by C. S Luis
“Well he’s not—Now move along,” he whispered. “You’re holding up my line and Edward Harris is glaring over in my direction.”
And as I began walking, I heard him say, “Congratulations darling, your uncle is so proud of you.” I rolled my eyes but kept moving. ‘Take a breath.’ I told myself. ‘He just wants to get under your skin. Breathe…’
15
All Eyes on ME
We got into our designated row and took our seats. At another section, I caught sight of Jimmy; he hadn’t taken his eyes off me. I guess my brief encounter with Mr. Cortez had caused concern.
He didn’t know the details of our relationship, at least I had never told him. But he did think he was my uncle. I had never corrected him because it would bring many things into question. As to why he was pretending to be my uncle for one thing. So, I never said anything. Although he did sense the animosity between us. And he wondered but never asked, even when I would scold him when he’d say, “Hey, there’s your uncle.”
“He’s not…” then I’d stop before I said too much. And it was odd that he never asked me why I was adopted by Michael when my uncle was capable. If he did ask, I was ready with an answer. “My uncle is an irresponsible brute and my grandfather knew better.”
I now thought about Jimmy’s mother. I couldn’t help but wonder why I’d agreed to dinner. The woman had done nothing but insult me and basically tell me I was no good for her son. I couldn’t avoid wondering if she had sensed something. Sure, she’d covered it up with racist remarks, but I was different. Normal girls didn’t hear voices in their heads. Normal girls couldn’t touch other people’s minds. Jimmy was so good, kind, and handsome, too. He deserved normal.
I thought about how he’d reacted when his father hadn’t accompanied her. I would be heartbroken if my father hadn’t come to my graduation. He’d been eager for me to meet his father and, honestly, I had wanted to get a glimpse of the secretive CEO of the large pharmaceutical corporation. They did interesting work after all. The job sounded important, and Jimmy was probably going to work for them someday. That was what normal families did, right? Sons went to work for their fathers, girls married into the family.
I blushed, I shouldn’t be thinking about marriage! There was so much more to be done before we’d be able to do something like that.
And that would be if his mom would even give us her blessing. I bit my lip; maybe that was what I could do during this dinner. Show her that even though I wasn’t what she expected, Jimmy and I could be happy together.
Speeches started, the valedictorian spoke about the futures our lives would take us to; a few honor students also gave their own discourses. I had opted not to give a speech, they were far from my thing. But as I heard the last discourse, the key announcer revealed, “And now we will be spotlighting Milton’s honor students.”
I pursed my lips; Michael’s eyes diverted towards me. He was on stage but still managed to find me among the group of students. Jimmy was also looking over; we would both be going up to get our ribbons.
“And here to give out the honors is our very own Superintendent Dr. Heinrich.”
I noticed Michael’s eyes dart away from me toward the center stage where a tall, well-dressed man in a dark blue navy suit and black tie, stepped up from the side of the stage. He just seemed to materialize from out of nowhere. I hadn’t seen him until he was standing before the podium, grimacing at the small gathering of people in the large auditorium.
“Greetings prestigious colleagues, Milton staff, honored guests, students, and attending parents. First off, let me congratulate the class of 2013.”
The audience at attendance began clapping; students cheered and sounded off like loud misfits. Dr. Heinrich appeared annoyed, his demeanor demanded silence and it seemed to receive it almost immediately; the auditorium became still once more.
I stared at the podium; I recognized the man now, it was the same man I had seen before in Mr. Slater’s office. The same man from my nightmare. Had my dream been a warning of some sort? Hadn’t Mr. Slater said he was part of what he feared was coming after him? Or had he lied to me? This man couldn’t be part of those people he feared.
Of course, at first glance, he looked rather frightening and arrogant. But he seemed far from a threat, and nothing more than a strict school official; rather normal I guessed. I sensed nothing but what was normal; ignorance and superiority above all, and now boredom as he addressed the audience.
“Your dedication and hard work have earned you the diplomas you will receive this day. I am proud to have been your Superintendent.” The announcer, who had been standing alongside him, handed him a list.
“To the honor students. Congratulations. When I call your name, please come up to receive your ribbon...”
My heart began to beat faster; the calling began slowly like a beckoning into battle…like I was being summoned to my death. Maybe I was exaggerating a bit. Michael was looking over at me, there was a small smile on his face, and he was oblivious to what I felt. Did the Superintendent scare me or was it merely what Mr. Slater had said that had me on pins and needles? Why had he said that about him?
I chunked it to lies, Mr. Slater’s reason to avoid an emotional departure. It made me hate him even more but it still didn’t ease the fear that I had to go up there and receive the ribbon from him.
“Robert Martinez,” Dr. Heinrich began, he didn’t seem to be going in any order. I didn’t suspect the list to be that long.
“Elizabeth Ramirez… Jason Nguyen… Alex Johnson…” Every name announced was separated by a long pause, each name that came out of his mouth, pronounced correctly and without a flaw. It seemed so perfect, a perfection only Mr. Slater had displayed.
Again, that only played to my uneasiness. ‘Stop,’ I told myself, ‘he’s just a man. Just another man like these people here. He can’t hear you talking to yourself or someone else talking to you.’ It was at that point I realized I hadn’t been haunted by the sound of voices; perhaps the distraction had helped keep me sane for the moment.
“Jennifer Brown…Jimmy Reinhardt…Stephanie Geer…” The students all lined up on the side of the stage; all slowly ascending the side steps, past the seated staff and district board…I watched as Jimmy followed along those that had already been called. My heart felt like it would explode, and I thought I would faint from the fear now gathering. ‘Stop, they can sense fear,’ I kept telling myself.
“Claudia Belle…” At the sound of my name called out, I looked up toward the stage, and I swore Dr. Heinrich’s eyes found me among the crowd of students. My name sounded strange coming out of his mouth.
I nervously stood, feeling his eyes follow me, making my way through my fellow students. I slowly came to the line that had formed on the side of the stage. I wanted to look and see if Dr. Heinrich had been observing me. My heart was beating so fast against my chest, but when I bravely glanced at him, I realized I had overreacted.
Dr. Heinrich seemed focused on shaking the first student’s hand. He placed a golden ribbon over the shoulder of the next student, then shook his hand in the same manner.
The line was moving fairly quickly, and I felt sick to my stomach. Jimmy was looking back at me and waving. I managed a wave, but my hand was shaking so I quickly lowered it. Sounds from the audience made it far more nerve-wracking going up those steps.
I swore Rachel and her friends were making comments about anything they could about me. From the way I was dressed, to the way my hair was styled, or how I looked in my blue colored gown. I tried not to care, focusing on the stage and Dr. Heinrich.
I could see Michael and the other principals all proudly staring at me. Michael was taking pictures with his phone, so I tried to smile. But the nerves overcoming the rest of my body hardened my facial gestures.
Then it was just Stephanie and me. She stepped up as I nervously fidgeted in my spot, with Michael looking on from his seat. I turned and caught sight of a flash. I don’t know why, but I t
hought the light agitated Dr. Heinrich; his head slightly turned and his eyes followed the flash, but in a second he seemed composed again as he placed the ribbon over the shoulder of the student in front of me. His eyes found me behind her, and his thin lips curved slightly. He looked far more frightening up close and just as arrogant. I took a breath, my heart hitting the top of my head, alerting an impending doom. Dread overtook me as it was now my turn.
He turned to me, we faced each other, everything seemed to go silent. I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of my heart beating in my chest. Not the sounds from below, not the voices in the seats on the stage. Not Michael trying to get a good picture of me standing on stage ready to receive my honors. Nothing but my heart echoing loudly inside my head, my own voice telling me to breathe because being nervous always made my power react; I needed to be in control.
He wrinkled his brow at me as I took a breath. Was I so obviously nervous? His eyes seemed to question that, or was it something else?
“Congratulations, Miss Belle…”
His pale blue eyes froze me to the spot; his thin lips curved sinisterly. Why did I see malice in his demeanor but could not sense it?
He took the ribbon and leaned forward, draping it over my shoulders very slowly and gently. I could smell the scent of his cologne; his overpowering height was intimidating and fearsome. A huge sense of unease came over me. He moved back, Michael approached us, “One picture please, sir.” Michael said. ‘Oh jeez,’ I ground my teeth.
Dr. Heinrich seemed reluctant but then I felt his arm draped over my shoulder gently and he pulled me close. I felt the curve of his long fingers gripping me and a shudder ran up the side of my neck. Michael took the picture. Almost immediately, another man entered the stage and approached Dr. Heinrich. He slowly pulled away from me and approached the other man, a black man wearing a black suit. They spoke in a whisper to the side as the announcer took over the podium, ushering me away. I moved to the edge of the stage where the other students had descended.
I heard the announcer say, “Thank you, Dr. Heinrich. Now a few words from your principal, Dr. Michael McClellan.”
I looked back. Dr. Heinrich and the new visitor had moved to the side of the stage. I walked to the steps, to hurry back to my seat when I heard my name.
“Congratulations again, Miss Belle…” Dr. Heinrich said. He smiled and he and the other man went out the exit.
That was odd. I hurried towards my seat, now hearing Michael giving his speech. Being the school principal; it was no surprise when he began.
“Let me start by saying…Congratulations to our graduates of 2013…
Seeing graduates, parents, and staff here today is a testament to the achievements of the students and the love and support they have received over the years.
Every graduate here today has worked very hard to make the best of themselves. You have all persevered and worked towards your goals in a determined way. Each of you have grown in a way that you should be proud of. You have arrived here at your graduation as a skilled and valuable group, ready to tackle the next set of challenges which will ensure your growth. You are all a credit to yourselves.
The future is an amazing place, so make it yours; make it fun. The world offers you opportunities and some difficult challenges, but I release you knowing that you will overcome any obstacle you may face with readiness and a rounded education.
Today you really deserve your success. You are all a hard-working and dedicated group and I’m proud to have been your principal.”
There was cheering all around, whistling from seniors and clapping from family members as well as the class of 2013. All stood to give Michael a standing ovation. I waved up at him and he caught sight of me, blowing me a kiss and sending a wave right back.
“Now, as I call out your name I want you to come up and receive your diplomas, and congratulations to all of you once more!”
Then it was the moment of truth; name after name began to be called, this time in alphabetical order. And since my name was one of the very first, I soon heard it over the loudspeaker.
Michael managed to smile at me as I now hurried moved slowly along with my fellow classmates. Some actually lifted a hand so I could give them a high five. I felt good. I proudly wore my honors ribbon draped around my neck. I was getting my diploma. Who would have thought when I entered Milton I would come full circle? In one way, an end to my journey, yet also the beginning of a new one.
* * *
Now I thought about Jimmy; his strangely racist mom and his unknown CEO father. I put one foot in front of the other as we filed towards the stage, then we stopped and I nearly bumped into the student in front of me. I looked down at my dress shoes peeking out from beneath my graduation gown. Yes, I would show Jimmy’s family that I was a good choice. I was the star of Milton after all. Maybe the people I could hear would be useful one day.
Other students took their places behind me as names continued to be called. They stood in line waiting. I spotted Jimmy in the distance looking in my direction. I also caught sight of Rachel who was seated a few chairs away, on the same row he was. Jimmy waved and kept his eyes on me, even when I caught Rachel’s ugly frown staring in my direction.
I gave her a cool look in return. We were done with school now; I wasn’t going to be moved by her petty rivalry anymore. Jimmy was my boyfriend and the teachers adored me. She was the one who hadn’t engaged with anyone except her equally petty girlfriends that liked to torture girls they thought were different. I almost felt bad for her. It was her choice to remain small. Maybe someday she’d decide to grow up.
I watched each person walk across the stage to receive their diploma and to shake hands with Michael. A twinge of jealousy sprang up in me when I could hear someone’s family cheering them on. There was no one to cheer for me.
That thought crept into my chest and took hold; the sadness washing over me in a wave. No mother. No father. No one. I bit my lip; I was not going to cry in front of everyone! Students walked the stage and I could see as they shook hands, taking the diploma from Michael. Pictures would be taken from below the stage, with flashes from the cameras of parents standing to get the best shot possible to capture this important event.
Soon it was my turn and I mounted the steps, heart pounding at all of the attention and the emotions welling in my chest. I couldn’t even hear anything. I only focused on not falling over and making my way forward. As I neared, Michael’s face lit up; to the side of the stage, Mr. Claypool and Mr. Vasquez were taking pictures as I approached. I felt like I was in a film, as flash after flash captured my every step.
I stopped in front of Michael and he handed me the diploma. “Congratulations, Claudia! I’m so very proud of you!” He reached over and I hugged him tightly. As we pulled apart he positioned himself for a picture as Mr. Claypool lifted his phone and snapped the shot of us together. He lifted his thumb to indicate he got the photo and scrambled back to his seat with Mr. Vasquez taking the same image himself and heading back to his own chair. I moved along, following the rest of the students.
Diploma in hand, I could feel the fingers of each teacher. My favorite ones leaning in to tell me congratulations. It wasn’t until I was on the other side of the stage that I heard a few cheers for me. I turned and looked. Jimmy was standing up and cheering me on. I couldn’t help the smile that broke out across my face. Now I could hear Michael too. Mr. Claypool and Mr. Vasquez and the others. There may not have been a mother or a father, but I had a family. Even if it was a little strange and confusing at times.
After graduation, we gathered outside. I caught Jimmy with a group of his friends, Rachel was among them. I felt a little jealous, especially when I caught Rachel curling up next to Jimmy to take a picture. He pulled away from her as soon he realized who it was. His mother was taking photos too. She encouraged him to get close and take a picture with her.
“Come on, Jimmy, don’t be shy, put your arm around her,” I overheard her say. I looked back,
hoping to see Michael and my devoted entourage of assistant principals, but I knew they would be busy. And yet I knew Michael would take the time to find me; after all, I was his responsibility and this was graduation. He had to, I thought.
“Jimmy,” I heard his mother say. I turned to see Jimmy was walking off; away from taking any more pictures with Rachel, and his mother looked disappointed. I realized he was coming my way; he had caught sight of me and was motioning me over to him. I hurried and as soon as I came closer I caught the expression on his mother’s face. It was one of utter disappointment and disapproval.
“Oh,” her lips seemed to form a sneer. I caught her motioning to Rachel to come over. Rachel smiled and was happy to do so.
“Hi again,” she said. Jimmy frowned. Taking my hand, he pulled me over to him and cupped my face to kiss me.
“Jimmy, come take a picture with me,” his mother said. Jimmy looked at me, rolling his eyes at the sound of his mother’s voice.
“I’ll be back,” he whispered.
She smiled over at me and handed me the camera, “Will you be a dear?” she asked. I nodded and took the camera.
“It’s very simple; just press there,” she pointed. “See, here?” she said again.
“Mother, Claudia knows how to operate a camera.”
“Well, I just wanted to make sure. Some people can’t operate it, it’s a complicated camera.”
“Mother, Claudia graduated with honors. I’m sure she’s able to operate a simple camera.” She looked confused.
“Oh…you’re not like a normal Latino.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes. Normal?
“Mother.”
I caught Rachel snickering, Jimmy glared over at her and she stopped.
“Just take the picture, dear. Come on, Rachel, get in here.”
I blinked, surprised as she positioned them side by side. Jimmy looked uncomfortable.
“Come on, Jimmy put your arm around her. Claudia won’t mind. Right dear? You know they used to date. I don’t know why they ever stopped. They were so cute and perfect together.” She seemed to trail off.