkled her nose.
“Remember?” Jimmy said again, glaring over at her.
“Oh, yes, of course,” she waved a hand.
“So, you’re the famous Claudia Belle that has a hold on my son.”
‘Hold?’ I thought.
“Wow, you’re a little darker than I imagined you to be.” ‘Darker?’
“Mother!” Jimmy said and I felt his hand tighten on mine.
“I’m just surprised her last name is Belle. It’s an honest mistake.”
I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the first time I had been insulted but it had never been because of the color of my skin.
“So, like, what are you?”
Jimmy narrowed his eyes at her.
What was I? I didn’t understand what she meant. “Excuse me?”
“Yes, are you Latino? You look Native American.”
“Mother! She’s my girlfriend.”
“I’m Latina,” I very softly replied.
“You are legal? I mean to be in this country—you have your papers?”
“Seriously, mother?” Jimmy frowned as he pulled me away with him.
“Jim, it’s just a question. We all have to do our part not to break the law.” She continued. I glanced back at her curiously.
“Okay, so I’ll see you after… here, Jim? Are we still having dinner?”
“Yes, mother. I’ll see you after graduation!” he shouted back, as we continued walking toward the assistant principals and the line disappearing into the auditorium.
“It was very nice to meet you!” she called out.
We stopped at the end of the line; Jimmy turned and looked over at me.
“I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s not…well. Sometimes she speaks before she thinks.”
“It’s okay, Jimmy.” He pulled me close. I stroked his hair back, fixing the cap on his head.
“She can be a little overbearing at times,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry about your father.” He looked saddened by the reminder, lowering his gaze.
“Yeah, me too. I wanted him to get to meet you. So he could see just how wonderful you are.”
I smiled and pulled his chin back up to me. He neared for a kiss, but a voice from behind broke our connection.
“Hey, Jim! You ready, dude? We are graduating man! Yeah!” It was Greg, one of Jimmy’s friends. Jimmy nodded back at him, looking slightly frustrated that our kiss had been interrupted.
“Come on, kids, move in.” I recognized the voice of Mr. Claypool. He caught sight of me and came in for a hug.
“Congratulations, sweetheart, we are so proud of you,” he whispered into my ear. Mr. Vasquez did the same. The line seemed silent for a moment. I felt strange that others knew I was sort of a mascot in Milton.
They both waved and ushered us into the auditorium entrance.
Before we were sent in different directions by one of the other teachers at the far end, Jimmy looked over at me again.
“Claudia, I wanted to ask if you want to join me and my mother for dinner after this. I understand if you don’t, after what she said.”
I smiled; he looked rather dashing and bashful.
“Of course I’ll join you.” He lit up immediately.
* * *
We were separated as we came to the end of the line; I was surprised to se
e Mr. Cortez. I gave him a guarded and quizzical look.
“What are you doing here?” I uttered as the line moved, students passed us. I caught sight of Jimmy glancing over curiously, he looked worried. I waved him away with a slim smile, he seemed to ease.
“Why, I work here, my dear. Why else would I be here?” We both knew how untrue that sounded. “And, besides, Michael is making me work, something about the district...blah. I wouldn’t want to direct any questions your way; it might ruin my money flow.” Now that sounded far more truthful.
“He looks nice,” Mr. Cortez said in reference to Jimmy. Apparently, he had caught sight of him when I waved him away.
“Does he know you’re a freak of nature?” I wrinkled my lip.
“He doesn’t, huh?”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“I told Michael the same thing, but yet here I am. Besides, my niece is graduating.” He made a motion to reach out to me. I recoiled.
“Don’t touch me. You’re not my uncle.”
He laughed and wagged his finger. “Now, don’t be rude. I’ve been nothing but generous to you.”
“Generous?” I growled. “What have you done that’s generous but threaten us—” He moved closer to me. The student behind me hurried away, glancing back. He looked just as troubled as I did when faced with Mr. Cortez. His reputation preceded him.
“I could have taken more and left you with nothing. So, I say that makes me fairly generous. Wouldn’t you agree?” he smirked.
I could see he had done well with the money he had taken from me. The suit he was wearing looked expensive. I stared at the fancy threads he wore. And he smiled, noticing I had taken note of it.
“I see you have made use of my money.” I scolded.
“A man has to eat. And look his best.” He snarled his lip. At a distance, I caught sight of Mr. Claypool looking in our direction. Mr. Cortez saw him too and stared back at me with a smug smile.
“If Mr. Slater was here you would be in so much trouble,” I firmly said. He came forward, grinning.